Ok, I'm in love again. i'm helpless. A year ago I met this guy on a vacation I was on and fell in love with him, and then during the summer I forgot him, or at least I got him out of my head. I had a wonderful time with him and a lot of other people I got to know. Then today,when it has been well over a year since I last saw him, I found a picture... And I fell. Again. Well, apart from the fact that I probaly won't be meeting him again, beeing in love is great.
Well, apart from beeing in love, I don't feel so good. School started again and we are having a project about Estiona. And my group isn't that good, I hate being on this groups with people who won't work.
Well, a lot have happend since I last wrote in my diary. I've been to a school interveiw in Oslo, and spent a weekend with my familiy in Asker (a place close to Oslo(Oslo is the capitol of Norway for those of you who did not know)). I came home. I got the letter saying thet I got a place at one of the UWCs, not the one I wanted, but a UWC is a UWC. I accepted the place today.
I just got home from getting my sister bach to Harstad where she lived, acctually we drove her to the airport. i miss her already. yet it is weird having her here, I am not used to having a sister...
Apart from thet not much have happed, I've had vacation, as have the rest of the world I think. But I have done a new selfprotrait, it is at my member house, please take a look and tell me what you think. I need a massage or a guest book notice, I feel lonely...
Ah, new day, new beginning and even better it is friday. The only bad thing is an two hour french test later today. I may seem a bit overfocused on french, but the thing is that is a new lanuage to me, I started with is this year. And the other laguages I have, english, norwegian and german, well I use english just as much as I use norwegian, my motherlaguange
Spring has fiannly come to southern norway, at last. The snow is melting, life could not be more perfect....
Weee, my oldersister came to visit us yesterday, and she is going to stay for almost 3 weeks. Wonderful, I have been missing her.
And parhaps I get back a poem I made in norwegian, I wonder what my teacher thinks about it, i certainly like it. Well, I'll write more later today(If I have enough time..)
I am feel like I could fly this day as by far been the best so far in the year.
3 reasons why:
1. I got to kick one of my teachers butts today, god I hate that man. Am i sceard him, weee..
2. We had electrisity in sience today and I acctually got the lamp to work, Go nerds! It is very fun to build something and watch it work...
3 and biggest reason: I am accesepted to an interveiw at UWC(united world college).
And I saw one of the biggest birds I have ever seen today, An eagle I guess and propbaly over 1,5 meter (roughly 5 feet unless I am terrible mistaken) between that wingtips, that's big in norwegian standards...
So I feel great....
Sooo. Here I am agian, at school after we're finish. this sems to be that place I sends a lot of my afternoons now... You see my mom is a teacher and I can drive home with her and I get free internet..Weee
Well poeple here are the story "Hallelujah." Two things you should know:1 this story is very sad and deppresing, do not read it is you just have lost someone dear to you. 2 the song/poem is not mine, it is a song, named Hallelujah (big surpirse) and it appears in Shrek. I don't remember the artist (if someone do please tell me).. Well, enjoy...
Hallelujah
”I’ve heard there was a secret cord
That David played, it pleased the Lord
But you don’t really care for music, do you?
It goes like this
The fourth, the fifth
The minor fall, the major lift
The baffled king composing hallelujah”
The song you loved, yet now you are not here to love anymore. I miss you, my hole body scream and ache for you, yet I can’t scream here, in your funeral. You are not living anymore, they killed you because of who you loved, they killed you because of me. Because of me, I can never be hole again, I loved you and I was the reason they killed you.
”Hallelujah, hallelujah
Hallelujah, hallelujah.”
Hallelujah, praise the Lord. They killed you in the name of god. You never did anything wrong except to love. Yet God gave them right to kill, what right? You were strong and you fought for me, for our love and what a horrible price you paid. I wish we had never met, then you would be alive. I wish it were me who had died that night.
God is love they say. What god gives people right to kill, just because someone loves. I don’t understand, I never will. Yet you did, I’ll try for you. I’ll try to forgive them for what they did, like you would. I’ll try to understand, like you would.
”Your fait was strong, but you needed proof
You saw her bathing on the roof
Her beauty
In the moonlight
Overthrew you
She tied you
To a kitchen chair
She broke your throne
She cut your hair
And from you lips she drew the hallelujah”
Remember when we first met, a couple of years ago. I sat there in that bar, alone, feeling miserable, my last lover had left me. In you came, light haired and beautiful, like an angel. I remember it like yesterday, yet it feels like an eternity ago. You asked what was wrong, I told you. You smiled and said you knew how I felt, and just then I felt like a drowning person seeing a lifeline. You were my lifeline.
”Hallelujah, Hallelujah.
Hallelujah, Hallelujah.”
Just weeks after we met, I moved to your place. A wonderful flat, huge and full of Egyptian stuff. Stuff I had never seen before. Then you taught me about the Egyptian, about their life and afterlife. They were a great interest of yours, and became one of mine. I’ve never seen you so happy as the time we went to Egypt, you were in an absolute ecstasy. You told me this had been a wish of yours since before you could remember. To me you looked like an Egyptian prince, beautiful, strong and almighty. Never before had I let anybody have that grip on me, but you got it without ever having to claim it. And then we got back home to this sad, old hell of hatefulness that everybody seems to carry inside his or her harts. Why couldn’t they accept that we were not like them, why had they to try to shape us.
”Maybe I’ve been here before
I know this room, I’ve walked this floor
I used to live alone before I knew you
I’ve seen your flag on the marble arch
Love is not a victory march
It’s a cold and it’s a broken hallelujah.”
One day I went to some of my old stuff, and then I found it. The razor blade, once I always carried it. It made me feel safe to know that I could end it if I wanted to. Some cut themselves, I never did. I’m too much of a sissy. I fear pain, yet I was in love with it, to sorts of pain, one making deeper wounds than the other. Then you came along, and I, I put the escape route away. Who need to escape when they had some one strong enough to carry them? You had been strong ’till that day. The comment we got that day made me doubt, and I, weak as I am, I pleased the razor blade in my pocket.
”Hallelujah, hallelujah
hallelujah, hallelujah.”
That night after you had fallen asleep, I got out of bed. I never cut myself; I could make wounds that went much deeper, that never healed and never will. And therefore I sat there in the window, watching the moon and the stars, hating myself. Why had I gotten you into this, this world of hate?
”There was a time you’d let me know
What’s real and going on below
But now you never showed it to me, do you?
Remember when I moved in you?
The holy dark was moving too
And every breath we drew was hallelujah.”
The next morning when you found me, I lied to you. You never thought I could lie to you, it was the first time. I said the moon had been beautiful, that nothing in the whole world is as beautiful as a full moon. You laughed and moved closer, saying that you knew one thing, me. Your lips were so soft and warm, it felt like life was flowing back into me. And I knew you loved me and I hated myself for pulling you down here.
”Hallelujah, hallelujah
hallelujah, hallelujah.”
Never had I suspected that their hate would grow this strong. I believed that they had at last some respect for life. They did not. I cannot forgive them, what they did is unforgivable. You used to say that their hate would be their doom. That they would never feel real love.
”Maybe there’s a god above
And all I ever learned from love
Was how to shoot at someone who outdrew you
It is not a cry you can hear at night
It’s not somebody who’s seen the light
It’s a cold and it’s a broken hallelujah.”
I can almost hear you voice sing with the choir. I can’t stand this. I get up and walk out of the room. Up the stairs, to the church bell. As I stand there in the open window, they come out with your casket, they walk slowly over the yard. I lift my eyes to the sky, wanting the sun to burn my eyes away, so I never have to see them again, and then I see you there, among the clouds. Those wings fit you perfectly; I always said you were an angel. Your hand reach toward me as I clime out of the window and jump into you arms…
”Hallelujah, hallelujah
hallelujah hallelujah
hallelujah hallelujah
hallelujah hallelujah…”
Well, well well. Been back at sckool for about two weeks. Today we had a visitor from South Africa. Really interesting.
On the artside: I've started doing a serie of drawings for my own personal letter paper (it that an english word? arg, whatever, you know the type of paper you write on when you write letters...) inspired by norse mythology. So far I have done 'Midgardsormen
On the bookprosject side: I've finished a story called 'Hallelujah' I'll post it as soon at I get sround to do it. And I've started making a new world and everything for a couple of characters to play around in, we'll see where that goes...
Oooh,no reshal examinations (think that's what they're called in english) are closing in. First an french test on friday, then a week and a day of 5 hour tests... Why did I do this to myself, why did I choose this school...
My sisiter is comming home soon, wee, and on wensday the 17 we're going to see "return of the king"... fianly I've been waiting for this a year now...
Well, well people I'm love.. again.. with the same guy...Unlike most people I get snappy and angry when I'm in love, I don't know why.. It might have something to do with me being.. well.. a nice word.. ehh.. weighing a bit more than what looks okeey...That was fairly nice, wasn't it?
On the other hand I had a great weekend, I was on a stand-up seminar.. Well worth it. If there is one thing I will recommend to everybody it's stand-up comedy, it so fun learning and it gives your selfconfident a real boast...Try it out, the worst thing that could happened is that you make a fool of yourself, but that does not matter. The people laughing simply because you made a fool of yourself, they didn't go on the stage as stand-up comedians, did they?
Oh, my dear, sweet heaven. I hate my life right now. But then, it could probaly be worse.
I'm tried, so tired. Stayed up late yesterday,fini
It is cold november and rainy, as always, here in Norway. And I think the song for to day goes something like this " Life's a pice of shit, when you look at it. So always look on the bright side of DEATH...."(Life of Brian, one of the funniest movies ever.)
On saturday, a freind of mine had 'moving-in'par
It has been a while, huh? Arrg, we have a huge french homework for tomorrow and I have't started it and I don't have the program we use on my comp. God I hate my life sometimes...i hate it pretty much really, but then again there might be worse faits than mine..
You know what? Last friday, Halloween, I wore as costume at school. I am proud of myself. And if you don't think that's a big deal, you have to remember that here were I live most people (read: everybody but me) does not celebrate Halloween.....
well well. tired. it had been a while since I last posted here...Started reading the wheel of time again. Have done it once in norwegian (only came as far at the 5 book) and once in english...I got pe now, gotta go
Back at scholl after the weekend. We had a french test on friday, I am not looking forward to getting the results back. I'm going to x-ray my back today. help....
Ahh... french again.. And I forgot my headphones, bad me...
Worked a little bit with water colour yesterday, tried to do a paintig of Loke, most of you probaly know him as Loki, but Loke is the name I learned to use and the one I belive is the corect one.. It still needs some work, but I migt get it finished today.. Hope so... And then mayby I'll do something oilpainting.. I've only used it once or twice...Wish me luck..
Tomorrow me and my class at school are going to participate in this 'Gobal Island' roleplay, I look forward to it, but I'm a bit unsure of what we're suposed to do....
Well, well, back at school. We're working with poems now. I love it.. Through it is hard, getting it to ryhme and everything..
The cloak is totally finished now, it looks real good. Maybye I'll put a pic of it up in my gallary, I don't know.....
My inspiration turned into a cloak, it just needs some fineshing thouches.. Sit here and listen to Queen.. 'you don't fool me, those gready eyes, that sexy smile, you don't fool me..' Love that song, wrote a story to it once, where did that one go, and did I finish it?.. It was a vampire story, my first...It would need to be finished...may
Ahhh, my gallary is up,wee. And you know what I have loads if inspiration, so instaed of using my time here, on the internet, I will sit down and use it.. Wish me good luck...
Wow,I am amased by myself, I got 5+ in ecomonmeny.. Better than what I expected, i wish my nature was as well. Nature is a combanation of sience, biology and cemistry....
Now it is only tomowrrow left and then we have a week of vacation, Thank god. And tomorrow is a the language day, norwegian, german, english and french. We gonna watch far and away in english....
Well bye, and if I don't writhe tomorrow have a nice weekend....
Ahh, fianlly, internet. (had a fight with my dad, he refuses to let me go on the internet, thank god for school, never thought i was going to say that)
Had English test today, wrote a 370word long essay about califorina.. And I got my german test back today not good.. 4to5 (in norway we have 7 grades, 0-1-2-3-4-5-6, 6 is the best, if you get 0 or 1 you haven't passed...( and 4to5 is bad for me I normally gets 4+, 5- or 5 in german...)
I discovered something, If anyone wonder Tiger is my mos used nickname, Tarmira is only me sparenickname.