Okeey. Monday morning. Thank god I had a free block this morning (Meaning I can sleep untill 8 instead of 7). And my day today looks quite nice, art tok and maths. Only thing is that I can't remember if it was to day or next time we had a test, ops...
So, updating on what have happened. We'll I had my 18. birthday on the 15. We have had sunshine for two weeks. I was drunk for the first time last friday. I got 14 out of 25 on a physics test. We got first year exams in two weeks. We are going to have a Norwegian dinner on saturday. And I got an art class in two mins. Have to run now...
"When love beckons you, follow him,
Through his ways are hard and steep
And when his wings enfold you yield to him
Through the sword hidden among his pinions may wound you."
(Quotes this time from The Prophet by Kahlil Gibran. That is a book you should read if you can.)
Love. Something I stoped believing in long ago. At least romantic love. Love might be swwet for somebody, for me it is not. When I am in love I just hurt, with every fiber of my being. Not to mention hate myself, hate who I am, the way I look, all the stupid little things I do. That's why I have a far better time when I'm not in love or have a crush on someone for that matter. Then the number of people whose respect I crave is down to two. And fortanly I can only be around one at any given time (one is back home and one is here at school). These two persons are also peraons with enormous power over me, simply because I want their respect. When I see disapointment in their eyes, I just want to curl up in a corner and die.
Love as in freindship/fam
I wish I could believe in what Gibran writes about love (the part I have quoted here) but I do not dare to. I have walked the hard way, I have been wounded on the sword, I have had my dreams shattered, I have been crucified. I do not have the strength for another round of that. I might be a sissy, but this is a fight I can't win. And I am not stupid (or brave you choose) enough to enter an imposible battle.
"And when he speaks to you believe in him
Through voice may shatter your dreams as the north wind lays waste the garden
For even as Love crowns you so shall he crucify you.
Even as he is for your growth so he is for your pruning"
"Dreams. What are Dreams? Dreams are nothing, my brother."
Feeling philosophilcal again. (BTW: the qoute at the top (and the one at the end) is from Sandman by Neil Gaiman)
Dreams, what are they really? They are a wish, a wish for something different. I would not say 'better', because there are nightmares. But how bad are really nightmares? One of the last ones I had acctually turned into something good. I dreamt that I failed physics, and the day after I asked my teacher and he said I was not about to fail physics yet. I am not flying high, but I am not failing. But the next night I dreamt that sience building burned down and one of my close freinds died. That was a not so nice nightmare. But what does it mean? I have no clue what dreams mean. And I don't know if I want to find out. But back to the dreams. The wish. I know that when I dream I wish for something, but I don't know what.
"Dreams are "nothing," sister? Without dreams there could be no Despair"
Been a while now, hasn't it? That is mainly due to working on my webpage/being home/på flukt (norwegian larp thingy)/physics homework. My physics teacher told me that if things are going like they are doing now, I am going to pass physics. The worst part is taht I am really happy about it. It is rather depressing acctually, just passing have never been good enough for me before. Well well, I guess that is something you have to live with when you change academics program (from regular norwegian to IB).
Being home was great, but at the same time I was homesick. I wanted to go back to campus and all my freinds here. This place really feels like home now. I wonder how I will survive summer when all of my freinds are away and in a totally diffrent timezone (Hong Kong, Nepal, Canada etc.), then I can't even chat with them. Well, I got homework for that. EE, IA, TOK and catching up with physics are the plan for my summer so far, and working of course. I need money for going to Hong Kong next summer.
On the art side: things are going ok. I am trying out photography and photoshop. Right now in art we are working on "isms". I am doing surrealism and Dalì so there might be an elfwood update in the not so far future. I also worked with sewing costumes for a traviling show the school has, that was quite fun.
Apart from that, there is not much to be said, exept that I'll try to write more often. Once a week is my new goal (and update my webpage once a month...)We'll see...
Edit no. 1
Todays poem/song/thin
"Skap meg om med glede
Jeg er den jeg ville bli
Konge i et ukjent rike
Slave i min egen tid"
And my own try at a translation_
"Do not create a diffrent me
I am the one I wanted to be
Ruler of a kingdom unkown
In my own time kept down"
I do not know how good this translation is, but yeah, Poems are never easy to translate, not only do you have to get the words and the ryhme, you have to get the feel of it. To be frank I do NOT think i have sucseeded here. Maybe I'll give it another go later (Note: this translation is from August 04, now after over half a year of speaking mostly english I should be able to do a better one)
Well, not much to tell. Exept for that I am going home on friday yay... Going to be great to shop again... Apart from that, I've had some serious freindship problems, one of which is still going on. But I have survived so far...
Well, today we have had GC( global concerns, an whole day about on issue) on gender issues. It was pretty interesting...
Whoa, I have just been playing Diablo 2 for two hours strait. That is a long time for me. I love fridays. They are wonderful. After school we have friday activity (I noramly have archery but the range is snowed down.) Then normaly we have good food, then there's World Today, then Snikkerbua Café and at 23.00 Computer gaming activity. CS. Or just having fun with friends.
I had an english presentation today, everybody said it went great so I am looking forward to seeing the grade. Two weeks ago I had one in norwegian about satanism. I got a 6+ out of 7. I am very happy about that. It is going to count 15% of my final grade.....And I learned a lot about satanism...
Last week we had skiiweek. It was fun apart from the tiny problem with me hating skiing. But Bunny and I played D&D the whole week... We ended up making these cool characters, mine is a 8lev. rogue/3.lev shadowdancer elf with a 20 in dex.... 20 IN DEX I SAY....Her is a 8 or 9 lev bard and 1 lev shadowdancer. The idea we had is that mine is a sorta teacher for her character. And later we might try a double dm campaign with these as NPCs.... Well that's all for now...
Ahh, the couple of last days have been great. I am going to Nightwish consert in june. I have learned about my music culture (Dimmu Borgir in other words). And I have been learning Kantonese. But it is still at the 'ngo hai' stadium, with a couple of 'pok gai' and 'dui' (can't spell that one, sorry) thrown in, but it is getting there, slowly.
And oh yeah the two last lines of the last entry was Thomas. He was having fun whit the norwegian keyboard as you can see.
And I am back in Thomas and Ed's room. I am practicly living here. The other rommies are Anton Herman and Soule. I really like this room. And I have been doing homework today, am I not good? But I missed TOK, I thought I had free block. Well, well, too bad....
Stop read my diary you stupid Hongkongnese. (that was for the stupid person sitting next to me, also called Thomas.
Actually, firstly, it's not "Hongkongese", that word doesn't exist. æøææøæøæøÆØ!!
FUCK YOU ALL
Well, who should have know. Ed and Thomas got me hooked on Diablo II. Have been up to 3 in the night the last two nights and up before 11 in the morning, and I am that sort of person that needs a lot of sleep... Lovely isn't it?
Todays theme: a mix between "More" and "Unbeliver" both by Gregorian.
"I do not know
why do you gotta be so undemanding
One thing I know
I want more"
I think I might have to update the 'songs that fit me' list..
School tomorrow, Not looking forward to that. But at the same time I do. It is nice having a regular rythm in the day. And I have only 3 classes (maybe only 2) tomorrow, human rights, english and norwegian. Lovely day...
Ahhh, finaly MUN is over. I have been having so much fun, but since I was playing the US. It was rather full of stress. But I loved it. It was so much politics. So much being sucked up too. Very fun...:)
Well, since I am not in my room at the moment and am working om my webpage this will be all for now.
Back at school, I have been here for almost two weeks now. And strangly enough this place starts to feel more like home than home does, if that makes sence to anybody. Thankfully I am over all of my cruses now.. I needed that, I was getting far too depressed by being in love. I have written quite a strange essay about that in english, maybe I'll post it here. It is called or actually was called ( my teacher wanted me to change the title) The voices inside my head. It is way far out, but it was fun writing it and I learned a lot about myself, I know that that sound like a cliché but it is true none the less. Now I am sitting in the comp-lab hoping there is gonna be a computer gaming activity tonight.. I want to game....But I have a nasty feeling it won't be, I had the same about archery today and it turned out to be true.
Home was great. I got RotK EE DVD for christmas and it was great, the only problem is that I do not have it here at school, because it is far too presious to me.
Nowadaya I spend a lot of time over at councilofelron
Well this was a rather long post from me, a lot of nonsense, but still.. Have fun and enjoy the weekend, I know I will....(even though I have physics test on tuesday I should study for.. well what are sundays for???)
In less than 60 hours i am going to be home, weeeyay...
On the bad side, i have to pack down my comp and will be without a computer for around that amout of time. And I will be travelling for more than 27 hours, which is more than some of the people travelling half wazy around the globe, and I am within my own contry....hehe
Yesterday was christmas dinner and show, I'll be going home on thursday, yay.. Havn't been home in three monts. Looking foreward to that yes....
Less happy news: Yesterday before the dinner I was in the pool, to relax (my back was killing me) and while I was there they had the interhouse sauna competition going on. One of the people in came out after around 20 mins, pjuked and drank some water, when she jumped into the cold-pool. After around ten minutes more (by this time everybody was out of the sauna), she was just floatting in the pool. We got her out and she was unconsious. And she was shaking just like you do when you go into shock. How she is now I do not know, only that she is ok and in hospital... It freaked me out because 2 and a half years ago I saw a man die, and that is not a thing I want to see again. Not in competition like that... I don't talk so much with that girl, but still... Another note on that, this summer, a couple of weeks before school started again, one of our second years died, he drowned, we first years never got to know him, but I know he was very much loved by people here. I could see that on my second years..
Well, on happier news: I think I am getting over my chruses (yes they are in pural), thankfully..
"You ask are all my dreams fullfilled?
They gave me a hart of steel
The kind their bullets cannot see...
... I am no longer what I used to be
I am a replica of me..."
- Replica by Sonata Artica..
Long live Finnish music. The mood of it fits me...
There's two of them, I'm in love with two guys, at once. And both are imposible to get. What have I done to deserve this?
Thoday's theme: Replica by Sonata Artica
Why? Why did I fall for that guy? I don't want to be in love, it hurts....
Another day has passed and in 6 hours I have to get up, but I am not tired. This is weird, I can feel my hart truneing hard and cold, I know it sound like a cliché but it is true. I have no respect for life anymore, I am not afraid for entarnal burning. "I have lost all faith in humanity" (-Ace, but it was in a total diffrent content he said this, yet it fit here too). What is this? Why do I feel that way? I don't even feel selfish, I just feel tired of this world, of the people in it. Yet I have not found the corage to end it all, since I am afraid of pain... I am a predator, a hunter in the dark (another cliché, but who cares..?) a vampire, a parasite, and do I care, NO... Ideed I do not, there is notthing in this world that can make me care...And that scare me. Am I really that cold? I want to ba and at the same time not? Who am I deep inside? Am I really the hunter I belive I am? I wonder....((Today's theme: "Romanticide" and "Higher than hope" by Nightwish))
Well, still break. I am bored.... (trying to escape norwegian homework..)
and I am getting hooked on playing Counter Strike...
And I have dyed my hair, blue/black again...
Time for another diary entry, or what?
Now we have november break, one week of school. Most norwegians are going home but I am staying on campus.
It is quite fun, I have been to Bergen, the biggest city around here. I've started learning about satanism and celebrated Samhain the wiccan way. Very interesting...
I have spent three and a half hours learning how to be a bad DM, (sorry for killing you character, Ace) but I guess everybody has to start somewhere...
Well, well. Now I have been here at RCNUWC for over one month, it doesn't sound like a lot of time, but it is in this place. During that time my hart has been broken at least one time, by the most beautiful guy ever..I have discovered a new band, started learning three new languages, made freinds with people from all over the world. I have had one week where all we did was playing RPG (no classes) and I have been woken up 6 o'clock in the morning by a firealarm, then gone showering only to herded out again because the school was "beeing protected against terrorist atacks" (this was global concerns day, not real).
Latest thing I have done was archery, I smiply love it, two hours in some of the funnest company you can get and on top of it all you are allowed to shoot things (ballons, none of ours teachers volunteered to be the moving target, can't understand why...)..
Well, any questions or comments plase tell me, I am very intrested in tips about how to let go of your arrow with out making bruises on your arm...