Dear diary,
Today I was supposed to meet Bert for lunch but steve called and she didnt eat.
She just talked to him.
Which I forgive her for :)
I ate lunch with Vag.
I'm kind of worried about her :/
Our drama is going to be awesome.
It feels good to be feeling confident about things.
I had a really...Good break.
And I was thinking about it all through my dance lesson. <3
Just so you know, little things count.
Um, Yeah, I dont like two faced people. Lets not even go there.
WHAT A FAG.
Joe keeps calling me a DOOSHBAG even though I started that.
The phone just rang me, but it isnt for me. I just had a shower and I feel clean. I like feeling clean. Tomrrow is a special day, it is wednesday and wednesdays are special.
It is the 11th of January tomorrow.
I think you know.
For dance I couldnt be bothered so I told her that I forgot my kit. So I got a comment and I had to join in anyway. I felt really self conscious and gross the whole time. I said it was my "cramps" but it wasnt. I was just having an ugly despite trying hard to make it a pretty day. I feel horrible in my clothes.
Especially uniform.
Okay and then, lets see.
I came home and, Listened to Aqualung.
Im petrified, hypnotised, everytime you walk by. <3 Yes sir you know indeed.
My feet are numb because I am sitting on them. I am in a bathrobe and my nipples are freezing. I should go get some clothes on.
/Out.
I tried to look pretty today.
Sometimes I do silly shit like that.
Break was nice <3
Our drama is going to be awesome, Mrs Behaabt.
And Thrust and Thrust and Thrust and Roll and Roll.
It was the last couple of weeks I guess.
Harriet and I had quite an amusing conversation at form time.
Me: Are you going to get really wasted at James' Party?
Hatty: Hmm, Maybe, im not going to go there thinking Im going to just get really drunk though.
Me: *Snort* I am!
Hatty: Haha, well last time I did that, It didnt turn out..too great.
Me: Well, atleast you got some Cock.
Hatty: Lmao. SO? YOUR NOT GOING TO GET ANY,
Me: I DONT WANT ANY. Im just saying im going to get drunk man.
Hatty: Well you were implying that by drinking you get cock.
Me: No i was implying that if your harriet and you drink you get cok.
Hatty: *silence*...We
Me: LOOK AT MY FACE. AM I BOVVERED?
Hatty: lmao, No you can have Nick cock.
Me: Yes missy.
Hatty: Shut up.
Me: no You.
Hatty: No you.
Me: Fag.
Hatty: CUNT.
Me: FUCK OFF.
Hatty: GET A LIFE.
Me: FAG.
HATTY: FAGGER.
Me: YOUR NOT GETTTING LUCKY.
Hatty: YOUR NOT GETTING DRUNK.
ME: FAG.
Something Interesting. And kind of silly.
I always always save interesting emails I send to people on my hotmail outbox.
oka.y.
EXAMPLAY:
Hi bert.
I just wanted to say, please remeber to meet me at the coin at lunch, for well...our lunch :)
And secondly, Please come and find me before school or at break (Im always by those cool benches) cuz I really need you to do my hair :$ Eeep.
I havent seen much of you, I miss you.
I hope things are okay, we didnt get a chance to talk much today :( Sad face.
REMEMBER WE ARE HAVING LUNCH TOGETHER. THAT IS OUR PLANS. DONT FORGET IT MAN.
I always try to find you :$ All your friends are annoyed at me for asking for you all the time. James included.
Its your turn, I always want to see you.
Talk to you later, babe.
Night night. x
Hi, I did some crunches and I feel sexy. Im going to tie my hair up tomorrow.
I should email bertie and remind her to meet me to tie it up for me :$.
Night.
I hardly slept last night.
I woke up, and I was awake.
I went to school.
Almost missed the bus.
Forgot my headphones :/
Um. I ate an iced finger for lunch.
And, I poked Becky in the face with my pen during media.
Mr. BENTLY saw me, and kept making jokes to everyone to hide their,
FACES.
No wonder people call me face.
I dont know what to do anymore with myself.
I listened to JAMESBLUNT with Ryan today on the bus.
And, it was fun.
Umm. I got home, my dad left. yay.
And then I had a shower and Washed my self real good.
Okay.
<3.
I dont know,
I dont know what he's after.
But, He's so beautiful.
This is such a Beautiful Disaster.
And if only I could hold on,
through the
Tears and the Laughter.
Maybe, We could have seen.
Explain.
Everytime I think of him,
and What went on that night.
I don't see it, Instead I Hear it.
A song so awful,
and yet so perfect.
I dont know what im going to do.
I need to just shout it out,
and let it be heard.
This is bigger than me.
Feels out of my control.
Just out of my control.
I dont know how it will ever come out.
It has always been "What if".
I Need Him.
I Need Him.
I Need This.
Young Noah: It's not about following your heart and it's not about keeping your promises. It's about security.
Young Allie: What's that supposed to mean?
Young Noah: *Yelling* Money. He?s got a lot of money!
Young Allie: You smug bastard. I hate you for saying that.
Young Noah: You're bored Allie. You're bored and you know it. You wouldn't be here if you weren't.
Young Allie: You arrogant son of a bitch.
Young Noah: Would you just stay with me?
Young Allie: Stay with you? What for? Look at us, we're already fightin'
Young Noah: Well that's what we do, we fight... You tell me when I am being an arrogant son of a bitch and I tell you when you are a pain in the ass. Which you are, 99% of the time. I'm not afraid to hurt your feelings. You have like a 2 second rebound rate, then you're back doing the next pain-in-the-as
Young Allie: So what?
Young Noah: So it's not gonna be easy. It's gonna be really hard. We're gonna have to work at this every day, but I want to do that because I want you. I want all of you, for ever, you and me, every day. Will you do something for me, please? Just picture your life for me? 30 years from now, 40 years from now? What's it look like? If it's with him, go. Go! I lost you once, I think I can do it again. If I though that's what you really wanted. But don't you take the easy way out.
Young Allie: What easy way? There is no easy way, no matter what I do, somebody gets hurt.
Young Noah: Would you stop thinking about what everyone wants? Stop thinking about what I want, what he wants, what your parents want. What do YOU want? What do you WANT?
Young Allie: It's not that simple.
Young Noah: What... do... you... want? Whaddaya want?
Young Allie: I have to go now.
Its 12:02am and Im on my period.
I would like to wear a tampon during the night,
But that is bad.
But I hate being Heavyish period and
I hate having to wear a pad.
It makes me feel so uncomfortable,
specially in my heating blanketed bed Whom I love so dearly.
So if i put a tampon in now,
set my alarm for 5 am.
Change it then.
Into another tampy.
And then.
Hey presto,
I wont die of
TOXIC SHOCK SYNDROME.
This is about, the most interesting thing in my life right now.
Im not Mad when he's late home.
I know I used to be sometimes.
But Never "Mad".
It was more just;
Hurt.
But I know he doesnt like that
So I stopped, and I like it.
And, I've learnt to just be happy
that he came back to me at all :$ <-Blushy face.
I always like talking to you.
Its like,
"DONT BE MAD AT YOUR HUSBAND FOR COMING HOME LATE, BE GREATFUL TAHT HE CAME BACK AT ALL"
Thats what I think.
It makes the time we do have afterwards, happier.
You can list your friends
but can you
Count
on
them?
You know what?
Everybody deserves to be loved.
to be wanted, needed.
To be seen as beautiful.
And its sad to see so many people,
Who have made up their mind that
there will be noone for them.
That there will be noone in this world who will find them beautiful.
Who thinks that just your smile gives them the strength
To carry on another day.
Somebody who will need you and yearn for you.
Somebody who will miss you when your not around, and someone who, no matter what, is there for you.
I know that sometimes you can feel invisable,
and feel like nobody sees you or notices you.
But you know what?
Theres always somebody who see's you,
Somebody who finds in your presence that life is worth while.
Somebody who notices everything you do, all the little efforts you make at being noticed,
and more importantly, all the little efforts you make
at shying away from the world.
So, your never going to be loved?
What makes you so different to everybody else in the world?
Nothing.
I was talking to a friend the other day about how nobody is attracted to her.
And nobody wants her.
Nobody loves her.
More importantly...
That this one boy, didnt want her.
Fine, I cant tell you that "No he likes you, for sure..."
Because what do I know?
I guess what i was trying to say was that :
You cant make people fall in love with you.
But You can make youself someone to fall in love with.