Ok I am more than likely going to change my mind about leaving my poem on my front page but yeah this is just the back up so I don't lose it or something random...also in case anyone liked it.

My Moral Dilemma
I have a heart of gold,
So I've been told,
But only is that heart seen
When people choose to life the screen
Of Uncertainty and hate.
Only in foreign places where no one
Know my reputatation,
Can I be me.

No more frustrations or subjugations, just me.
I've always been so out of place, so lost.
Always have I been the freak or the wierd one,
and no one in Yonkers let's you live it down.
Ten years I have been considered this strange disgrace,
My reason for seeming to out of place.

Crude ideas, feelings and hate would never alter my identity, you see,
But oh do there judgments pain me.

Everything I do or say is wrong,
My ideas would be better kept inside, they advise.
Close minded, morally repugnant, strange, all these things I have been known to be.
Never would they let me explain the ideas that surface from deep inside me.
I'm unconventional and anti-conformist,
But thanks to them I feel like an exconvict.

So empty and alone they can make me feel.
There torrents of insults cause my heart to reel.
Two more years I tell myself and then I can begon from this place,
And in college I will have made my escape.

However their taunts and jeers cause me to wonder...
Is there something so wretched about me, that causes their hate to thunder?
Even though I have managed to anger friends,
We have always been able to make up and move on in the end.
What could it be that drivest their distate?
Am I truly, morally that much of a disgrace?
Anger people in the future I know I shall,
But what can I to make amends now?
Never, and no longer have I and do I wish conversations between a good friend and I
To have abrupt ends.
However does this mean I'll have to change myself in the end?

Mending the general opinon of myself is not important,
What matters is that my friends and I stay in contact.
Oh how I hate it when after helping me,
I've somehow managed to irk them...then the conversation ends.
And I am left to ponder, why did this happen again?

Perhaps my veiws are two vehement when it comes to war and government,
But in order for the irking to cease something must be done.
However if I did change myself, would this moral battle be more lost or won?

Because in the end I was left to change my view, or possibly risk losing a valued friend.
It all boils down to which do I love more in the end..

oh joy i go back to school tomorrow...I'm looking forward to seeing my friends, and its not even the advanced classes that worry me...its the people i deal with on a daily basis...there was already drama at a summer program and again it became up to me to try and go to the rescue...i just don't want to deal with some people this year but i have too...hopefully they don't like IB and drop a few courses so i don't have to see them as much...Already i'm dreading class elections and homecoming...they are all popularity contests and demonstrations of how nuerotic the female species in my school can be. I just don't want to deal with those say 10 people that manage to make me miserable one way or another...

My sad empty diary...maybe I should try to fill its pages...hmm well Happy Thanksgiving to anyone who reads this. Tiredness...its 2:17am. I went iceskating with some of my friends from school, i only fell once surprisingly