I'm happy go lucky, but I'm kinda in the most insane mood. All I wanted to do today was cry. I have no idea why. I'm in that fuck off / I dont give a damn about you or what you do or if you actualy fuck off so long as its not disturbing my misery, type mood. .. and I kinda like it. although at the same time im still inquisitive its really odd. damn what am i.. *ponders this*
I dont really know who or what i am anymore. seems this world spins opposite me anymore. i cant think in it i dont want to be of it and im not of it. this world is.. just here. I fear life i think. I hid everything that I am and just sorta.. float. I mean im a visible floater but ... I go invisble sometimes, not maby for all of you but for me. like you can see me but I cant see me. Urm.. My point here is that i try and live with out fears. Sometimes though, it just seems like in the long run my life is defined by my fears.
This is crazy though to because im not high or anything. but every since is hightn'ed, but dulled. ... I dont know how to explain all this. See at the same time im not at all happy. if anything I really do just wana curl up in a ball and go away for good. I'm so sick of all the drama. I know what I want so why cant I just get it?
My over all point is this is the new me I'm sick of being trod on. I'm not dirt to be launched under the weel. and seems to me past year thats all I've been to everyone. The game is over and I'm playing for keeps now. its bullshit the way some of you people treat me and you know who you are. I'm not a fucking yo yo so stop toying with me telling me lies!
If your really my freind, and theres a god damned issue you'd better come and fucking talk to me rather than belive all the bull shit im sick of it! So if your not mature enough to do that fuck off! I dont want people like this in my life anymore. its to god damned much to care about you all when you never are there for me.
fuckers. see if I god damned care any god damned more! because I dont even care I've just been nice. well guess what? nice + me = over.
go fuck yourself with a razor laced dilldoe if you cant handle the truth about me. im a bitch and a heart breaker. I dont care about most people. I tend to try and hell some of you be there for you all but you dont care so why the fuck should i care? hell some of you on my freinds list mean nothing to me. AT All. you could die tomarrow and i wouldent cry or even give a fuck.
so if you think your wana these people ask me and ill tell you.
jit
p.s. some of you Really are crap freinds. and im gana tell you if you ask me.

so what i know i havent tuched my diary in opver a year. who gives a fuck, if you dont like it fuck off. im just feeling really down because its the month were everyone is all " its x-mass what did you get me" i always reply " a big fat... oh yeh nm its you nothing" so im sayin to all of you. dont wish e a marry fucking x-mass. jesus died who gives a fuck so did these popl i cared about im my life:
jim latore
j.r. anderson ( father)
grand mom frey
my cussin
second cosin on my moms side
my second best bud shayla
my sister diana
my great grand mom rose
grandma beth anderson
and the list goes on. so fuck x-mass!
and i hate ppl that like the new year!

yo all its been a while but im back and happy ive been hangen out with my boyfriend and my staker!
as you know my grandmother died! but she was 92 and lived a full life.
to day ive been dateing ryan moats for a week! and tomarrow i plan on haveing some fun during star! ( time to talk to teches, if you whant!) if ya know what i mean! * blinks left eye* heres a new idea i had.
cup half full with blood half empty with whater!

well no poetry today yall my grandma gist died!
* starts crying, starts to sway with fatige falls down to floor and sob until asleep*
i might be on early tomarrow k buy!

well well i guesws my "diary" is actual going to be my poetry idea log if thats alright.
plz just don't take my IDEAs their mine. * grabs anything with words on it clutching it close to her chest*
so here goes
i don't whant to be me anymour
i don't whant to be anymour
no one heres my pleas anymour
no one comes near my pleas anymour
cose everyone knows...
everyday, every way, every thing that you say!
i just cant seem to stay away.
im dwindling away but trying to stay.
ok enouf now im outty