Exactly how I'm feeling:
http://jarsonic.modblog.com/?show=blogview&blog_id=745667

I have found my new favorite thing! It is the marvel comic Runaways about a group of teenagers find out their parents are secretly super-villians, and form their own group. Humor! Treachery! Romance! Twists that actually aren't obvious! Teen angst to the extreme!
There are some panels and covers that I could stare at for ten minutes, just trying to grasp how the artist put so much expression and movement and lighting and style into one frame. The ending gave me shivers. All the characters, even the ones who seemed annoying at first, become lovable. And most lovable of all is Molly, the youngest and most fun member of the crew, with the best one-liners:
"I'm a mutant but not a bad one like Magento a good one like Doop and the X-Statix and when I grow up I'm gonna join the X-Men and get married to Wolverine so you better not act prejudiced around me. 'Kay?"
You will love it. I will let you borrow it, but not until I read it five or six or seven more times, and not until you take an oath to absolutely positively give it back in a puntual time, because you will want to keep the book and look at it, and hug it, but it is mine, mine, mine. Now if only amazon carried the second season.

Jew-jitsu. This has made my day.
http://www.jewishworldreview.com/0106/kalish_dangerous_jew.php3
Seriously. How hot is that?

I just finished watching wolf's rain the other night. If you are watching that series, the following rant is full of spoilers, so you might want to avoid it.

Anyways, I'm conflicted about the ending. On one hand, the image of all the characters running to meet each other again was really emotional and poigant. But the whole, "It's all repeating again" thing is so cliche, and it kind of makes the entire series pointless, if they never get to paradise. All they do is meet up and walk around for awhile and never get anywhere.

And then I started to think (and this is where the rant goes off a little), isn't that the way life is? That we never reach that perfect endgame (like paradise), and if we do, the goal we think we're working for often isn't worthwhile? Maybe what matters is that we find each other along the way. That's our real destiny- to fight, to fall in love, to become friends, to lose each other.

Or maybe it's just a really crappy ending, and I'm trying to justify it. 

Updates on my life:

As a jew, this year was the first year I celebrated Chrismas! Obviously not the whole Jesus thing, but I stayed over the house of our super-close family friends, and did the whole stocking and tree bit. My godmother got us so many wonderful presents, I was like, "You realize we're not really your kids right?" It was very sweet and cozy and fun, and in the true spirit of the holidays- being with your friends and the people you love!

I also had a lot of fun with Julie, Ashley, and Sam playing charades and watching movies, and shopping with Sam.

As for the complain-y bit of my life, the boy I had a crush on probably doesn't like me back, that is, if the whole glazed-over glare he gives me every time I smile that him is any indication.

http://magazine.anipike.com/index.php?article=53

I have discovered the anime music video. It may kill my computer, but it is a good way to kill a computer. The marraige of anime and tunes is one I have my whole-hearted blessing to. This: http://www.animemusicvideos.org/members/members_videoinfo.php?v=52625
makes me happy.

Things I'm looking forward to:
-Hannukah and Christmas on the same day this year! Which means big celebrations with my family friends
-Seeing "Rent"
-The scholastic arts/writing awards (fingers crossed!)
-My favorite shows- Battlestar Galatica and 24 coming back on TV
-Finally having free time after History Fair (?)

Things I'm not looking forward to:
-Dental surgery
-Decemember break's yearly family vacation- not only the opposite of relaxing, but eats up free time

Thing I'm ambivilant about happening:
-History Fair: I'm nervous, but proud of my project. Also, while I really REALY don't want to keep working on the thing, I secretly would like to win, you know, for the sake of being awesome.
-Getting my PSAT back- I'm probably annihilated the Vocab/ Reading Comprehension section, but math...
-The Semi-Formal: Okay, I know these things suck. In my past experiences, school have sucked every time. And the definition of insanity is doing the same thing, expecting different results. Only know, it seems, if the circumstanes are right...things are shaping up to be interesting... Maybe I'll go. Maybe.
-The Holiday Overkill: I do ADORE those claymation/puppet specials of the Snowmiser and the Heatmiser and Rodulf, for they are huge on the cheesey special effects, songs, and voice-acting. However, the yearly onslaught of "let's put a chic, modern twist on rodolf/santa/the christmas carol/the grinch/jesus" can drive one insane after awhile.

One exercise I like to do is take the cheesiest, hoakiest sources possible, and see if I can't read something deeper into them. That's what I did for this poem about the Power Rangers last summer:

I have a headache from this world
Build around teenagers, spadex, skateboarding
Where people fight in masks
Trusting wristbands over their hearts
Thinking a white face
In a liquid tub is God
My only friends are made of rubber
I don't care if they get torn apart
It's not skin, it's fake
The way this town is fake
Deep volcanic ache
As my head aches to be free
Of robotic figures united to depict
Force, protection, superiority
Speaking through one body
I want to speak alone
My voice rebeverating distinctly
"Get them, get them
Don't be flipped backwards
Don't let your heads crush together
Don't be stupid. Fight."

Thoughts:

I'm happy right now. I've had a lot of times of lonliness, dread, and anxiety, and now, I finally have peace, hell, even some fun. Gotta like that.

I recommend Invincibles project on elfwood. Anyone can participate, and it has uncanny quality of characters, plot twists, and pure fun. It's sending me off my "stories need to be challanging and thought provoking" platform, to a new view of "archetypes are archetypes for a reason: unversial themes are good for the heart."

I've written a song. It's called Love Me in a New Way:

You’re gonna have to love me in a new way
You’ve loved other girls before
The pretty lines and valentines
Stole their heart but they won’t steal mine
And promises of forevermore

You’re gonna have to love me in a new way
Cause I’m not like the others baby
A martyr in shining armor
Won’t charmed me the way it charmed her
Cause I don’t want someone to save me

But I need someone to love me in a new way

Instead of just going through the motions
And if the shower of gifts and flowers
Ever was to dry up or to somehow grow sour
Would that end your devotion

You’re gonna have to love me in a new way
Not just play princess and prince
Please show me that you know me
Cause I’ve been afraid and I’ve been lonely
And I really want to be convinced

So if you love me
Love me in a new way

Songs that really get on my nerves:
331- "Amber is the Color of your Energy"
"I don't need no forking knife, I don't need no knife and fork." I don't know if it's a really song, but my sister insists on singing that one line over and over.
"Mr. Lonely":

Lonely im so lonely,
I have nobody,
To call my owwnnn
Im so lonely, im mr. Lonely
I have nobody,
To call my owwnnn
Im so lonely,

The Most Redundant Lyrics Ever- sung by a midget, and rapped over. What more can I say?

"I Almost Cut my Hair." This 60s song my dad likes, about a hippie... who almost cut his hair.
Papa Roach- "Scars". It's like it was stolen from some random cliche poetry. If you're gonna spread the angst, at least do so orginaly, with a little subtly maybe?

I sumbitted my story "Input" to Merlyn's Pen- one of the most famous teen-writers maganizes. They always reject my stuff, probably because most of what they publish has a "cultural experiences" or "teens learn to be individuals/ deal with teen issues" type theme, and what I send in is usually trippy science fiction, also, because their stuff is frickin awesome. But since I've rewritten the story like five times, I think I may have a shot.
Anyways, I'm gonna be published into the online maganize "The Squid" in a month! The story I wrote for it is kind of a sappy, and kind of Jewish-folktale-flavored, about angels and dealing with loss.
Y'all should read The Squid anyways (http://the-squid.com/issue9/) because it has great fantasty/scifi writtened by teenagers.

"What's wrong with this sentence:"

The problem with the PSAT is there is no answer:

F. It's not pretty or profound, and it doesn't rhyme. No one reading it would ever feel any kind of connection, or have any interest in reading further, so what's the point?

No one reads this.
Post a response and prove me wrong.

Our school had a pep rally today. And what a pep rally it was.

Between calling each sport group to the gym floor, the cheerleaders performed a little number, going something like this,
"Yay, Boy's soccer/feild hockey/golf/volleyball! Go go go soccer/feild hockey/golf/ball!" with little hand-claps within each "Go go go!"
Nobody cheered, accept the senior's, since it's their birthright to shout "SEEEEEEN-YOOURS" every other second.

But the absolute high lightwas The Football Team, because lord knows, when The Football Team arrives, it's time for a big whoo-frickity-do.
One football player holds a microphone, pointing to and announcing, all his buddies, as they one by one saunter out, each time to a ear-splitting standing ovation by the same group of senior girls. He holds the microphone like some kind of rockstar loverboy, and waxes poetic about how, "Success is what you do after you get the ball." Real profound. Or at least what I assume is your thirty screaming ex-girls thought so.

Anyways, I'm glad that's over with. About time for a three-day weekend!

Like the poem below it, inspired by the a spanish songfic roughly translated into English, and the strange phrasing that results.

The night, sad like my soul
And the sky as beautiful
As you are, and the ground
Where solace is not found,
But I look into the dirt
And her smile softly hurts
And your affectionate return
Has the makings of a burn
Has the makings of a bite
Meanwhile, I hope you will love me
Meanwhile, to you the lands of the sky
Since I have all the nights

Wrote a poem. It's called Poison

It says you would not understand
With the confidence of the guilty, and the low eyes
Or feel gloves beneath my hands
So I kiss you again, the passerby scandalized
Now maybe you will believe
The dark, the dragged, can you not see?
Parched earth which I breathe
Hopefully, you will keep looking tenderly
Blind to a poison invisible, tame
And imagine me more noble and innocent
You and I, together and the same
Stars fighting for the light of firmament
Know this boy, you do kiss well
But each second is a new lie of romance
And I am falling for its spell
The two shades, one to the other, faced

Instructional to Guys:
All you guys out there who wonder why they never get the girl- these are some basic things you can do to improve your chances! They'll take very little money and effort, and I garentee will pay off, if you're not already doing them.

1. Get rid of the weird facial hair. This means unibrows, strangely shaped beards, sideburns, and moustaches.

2. Buy some nice, plain shirts, and well-fitting jeans. Anything with really gross stains should be washed.

3. Grow your hair a little longer, than get a nice haircut. Like haircuts of boys in punk bands, for extra points.

4. GET A LIFE. Few girls will be impressed by the amount of time you spend watching TV, or sitting at home alone, feeling sorry for yourself. In fact, if a girl senses the only thing you will have going for you is her, she will run.

However, if you're really passionate about something- drama, sports, art, music, anything not creepy, we girls find that attractive.

5. Give girls some SPACE. Don't act all desperate and clingy, and try to have a few girls that are good friends, without being potential dates.

6. Walk upright, look at people to their face when you talk. Guys with confidence are attractive, so even if you don't have any, fake it.

7. Take showers.

Thoughts:

Watched the 2nd Lord of the Rings movie the other day, and it reminded me of how upset I was that Aragon chose Arwen over Eowen. I mean, all Arwen did the whole series was wallow, and lanqiush, and bask in tradgic beauty. Also, elvish isn't real practical. She might be able to say, "Your path is laid at your feet" or "The sun shines on our hour of meeting" and mystical crap like that, but is there any elvish way to say, "We're out of milk, can you go to the grocery?" Not that Eowen would be shopping for anyone's groceries, but if you asked her to, she might know what you were talking about.

Now that I'm back in school, I'm starting have those days where you get to the end of the day, and you just blank out. Like- you know you zoned out for a good six hours of the day, and now you can't remember what the hell just happened.

I'm doing a project on Margret Bourke-White. I'm really excited about it too, because her photos are incredible- some are subtle shows of humanity, and some just slap you in the face, and make it so you can't look away.

Victor Smith has one hell of a life story.
http://www.olypen.com/rfoss/pioneerobitg.html#goodwinclara

Websites I love:

For looking up ancient epic poetry, theatre, teachings, religous text, and songs, translated in English:
http://www.sacred-texts.com/index.htm

Great places for teen writings to submit work:
http://www.davidbarrkirtley.com/teenwriter/Markets.html

Hysterial summeries of books:
http://www.rinkworks.com/bookaminute/
And fun made at b-grade movies:
http://www.rinkworks.com/badmovie/

Music blogs with pretty pretty music:
http://tofuhut.blogspot.com/2005/05/even-when-you-dont-find-music-here-you.html

Theme songs from the trippy 80s kid's show The Great Space Coaster- where .hack/ and Cowboy Bebop's vocalist Emily Bindiger got her start:
http://www.thegreatspacecoaster.com/sound/mp1.htm
"Get on board, step inside, soarin' on a magic ride,
Roarin' towards the other side where only rainbows hide!"

Lovliest webcomic I know:
http://remanmyth.felaxx.com/

Advice and articles for writers:
http://www.fictionfactor.com/articles.html

Sweetness:
http://www.apsylus.com/

Fanfiction, sometimes good and sometimes not so good, gives a weird sort insight into other people's daydreams, the things we wish were real.
Like, the Mary-Sue: being able to enter a situation, and know more than everyone else, and fix everything just by your presence.
Or the fantasty were pain can be magically transferred from on person to another just by holding them, and falling in love.
Or where two people meet, and their souls combine, and they suddenly understand each other perfectly.
Or where your angst is an especially pround and world-shattering angst.
Most people dream of these things, or we wouldn't see the same types of stories over and over again. It's interesting.

You can read a couple of my fanfictions, here:
http://www.fanfiction.net/u/539424/