Things I'm looking forward to:
-Hannukah and Christmas on the same day this year! Which means big celebrations with my family friends
-Seeing "Rent"
-The scholastic arts/writing awards (fingers crossed!)
-My favorite shows- Battlestar Galatica and 24 coming back on TV
-Finally having free time after History Fair (?)

Things I'm not looking forward to:
-Dental surgery
-Decemember break's yearly family vacation- not only the opposite of relaxing, but eats up free time

Thing I'm ambivilant about happening:
-History Fair: I'm nervous, but proud of my project. Also, while I really REALY don't want to keep working on the thing, I secretly would like to win, you know, for the sake of being awesome.
-Getting my PSAT back- I'm probably annihilated the Vocab/ Reading Comprehension section, but math...
-The Semi-Formal: Okay, I know these things suck. In my past experiences, school have sucked every time. And the definition of insanity is doing the same thing, expecting different results. Only know, it seems, if the circumstanes are right...things are shaping up to be interesting... Maybe I'll go. Maybe.
-The Holiday Overkill: I do ADORE those claymation/puppet specials of the Snowmiser and the Heatmiser and Rodulf, for they are huge on the cheesey special effects, songs, and voice-acting. However, the yearly onslaught of "let's put a chic, modern twist on rodolf/santa/the christmas carol/the grinch/jesus" can drive one insane after awhile.

One exercise I like to do is take the cheesiest, hoakiest sources possible, and see if I can't read something deeper into them. That's what I did for this poem about the Power Rangers last summer:

I have a headache from this world
Build around teenagers, spadex, skateboarding
Where people fight in masks
Trusting wristbands over their hearts
Thinking a white face
In a liquid tub is God
My only friends are made of rubber
I don't care if they get torn apart
It's not skin, it's fake
The way this town is fake
Deep volcanic ache
As my head aches to be free
Of robotic figures united to depict
Force, protection, superiority
Speaking through one body
I want to speak alone
My voice rebeverating distinctly
"Get them, get them
Don't be flipped backwards
Don't let your heads crush together
Don't be stupid. Fight."

Thoughts:

I'm happy right now. I've had a lot of times of lonliness, dread, and anxiety, and now, I finally have peace, hell, even some fun. Gotta like that.

I recommend Invincibles project on elfwood. Anyone can participate, and it has uncanny quality of characters, plot twists, and pure fun. It's sending me off my "stories need to be challanging and thought provoking" platform, to a new view of "archetypes are archetypes for a reason: unversial themes are good for the heart."

I've written a song. It's called Love Me in a New Way:

You’re gonna have to love me in a new way
You’ve loved other girls before
The pretty lines and valentines
Stole their heart but they won’t steal mine
And promises of forevermore

You’re gonna have to love me in a new way
Cause I’m not like the others baby
A martyr in shining armor
Won’t charmed me the way it charmed her
Cause I don’t want someone to save me

But I need someone to love me in a new way

Instead of just going through the motions
And if the shower of gifts and flowers
Ever was to dry up or to somehow grow sour
Would that end your devotion

You’re gonna have to love me in a new way
Not just play princess and prince
Please show me that you know me
Cause I’ve been afraid and I’ve been lonely
And I really want to be convinced

So if you love me
Love me in a new way

Songs that really get on my nerves:
331- "Amber is the Color of your Energy"
"I don't need no forking knife, I don't need no knife and fork." I don't know if it's a really song, but my sister insists on singing that one line over and over.
"Mr. Lonely":

Lonely im so lonely,
I have nobody,
To call my owwnnn
Im so lonely, im mr. Lonely
I have nobody,
To call my owwnnn
Im so lonely,

The Most Redundant Lyrics Ever- sung by a midget, and rapped over. What more can I say?

"I Almost Cut my Hair." This 60s song my dad likes, about a hippie... who almost cut his hair.
Papa Roach- "Scars". It's like it was stolen from some random cliche poetry. If you're gonna spread the angst, at least do so orginaly, with a little subtly maybe?

I sumbitted my story "Input" to Merlyn's Pen- one of the most famous teen-writers maganizes. They always reject my stuff, probably because most of what they publish has a "cultural experiences" or "teens learn to be individuals/ deal with teen issues" type theme, and what I send in is usually trippy science fiction, also, because their stuff is frickin awesome. But since I've rewritten the story like five times, I think I may have a shot.
Anyways, I'm gonna be published into the online maganize "The Squid" in a month! The story I wrote for it is kind of a sappy, and kind of Jewish-folktale-flavored, about angels and dealing with loss.
Y'all should read The Squid anyways (http://the-squid.com/issue9/) because it has great fantasty/scifi writtened by teenagers.

"What's wrong with this sentence:"

The problem with the PSAT is there is no answer:

F. It's not pretty or profound, and it doesn't rhyme. No one reading it would ever feel any kind of connection, or have any interest in reading further, so what's the point?

No one reads this.
Post a response and prove me wrong.

Our school had a pep rally today. And what a pep rally it was.

Between calling each sport group to the gym floor, the cheerleaders performed a little number, going something like this,
"Yay, Boy's soccer/feild hockey/golf/volleyball! Go go go soccer/feild hockey/golf/ball!" with little hand-claps within each "Go go go!"
Nobody cheered, accept the senior's, since it's their birthright to shout "SEEEEEEN-YOOURS" every other second.

But the absolute high lightwas The Football Team, because lord knows, when The Football Team arrives, it's time for a big whoo-frickity-do.
One football player holds a microphone, pointing to and announcing, all his buddies, as they one by one saunter out, each time to a ear-splitting standing ovation by the same group of senior girls. He holds the microphone like some kind of rockstar loverboy, and waxes poetic about how, "Success is what you do after you get the ball." Real profound. Or at least what I assume is your thirty screaming ex-girls thought so.

Anyways, I'm glad that's over with. About time for a three-day weekend!

Like the poem below it, inspired by the a spanish songfic roughly translated into English, and the strange phrasing that results.

The night, sad like my soul
And the sky as beautiful
As you are, and the ground
Where solace is not found,
But I look into the dirt
And her smile softly hurts
And your affectionate return
Has the makings of a burn
Has the makings of a bite
Meanwhile, I hope you will love me
Meanwhile, to you the lands of the sky
Since I have all the nights

Wrote a poem. It's called Poison

It says you would not understand
With the confidence of the guilty, and the low eyes
Or feel gloves beneath my hands
So I kiss you again, the passerby scandalized
Now maybe you will believe
The dark, the dragged, can you not see?
Parched earth which I breathe
Hopefully, you will keep looking tenderly
Blind to a poison invisible, tame
And imagine me more noble and innocent
You and I, together and the same
Stars fighting for the light of firmament
Know this boy, you do kiss well
But each second is a new lie of romance
And I am falling for its spell
The two shades, one to the other, faced

Instructional to Guys:
All you guys out there who wonder why they never get the girl- these are some basic things you can do to improve your chances! They'll take very little money and effort, and I garentee will pay off, if you're not already doing them.

1. Get rid of the weird facial hair. This means unibrows, strangely shaped beards, sideburns, and moustaches.

2. Buy some nice, plain shirts, and well-fitting jeans. Anything with really gross stains should be washed.

3. Grow your hair a little longer, than get a nice haircut. Like haircuts of boys in punk bands, for extra points.

4. GET A LIFE. Few girls will be impressed by the amount of time you spend watching TV, or sitting at home alone, feeling sorry for yourself. In fact, if a girl senses the only thing you will have going for you is her, she will run.

However, if you're really passionate about something- drama, sports, art, music, anything not creepy, we girls find that attractive.

5. Give girls some SPACE. Don't act all desperate and clingy, and try to have a few girls that are good friends, without being potential dates.

6. Walk upright, look at people to their face when you talk. Guys with confidence are attractive, so even if you don't have any, fake it.

7. Take showers.

Thoughts:

Watched the 2nd Lord of the Rings movie the other day, and it reminded me of how upset I was that Aragon chose Arwen over Eowen. I mean, all Arwen did the whole series was wallow, and lanqiush, and bask in tradgic beauty. Also, elvish isn't real practical. She might be able to say, "Your path is laid at your feet" or "The sun shines on our hour of meeting" and mystical crap like that, but is there any elvish way to say, "We're out of milk, can you go to the grocery?" Not that Eowen would be shopping for anyone's groceries, but if you asked her to, she might know what you were talking about.

Now that I'm back in school, I'm starting have those days where you get to the end of the day, and you just blank out. Like- you know you zoned out for a good six hours of the day, and now you can't remember what the hell just happened.

I'm doing a project on Margret Bourke-White. I'm really excited about it too, because her photos are incredible- some are subtle shows of humanity, and some just slap you in the face, and make it so you can't look away.

Victor Smith has one hell of a life story.
http://www.olypen.com/rfoss/pioneerobitg.html#goodwinclara

Websites I love:

For looking up ancient epic poetry, theatre, teachings, religous text, and songs, translated in English:
http://www.sacred-texts.com/index.htm

Great places for teen writings to submit work:
http://www.davidbarrkirtley.com/teenwriter/Markets.html

Hysterial summeries of books:
http://www.rinkworks.com/bookaminute/
And fun made at b-grade movies:
http://www.rinkworks.com/badmovie/

Music blogs with pretty pretty music:
http://tofuhut.blogspot.com/2005/05/even-when-you-dont-find-music-here-you.html

Theme songs from the trippy 80s kid's show The Great Space Coaster- where .hack/ and Cowboy Bebop's vocalist Emily Bindiger got her start:
http://www.thegreatspacecoaster.com/sound/mp1.htm
"Get on board, step inside, soarin' on a magic ride,
Roarin' towards the other side where only rainbows hide!"

Lovliest webcomic I know:
http://remanmyth.felaxx.com/

Advice and articles for writers:
http://www.fictionfactor.com/articles.html

Sweetness:
http://www.apsylus.com/

Fanfiction, sometimes good and sometimes not so good, gives a weird sort insight into other people's daydreams, the things we wish were real.
Like, the Mary-Sue: being able to enter a situation, and know more than everyone else, and fix everything just by your presence.
Or the fantasty were pain can be magically transferred from on person to another just by holding them, and falling in love.
Or where two people meet, and their souls combine, and they suddenly understand each other perfectly.
Or where your angst is an especially pround and world-shattering angst.
Most people dream of these things, or we wouldn't see the same types of stories over and over again. It's interesting.

You can read a couple of my fanfictions, here:
http://www.fanfiction.net/u/539424/

I'm very happy they're bring Naruto to cartoon network- it's been a long time since there was anything classic on.
I've fallen in love with this song, called "Red Dress" even though I've only heard it once. I keep turning on the radio, hoping it'll get played. These are the lyrics, but you have to hear it to get how awesome and athem-y it is.

You've gotta love this place.
Here conformity is king.
They'll wipe that smile right off your face.
Give you a list of songs,
you're allowed to sing.
La-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la.
La-la-la-la-la-la-la.

Now you can say what's on your mind,
as long as it's on their minds, too.
'Cause it isn't in their hearts to find
a little room for some other point of view.
La-la-la-la-la-la-la.
La-la-la-la-la-la-la.

And anytime I think that I might drown
in all this standard-issue gray,
when I'm feeling small and pushed-around,
I close the door and draw the shades.
I put on my red dress.
I put on my red dress...
can't take my red dress away.

I learned to grit my teeth and smile.
Let 'em think they boxed me in.
Inside I'm still the problem child that I always was,
so I guess I win.
Na-na-na-na-na-na-na.
Na-na-na-na-na-na-na.

And any time I think that I might drown
in all this standard-issue gray,
when I'm feeling small and pushed-around,
I close the door and draw the shades.
I put on my red dress.
I put on my red dress...
can't take my red dress away.

Some of y'all have been there- the fakey-fakeness of a relationship that's really over, but both sides are trying to hang on.


Nobody sees anyone in this town
There’s just silence in our eyes
So don’t say you’ll see me around
When what your really mean is goodbye

I ask what’s happened since you’ve gone
Nothing much is all that you reply
I tell you nothing’s been going on
What we really mean is goodbye

I will let it go
And give up this resistance
I already know
The truth about the distance

I promised that we wouldn’t change
But we both know that’s a lie
Inside of empty greetings exchanged
Is a final and freeing goodbye

So will let it go
And give up this resistance
I already know
The truth about the distance

The truth about the distance is there’s nothing left to fight for
So I’ve got to keep moving on
The truth about the distance is that the connection is gone

So will let it go

On shyness, which I have a lot of around boys:

Bathroom window to the sky
Walking down the halls and I don’t know why
Past the lockers and tabletops
I’m gonna walk until someone tells me to stop

I’m trying to learn how to speak
And building up my hope for another week
So I won’t collapse before second class
Or the moment you look at me

Little window in my heart
Wanna break free, don’t know how to start
Someday I’ll be brave enough
I’ll tell you the reasons why I’m not giving up

Forget the tears, I’m gonna smile
I’m trying not to care
Maybe I am in denial
At least I’m not in despair

I’m gonna to learn how to speak
And build up my hope for another week
So I won’t collapse before second class
Or the moment you look at me