lol i'm retarded.. previous entry:
"I went and got my hair cut.. it's longer now!"
.. to a normal person that sounds like i had it cut so it was longer.. in reality i had it cut COZ it's longer and cutting it helps it grow..
so cheh... me = n00b.
Guess what??
...
I went and got my hair cut.. again! =D Tis longer now.. i'm growing it.. GROW DAMIT GROW!! *pokes hair* It doesn't listen to me! ;_;
On the plus side.. i got AO1 and AO2 for Mr T completely done.. AO3.. <_< well.. i know what i'm doing for A04 so i'll do AO3 laterz probs. Oh yeah and i sorted my sleeping patterns.. after several nights of only 3 - 4 hours sleep.. and feeling like crap! I thought i better sort it out before i go back to school.
I'm all achey from the gym yesterday though >3<
AHHHH! They've announced the groupings for the RP competition and i'm in Group I!!!! =/ I'm really pleased i got this far but i'm mega nervous about the next round.. it's been about 6 months since i last RPed and although i've been writing alot i'm not sure i'm as good as i was! Wish me luck!! I'll need it to get past the next round!!!
Ahh yes! It is the first! HAPPY NEW YEAR!!!
now on to business... well business as far as i'm concerned!! Which is basically my addiction to a set of books by Stephanie Meyer! It's a vampire/romanc
So cheh! it does mean i'm broke now.. completely but i am determined to get a job by the end of January and my mum hasn't given me my allowence yet.. plus it's my birthday on Jan 27th... although i really can't be arsed much with that.. Dunno why.. i'm just getting really focused now.. and a birthday seems like alot of hassle.. but i'll probs. go out for a meal with a couple of friends, maybe weatherspoons in town. Have a proper celebration in the Feb half term, i have no time for anything like that at the moment, got to focus on school and getting 5 As at AS >.< I'm bloody determined now.
But yeah back on topic i should be getting more money which i will be saving to spend on DL and BOA tickets in the summer! yay! And a much needed shopping trip! I want loads of stuff.. so cheh! And i heard my mum on the phone to my gran i think.. and from what i heard i think she might be funding my driving lessons! X3 (my gran i mean) which would be AWESOME! I just have to send off for my provisional liscense now.. the form's filled out! It'll be good to drive. More freedom and i always feel bad at asking my parents to ferry me all over the place, especially as my best mate doesn't live that close, it's quite out of the way. But if i can drive that will make things easier! Much easier!
So cheh i think thats it for now! XD New Year's Eve was good.. i'm being an arse about answering my messages i know.. but i don't have much.. i dunno... motivation i guess.. i just feel kinda excited about somethings and completely drained about others.. i'm excited about driving.. but my birthday seems a drag, i'm excited about school... but art and homework is just a horrible thought at the moment.. yet i'm here online instead of working.. well shortly i'm going to rememdy that by getting to work on physics notes for the mocks. *sigh*
lolololololol!
i typoed Rawr when talking to cross guess what i sent instead??? I sent twat.. i mean WTF?? how do i mistype rawr to make twat.. good job we were friends.. he just said "keyboard tourettes??" So i said yeah typo.. and he told me i must be some kind of special to make a typo like that.. i agree! XD lol That got me laughing to myself like a loon..
Then lewis came in.. and made me jump which involved me putting my hands in the air and going BAAAAGAAAH!! Then he forgot what a "window" was and hugged my head... o_o younger brothers.. XD After that he made me throw cheese across the room and went to bed!
Oh yeah and whiskey is the best cold cure ever!!! Works wonders!! New year's eve today! Last day of 2007 ;___; ah well.. i have good memories and i'm ready to see the year in with Beki! Traditional style! Like we have done every year.. since we met i think :o talk about our traditions! =D
Also my sleeping patterns are fucked.. i'm wide awake and it's 1am.. so i might just stay up all night! =D
That is all.
Went to Chester yesterday and Cheshire Oaks today! X3 It was fuun! But i've spent all my money ;__; ahh well! XD Chester was busy as hell yesterday.. we only stayed 2 hours though and i spent most of the time in waterstones which wasn't very crowded. If i had been forced round alot of busy shops i would have lost it!! I don't like crowds much.. i like having space to mooch.. whenever there are crowds there's like a mad hectic rush WHY?!?! Why can't people just chill out???
Bleh anyways Cheshire oaks today was quieter, I got some face wipes, New headphones (chewed through my old ones) they were on offer and they're green! X3 Then i spent my x-mas money in Boarders.. at first there was nothing i wanted but then i found this manga series called X-Kai about a flower shop owner who works at night as an assassin and thought what the heck! So i got the first 2 volumes of that and then i found the Nightmare before Christmas on special addition DVD for £6 so i got that too!
I'm going to be busy these holidays! I have 4 new books, 2 new manga and my x-mas prezzies! The books i got were:
Heart-shaped Box - Joe Hill
The Magicians Guild - Trudi Canavan
Twilight and New Moon both by Stephenie Meyer! Can't wait to read them all and i found out that Janny Wurts has 8 volumes of the light and dark wars.. which i now need to get, my mum has volumes 1 and 2 which i found and read 5 years ago when we moved house. They were kinda tattered and i assumed that they were old books but apparently i am mistaken and she's still writing them! I reconmend them to anyone that likes fantasy! They should make it into a movie.. i mean there are 2 half brothers, one an orlando bloom/legolas type blond regal guy and the other a moody, dark eyed, dark, curly, long-haired pirate prince.. i mean come on!!! So cheh... <_< >_> stories good too not just the guys! XP
Oh and me and Beki saw St Trinian's today, it was hilarious!!! Best comedy i've seen in a while and Russel Brand looked FIT!! XD
Anyways i have a cold... well no i have a sore throat, earache and my chest aches coz of this cough! It's horrible.. plus last 3 or 4 nights i've had 4 hours sleep and i went to the gym today! My left arm is really stiff while i'm typing this! But i'm proud.. i was using the butt/leg weight machine and i managed to pull 190Kg! XD That means i can lift almost 4 times my body weight with my arse =___= LOL! But yeah i'm going to get a fairly early night and get a head start on school work tomorrow. Wow my arm is feeling odd... i got tingling in my palm, pain in my shoulder and a weird stabbing in my elbow o_o
I have done nothing today! =D The rellys were over so it was a lazy day.. which is goood!
We were talking about drugs after dinner:
My gran: Drugs are bad! People on drugs do horrible things, they kill old women!
Me and my aunty: pissed ourselves laughing! XD
So cheh! XD That about sums it up! Chester tomorrow to spend my gift vouchers for waterstones! X3 i have about £30 so it should be fun!
I haven't written in a while i'll explain why and do catch up later but first i need to have one of those emotional and hormonal rambles i sometimes have.. So cheh.. here goes!
I've been fine all day but at dinner we were talking about christmas eve and what we're going to do.. normally we have some event or something we do as a family but no one was that bothered about doing anything this year. That for me means insane boredom >.< Then of course that got me thinking.. it sorta started off okay but since then there's been all this nervous energy building up inside me, all this worried energy. I can say that there definately will be little sleep for me tonight.. i'm too.. pent up i guess is the right word! There will of course be people saying FREAK!!! why are you nervous and worried.. it's christmas, happy family time, presents and all that.. but i guess i've only just had a chance to stop and think what this christmas means to me. And it's so complex and important and i feel like in some ways i'm using this christmas to reassure me that i haven't changed beyond recognition in the last year. I guess now is the time to look back and this is the post that is going to sum up everything for me coz i feel as if christmas is the end of the year and between x-mas and new year is the "cocoon" stage where you prepare for the new you. Anyway lets start at the easy bit and work onto the more complex stuff. I'm nervous about x-mas because this year i've made sure to do lots of christmassy stuff, seeing santa and going to the x-mas fair, taking part in decorating with the family, x-mas shopping and parties with my friends. It's i guess my way of facing the facts that i am never going to be a kid again, something this year has made really clear. Anyway i'm nervous that after all the preparation and all the build up that i've worked it all up to be something magical that it won't end up being. That i'll be let down by it all and i don't want that to happen coz in a way it'll be me saying bye to my childhood and i want it to end in happiness not disappointment
Ontop of that after christmas i have to put aside my social habits and face 2 facts 1)I need to knuckle down at school, i have mocks in Jan and most of the holidays will be spent revising and doing art work. 2)I need a job. Those two things together equal very little free time for me, less time with friends and having fun. So cheh.. i'm worried about growing up, loosing my friends, not achieveing the targets i've set myself, finding i don't like the person i've become and most of all i'm afraid that i'm never going to be a "kid" again. I'm afraid of facing the real world and i'm afraid of loosing. I'd say thats my biggest fear, of not succeeing, not getting into uni, getting a decent job.. you get the idea. >.<
Anywho enough of that i have to face the fact i am no longer innocent, i'm no longer a child and this next year may be one of the hardest in my life so far... infact i can almost garentee it will be. I have that "cocoon" period to come to terms with that! Now to an actually useful part of my diary entry, whats been going on in my life recently:
well quite a bit actually.. i already tried twice to do a detailed account but as the laptop (bob) deleted it twice i'm going to go for a short account of what i've been up to.
Tuesday - Thursday = BANGOR!! Amazing fun, the engineering, people, problem solving and parties!! I had a fantastic time, all the people in my group were awesome we got on well even with our teacher.. so cheh RAWKED!! X3 I'm so glad i decided to take part despite the extra work!
Friday - Dentist (I have to have a small filling and i'm getting some cosmetic work done!), Gym (YES! i really needed a good workout!) and Ruth's for a kiddies party and then an older people's christmas meal! T'was good, Lucy got me a goblet made of metal! (she was my secret santa) So i had alot of fun..
Saturday - mostly slept.. i was exhausted..
Sunday - The rellies run, had to go see my aunty and grandparents to drop off and pic up x-mas prezzies it was good fun!! I watched Noel's Christmas Presents and man did i cry.. o.o it was embarressing but some of the stories really got to me! After that was Top Gear.. last in the series ;_; WAAAA! I don't know what i'll do without my top gear fix.. except watch the re runs on Dave! Thank god for that channel! So yeah.. not a bad day appart from the emotional mania! XD
Mwahahaha! I'm in Bangor! yush! And i do have internet access... but only when i am on the computers.. which is when i'm supposed to be working! XD But oh well i've done my work now and we're waiting for our engineer to bring materials.. which he should do soon!
Things so far are going gooood! We arrived, had a tea break.. did some work, had lunch which was like a huuuge meal.. i only ate half of it! :o And now i'm just wasting time.. i drew a picture of fighting ducks on paint that i'm tempted to upload to my DA.. very very tempted!
Annnd my room is cool.. we have a whole corridor to our group and a kitchen and everything.. it's pretty awesome.. only my room stank when in arrived so i sprayed some of my spray about and now it smells of strawberries! X3 Which of course is good! Should be a fun couple of days! I mean so much better than school and i'm getting to hang out with people i wouldn't normally hang out with! There's no one i really don't get on with and me and Kara get along well so it's all good! =D
Meh i'm going to check my EP now.. i'll update when i can! tarrah!!
xxx
BONGOR TOMORROW!!
lol and apparently Amy has told her friend i'm going to be there and she's going to text me his room number and keycode or something o_o lol that should be fun!! No alcohol.. yeah that'll work.. i know Mr Owen's weakness too!! He told me in chem.. so yeah i can get round that! I'm quite excited and a bit nervous.. but i'm sure it'll be fun and i'll have my phone to ring people.. or for people to ring me if they want!! Should be fun!!
Not much to say about today.. it was pretty much a skive! Tests in January when we get back.. and my birthday!! *dances* it's all good.. mega excited about x-mas too!! So cheh things are good.. even if it is bloody freezing! i'm going to bed in a minute.. just finishing off answering messages and stuff in case i have no internet for the next 3 days!!
It's been a while since i last wrote in my diary.. thats mainly becuase i've been busy :o I had an art coursework deadline friday and homework and shopping, gym, meetings.. so much stuff going on i'm not even sure whats happened all week.. o_o i don't remember a great deal of it tbh.. just trying to ride things out until the hols! Luckily i only have tomorrow at school and then i'm in Bangor for three days with the engineering competition thing i'm part of, we have to make a prototype of our idea. But i think i'll mostly be on the computers typing up bits and bobs for the report.. coz tbh that is what i'm best at! XD It'll be weird though coz i'm not especially close friends with anyone on the trip except Mark and i'll probs be sharing a room with Kara which is okay coz we're sorta friends! ^_^ It'll be good to get away before christmas! I really need to start packing for that.. i might do it tomorrow night..coz i'm lazy! XD Apart from that yeah things are going okay.
I went to the gym wednesday which was fun! Beki and i were just chatting about things and i enjoy going to the gym it's kinda medative in a way! Then Thursday i took Josh with me to get some bits for Beki's birthday and some last x-mas prezzie things! Thursday night i was soooo tired though, i got really annoyed with my brothers, it was just the having to stay up and do art and i felt shattered because of all the effort i'm having to put into school and stuff =_= so yeah i stayed up and finished my art though.. well as much as i could be bothered before grabbing a few hours sleep before school on friday!
Friday was gooood though, it was Beki's birthday so after school we went to spavens and painted sweety jars and some christmas money boxes! X3 It was so childish but MAJOR fun!! XD Then we got to fill the sweet jars with sweets and crepes and ice-creams and slushies.. it was soooo gooood!!! XD We had alot of fun, it was just me, Beki and Ruth. Then we all headed over to cheshire oaks for pizza and a movie! Zomg i laughed so much in pizza hut! XD It was hilarious, ruth is really christian and me and Beki are really.. not.. so ruth was trying to convert us and we were telling her exactly why we weren't going to be converted.. so we had a massive religious debate! And ruth told us the greatest sin for which you can never be forgiven.. and within about 2 minutes.. me and Beki had managed to Damn ourselves.. we didn't mean to... but lol it was funny!
The we saw beowulf.. which was AMAZING!! I have to get it on DVD when it comes out! The animation was really good but it wasn't a 12A.. at all.. Beowulf was naked most the time and there was alot of anti-religious sorta innuendo.. so cheh.. at least a 15 but a really good and pretty hilarious film!
Then yesterday was just laaazy.. i lay in and then just watched movies and tv and stuff all day!
Today's been pretty much the same.. i did my homework.. and thats it.. just waiting for mum to get back so i can help lewis bake a cake and make amy her cake and see if she's got stuff for cleaning out the rabbit and guinea-pig! So cheh.. almost x-mas! .:squee:.!! i can't wait!!
Oh yeah and i probs won't have access to ET while i'm in Bangor.. so don't expect me to be online!!
Tarrah xxx
lol today was such a skive i had skills tests lesson one which meant that i missed physics and then art which is pretty chilled anyways! Me and Beki figured out how to make our phones speak! ^_^ Which was funny coz they sounded like stephen hawkings XD We spent ages after art messing around with that! XD Then I had chemistry which was fine we got let out half an hour early and after lunch i went to my Japanese exchange meeting then my mum said there was no point going back to school so i came home! =D lol
I fell asleep on the sofa <_< I couldn't help it i was shattered.. don't know why it's not like i've done much! Didn't get through to the exchange but i'm not that bothered about it anyway! Coz i plan to go to Japan no matter what and tbh it would mean missing BOA and camp and stuff which would be saaad ;_; so i'm going to spent the summer chilling and stuff! yay! =P
Thats it for today! tarrah xxx
Okay continuing from saturday after i got the necklace we headed back home but on the way back wwe picked up a christmas tree coz me and my mum decided we wanted to decorate for christmas! ^_^ Yeah we stopped off at Tesco's too and got dinner (the duck) and bought some DVDs! ^_^
After dinner, which was delicious and alot of fun, usual joking and messing about that our family dinners always include! We watched Transformers, which me and my dad hadn't seen yet! I loved it!! X3 especially bumblebee and i loled so much at the robot retardedness! It was a good fun family film! And that pretty much sums up my saturday!
Sunday was laaazy.. i got up at 9.. showered, re-dyed my hair so the colours are prettyful again! Then i went to a fitness session with my mum that really relaxed me and made me feel very healthy and happy! =D After that we had lunch watching the end of POTC3, another one of the DVDs we got! By that point it was 3pm and half the day was gone so there was only one thing to do! DECORATE THE TREE! Me and my mum stuck lights up in the windows and my dad got me some sticky glittery stars from.. switzerland that i stuck to my window!! Then we did our family decorating session which included sherry and my brothers messing around and loud christmas music and just general madness!! After that i fell asleep on the sofa for an hour! XD I was shattered! Then had dinner and watched top gear and went to bed!! ^_^ T'was a good day.
Annnd today.. not much to say really.. pretty boring.. school work, town at lunch.. home.. chill.. i'm off to do some homework in hakf an hour or so.. so yeah! Japanese exchange interview tomorrow! yayz! I hope it goes well!!
Anyways tarrah xxx
Zomg i've had so much fun today and i feel mega christmassy now! X3 I wrapped all my presents last night which was cool coz that always gets me in the christmas mood and then today we went to the Chirk Castle christmas fair thing! ^_^
I enjoyed it more than i thought i would! lol, we looked round all the stalls, selling stuff like toys and jewellery, some of it was gorgeous but too expensive for me ;_;. Anyways when we got there they asked if we wanted to see santa and i said yes! My brother wasn't as keen but i made him come with me so i looked like less of a prat! XD The grotto was great, they'd filled one of the tower rooms with pine trees and fake snow, it smelt like heaven! I told my mum to win the lottery and buy the castle so i can have my own tree room!! Anyways I shall put up the picture of me and my brother and santa at somepoint! I don't care how sad it is! I'm going to be childish for as long as i can get away with it!!!
After that we went and had hot chocolate and marshmallows with cake.. *drool* it was sooo nice!!! Then we went and looked at some of the castle man i want to live there so much! I'm one of those hopeless romantic gals that would love to live in a castle and wear gorgeous and expensive dresses!! Me and my brother hung wish stars on the tree! It was just mega chritmassy and childish and FUN! I can't believe how much fun i had! I got some hot ribena and then went and bought a gorgeous turqouise glass necklace for £8!
Anyways gotta go eat, duck and pancakes!! yum!! So i'll finish this ramble later!! tarrah!
xxx
Ah well it's true what they say, things always look better in the morning after a good nights sleep. I'm not sure what happened last night but as usual Jim cheered me up no end! *luffles* Anywho i was talking to my mum and she has said she doesn't want me getting a job and i guess i agree with her. I'm doing 5 AS's at school and i want to get all As, ontop of that i'm in a young engineering scheme which means monday to friday i have practically no free time and if i give up my weekends as well i will honestly have no social life and be miserable. So for the moment i'm going to carry on babysitting and hopefully i'll be able to get some commissions and things to just boost the money i get anyway. It'll be good for me to learn to budget and tbh i think if i'm stressed now having a job ontop of what i'm trying to do at the moment would just kill me. Stome dead XD
Anyways today is a study day and ZOMG! I'm actually going to study, my spot check has given me a kick up the arse. I need to pull my grades up and get brilliant mocks results in January. There's no point waiting until the end of term i need to start now so i'm hopefully going to FINISH my AO3 for miss batten today.. :o which will be so unlike me.. I've actually done alot of work to meet the deadline for her coz i want her to stop thinking i'm a lazy, half-arsed coaster. I have all the photos for my final outcome i just need to do studies of 2 of them and a manip and study of a 3rd. After that I just have to develope the photos mount them up write some comments and do a full-scale version of what i'll be doing for the exam.. or at least a small scale one with details about the size i hope to work to. *squee* i'm well excited about finishing this AO3, one less thing to work on over x-mas!
I've also finished an EP photo request that i'm pleased with! (If anyone wants one message me, i manip-ed my photo on my house myself, just link me to the photo details of colour scheme and what you'd like. I have a ditinctive style! =P)
Anyways on with work tarrah!
xxx
You know those times when you can't be arsed with anything.. well that is how i feel now... just tired and ill and fed up =____= plus i need a job, everyone else i know has a job and i spend most of my time being broke.. but meh *rolls eyes* ahh well i guess i'll just have to get my butt in order...
Tomorrow is a study day and i think i'm actually going to spend it studying.. because i have nothing else to do and way too much work.. ;_; Bah.. i could really do with some time out.. or someone who isn't part of all this to talk to face to face. I wish i was caving again. So much.
I need to go to the gym, but i feel like crap and i cba.. again. I'm kinda getting fed up of people.. like i feel really really trapped... or like i'm drowning or something.. i can't seem to get free. Every minute of my life is spent worrying or stressed out or something. It's downright depressing. I'm getting to the stage where i'd just like to hit everyone! >.< *sigh*
I can't wait for 2008, somehow i think thats going to be a new start for me. I've done alot of growing up this year. I think in this one year i've changed alot and now i need a new start for this new me coz at the moment she doesn't fit into my old life. I think i've finally grown up and however much i hate to admit it i'm no longer a kid. It's kinda sad.
Plus i'm a hypocrit and the type of person i hate the most. I've been trying to be someone i'm not, i've been selfish and big-headed, i've lost alot of friends this year, i've spent most of my time smiling in public and crying in private. Seriously i'm not entierly sure WHO i am anymore.. am i that smiling over the top girl people see or the sad, stressed out girl who doesn't know if she can cope? I've spent so much of this year being 2 people.. talk about mood swings and hormones.
I guess this is my kinda "look at 2007" episode.. i can't believe at the start of the year i was an innocent girl who thought nothing could stop her. I want to know where that faith and determination and sureness went coz i sure as hell don't have it anymore. I've spoilt every damn good thing thats come my way, I seem to have lost everything i wanted and now i don't even know where i belong. There's so much pressure from parents, friends and myself. I have so many dreams yet they all seem to be crumbling around my feet. I want those beautiful things i used to see to come back... I want all this stress and pressure and confusion to go away.
I wish so much i was a different person. I honestly don't know why anyone bothers with me anymore, to be fair i'm a complete bitch. I push people away, i treat them like i'm better than them. I just don't know.
I can't be arsed with this any more.. i didn't ever intend to ramble like this or write anything like this... ignore it.
ugh.. i feel like i need a long winded ramble about today.. meh it's not been a great day.. could have been worse though.. anyways yeah ^__^
Basically i woke up with the same headache that was bugging me yesterday and i couldn't get rid of it, i had lemsip and 4 ibuprofen and it still wouldn't shift. Ontop of that my cold's been getting worse so i'm shattered and a i ache and my head is pounding. Not the greatest start anyways.. plus wednesdays are always hell coz i have my bag, folder and art folder to lugg into school on the bus. Got to school and things were pretty okay, usual chatting and just hanging around before reg. Then on the way to maths this stupid chav girl decided that she couldn't walk slowly to lessons like everyone else and shoved me. Well i definately wasn't in the mood so i turned round yelled: "Don't you fucking even dare push me." and smacked her. >.< Must have been the first time i've lost my temper like that in years but i really was not in the mood. Our school is big and between lessons you can't move anywhere fast you just have to be patient there is no need in chav's who think they are better than everyone else. Normally i'd have ignored it.. but yeah... felt like crap so.. >.<
After that things were pretty okay, maths was easy, chemistry coursework exam >.<, art was chilled got some photos taken and stayed there through lunch with Amz. She painted my face >.< lol After that a physics prac exam =____= and english exam. Sooo couldn't be arsed.. headache kept coming back and i had these attacks of light headedness. So yeah sucked. Plus i agreed to babysit tonight coz i need the cash and i can't let Michelle down so i'm going. Which means i will be out till about midnight and then i have chem work to finish... i am so going to be dead tomorrow so apologies to anyone i'm snappy or bad tempered with.
Thats it.. on the plus side i made banana bread! X3 which i love and i have the bakers right to cut myself a mega warm piece to much when it's done!!
20 days till x-mas and i've figured out why i'm so excited this year, some of it is to do with x-massy things i've done this year but i thing a large part is to do with the fact my whole family will be together for more than 2 days! ^_^ It's been odd this week.. my dad's in switzerland and my brother is away on this outdoor ed course. So it's just me, mum and lew. Which means extra chores ontop of everything else. My dad has been away every week for about 5 months. I don't mind too much except it means i have more work and my mum doesn't like it at all >.< anywho thats enough rambling! I need more ibuprofen!
tarrah! xxx