Do You Want To Marry Me?

For Better and for Worse.

I'm doubting the love I have for you.
I just don't feel it anymore. Maybe
it's no longer there. I feel awful.
I know I shouldn't feel this way, I
know these words shouldn't be written.
Not here in this diary, not anywhere
at all. Not by me.

Everytime I say I love you, you know
I do a lot. Am I only trying to convince
myself of it? That I do love you. Or is
it what I'm feeling in my heart? I don't
know anymore. Maybe this happend because
of all around you and me. Because of all
the Confusion. Because you obviously
seem to be doubting too. It's been so
long since you showed me anything. Showed
me that some of your feelings still are
alive. Playing in your heart.

Maybe what is hard it to let go. But when
we have, maybe all is easy. Maybe all
feels more right than this. Maybe it's
what we need. Maybe we aren't ment to be.
But why does it feel that way? Like we
are ment to be but still not. Like it's
right but still not. It drives me Crazy.

When the situation seem to get better,
why does these feelings come? Why not
when it was bad? A
smile one your face. This is what I want,
isn't it?

I don't want to feel this way. Feels like
I'm cheating on you, without doing anything.
It doesn't feel good. I need to see that
love Darling, before my feelings die away.
Like a Rose.
[A Rose Without Any Powers To Life.]

But I think I do love you.

I've been to town today,
Tha Big Town.
All the [ Christmas ] presents
are done.
I'm so Proud.

The Dark Sky Is Getting Blue.
But Bad Weather Is Always
Close, It Stops The Sun From
Shining And The Laugher.
It Stops The Laugher.

We've been Bad for so long. I don't know what's happening.

If you fall I will catch you,
I will be waiting.
t i m e . a f t e r . t i m e.

God I'm NERVOUS!

I can always pretend everything is okay, like it use to be.
Atleast it works until I get home.

I just don't understand why - it's so hard to understand. It doesn't make sence anymore,
where did this come from anyway?

But still it doesn't matter, we still have to go through it. We still have to be in pain.
Until you take it away.. Sometime.

Okay so you just don't care. You're
making it this way. It's your fault,
I know it and I think you do too.
But I don't blame you, I don't blame
you at all. I don't want to. Especially
not if it'll make you feel as bad as
I do. I don't want you in pain, I wish
you nothing but pure happiness. I want
you to feel so wonderful.
Because I know I can't anymore.

I will take it all on my shoulders,
I'll say that it's all because of me.
That all is my fault. It'll be the
weirdest time of my life, you know
that don't you? To be so close, to
feel so right but still so wrong.
How should I act?
I can't just hold it all back.

Even if you don't feel anything
anymore that doesn't mean I'm like
you. [I will never be like you.]

How come I regret all I've done?
Why can't it just be right?

I guess Not huh?