I'VE ANSWERED ALL MY MESSAGES!!
I'm also phailing at this revision stuff... ahh interview on tuesday i really hope i get the job! Yeah that's it really.. not much else to say.. lol gah hope my dad does well tomorrow!! <3 <3 Must finish reading antony and cleopatra tonight.. bleh revision!!
I need to go do revision.. so this is going to be a short entry. Just to say GOOD LUCK!!! to my dad who's going to be representing wales in the Anglo Celtic Plate 100K race in cardiff!! I hope he does as well as he wants so he can qualify for the world 24 hour racing championships again. So good luck to him!
I'm off now to read Antony and Cleopatra again!! tarrah!
ahh i just woke up and i feel sooo odd... like i have a hangover but i haven't had anything to drink at all.. o_o I also had a really odd dream where i had to save the world by singing to help a load of cow like humanoid people fly into the air and stop an eclipse :o i think i might have to make a story out of that... and there's another one i have an idea for based on Rachel's drawing... a dark horror so sci-fi and horror.. i've got plenty of ideas to work on over the summer now! ^_^
Omg one other thing:
"Don't you just love it when a person gives you a good set of gerbils? Especially a person you don't like!" LOL aren't inside jokes great =P ahh *huggles* it's moments like these i have my friends to thank for..
that sentence made no sense but i think i'm just tired... sooo bed! =D
I feel a bit sad right now.. not in a "i hate my life" sort of way but in that washed out "what if.." sorta way. If you know what i'm saying.. if not meh.. this is just a rant.. well more of a reflection. This is the first time in days i've had time to myself where i'm not doing something, revision, chores etc. Exams are coming up and i'm stressed out, although not as stressed out as i could be. I just have the odd moment. Today however has been a weird day, i've been going through a bit of a rough patch. Some people might have noticed.. i hope not many have though, i've been keeping this one to myself. Mainly because it's not something i can really talk about, it's not something i completely understand myself. Just something i had to do, some emotional baggage and pain that i've had to face and i've had to take a long hard look at myself and make a decision. A decision i've been avoiding, becuase it is hard and i needed it to be the right decision. The kind of decision that could change my life.. almost life and death in a way. Anyway today i woke up tired but i don't remember waking in the night so i must have just slept shallowly. Got ready for school, felt fine, got to school and i was standing with all my friends around me and i just felt detached and.. not really there. So i went to the libary before form. After that things were okay, played football rounders in the park with Mark, Tanz, Dan, Cross, Tom, Aled and Chad. It was so much fun and it felt really summery, and fourth i went to the rec with Tien and Danny and Holly ad people. Which was also fun.
Then i got home and decided i was having a day off from revision. So i've been lounging, watching TV and written some e-mails. But now it's late, everyone is bed and i'm alone and i feel sad. I think it's just because the decision is made, i've faced myself, made a choice and come to term with exactly what that choice means. It means letting go of some people i care for and getting closer to others that i've drifted apart from. It means no drinking till after exams (over a month now and i've not had a drop of alcohol. not a drop.), no smoking full stop. I've given blood, focused on revision and started looking for a job and work experiance. I've decided i'm taking a gap year after next year and applying to uni at the end of year 13 not the start of it. That's some pressure off my chest!
I feel centered now and the sadness is for all the things this big decision (sorry to be so vague but i can't really explain it.. because i don't know how.), has changed, all the "if things had been different, if my life had been different" thoughts. Not regrets as such, just ackhowledgemen
Anyway that's it. I've said my piece and i feel so light now, so happy and content. Goodnight my dear friends. *hugs* tomorrow looks bright! =D
xxxxxx
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yeah i pmsl!!! XD
I'm a retard... i lost the diary button then >.< BLEH BLEH BLEH!!
I haven't been online in a few days so.. meh i am happy at the moment.. which is odd because i should be stressed out of my head and fed up with everything. I normally am around exam time but for some reason this year i'm not. I'm going to keep fit classes a couple of times a week and i've said i'll play in the 6th form rounders team after exams! XD LOL but i enjoy sport and i think i might start running, as part of my plan to run the 09 london marathon. ^___^
But bleh i'm meant to be doing coursework. I have 23 messages and i can't be arsed! Giving blood tomorrow.. i'm dead excited o_o so yeah! Might write tomorrow dunno yet busy busy busy! XD 23 MESSAGES??? wtf? why do so many people want to talk to me?? (lol i love you all really i'm just lazy and busy...)
back to coursework...
OMG i took some Actifed.. read the instructions and everything.. 1 tablet and i now feel tipsy... seriously i don't know what it is but there's something in it that must effect me oddly. o_o CRAZY... it said it can cause drowsiness but it never said anything about out of body drunken experiances!!! :o
In other news it's been 3 weeks since i had anything to drink and hopefully i'll keep it up till after exams =D Doing english coursework at the moment aye! And OUR TEAM WON A PRIZE AT THE ENGINEERING THING!!! I'm both happy and sad.. sad that it's going to be our last time together as a team ;_; Everyone is so great and we're good friends!! ;_; But yeah PRIZES!! =3 annnd i've learnt alot about myself this last week or so and i think i've now accepted myself and my life and all the stuff thats happened and will happen. Which i've realised is what's been my problem for a while... i've decided to be happy with my lot accept when i'm feeling down and enjoy the thousands of good experiances i have and all those great friends i have around me *hugs* you know who you are and i hope you know how much you mean to me too. xxxx
Time for a diary ramble!! XD I had my art exam today.. went alright.. i got done what i wanted to get done.. just not sure it'll get me the grade i want =/ Just have to wait and see i guess. Got a practice chemistry CH1 paper tomorrow after school and i have to get up at 6am on friday for this engineering presentation! Oh yeah and i'm babysitting friday and saturday.. BLEH means i miss Mark's housewarming party as well.. think i might go to Pentre tomorrow just have to find out about lifts and stuff.
Ahh yesterday... i got home watched an episode of Peach Girl and then speant 5 hours prepping for today's exam =___= then i went to my room at 11 and decided i had to finish watching Peach Girl which meant staying up till 2am.. AGAIN XD it was the 5th night in a row i'd had 5 hours or less of sleep. Anyways i watch the last 6 episodes and my last entry reads "Peach girl made me cry just now" well it made me cry for 2 hours straight as i watched the last 4 episodes last night ;_; It's so relateable and there is something about it that just gets to me. Anyways i recommend it to any girl and guys who like love stories and teenage style things XD I need to read the manga now as there are places in the anime where you can tell it skimmed over some of the story. Anyways from tonight onwards i'm back to watching Saiyuki and then Lovely Complex and after that i need to find this anime that i saw the first 2 episodes of!! XD So yeah that's my plan.
oh yeah and peach girl made me cry just now!!! I'm such a sap!!!
ahh i went to keep fit today and i'm glad! I like exercise!! I've even decided to start running as training for next years london marathon which i want to enter.
Ah my tying is crap right now so i'm going to make this short... i owned my hand and i can't use the finger and thumb on my left hand without it hurting so yeah... slooow typing! XD If it's still bad tomorrow i might go to mold hospital and have it checked out in my free... bleh i hate hospitals >.<
Ahhhhhhhhhhhhh
My mother has told me not to burn the oil *salutes* which is code for don't stay up too late... like "pogged" is a code verb for everything... aye but i shall be ignoring my mother as i have an art exam on wednesday and i have two studies that must be finished tonight AND i must watch more Peach Girl and read more Alice on Deadlines.. Amz got me addicted to anime and manga again!! Which is why i was up till 4am last night and probably why punctuation has ceased to exist in this entry. Ah well life goes on aye!
Went to hobbycraft today to get art supplies.. I LOVE THAT SHOP!! got some cool stuff, feathers for my cosplay costume and i've found some PVC trousers which i will get when i have money again.. and contact lenses which i shall be getting when me and Amz's wigs arrive!! OMG I AM ACTUALLY GOING TO GET TO COSPLAY THIS TIME!! And i have decided to make myself a dress over summer *nods* coz i feel like it.
waaaa!! I got my second daily poet feature today!! ^_^ one more and i get another colourful badge!! yayz!! *dances* hmm i'm thinking of making a staff application after my AS exams, what do you think? Would i make a good staff member?
Anywho yes working on art still =___= gotta go get some supplies tomorrow! :o lol and i have to see if i have any mounting paper.. just cutting out at the moment *yawn* lol
It's been a tough old week but then i guess i always knew getting back to school would be. Not only has it really hit home that the most important exams i may ever take are in six weeks but i have my art exam on wednesday, which i'm not really prepared for. English coursework has to be completed and handed in, there are revision sessions pretty much everday and some people i'm pretty close to will be taking their A levels and leaving school next year ;_;. Then there's the whole family and friends thing, i don't know where i stand with any of them. Because i've been an idiot my parents don't trust me and tbh i need them to trust me. I don't like having them looking at me and thinking that what i say is never the truth, that i don't keep my word. I made the biggest mistake of my life. But i'm not going to let it happen again, it cost me far far too much.
Friends... well lets see.. i have lots of good friends but i'm not really close to any of them, the only person i was close to it feels like i'm at war with them. Between us we've fucked things up pretty bad and i'm not sure i want to go back.. but i can't tell what's worse.. how i feel now or how i felt back then when things were "good". *shrugs* there's always shit to be dealt with i guess. Things change, people change. I'm prepared to admit these sorta things now, prepared to talk about it. I've been putting on the tough devil can't harm me act all week and that's partly becuase there ARE things i can't talk about with alot of people, for various reasons but i CAN admit my mistakes and the fact that the situation i am in right now is mainly my fault. And i've got to sort it, and myself out. So if i'm not online much it's because i'm working my ass off for 4 A grades that i really really want.
Yesterday was a pretty great day, the reason behind most of this "self confession" bit at the start. I speant first period with [Atayemi] as we both had frees. We used to spend quite a bit of time together as we had 3 hours of drama together a week but now we don't have any lessons together we've drifted apart. But it was alot of fun! ^_^ when we spend time together we still get on amazingly well and we have so many plans for the manga con!! I'm excited as hell about it now!! *dances* i have most of my costume too!! (Going as shuichi from gravi!) Anyways yeah. I got Atay her hat for her costume too! ^_^
Most of my lessons were boooring.. played poker at lunch though, that was good and Viper phoned me o_o which was surprising!! He said i sounded depressed when i answered the phone but it was more that i was really surprised!! XD
Yeah then at the end of school i got on the bus with Tanz, Mark, Dan and Gem and went to Amz's house. She wasn't in school so she made me pick up her paper for her art work (which weighed a ton) and i ended up looking like a bag lady!! XD Anyways Amz's was GREAT!
We both stayed sober but meh.. we were hyper as hell instead! We watched Saiyuke Reloded.. pissed myself laughing at their gay english dub voices and the cat episode!! Then we decided to make frozen yougart and surprisingly it worked AND was really nice!!! (anyone whho knows us knows our cooking fails mostly!!) We had pizza and chips for dinner and then amz made my arm into a cast using some plaster of paris we stole from art!! <_< It was hilarious coz i looked like i had a stump!! Yeah getting it off was just as funny.. Amz had a pair of sissors and a knife and was hacking at it to get it off while i was laughing and trying to move my arm a bit so she didn't gauge me!! We realised at that point that we are a dangerous pair when we're sober.. last time i was sober at hers she dropped a knife on my hand and i stabbed myself in the foot and this time she nearly gouged a chunk out my arm with the sissors!! XD Yeah and then we were just on the pc looking on cosplay.com and searching google for pictures of the twins and ouran quizes to do.. i kept having spaz attacks over pitures!! Then randomly i decided to dub the CD we were listening to but i wasn't paying attention so i was getting all the lyrics wrong while Amz just sat their laughing her ass off at me! XD Ahh we were meant to have done art.. but we failed and my dad came to pick me up at 10:30 but he followed my mum's directions and went to the wrong house and woke an old woman up! XD Which Amz's parents found hilarious. Got home and sat in my bed with the hoosiers on watching saiyuki till about 2am!! XD so yeah!! now i need to go get on with some of my own art work!! tarrah!! xxx
o_o i noticed i've sanified alot... i still have my mad moments but i'm definately less off the wall than i used to be o_O *has been looking through my notes* <_< That is all coz i'm lazy and i cba writing much really.
o_o all the entries have goooooone ;_; that's not fair... =( ahh well... messages are probably gone too.. >.<
Bleh advert break in most haunted live!! (yes i AM that sad but meh deal with it! =P)
so yeah today's been good got up at 9:30 and spent all day doing maths revision. It's been going pretty well and my mum went to manchester so i played parent.. cooked dinner and everything! Curry *nods* with my own home made curry sauce! :o lol yeah *dances* i'm pretty proud of myself.. anywho g2g programme's back on!
Oh god Amz's screen name just reminded me...
last night i went to Pentre to support Zebedee Sez in the first round of battle of the bands! (they won) anyways Amz, Josh, Matt, Elissa, Katrina, Gem, Holly.. basically the whole crew were there and i had 3 bottles of Pepsi and got really hyper.. zomg the zebedee pit was so funny i lost my shoe within 2 seconds of jumping in! XD
Me: "Ah laura i've lost my shoe" *points to foot with only sock on*
Laura: *bends down and takes my other shoe and starts waving it in the air*
Me: LOL *finds other shoe and joins in*
It was so random.. Laura is Vena Cava's guitarist, she's really good and i'm going to support her in Vena Cava's heat next week! <3
Anyways it finished at 10:30 and my mum was picking me Amz and josh up at 11 so we were sitting outside.. both me and Amz sober but hyper as hell and Gem was really hyper too.. XD
Amz: Fwapfwapfwap (can't remember why she was doing that)
Me: That sounds like the sound that an orange would make *puts arms around head to make a vague orange shape* FWAPFWAPFWAPFW
Amz: What kind of orange makes that sort of sound?
Me: *shrugs*
Amz, me and Gem piss ourselves laughing!
Then me and Amz did the orange army thing everytime someone came out the door.
Gem: (later on after about 10 minutes of fwapping) I could just see an army of Alex's taking over the world like that! XD (that's now my plan!)
Then:
Me: (messing with my hair...) Hay Amz i have bed hair... no wait.. I have Bed hair *winks*
Amz: lol
Me: yeah it's like when you've been in a tent and you come out in the morning and go: I woke up this morning and i had Sleeping bag hair!
Amz: Or PUBIC HAIR!!!!
Me: yeah lol "mum i woke up this morning and i have Pubic hair and then i went to bed this afternoon and it was gone!! :o"
Me and Amz piss ourselves laughing and started yelling it at everyone.. then my mum phoned to tell me she was parked round the corner and i answered by accident and yelled it at her! XD
oh yeah and me and Gem had been talking earlier about funerals and we decided that when i died i was going to have a wake 7 days before my funeral and at the wake half way through my body was going to be catapulted out of the coffin and a freaky voice was going to say "seven days"!! XD
Oh and when Josh dies we're selotaping a light saber to his hand and making his corpse sit up at the funeral while we play the starwars theme. He has no say in it because he'll be dead.
lol and my dad has said he leaves the arrangements of his funeral to me and the boys when he dies... oh dear!!! XD
AHHH just over a week left of the holidays and i'm beginning to stress out ALOT! I have to revise english, Chemistry and Maths and complete AO1, 2 and 3 for my art exam and i have a coursework essay and commentary to write for english too.. plus past papers in chem and maths to complete for the first day back!!! *pulls out hair* the reason i'm stressing so much is because i have my exam time table and my exams start in under 2 months ;_; i want to get straight A's so much that i'm going to be impossible to live with till the exams are over! XD XD
I'm staying up all night to get some work done i think (might grab a few hours sleep) and there's other stuff too but i said i wasn't going to bring my personal life into this anymore so i'm not! =P Anywho i believe in fate and what will be will be. That goes for exams and everything else too... i'm into super swot mode now!! watch out!!
BACK!!! hahahahahaha! yeah France was sooo awesome i had the best time ever and i want to go back just me and a friend or two.. i'm going to save up so i can go next year! X3 yeah!!! CBA saying much here really.. hopefully i'll get some photos up here from me and Amz's photo shoot and from Paris.. got school work to do.. and revision.. bleh bring on the summer hols! At least i'm happy at the moment! ^_^ LOVING LIFE!!!! XD