Valentines Day
The pink, the red, the hearts and flowers
The kissing the hugging, all the affection
All I can do is stare blankly at my dead reflection.
How I hate this day of hearts and commercialism and pink
All it does is make me want to cry, scream
becaue never has this been a pleasant day for me.
Every year it is the same,
and every year I feel so ashamed.
Never having anyone to spend this day with
Lonelinesss plaguing me on this day
It puts me in much dismay.
The holdiday is ruined to by the Hallmark Industry
St Valentines message lost in all this false philantropy.
Originally a broken man telling a woman his love for her
From behind prison bars, now is ruined by a company
Trying to make money off of a now cheap holiday.
On this day I don't smile, I don't scream, I don't cry, not During the day. I just try not to be put in utter dismay.
I go numb and stop healing, quite contradicting to the Normal St Valentines feeling.
Like a zombie I only coexist, I no longer live, until the clock strikes 12am and it's no longer this putrid day.
And once more I put out of my misery.
Three Little Words
Three little words that can make or break a person,
Three little words everyone hopes to here from someone
Three little words that can hurt so much, but cause so much Joy at the same time
Three little words that can destroy a friendship.
Three little words that could make a relationship.
Three little words that should not hastily be said.
Three little words I hope to here before I'm dead.
Three little words I don't want just anyone to say.
Three times have these three little words put me in such dismay.
Three little words that sting so much.
Three little words that cause people to sing just as much
Three little words that torture, and three little words that cause hope.
Three little words that can destroy your life
Three little words that can just as easily mend it
Three little words that were meant to be sacred
Three little words that have become so misused and abused
Three little words I'm afraid to utter to anyone
Three little words that make me so confused.
Not ready to open my heart to say these words or recieve them
All I can do is think about them.
These three little words have caused me such strife,
Three little words that could quite possibly soon ruin my life
Three little wrods that used to be equated with roses and doves
Three little words you hear people utter when with their loves.
Three little words that make me cry.
Three little words that still make me want to try
I both hate these three little words and love them.
I mistrust anyone whose so eager to say them.
The next time, or if I ever hear these words again by Someone other than a friend
I want it to be the true thing, not just a sort of fling
When i hear these three little words I want to be able to Say them back.
Not feel like its lust, or like I'm being rushed, but I Just want it to be true.
These three little words are special,
They are the words I love you
Ok I am more than likely going to change my mind about leaving my poem on my front page but yeah this is just the back up so I don't lose it or something random...also in case anyone liked it.
My Moral Dilemma
I have a heart of gold,
So I've been told,
But only is that heart seen
When people choose to life the screen
Of Uncertainty and hate.
Only in foreign places where no one
Know my reputatation,
Can I be me.
No more frustrations or subjugations, just me.
I've always been so out of place, so lost.
Always have I been the freak or the wierd one,
and no one in Yonkers let's you live it down.
Ten years I have been considered this strange disgrace,
My reason for seeming to out of place.
Crude ideas, feelings and hate would never alter my identity, you see,
But oh do there judgments pain me.
Everything I do or say is wrong,
My ideas would be better kept inside, they advise.
Close minded, morally repugnant, strange, all these things I have been known to be.
Never would they let me explain the ideas that surface from deep inside me.
I'm unconventional and anti-conformis
But thanks to them I feel like an exconvict.
So empty and alone they can make me feel.
There torrents of insults cause my heart to reel.
Two more years I tell myself and then I can begon from this place,
And in college I will have made my escape.
However their taunts and jeers cause me to wonder...
Is there something so wretched about me, that causes their hate to thunder?
Even though I have managed to anger friends,
We have always been able to make up and move on in the end.
What could it be that drivest their distate?
Am I truly, morally that much of a disgrace?
Anger people in the future I know I shall,
But what can I to make amends now?
Never, and no longer have I and do I wish conversations between a good friend and I
To have abrupt ends.
However does this mean I'll have to change myself in the end?
Mending the general opinon of myself is not important,
What matters is that my friends and I stay in contact.
Oh how I hate it when after helping me,
I've somehow managed to irk them...then the conversation ends.
And I am left to ponder, why did this happen again?
Perhaps my veiws are two vehement when it comes to war and government,
But in order for the irking to cease something must be done.
However if I did change myself, would this moral battle be more lost or won?
Because in the end I was left to change my view, or possibly risk losing a valued friend.
It all boils down to which do I love more in the end..
oh joy i go back to school tomorrow...I'm looking forward to seeing my friends, and its not even the advanced classes that worry me...its the people i deal with on a daily basis...there was already drama at a summer program and again it became up to me to try and go to the rescue...i just don't want to deal with some people this year but i have too...hopefull
My sad empty diary...maybe I should try to fill its pages...hmm well Happy Thanksgiving to anyone who reads this. Tiredness...it