I Miss You

I am sitting here writing
A few hundered miles away
I am thinking of you always
Just a few more days I say.
I am getting restless
Running out of things to do
I am counting down the days
I really miss you.

May 20

Many things have happened in the week that I was home for my sister's graduation. The first five days were not interesting. I visited with family. My other set of grandparents was there and my aunt drove there also. The visiting was a lot of fun. I got a digital camera and took lots of pictures. It made me happy. I had an orthadontist appointment. They put bands in, so now I get to talk even less than I already do and have absolutely no interest in opening my mouth.

But the last three days were interesting. And not necessaraly interesting good. Okay, so I will just talk about the part that I am willing to now. Skip Wednesday. Thursday I went to Tracy's. Well before then my sister and I had to box up all the eight kittens we had and take them to the other house. :( Probably the meanest thing I have ever done. We also boxed up one of the mothers, hoping that she would take care of the kittens so they wouldn't starve or die. See at our other house, no one lives there and no one keeps up the place, well we are trying to fix it up, but no one is going to go over there to feed them. :( I felt really horrible, but the mother is a good one and she hunts, so I am hoping they will be alright.

Well, we got to Tracy's and her cold was very weak. We were there watching her mother try to feed it milk, and keep it standing. The mother didn't produce enough milk for it to get a good start, so it had joint problems and was very weak. But anyway, it died. Right after it drank the milk. I felt really bad for Tracy and her mom and it wasn't all that much fun watching the poor animal die right in front of me.
The rest of the day went well. We watched underworld evolution because my sister hadn't seen it. It was good. Then we sword fought...on horseback. I really appreciate the movies now when you see people fighting on horses. It is really really hard. There is so much to do in a second. Hit the other person, without getting hit and remembering to move the horse and the commands for the horse to get you a safe distance away from the other person in the right direction. But I think we got the hang of it. It just took some getting used to.

Friday we left to come here at 7:15 in the morning. We got here at 1:17. So it was definatly the longest drive here that I have ever made, but we stoped for breakfast. There was three cars. My sister in front with grandpa in with her. Then me driving behing her and grandma driving behing me. It was really stressful. Trying to keep cars from getting between us. And since Melissa drove slow for the fist half, and there was an even slower person in front of her that she couldn't pass, because she isn't comfortable with that yet. So all sorts of cars got between grandma and I. And then Melissa passes, but I couldn't, so I had the hardest time trying to catch up later. Then I lost them in Rolla were we were going to eat, and I didn't know exactly where we were going to eat, so I was really stressed out. But all went well, and now my grandparents have more of an appreciation of me making the drive all by myself several times a year.

May 10

Today was a lot of fun. I got to go to the range and shoot lots of guns. Then go to a barbeque. That was a lot of fun too. Then more packing and moving into the house. That has been my day.

P.S. This might be my last message for a week or so. I am going home Friday, and tomarrow I will be busy most of the day studying for my cs finals. But I really want to go home and see my family, so I am leaving right after I finish my last cs final.

May 8

Oh, did my day start out bad. I even knew it was going to happen. I just feel really stupid anyway. It is finals week, and I have five finals, one today, two tomarrow, and two friday. I have math today and tomarrow, and cs on friday. Well, I though I had my calculus final today at 9:30, and my foundations final tomarrow at 11:30, but I was wrong, I had my foundations final today at 11:30 and calc tomarrow at 9:30. I figured this all out at 9:30 this morning. So me being as intelligent as I am decided a few days ago that I would wait to study my foundations until after my calc final. Haha, well I had two hours to get ready for the test. I guess it could have been worse and accidently skipped one, but this was pretty bad.

Well, anyway, I studied, and did fine on the test. Now I have a lot more free time today, since I spend a lot of time already on calc and I already took the other one. 

May 6

Yesterday and this morning was fun. I actually stayed out all night long...:) It was exciting. The day started out busy. I ended up spending 2 hours trying to find a bow tie for Jeff for the Military Ball. Then I had to study for logic, with Jeff at work, because at 3:30 I was gonna do a friends girlfriends hair for the ball. But she ended up running late so I didn't do it. But I took the final at 4:30, then had to run back to my room grab my uniform and everything else and go over to Olga's where I figured out how to put the pins on my uniform. We took lots of pictures then went to the ball. It was so nice, but the food made me feel sick, not the taste as much as the smell. There was a lot of funny parts like the cutting of the cake.

Then there was the dance. That was a lot of fun too even though Jeff and I only stayed for like an hour and a half of it. I got him to dance with me, which was a lot of fun. Jeff and I don't really dance, which made thinges even more fun and interesting. We ended up leaving aroun 10 and going to hastings to rent a movie then we went to his place, and I watched about half of it. I think he didn't see anything but maybe the first 10 minutes. But he had to get up at 12:15 for buddy challenge. So we did and went to walmart where he won me another stuffed animal( :) ).

I came back to my dorm around 1:45, and got online, but both my roommates were sleeping and I didn't want to wake them up with my typing I got off soon, and walked around for a while before going up to the computer lab and get back online and play some games. Which I did until somewhere between 2:30 adn 3:00. Then I went to ryle to visit Ryan. We played poker and chess. He beat me at both, but it was a lot of fun anyway. So, I got back to my room around 4:30, and fell asleep around 5:00. Then got up and ate breakfast around 9.

Later, I moved some more things into the house. I am so excited about living in a house! I took a nice long walk which was a lot of fun. Then I ate din din and did April's hair for her formal. I have been wanting to do hair for a long time, so I was really happy.

May 4

Eeeeek, Computer science is killing me right now. Swords was fun though.

okay later I decide I am liking cs a lot more. I just figured out the pattern!!!!! I am so excited now.

May 3

My week so far has been pretty boring. I have been doing pretty much nothing. I did go to the battalion run today. It wasn't even two miles but it was so humid, that everyone's shirts were soaked. Then we had to take a picture. It was awesome, and by awesome I mean not cool at all. Now I don't really feel well, but I forced down some breakfast. Hopefully I will feel better later. No fireworks tonight. :( too rainy.

I get my plane tickets tomarrow!! I am excited. I fly out the 11th of June. Coming back around the 10thish of July.

April 30

This weekend was great!! There were downs, but overall it was awesome. My sister got here on Friday(i picked her up from columbia). Then I went to class, but after that we ate dinner and went to swords. Swords was fun. It started raining at the end, which made things slippery. Then I tried on the dresses and I loved them. Then we watched underworld.

Saturday Tracy, Melissa, and I went to walmart for like 2 hours. It was a lot of fun and I bought a lot of things that I didn't need. Then I highlighted mel's hair. I think it looks good. She didn't like it at first but now she loves it. Then we watched serenity and made smoothies. Later we all went to Jeff's, and he made us dinner, while we watched Dark Angel. It was pretty awesome.

April 27

Today has been busy. I got up around 6:30 to finish my homework that was due today at noon. I ended up finishing it at like 7:30. There was only one mistake I made in the code. I forgot to put the end document command. I feel like an idiot. Then I had to write a paper for MS. Then I showered, ate breakfast, went to math, studied for cs, took cs test, went to ms lab. Ms lab was fun. I got to repel for the first time. It was a little scary, but the second time it was less scary. Then we marched around the field for about an hour. I thought it was fun. I am learning all the commands better. I still have problems figuring out what is my right and what is my left... :P

April 26

Today I almost slept through my first class at 8:30, willingly. I was awake, I just didn't want to get up. I couldn't sleep much last night. I think it was the blankets, and I was having strange dreams. In one I was really excited about taking biochemistry next semester(I am not taking it by the way), but it would fulfill my bio mode of inquiry, but to me it was nuclear chemistry. That is strange.

I had another dream that I was in walmart and suddenly we started getting bombed. So, I ran to the front of the store, and there were people taking over and they came in and took a pretty girl as a slave for the guy. It was strange and sad, because she grabbed onto me so they wouldn't take her away, but I couldn't hold onto her.

The last one was I was in the same walmart and strange things were happening, and I ran across people chanting around a fire(in walmart...I know that is strange). One of my friends was leading it and they saw me and wanted him to kill me. So, he was going to, but he was so sure of himself the he was going to let me use green mascara as a weapon to try to save myself. But somehow I knew all about the chanting and I told him that they were misspronouncing the words which makes everything not work. He kinda got mad at the people, but was still going to kill me. So, I asked if we could do something first before, and surprisingly he said yes.(k zx,dc nki kv sd elj.c iz,d ljg) For some reason I knew if he would agree than I would win and he couldn't kill me. It was really strange.

Nothing else interesting happened today. We had our last MAA Meeting of the semester. We talked about math for and hour. I am such a nerd, that it was actaully a really fun time for me. I actually did homework in the evening. Yay. I have a busy day tomarrow, though. I have to finish my CS homework, go to math, study for my other CS class(I have a test) all before noon. Somewhere in there I have to write a multicultural paper for MS.

Jeff is making me feel really good about myself online right now. He is AMDPentwo and I am imNOTaWerewolf.

AMDPentwo: haha
AMDPentwo: but seriously, you are one sexy little thing
imNOTaWerewolf: wow
imNOTaWerewolf: thank you
imNOTaWerewolf: !
AMDPentwo: i mean, we should make porn of you
AMDPentwo: we would make millions!!!
imNOTaWerewolf: you are making me feel so good about myself
AMDPentwo: im only making oyu feel like you should have felt your whole life
imNOTaWerewolf: awww
AMDPentwo: (well, the porn part you shouldnt have felt until the late teens)
imNOTaWerewolf: haha, okay

April 25

Yesterday was pretty good. I did absolutely nothing. I took the pt test and did alright..274. The day was good. I ended up going to Jeffs and taking a nap, then going to logic. I went to swords it was kinda fun. I think I had an off night, and someone was being mean to me, and starting to make me feel uncomfortable. I cooked dinner, for Jeff and I. It was good, but a little rushed because I had tutoring.

Today, I went to the doctors. It was alright. I did have to walk all the way to Jeff's to get my purse with my keys in it and walk all the way back because my car was in mo hall parking lot. That was fun...and by fun, I mean tiring.

People don't know when they hurt me, because I smile or laugh. It makes them keep it up, until soon, it really gets to me. I know it is partly my fault, because I guess I am kinda decieving people, hiding what I feel. The truth is, is I am extremely sensitive. You can't get mad at me for doing something that I only feel is fun, not like I want to do anything real with it. And I am not fair, I guess telling people not to take me seriously like just joking around, but me taking them seriously when they I am guessing don't want me to. Then I get hurt. I guess I will have to work on that.

April 21

I am in a fantastic mood!! After everything that happened this week, I am still doing great. I am not sure if that makes me strange or not. It's Friday, pt was cancelled this morning and next week at this time I will be driving to Columbia to pick up my sister!!! I haven't seen her in over a month. I will probably be watching a lot of movies that weekend. Jeff will be gone to buddy challenge :( but I guess it is alright. It will just be my lil sis and me, and possibly Tracy.

I realized for the second time why I don't put my e-mail up on elftown. Strange guys who I don't know want to start web cam with me. Creepy! Oh well, I think they got the hint, or more like blunt refusal. I think I may make a few more changes to my profile. I actually tried to make it pretty much as nerdy as I am. :)

Some fun math stuff I learned today. More like knew before, but it is so strange. Countably infinite. Isn't that a strange phrase? The natural numbers and the integers and the rational numbers are countable, and countable means finite or countably infinite. I guess the common everyday defintion of countable is just finite, so it throws people off a little. But it is so cool!!!

p.s. the guy at the bottom of the screen saying remove yourself from elftown, with a bloody sword and a head...That is extremely creepy.

April 20

Today was kinda hectic. I ended up missing all the school meals, since they had different times today since it was the studend research conference day and school was cancelled. :( But oh well. I got up around 8:30 and had to take a shower. I had a doctor's appointment at 9:30 and I was gonna leave around 9:00 so I got there in plenty of time just in case it took longer to find that I had hoped. But then the receptionist called and said that she had to cancel the appointment since the nurse was sick. So, I rescheduled for Tuesday the 25th. By that time it was too late to eat breakfast. Then I went to the armory around 10:30. I stood in line for 2 and a half hours to get my military ID so I can go to a camp this summer. So by the time I got back it was 1:00 and lunch closed then, so no lunch, but I had to go to a presentation at 1:15 so I would have had only fifteen minutes to eat anyway. So that was most of my day. I missed most of swords tonight :(. I like going, but I had to go to TWiCS. We are making a proposal for the Grace Hopper Convention in the fall we might get to present in San Fransisco, which sounds like it will be a lot of fun. But there is this girl there who really got on my nerves, so I left about 20 minutes early(but the swords group already left *sad*). The girl is an english major so she has no place correcting us on computer science.

I found the Leaves Eyes lyrics!! So now I can learn to sing to them. I love thier songs. So peaceful and so pretty. A gothic rock band with the main singer a woman. One of their songs was a little strange at first talking about love of a woman, but I finally read the lyrics and it was supposed to be in the perspective of a warrior missing a woman.

I know I will be taking care of Jeff tonight, again. He is always hurting himself with this army thing. I love taking care of him, but I wish I didn't have to because that would mean that he didn't get hurt, which is definatly preferable. But I love being there for him and doing things for him, because I can see it in his eyes that he hates asking me to do things for him, which in turn makes me really want to do them.

April 19

Today wasn't that great. I didn't do well on my PT test and I felt sick and no appetite all day.

I don't expect anyone to understand this poem. Except Tracy. And if you thing you know what it is about, think again.

Today
My world came crashing
Down upon me
Everything I did
Turned out
Leading somewhere
Unexpected
Things just weren't
As they seemed
As they looked
But it is hard to explain
And the willingness to listen
Just wasn't there
Things will get better
As they always do
I only need to wait
A little time

April 18

This weekend was easter break. I stayed at school. It was a lot of fun. I ended getting nothing accomplished. On Sunday, it was Olga's birthday, so Jeff and I went over to Remingtons to celebrate. It was a lot of fun. We ended up getting pizza and renting a few movies ;) Then I slept most of the day on Monday.

Secret

I have a secret
And I want to share
The people involved
Probably won't care

I don't know what you'll think
You know I am shy
But there are things you don't know
Like what I will try

I know I have changed
Everyone does
But now I am not sure
If I am as good as I was

Things are happening
They are going way to fast
We both want this
Want this to last

But we are both inexperienced
Never tried this before
At first there was pressure
But not anymore

Will we like it
Will we do it again
I need to tell you
I hope you'll understand

March 29

New Moon tonight. Eeek. Darkness. But it is supposed to be nice today. Up to 64 and sunny. I have a really busy day coming. After class, I will end up staying in Violette Hall and do Calculus until my CS teacher's office hours then go to them, and get help on my program, then I will go to my other CS teacher's office hours and get help with another program. Then mor Calculus, until I am all caught up and understand everything. Then more class, dinner, MAA meeting, tutoring, then studying Calculus with Ryan. After that I will try to work out right before bed. So, much to do and little time(haha actually the whole day) to do it in.

March 27

This weekend was pretty boring. I slept. I did all of my homework this morning, but I got it all done. The medication makes me tired and dizzy, so I can't really do any exercise. But my medication will run out in a week or so, so not much more time.

Eyes and Words

Why can't I tell you
How I feel
You see it in my eyes
But you're not sure
Since what is in my eyes
Conflict with words I say

My words are shy
But my eyes
Tell the truth
The blunt truth
Maybe it is fear
That guard my words

I think it is too late
I let you give up
I thought it was best
But now
I don't know
I question