Go here... laugh ur butt off and if u don't think its funny please enlighten me cause its true and histerical!!!!!!!
<http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DrB1YV70PW0>

Man: Haven't I seen you someplace before?
Woman: Yes, that's why I don't go there anymore.


Man: Is this seat empty?
Woman: Yes, and this one will be if you sit down.


Man: Your place or mine?
Woman: Both. You go to yours, and I'll go to mine.


Man: So, what do you do for a living?
Woman: I'm a female impersonator.


Man: Hey baby, what's your sign?
Woman: Do not enter.


Man: How do you like your eggs in the morning?
Woman: Unfertilized


Man: Your body is like a temple.
Woman: Sorry, there are no services today.


Man: I would go to the end of the world for you.
Woman: But would you stay there?


Man: If I could see you naked, I'd die happy.
Woman: If I saw you naked, I'd probably die laughing.

Little Red Riding Hood was on her way to see her grandmother in the forest. Her mother warned her "Don't walk through the forest, take the path, or else the Big Bad Wolf will catch you and suck your tits dry!" Little Red started towards her grandmother's house but decided to take the shortcut through the forest anyway. The turtle stopped Little Red and warned her "Turn back and use the path, because if the Big Bad Wolf finds you, he'll suck your tits dry!" Little Red was almost there, so she kept going through the forest.





Sure enough, the Big Bad Wolf jumps out of nowhere and tells her "Take off your shirt Little Red Riding Hood - I'm gonna suck your tits dry!!". "Oh no you don't", yells Little Red, as she pulls up her skirt, "You're gonna eat me just like the story says!"

Current mood: bored

Alone at home.... waiting for something.... anything to happen.... What the hell should i do now???? SHees.... 

Well today has been exceedingly boring. I've been on and offline all day and lets just say that aim gets boring after 7 hours straight... I've been up for almost two days and just can't get to sleep... what the hell is happenin to my god dam life/???? oh watever!

Currently listening :
Morning View (Limited Edition w/ Bonus DVD)
By Incubus
Release date: By 01 October, 2002 

Random Descriptionness
Current mood: blah



{DESCRIBE YOUR}

[Wallet]: it has stewie from family guy on it!

[jewellery you wear daily]: earings, and my 6 rings (YAY SHINY!)

[Pillow cover]: Sexy zebra stripes!

[Coffee cup]: It says, get away from me it's morning so sod off! (a brit thing)

[CD in stereo right now]: Evanescence sexyness!

[What are you are wearing now]: My usual, black tshirt and jeans.

[In my mouth]: lol.. i refuse to answer that...*wink* for reasons....

[In My Head}: A whole bunch of Bull shit!

[Eating]: Again refuse to answer.....*wink*

[Some of your favourite movies]:Interview with the vampire, Nightmare before Xmas, Pirates of the Caribean (new and old), etc..

[Something you're looking forward to]: The 26th of JULY

[The last thing you ate]: *wink*

[Something that you are deathly afraid of?]: I would never give away such a big weakness that easily.... *whispers* "um... well spiders..."

[Do you like candles?]: Ya if there not toooo smelly....

[Do you believe in a thing called love]: Of fricken course!

[Do you believe in soul mates?]: Of fricken course!

[Do you believe in love at first sight]: Of fricken course!

[Do you believe in forgiveness]: Depends on the situation...lol....*grins*

[If you could have any animal for a pet]: Black panther cause they are sexy!

[What are 2 places you wouldn't mind relocating to?]: Houston, Texas, or Charleston, North Carolina.

[one of your favorite pig out foods?]: Smart food!

[Anyone you miss that you haven't seen in a long time?]: Ya my friend Diamond...

{In the last 24 hours, have you:}

[Cried:] Yes....

[Gotten sick:] Yes.....

[Sang:] Yes...

[Eaten:] Yes...

[Felt stupid:] Definently....

[Hugged someone:] Ya...

[Met someone new]: Sorta...

[Talked to an ex]: God dam stalking bastard that he is...yes....

[Talked to someone you have a crush on]: Ya..I'm dating him so boo ya!

[Fought with your parents:] Of course...

[Dreamed about someone you can't be with:] Ya... Johnny Depp.. *shivers* the hottness......

[Are you center of attention or the wallflower:] Um wuts a wallflower???

[What type of automobile do you drive]: Mini Cooper! Boo ya!

[Would u rather be with friends or on a date:] On a date.. no despute...

[Do you attend church:] Hell no!

[Do you like being around people:] Not massively....

[Who have you known the longest:] Me, myself and me.....

[who do you argue the most with:] my parents equally mom and dad.

[Who do you always get along with:]my dogs.

[Who has the coolest sibling(s):]my boyfriend.

[Who is the smartest:] Me of course....

[Who is your Hero:] no one!

What Riders Can Only Say At the Barn
Things you can only say at the barn:
1. He won't come into my hands!
2. There's nothing like having 17 hands between your legs.
3. I'm gonna get off now.
4. More leg, less hand...
5. It was a great ride, but hes kinda sticky.
6. He needs a good 20 min warm-up...
7. Relax your back, dont pinch with your knees, go with the motion, rock your pelvis...
8. When he gets excited he really foams up!
9. If he's not ridden 5 days a week he gets cranky...
10. I rode yesterday, but Gwen is gonna ride him today.
11. Go ahead, ride him, you'll like him...he'll be good for you!
12. Push!!! Squeeze!!! Pull hard!!!
13. He's being a pig, get his head up!
14. He bends to left, but he's really stiff to the right.
15. He really over reacts when I sit down into him...
16. Smack him if he refuses!
17. Good, thats looks much better with his head down.
18. When your getting ready for a jump, press your knuckles firmly into his neck, to push yourself off.
19. You want his hindquarters to be balanced and even with yours.
20. If you squeeze with your thighs and legs he'll get off earlier.
21. You two perform really well with each other!
22. Go hack him for a few minutes.
23. Turn him out for a while.
24. I rode him bareback.
25. He's/She's been around.
26. My trainer's gunna do him in the PreGreens and Lows.
27. He's too much for her, maybe you should get on.
28. He's a bit of a bumpy ride, just try not to grip with ur thighs too much.
29.Make sure you release.
30. Don't lean forward unless you want him to go faster.
31. Don't pump too much.
32. Squeeze and release... squeeze and release...give and take
33. "How was he today?" reply... "Excellent, very obedient for once."
34. I got my daughter a made one, he's super easy.
35. I just love riding the big ones!!!

DRINK MY BLOOD,
MAKE IT LAST,
IN THE DARK,
SLOW OR FAST.
FREAKY SEX,
MAKE IT HURT,
DON'T STOP NOW,
IT COULD BE WORSE.
PAIN IS FREEDOM,
A RUSH OF LIFE,
TO FEEL IT YOU KNOW,
YOUR TRULY ALIVE.

Upset
Current mood: aggravated

When I get upset its a horrible thing. My emotions flair out of control and my heart always feels like its going to burst. I don't understand that. Everyone around me becomes a pain in the ass and I don't feel like being sociable. Most of my friends try to cheer me up and I casually go along and ACT like I'm feeling better. Honestly I don't have a choice. This society is based on looks. If you don't feel good you don't look good, so in order to keep up appearences a false identity is needed. I need to take away my sorrow from my outer shell. I put it peacefully to rest deep within myself and let it fester and eat away at me. After a short while I realize, I can't keep doing this to myself. But alas, I never stop. It's an endless cycle of pain and torture. All because I let things get to me. Such a sad person I am when it comes down to whether or not to keep on a happy face. What a shame... what a shame.... I am to the world.

Deep Thoughts





1. Save the whales. Collect the whole set.






2. A day without sunshine is like...night.






3. On the other hand, you have different fingers.






4. 42.7 percent of all statistics are made up on the spot.






5. 99 percent of lawyers give the rest a bad name.






6. Remember, half the people you know are below average.






7. He who laughs last thinks slowest.






8. Depression is merely anger without enthusiasm.






9. The early bird may get the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese in the trap.






10. Support bacteria. They're the only culture some people have.






11. A clear conscience is usually the sign of a bad memory.






12. Change is inevitable, except from vending machines.






13. If you think nobody cares, try missing a couple of payments.






14. How many of you believe in psycho-kinesis? Raise my hand.






15. OK, so what's the speed of dark?






16. When everything is coming your way, you're in the wrong lane.






17. Hard work pays off in the future. Laziness pays off now.






18. Every one has a photographic memory. Some just don't have film.






19. How much deeper would the ocean be without sponges?






20. Eagles may soar, but weasels don't get sucked into jet engines.






21. What happens if you get scared half to death twice?






22. I couldn't repair your brakes, so I made your horn louder.






23. Why do psychics have to ask you for your name?






24. Inside every older person is a younger person wondering what happened.






25. Just remember - if the world didn't suck, we would all fall off.






26. Light travels faster than sound. That is why some people appear bright until you hear them speak.






27. Life isn't like a box of chocolates.... it's more like a jar of
jalapenos. What you do today, might burn your butt tomorrow.

Pink Condom! lol


YOU MUST PLAY!
OR A MAN WILL APPEAR BY YOUR BED
WITH A KNIFE AND WILL KILL YOU!
THE ONLY WAY TO SAVE YOUR LIFE
IS TO PICK THE CONDOM THAT
REPRESENTS YOUR LOVE LIFE!
OH BY THE WAY,
DO NOT IGNORE THIS
BECAUSE IF YOU DO
HE WILL COME AT THE TIME 2:16
AT NIGHT AND KILL YOU!



Teal Condom:
Single, Looking For the right Someone,
Not Wanting to Go Out With Anyone Yet,
But Hating Being Single!


Orange Condom:
Taken And About To Break Up


Red Condom:
Single!!!!


Pink Condom:
Taken And Lovin every minute of it


Purple Condom:
Taken and confused


Green Condom:
Crushing On Someone Scared to tell them


Blue Condom:
Like someone who doesn't like you back


Yellow Condom:
Single and like someone, but confused as to whether they like you back or not


Trojan Condom:
Like someone who likes you back
but not going out....YET!!!


Clear Condom:
Just broke up with sumone or they broke up with you,
but still have feelings for them


Black Condom:
Single and ready to commit.


Magnum Condom:
You keep it pimpin

Meaning of July 4th
Current mood: awake

July 4th.. A day we celebrate with fireworks and joy. When in fact we are only celebrating some pitiful rebelion against a country that inevitably influenced us more than anyone truly knows or understands. Woo fricken hoo..........

and here's wut i'm listenin to
Better than Ezra --> A lifetime

Santana Feat. Alex Band --> Why don't you and I

Tyler Hiltion --> When It comes

Rob Thomas --> This is how a heart breaks

This is a story one of my friends sent me on IM. Pass it on if u want.


there was a woman
she had a shoe
it was a pink and blue shoe
and it was shaped kind of like you
it was ugly
and stupid
and full of a slug
and when she put her foot in
SHE DIED
the end

I am pissed. My father is an ass. I hate living near him. I'm too scared to move out of my house. and I'm to scared to exit this world cause of all the shit i'll miss. Wtf! I'm such a goddam chicken.... Oh well.... no one cares. Go the hell away... why are you reading this anyway? Don't u have a life???? Oh wait if your reading this that implies no u don't have a life cause i just stole your soul....

if you can't read this you suck

i cdnuolt blveiee taht I cluod aulaclty uesdnatnrd waht I was rdanieg. The phaonmneal pweor of the hmuan mnid, aoccdrnig to a rscheearch at Cmabrigde Uinervtisy, it dseno't mtaetr in waht oerdr the ltteres in a wrod are, the olny iproamtnt tihng is taht the frsit and lsat ltteer be in the rghit pclae.

The rset can be a taotl mses and you can sitll raed it whotuit a pboerlm. Tihs is bcuseae the huamn mnid deos not raed ervey lteter by istlef, but the wrod as a wlohe. Azanmig huh? yaeh and I awlyas tghuhot slpeling was ipmorantt! if you can raed tihs rpsoet it.

ONLY REPOST IF YOU CAN READ THIS!!!..

TheHBomb666: happy motherfucker's day
MIDNIGHT2255: i agree
TheHBomb666: AKAfather's day
MIDNIGHT2255: i know

A religion teacher assigned her class an essay on what makes a good Christian. One student wrote about praying nightly, say no to abortion, banning gay marriage, and donating money. The other student wrote about talking to God and allowing people to enjoy their lives, and supporting gay marriage.



























The day the teacher was to hand the papers back, she called up the second student and told him she would pray for him when he went to hell. The student asked why would he be going to hell, and why he got an F on his paper. The teacher told him that Catholisim is against gay marriage. The student looked at her for a minute, then said aloud, "I'm gay." The teacher kicked him out of class as if he had said fuck or worshipped Satan.



























A girl in the back of class who had a boyfriend and was obviously straight got up and left too.



























* If you would leave the classroom, repost this. It doesn't matter if you're straight, bi, or gay. It doesn't matter if you're Catholic or not. Everyone is a human being and deserves happiness. *
[Everyone Deserves HAPPINESS!]

I AM THIS GIRL



I'm the girl who will put her head on your shoulder, not because she's sleepy, but because she wants to be closer to you...



I'm the girl who likes to be kissed under the stars, more than inside your bedroom or in a expensive resturant...





I'm the girl who holds your hand....





I'm the girl who doesn't mind you playing with her hair....





I'm the girl who makes jokes with your mom...





I'm the girl who stares into your eyes looking for a reason what you see in me.......





I'm the girl who loves to end a hug with a kiss...





I'm the girl who will take care of you when you are sick...





I'm the girl who you can talk to about anything...





I'm the girl who laughs at your jokes...





I'm the girl who will listen to you talk...





I'm the girl who loves when you hug me for no apparent reason...





I'm the girl who loves it when you hug me from behind or kiss me on the forehead....





I'm the girl who loves you for you ; and doesn't care what other people say about us...





I'm the girl who will love you unconditionally for the rest of your life...



SWEET HEARTED GIRLS : If you are this girl repost this saying "I'm this girl"





DUDES: If you want this girl repost "I want this Girl"





LUCKY BASTARDS: "I have this girl" if you already have her

Girl: "Forgive me father for I have sinned."




Priest: "What have you done my child?"




Girl: "I called a man a son of a bit**."




Priest: "Why did you call him a son of a bit**?"




Girl: "Because he touched my hand."




Priest: "Like this?" (as he touches her hand)




Girl: "Yes father."




Priest: "That's no reason to call a man a son of a bit**."




Girl: "Then he touched my breast."




Priest: "Like this?" (as he touched her breast)




Girl: "Yes father."




Priest: "That's no reason to call him a son of a bit**."




Girl: "Then he took off my clothes, father."




Priest: "Like this?" (as he takes off her clothes)




Girl: "Yes father."




Priest: "That's no reason to call him a son of a bit**."




Girl: "Then he stuck his you know what into my you know where."




Priest: "Like this?" (as he stuck his you know what into her you know where)




Girl: "YES FATHER, YES FATHER, YES FATHER!!!"




Priest: (after a few minutes): "That's no reason to call him a son of a bit**."




Girl: "But father he had AIDS!"




Priest: "THAT SON OF A BIT**!!!"




Repost if you laughed

Tuesday, May 30, 2006

Yay percentages!!!!!!
Current mood: busy

Clothes
[x] You own more than 4 bandannas.
[ ] You wear your jeans tighter than tight.
[ ] You wear flats and converse.
[ ] You wear long beaded necklaces and fake pearls.
[x] You wear studded belts.
[x] You shop at thrift stores.
[x] You make your own clothes.
[ ] You wear shirts of bands you've never heard of.
[ ] You buy shirts from the little boys section.
[ ] You wear more clothing layers than an eskimo.
[ ] You love to wear bright colors.
[x] You borrow your boyfriend or girlfriend's clothes.
[ ] You wear skinny jeans that go in at your ankle.
Total: 5


Hair
[ ] You cut you own hair.
[ ] You have 2 or more different colors in your hair.
[ ] You have a mullet.
[ ] You spend more than 15 minutes straightening and/or styling your hair every day.
[ ] You own more than 20 hair products.
[x] You dont' wash your hair everyday. ( ur not suppose to ppl .. unless u wanna loose all ur hair )
Total: 1


Lifestyle
[ ] You're sXe, but just because you're a minor.
[ ] You love God.
[ ] You're a vegetarian.
[x] You love going to shows and beating up invisible people.
[ ] You're in love with yourself.
[ ] You think you're a gangsta.
[x] Your music is better than everyone else's.
Total: 2


Computer
[ ] You have x's in your screename.
[ ] Your myspace pictures show less than half of your face.
[ ] Your comments and/or friends are hidden on your profile.
[x] You check your myspace at least every day.
[ ] You bought a sidekick just so you could check your myspace.
Total: 1


Likes
[x] Robots
[ ] Dinosaurs
[ ] Hello Kitty
[ ] Makeup
[ ] Little kid jewelry and hair stuff
[ ] Animal Prints
[x] Piercings
[x] Tattoos
[x] Stars
[ ] Stripes
[ ] Polkadots
[ ] Huge sunglasses
[x] Camo
Total: 5


Dislikes
[ ] Goth kids
[ ] Nu-metal
[x] annoying people
[x] Stuck up people
[x] Curly Hair
[x] Mean Kids
Total: 4


Total score: 18
double your score and thats ur scene percentage =]
percentage: 36%

Currently listening:
Karma and Effect
By Seether
Release date: By 24 May, 2005 

I am...: Me...
I fight...: For the hell of it.
I want...: Nothing cept to live.
I have...: Wronged people and gotten it back at me.
I learn...: Constantly.(unfortunetly)
I am happy...: When I'm with him.
I know...: That people dislike me.
I wish...: I was with him right now.
I hate....: Lycans.
I think...: About when my next assignment is due.
I miss...: My True Home.
I fear...: Failing the one I love.
I hear...: Pain in the other room.
I wonder...: What I will do with my life..
I regret...: Not always doing what I like.
I love...: [nightgoth].
I ache...: After my school day.
I always...: Am here.
I am not...: What everyone is looking for.
I don't...: Like the human race or Lycans.
I sing...: Around my friends.
I cry...: When I haven't seen him in a while.
I write...: Stuff go to Wiccan Commander's Writings to find out what.
I win...: Nothing.
I lose...: Almost everything.
I can...: Be who I want to be.
I can't...: Let my life pass me by.
I listen...: To the wind.
I need...: To be out of school.
I hope...: To rule once more.
I search...: For death.
I should...: Work harder.
I realize...: That people are annoying.