Jun 1

Yesterday I went running with Jeff and Olga. It was kinda fun. You know as much as running can be fun. The I went to columbia. That was a lot of fun. I ended put getting a dress and a skirt and shirt.

On tuesday I got to go out. Not like I can't whenever I want, but there isn't a lot of things to do aroung here. So finding people to do stuff with is exciting. But anyway, we all went to Ryan's and watched The Bourne Supremacy. I know I am being annoying right now, but I read the book, and I don't even know why the called it The Bourne Supremacy. They should have given it a different title just to show how different it was going to be. But I knew this before I watched it, since I refused to watch it for almost two years, just because it was so different. But it really wasn't that bad. I actually liked it. But of course I am really into movies about secret government stuff.

I talked to Amanda last night. She is just as scared as I am about going to LTC. Yeah, I am scared. I am excited too, but I am starting to get nervous and questioning things. Like what if this, and what if that. I shouldn't be concerned, but I can't help it. But I guess I am gonna start packing today, and go get everything I need. I am leaving next sunday.

I am really depressed right now. I know it is early in the morning, but I am already having a bad day. :( I am not even going to say why.

May 29

Did nothing again today. Watched Dark Angel and Fantastic Four, and Sin City. So a lot of Jessica Alba. It is so hot here! At least it is supposed to cool down tonight and for the next week. That is exciting at least. Almost went to columbia today, but things happened and I didn't. Oh, well, maybe tomarrow will be more exciting. I miss my friends from school. There isn't many people here over the summer, and the ones that are, I don't talk to much, which is sad. I guess it is just that they are guys and I don't have many guys' numbers. I only have two more weeks anyway, it will be alright.

May 26

X-Men 3 comes out today!!! I am excited, although I heard some of the main characters died. Three to be exact, but oh well, at least I know beforehand. I road marched yesterday; went only about four miles. Not really a big deal. My sister and I are going to try to go swimming; which means I will get crispy and red. But we might go to the mall tomarrow while jeff does his fighting thing. Other than that not much has been happening.

I took some online quizzes(my new favorite thing to do) and I got some strange results and some contradicting ones. Like I took a harry potter one to see what house I would be put in and well I took two different tests because they are so popular and one said I would be in ravenclaw and the other grifindor. Some of the tests seemed accurate but others were very inaccurate. Like one was
What kind of girl are you? ANS: 69% Athletic Tomboy(NOT TRUE!) but my second place was 63% nerdy girl(definatly true).
others:
What are you gonna be when your older? ANS: 60% Ice Cream Man, 60% President. I hope neither of those are true.
What genre of music should you listen to? ANS: 50% Metal, 38% Rock...I can deal with that.
What kind of sexiness do you have? ANS: 92% Normal average girl next door...haha I could have seen that coming.
What type of person are you in school? ANS: 75% Prep bitch...(am NOT!!!), 60% Teachers Pet...maybe.
What type of weapon would you be?...any guesses??? sword.
What was your high school stereotype? ANS: 50% Geek.
There were others that I don't feel as comfortable putting up...so I won't.

I was thinking today. What is the perfect kisser like? Or the perfect boyfriend? I guess everyone is different, but for me, the perfect kisser would be a lot of things. I guess they would have to know what is right for each of the different moods. When a guy says something flattering the perfect kiss would be soft and gentle. Romantic. Bringing my lips closer and closer to his very slowly. Like time is slowing. And when our lips touch, we take our time to feel the softness of eachothers lips and press them together. from there anything can happen. Whether it is pulling back or starting more demanding kisses that say 'I want you' and 'I want more'. When the mood is more crazy, like when I am running around or trying to get away from being tickled the perfect kiss is a little rougher. When he catches up to me he lets one hand slide around my waist pulling me closer while the other one slides through my hair resting on the back of my neck. He gives me a split second to look into his eyes before pulling me closer and pressing his lips to mine, letting his tongue slide between my lips to press and course along mine. It's very thrilling, leaving me breathless. There are many other moods like the flirtatious one, but this is good enough for now.

May 24

I got a kitty!!! and named it Fedor. It is so adorable. It likes to attack my mouse cursor. I guess since it is a wolf, therefore it is like a half an inch unlike most little arrows, that are smaller. So it attacks my screen, but still adorable. Yesterday I went to Ryans, and we ended up going to Cale's and Shelly's with Sean and helped them take suff out of storage. It was good to see them all again.

May 23

Well today hasn't really started yet, but I wanted to write anyway. We did get our refrigerator yesterday!! It is nice. We are going to use the mini frig too, since we don't know where to put it anyway. I read my first book yesterday. I loved it of course, it was the fourth in a series of the twelve that I have, so I know what I will be doing for the next few weeks. Sometime today I am going to put a new tip on my sword and Ryan and I are going to practice, since he doesn't work today. It will be fun. I guess I will write more later if something interesting happens.

May 22

Today has been interesting. Mostly running errands, but I have to be here this afternoon, because hopefully we will finally get a new refrigerator put in. I love apartment life. I get to cook all of my meals(if only I didn't have to worry about leftovers, I can only make enough for my sister and I, since the frig is down) :( But oh well, it is still fun. I got to run today. I am pretty motivated about the whole running thing. I don't know why. I mean I was in high school cross country for four years, and I hated getting up every morning at 6ish in the summer time to run before breakfast. But there is something about it this time that makes me want to. I think it is the fact that I don't have to, and I am not forced. And that I actually have scenery, and can change were I run every morning if I want to. At home you could only go two directions, so it was pretty boring. Three more weeks until camp!!! Although I do have to learn how to swim in that amount of time. eeek. haha I know I can do it. And my boyfriend said he would help me. Just like he would help me with anything that I wanted or needed, because he loves me and even though he knows I will do fine at camp without doing anything extra, he will help me because it will make me feel better. He is just that sweet. Just like he helped me every time my braces wire came out when I ate something. He would always put it back in, even though it was my mouth and braces.

May 21

I started training today. Finally. The only thing is, is that I only have three weeks to train. But it isn't like I am out of shape, just a little out of practice. I don't know how far I ran. I can't drive it, because it was a path. Everything is finally clean here in the apartment. I finished this morning. It makes me happy. Now all I need to do is practice swords. Keep it up.

I have been hiding
And am still hidden
Until everything is over
And it is sunny again
Things get worse
Before they get better
But after they get better
It just repeats
Over and over
Like it will never end
But I know it will
What will be the ending?
What will the end result be?
I don't know
But it will end
Soon
And the secrets
Will be safe
Left unspoken

Cute-Sexy or Sexy-Sexy...I was reading today in a magazine.
Cute-Sexy: round, wide-set eyes, people ask to pinch your cheeks, can't see the outline of your cheek bones, and your natural brow shape is softly rounded. "These features are linked to babies and puppies and are read as endearing and worthy of affection."
Sexy-Sexy: full lush lips, you can see the outline of your cheek bones, and your natural brow shape is angular and archlike. "Pronounced features like sharp cheekbones and lush lips send a very sexy message. 'Defined cheeks suggest a fit, toned body and are associated with beauty...and full lips are seen as sex objects.'"

I Miss You

I am sitting here writing
A few hundered miles away
I am thinking of you always
Just a few more days I say.
I am getting restless
Running out of things to do
I am counting down the days
I really miss you.

May 20

Many things have happened in the week that I was home for my sister's graduation. The first five days were not interesting. I visited with family. My other set of grandparents was there and my aunt drove there also. The visiting was a lot of fun. I got a digital camera and took lots of pictures. It made me happy. I had an orthadontist appointment. They put bands in, so now I get to talk even less than I already do and have absolutely no interest in opening my mouth.

But the last three days were interesting. And not necessaraly interesting good. Okay, so I will just talk about the part that I am willing to now. Skip Wednesday. Thursday I went to Tracy's. Well before then my sister and I had to box up all the eight kittens we had and take them to the other house. :( Probably the meanest thing I have ever done. We also boxed up one of the mothers, hoping that she would take care of the kittens so they wouldn't starve or die. See at our other house, no one lives there and no one keeps up the place, well we are trying to fix it up, but no one is going to go over there to feed them. :( I felt really horrible, but the mother is a good one and she hunts, so I am hoping they will be alright.

Well, we got to Tracy's and her cold was very weak. We were there watching her mother try to feed it milk, and keep it standing. The mother didn't produce enough milk for it to get a good start, so it had joint problems and was very weak. But anyway, it died. Right after it drank the milk. I felt really bad for Tracy and her mom and it wasn't all that much fun watching the poor animal die right in front of me.
The rest of the day went well. We watched underworld evolution because my sister hadn't seen it. It was good. Then we sword fought...on horseback. I really appreciate the movies now when you see people fighting on horses. It is really really hard. There is so much to do in a second. Hit the other person, without getting hit and remembering to move the horse and the commands for the horse to get you a safe distance away from the other person in the right direction. But I think we got the hang of it. It just took some getting used to.

Friday we left to come here at 7:15 in the morning. We got here at 1:17. So it was definatly the longest drive here that I have ever made, but we stoped for breakfast. There was three cars. My sister in front with grandpa in with her. Then me driving behing her and grandma driving behing me. It was really stressful. Trying to keep cars from getting between us. And since Melissa drove slow for the fist half, and there was an even slower person in front of her that she couldn't pass, because she isn't comfortable with that yet. So all sorts of cars got between grandma and I. And then Melissa passes, but I couldn't, so I had the hardest time trying to catch up later. Then I lost them in Rolla were we were going to eat, and I didn't know exactly where we were going to eat, so I was really stressed out. But all went well, and now my grandparents have more of an appreciation of me making the drive all by myself several times a year.

May 10

Today was a lot of fun. I got to go to the range and shoot lots of guns. Then go to a barbeque. That was a lot of fun too. Then more packing and moving into the house. That has been my day.

P.S. This might be my last message for a week or so. I am going home Friday, and tomarrow I will be busy most of the day studying for my cs finals. But I really want to go home and see my family, so I am leaving right after I finish my last cs final.

May 8

Oh, did my day start out bad. I even knew it was going to happen. I just feel really stupid anyway. It is finals week, and I have five finals, one today, two tomarrow, and two friday. I have math today and tomarrow, and cs on friday. Well, I though I had my calculus final today at 9:30, and my foundations final tomarrow at 11:30, but I was wrong, I had my foundations final today at 11:30 and calc tomarrow at 9:30. I figured this all out at 9:30 this morning. So me being as intelligent as I am decided a few days ago that I would wait to study my foundations until after my calc final. Haha, well I had two hours to get ready for the test. I guess it could have been worse and accidently skipped one, but this was pretty bad.

Well, anyway, I studied, and did fine on the test. Now I have a lot more free time today, since I spend a lot of time already on calc and I already took the other one. 

May 6

Yesterday and this morning was fun. I actually stayed out all night long...:) It was exciting. The day started out busy. I ended up spending 2 hours trying to find a bow tie for Jeff for the Military Ball. Then I had to study for logic, with Jeff at work, because at 3:30 I was gonna do a friends girlfriends hair for the ball. But she ended up running late so I didn't do it. But I took the final at 4:30, then had to run back to my room grab my uniform and everything else and go over to Olga's where I figured out how to put the pins on my uniform. We took lots of pictures then went to the ball. It was so nice, but the food made me feel sick, not the taste as much as the smell. There was a lot of funny parts like the cutting of the cake.

Then there was the dance. That was a lot of fun too even though Jeff and I only stayed for like an hour and a half of it. I got him to dance with me, which was a lot of fun. Jeff and I don't really dance, which made thinges even more fun and interesting. We ended up leaving aroun 10 and going to hastings to rent a movie then we went to his place, and I watched about half of it. I think he didn't see anything but maybe the first 10 minutes. But he had to get up at 12:15 for buddy challenge. So we did and went to walmart where he won me another stuffed animal( :) ).

I came back to my dorm around 1:45, and got online, but both my roommates were sleeping and I didn't want to wake them up with my typing I got off soon, and walked around for a while before going up to the computer lab and get back online and play some games. Which I did until somewhere between 2:30 adn 3:00. Then I went to ryle to visit Ryan. We played poker and chess. He beat me at both, but it was a lot of fun anyway. So, I got back to my room around 4:30, and fell asleep around 5:00. Then got up and ate breakfast around 9.

Later, I moved some more things into the house. I am so excited about living in a house! I took a nice long walk which was a lot of fun. Then I ate din din and did April's hair for her formal. I have been wanting to do hair for a long time, so I was really happy.

May 4

Eeeeek, Computer science is killing me right now. Swords was fun though.

okay later I decide I am liking cs a lot more. I just figured out the pattern!!!!! I am so excited now.

May 3

My week so far has been pretty boring. I have been doing pretty much nothing. I did go to the battalion run today. It wasn't even two miles but it was so humid, that everyone's shirts were soaked. Then we had to take a picture. It was awesome, and by awesome I mean not cool at all. Now I don't really feel well, but I forced down some breakfast. Hopefully I will feel better later. No fireworks tonight. :( too rainy.

I get my plane tickets tomarrow!! I am excited. I fly out the 11th of June. Coming back around the 10thish of July.

April 30

This weekend was great!! There were downs, but overall it was awesome. My sister got here on Friday(i picked her up from columbia). Then I went to class, but after that we ate dinner and went to swords. Swords was fun. It started raining at the end, which made things slippery. Then I tried on the dresses and I loved them. Then we watched underworld.

Saturday Tracy, Melissa, and I went to walmart for like 2 hours. It was a lot of fun and I bought a lot of things that I didn't need. Then I highlighted mel's hair. I think it looks good. She didn't like it at first but now she loves it. Then we watched serenity and made smoothies. Later we all went to Jeff's, and he made us dinner, while we watched Dark Angel. It was pretty awesome.

April 27

Today has been busy. I got up around 6:30 to finish my homework that was due today at noon. I ended up finishing it at like 7:30. There was only one mistake I made in the code. I forgot to put the end document command. I feel like an idiot. Then I had to write a paper for MS. Then I showered, ate breakfast, went to math, studied for cs, took cs test, went to ms lab. Ms lab was fun. I got to repel for the first time. It was a little scary, but the second time it was less scary. Then we marched around the field for about an hour. I thought it was fun. I am learning all the commands better. I still have problems figuring out what is my right and what is my left... :P

April 26

Today I almost slept through my first class at 8:30, willingly. I was awake, I just didn't want to get up. I couldn't sleep much last night. I think it was the blankets, and I was having strange dreams. In one I was really excited about taking biochemistry next semester(I am not taking it by the way), but it would fulfill my bio mode of inquiry, but to me it was nuclear chemistry. That is strange.

I had another dream that I was in walmart and suddenly we started getting bombed. So, I ran to the front of the store, and there were people taking over and they came in and took a pretty girl as a slave for the guy. It was strange and sad, because she grabbed onto me so they wouldn't take her away, but I couldn't hold onto her.

The last one was I was in the same walmart and strange things were happening, and I ran across people chanting around a fire(in walmart...I know that is strange). One of my friends was leading it and they saw me and wanted him to kill me. So, he was going to, but he was so sure of himself the he was going to let me use green mascara as a weapon to try to save myself. But somehow I knew all about the chanting and I told him that they were misspronouncing the words which makes everything not work. He kinda got mad at the people, but was still going to kill me. So, I asked if we could do something first before, and surprisingly he said yes.(k zx,dc nki kv sd elj.c iz,d ljg) For some reason I knew if he would agree than I would win and he couldn't kill me. It was really strange.

Nothing else interesting happened today. We had our last MAA Meeting of the semester. We talked about math for and hour. I am such a nerd, that it was actaully a really fun time for me. I actually did homework in the evening. Yay. I have a busy day tomarrow, though. I have to finish my CS homework, go to math, study for my other CS class(I have a test) all before noon. Somewhere in there I have to write a multicultural paper for MS.

Jeff is making me feel really good about myself online right now. He is AMDPentwo and I am imNOTaWerewolf.

AMDPentwo: haha
AMDPentwo: but seriously, you are one sexy little thing
imNOTaWerewolf: wow
imNOTaWerewolf: thank you
imNOTaWerewolf: !
AMDPentwo: i mean, we should make porn of you
AMDPentwo: we would make millions!!!
imNOTaWerewolf: you are making me feel so good about myself
AMDPentwo: im only making oyu feel like you should have felt your whole life
imNOTaWerewolf: awww
AMDPentwo: (well, the porn part you shouldnt have felt until the late teens)
imNOTaWerewolf: haha, okay

April 25

Yesterday was pretty good. I did absolutely nothing. I took the pt test and did alright..274. The day was good. I ended up going to Jeffs and taking a nap, then going to logic. I went to swords it was kinda fun. I think I had an off night, and someone was being mean to me, and starting to make me feel uncomfortable. I cooked dinner, for Jeff and I. It was good, but a little rushed because I had tutoring.

Today, I went to the doctors. It was alright. I did have to walk all the way to Jeff's to get my purse with my keys in it and walk all the way back because my car was in mo hall parking lot. That was fun...and by fun, I mean tiring.

People don't know when they hurt me, because I smile or laugh. It makes them keep it up, until soon, it really gets to me. I know it is partly my fault, because I guess I am kinda decieving people, hiding what I feel. The truth is, is I am extremely sensitive. You can't get mad at me for doing something that I only feel is fun, not like I want to do anything real with it. And I am not fair, I guess telling people not to take me seriously like just joking around, but me taking them seriously when they I am guessing don't want me to. Then I get hurt. I guess I will have to work on that.