Was I really That Bad? Was it So Terrible and Unbearible? Why couldnt you Love me as I loved You? Why is everything So Fake and Untrue? When will something REAL happen that doesnt Involve Dark gods or Mystic Arts and Wishes? Something that Just comes out of nothingness and Says Hi? 

Need think on This... Have nothing better going on, Just Fake Women From Nigeria and Turkey wanting Money, But find it Funny and Odly comforting, Able to say whatever I want, knowing they are not Actually reading Mail. Hmmm.

I am learning to Lucid Dream. I heard about a technique that can be learned that allows one to slip into another reality and look upon endless alternate selfs. My theory is, maybe I can cross over for keeps. Just find a reality that is ideal. If I cant achieve that, I can at least Lucid Dream. I have been doing it alot throughout my life without realizing what I was doing. But now im starting to understand. My dreams are alive and I can do whatever I want. Of course, waking up is hell. Nothing good in this world except a whole lot of stupidity and hate. My dream world may be dark... But at least I am learning to take control of the monsters. Its an amazing feeling. I am deep in dream, yet I can wake up instantly and write in my dream diary about what I am seeing. I cant believe How easy it is. But I believe it is because I was able to skip so many steps. I have never been a good sleeper. I am forced awake about every two hours, and because of that, I perceive my dreams often. Most people have to use alarm clocks to force themselves awake, forcing them to see flashes of their dream as they awaken. Im lucky. Something I always hated about myself turns out to be something great. All those hours of sleep lost is actually helping me achieve something beautiful, a new reality of my very own creation, just waiting for me when my head hits the pillow.

Life is probably an endless dream of unfullfilled wishes. 

The Women in my head, they want me badly. They touch me hard, the way they squeeze me, licking at me while they dig their fingers into my chest, pulling me apart, it makes me cry out in the darkest of nights. I hate it, I despise it, it makes me sick. Their tongues around my cock, my guts spilling down upon their faces. I hate them... I hate her. I can never be the same. My sex beyond what it once was, beyond, and yet nothing at all. Let them eat my balls, let them eat my guts. Let them eat my tongue, eyes, and breasts. They can not have my heart, It was already taken. Im a bloody mess, demon child riding my rough, biting a hole in my throat. My arms, my legs, pulled away, only a body with barely a head, tears mixing with blood. I hate you all. God, forgive me.

I believe in a little purple man with bright pink horns. That day is coming when he will dance the dance of doom and play his holy flute of destruction. The clouds will part and the sun will shine bright and warm, then the continents will shake and rumble, tearing themselves apart. From the cracked earth will come the giant shark Zang-Zor, who has laid dorment since the beginnings of time, and he will swallow all the non-believers up, chewing them in his mouth for a very long time before swallowing. We chosen ones, the ones spared of all this, we watch everything from the mountain of septus, while enjoying hotdogs and slushies. Oh, yea, the mountain of septus is actually a giant pyramid that kinda floats above the land below. When the first note of dread comes forth from the mighty flute of destruction, we are all magicly transported to the mountain of septus to await our lord, little purple man with bright pink horns, wearing grass skirt. When he returns to us, he gives us all a great big hug, making us immortal. And also, we get wings. Either featherly angel wings, or the badass demon bat-like wings, its your choice. So we get to fly around and not worry about death For like 100,000 years. By that time we have a huge giant golden palace on earth below to live in. But then it turns out its not over yet. A giant snake comes down from outer space, shooting lazor beams out of his eyes and eating us. Yea, we cant die, so we get to sit around in his stomic, that darn acid burning at our skin. The giant snake, lets call him Zoola the Destroyer, battles the giant shark Zang-Zor, who now has legs and arms, and a pair of lungs too, so he can breath air now. They battle for seven days and nights. That battle completly destroys the earth. So after Both Zang-Zor and Zoola the Destroyer have died, and weve been cut out of the snakes stomic by our awesome purple god, we all hop on septus, flying pyramid thing, and fly through the galaxy, looking for the perfect spot for our god to create another planet just like ours, because we all know, there is no way, no way that other life can possibly exist in the universe. Its just us. Its not possible, at all, that there could be another planet out there, just like this one, that has any trace of life on it, at all. Even though we being out here in the galaxy should be proof enough that its possible... But its not. So our god creates a paradise for us and we live happily ever after, this time for real. Oh, yea, if there is no life out there, where did Zoola the destroyer come from? Well, lets say hes the evil snake brother of our god, the little purple man with the bright pink horns, who also wears a grass skirt. Yea, that works. Ok, so remember, no killing, stealing, and by no means are you to masturbate or have relations with the opposite sex. Well, you can, you just cant enjoy it, and messionary is the only position available to you. Ok, well, thats that. Now go out there and force this religion on the towns people, because seriously, this is the truth. It came to me one night when I was walking through a forest. A vision. Yea. So believe it. Or you will find yourself in Zang-Zors stomic. Your soul. Well, it just mopes around without a body, watching us faithful fly around with our awesome wings, eating hotdogs and all that. Think about it, that will suck.