A man and a woman were dating. She being of a religious
nature had held back the worldly pleasure that he
wanted from her so bad. In fact, he had never even
seen her naked.
One day, as they drove
down the freeway,
she remarked about his
slow driving habits.
"I can't stand it anymore," she told him. "Let's play a game. For
every 5 miles per hour over the speed limit you drive, I"ll
remove one piece of clothing.
He enthusiastical
He reached the 55 MPH mark, so she took off her blouse.
At 60 off came the pants.
At 65 it was her bra and at 70 her panties.
Now seeing her naked for the first time and traveling faster than
he ever had before, he became very excited and lost control of the
car. He veered off the road, went over an embankment and hit a
tree. His girlfriend was not hurt but he was trapped. She tried
to pull him free but alas he was stuck.
"Go to the road and get help," he said.
"I don't have anything to cover myself with!"
she replied.
The man felt around, but could only reach one of
his shoes. "You'll have to put this between your
legs to cover it up," he told her.
So she did as he said and went up to the road for help. Along came a
truck driver. Seeing a naked, crying woman along the road, he pulled
over to hear her story.
"My boyfriend! My boyfriend!" she sobs,
"He's stuck and I can't pull him out!"
The truck driver looking down at the shoe between her legs replies,
"Ma'am, if he's in that far, I'm afraid he'a a goner!"
Make your friends smile! Pass this page on!
If you like those message me and i will send u more
A man was mowing his front yard when his attractive,
blonde, female neighbor came out of the house and went
straight to her mailbox. She opened the mailbox, looked
inside, slammed it shut, and stormed back into her house.
A little later, she came out of her house again, went to
the mailbox, again opened it, and again slammed it shut.
Angrily back into the house she went.
As the man was getting ready to edge the lawn,
the blonde came out again. She marched to the mailbox,
opened it and then slammed it closed harder than ever.
Puzzled by her actions, the man asked her,
"Is something wrong?"
She replied, "There certainly is!
My stupid computer keeps telling me I have mail.
An elderly woman goes to the
doctor and asks his help to
revive her husband's sex drive.
"What about trying Viagra?" asks the doctor.
"Not a chance," says Mrs. Murphy.
"He won't even take an aspirin for a headache."
"No problem," replies the doctor. "Drop it into his
coffee, he won't even taste it. Try it and come back
in a week to let me know how you got on."
A week later Mrs. Murphy returns to the doctor
and he inquires as to how things went.
"Oh it was terrible,
just terrible doctor."
"What happened?" asks the doctor.
"Well I did as you advised and slipped it in his coffee. The effect was
immediate. He jumped straight up, swept the cutlery off the table, at
the same time ripping my clothes off and then proceeded to make
passionate love to me on the tabletop. It was terrible."
"What was terrible?" said the doctor, "was the sex not good?"
"Oh no doctor, the sex was the best I've had in 25 years,
but I'll never be able to show my face in McDonald's again.
While, I was recovering from surgery and
spending most of the day in bed, my seven year
old son asked me why I didn't have a
boyfriend. I told him the television was my
boyfriend, he entertained me all the time.
The only problem was the television set was old and would just shut
off for no reason. But, I would just give it a few hard wacks on the
side and it would come back on, which was no big deal...
A couple of days later the pastor
stopped by to check on my recovery.
I was trying to get the television to
come back on so, my son answered
the door.
The pastor smiled and asked "Is your mom busy, son?"
My little one looked up at him and replied,
"No, sir, she is just in the bedroom banging her boyfriend".
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[WHEN A GUYS SAYS HE MISSES YOU !!"
Guy Facts:
-When a guy calls u
he wants to be with you
-When a guy is quiet,
He's listening to you...
-When a guy is not arguing,
He realizes he's wrong
-When a guy says, "I'm fine," after a few minutes,
he means it
-When a guy stares at you,
he thinks you're the most beautiful thing in the world
-When you're laying your head on a guy's chest
he has the world
-When a guy calls you everyday
he is in love
-When a (good) guy say he loves you
he means it
-When a guy says he can't live without you
he's with you till your done
-When a guy says, "I miss you,"
he misses you more than you could have ever missed him or anything else
-Girl facts:
-When a girl is quiet,
millions of things are running through her mind.
-When a girl is not arguing,
she is thinking deeply.
-When a girl looks at you with eyes full of questions,
she is wondering how long you will be around.
-When a girl answers, "I'm fine," after a few seconds,
she is not at all fine.
-When a girl stares at you,
she is wondering why you are so wonderful.
-When a girl lays on your chest,
she is wishing for you to be hers forever.
-When a girl calls you everyday,
she is seeking for your attention.
-When a girl wants to see you everyday,
she wants to be pampered.
-When an honest girl says, "Ill love you forever,"
she means it.
-When a girl says that she can't live without you,
she has made up her mind that you are her future.
-When a girl says, "I miss you,"
no one in this world can miss you more than that
---repost this in 10 minutes and your true love will call you
post this as "WHEN A GUYS SAYS HE MISSES YOU !!"]
yay
i went to mardi gras last night and it was fun
igot all soaked cause we went to curious george
but i still wish jonathan was there
I was finally able to get my sis an elftown account [pinkish] she might not be on here often but she will probaly try her best
S TOP - SIS... - Sixpence None The Richer Lyrics - Brighten My Heart Lyrics
my heart is as dark as the soil sodden with winter rains
my soul is as heavy as the peat freshly dug from the bog
my thoughts swirl like willow branches caught in autumn winds
my body as tense as a cat's as it stalks its prey
Chorus
help me open my heart to You,
help me open my heart to You,
help me open my heart to You, oh Jesus
it's what I long to do
my heart is as dark as the soil sodden with winter rains
(Lord, brighten my heart)
my soul is as heavy as the peat freshly dug from the bog
(Lord, lighten my soul)
my thoughts swirl like willow branches caught in autumn winds
(Lord, still my thoughts)
my body as tense as a cat's as it stalks its prey
(Lord relax my body)
Chorus
I Cant Help But Feel That Hes pushing me away
I found this in a freinds diary it made me cry
A boy and a girl,
the best of friends.
From elementary to high school
from beginning to end.
Through all those years
their friendship grew.
They both felt the same,
but neither knew.
Each waking moment
since the day they met.
They both loved each other
sunrise to sunset.
He was all she had
in her terrible life.
He was the one
who kept her from her knife.
She was his angel,
she made him smile.
Though life threw him curves,
she made it all worth while.
Then one day
things went terribly wrong.
The next few weeks
were like a very sad song.
He made her jealous
on purpose he tried.
When the girl asked, "Do you love her?"
on purpose he lied.
He played with jealousy
like it was a game.
Little did he know
Things would never be the same.
His plan was working
but he had no clue.
How wrong things would go,
the damage he would do.
One night she broke down,
feeling very alone.
Just her and the blade,
no one else home.
She dialed his number,
he answered, "Hello"
She told him she loved him
and hung up the phone.
He raced to her house
just a minute too late.
Found her lying in blood,
her heart had no rate.
Beside her was a note,
in it her confession.
Her love for this boy,
her only obsession.
As he read the note,
he knelt down and cried.
Grabbed her knife,
that night they both died.
She was found in his arms,
both of them dead.
Under her note
his handwriting said:
"I loved her so,
she never knew.
All this time
I loved her too."
if you love someone very much put this on your house
Ugh I Hate My Life I should Just Get It Over With I Mean People Keep Saying Jonathan Doesent Love Me And Im Sick Of It And I Cant Ask Him Any More Cause I ve Already Asked Him So Many Times Hes Probably Sick Of It And I Get The Sense That He Hates Me . What Other Choice Do I Have He Is My Life.I Want This To End NOW .Jonathan If You Read This Please Give Me One Reason Why I Shouldent Go Through With This. *Crys*
I Do Trust Him And I Do Believe Him But I Still Wonder
aint the pick hot
i have no idea what so ever what i was doing when i broke up with my boyfriend jonathan to go out with some nutcase named josh.but now that im with jonathan again im happy i realized that even though he doesent show it he does live me . i feel bad for my friend langdon cause i have basicall y exluded him from every thing i feel like crap rigt now .i wish every thing was different.
I WENT TO HALLOWEEN HORROR NIGHT 2 NIGHTS AGO AND I COULD HARDLY GET TO SLEEP. I KEPT WAKING UP IN THE MIDDLE OF THE NIGHT.AND I FOUND THIS GIRLS ID I KNEW HER TOO THAT WAS FUNNY I WQAS LIKE "HEY I KNOW THAT GIRL".WELL THATS ABOUT ALL FOR NOW .I LOBE MY BOY FRIEND JONATHAN SOOOOOOO MUCH AND I KNOW HE LOVES ME TO.