well tonight was interesting.. i went out to babysit and came home early, Chloe was sick bless her.. luckily i have brothers so i had more sense than to freak out! She was really mature as well! ^__^ she really is amazing! She's my little sister in all but blood! i can't stop saying bless her now.. she was just so amazingly good if i was her age and my mum was out and i'd been sick i'd proberly have locked myself somewhere and been miserable and upset but she was just so grown up.
We were chatting while we waited for her mum to come back and she was telling me about how she wants to be a solicitor, i thought it was really great coz she knew about the different areas of the law they can work in and she'd thought about how it could effect her mentally if she lost a case and stuff. I was like "this girl is amazing!" just awww.. i want to hug here.. meh soppy moment over GIRLY DAY IN CHESTER TOMORROW!! *dances*
http://youtube
[Beki in Wonderland] finished the vid she's been working on for 3 days! xD It amused me alot! lol although i'm in it FAR too much for a person that hates cameras.. although you can proberly guess why i hate them if you watch it! xD Anyways .. yea.. gratz to her!! I love that kick the cna song.. so now i have to go watch the vid again!
http://www.you
Moi and Beki [Beki in Wonderland] slightly tipsy! xD singing.. badly.. :o enjoy!
http://www.you
Asian black metal FTW!! This is amazing! I love it.. i need to buy lots of J-rock CDs.. and find out who it is that plays this.. damn Kanji! xD ahh i found out who it is ChthoniC now i can look for their CDs... yay!
Hellooo! i'm pretty happy today! I had the last 5 hours of my art exam and i'm pleased with the outcome, i'll get a photo up after i've added a few bits to it on tuesday. (Thin lines are a bugger when using oil paints!) it's worn me out though i never realised how true it was when they said that some pictures take sweat, blood and tears! I've put so much into it i feel completely drained! It was funny though coz i finished my picture with 45 mins to go and was allowd to go and give my coursework to my chemistry teacher, i had to sign a sheet to say i had done the work myself and i messed up my signature because my hand was shaking like mad! It was from spending two days holding my hand really steady while i was painting! Then me and Beki made a person and an udder out of the rubber gloves she had been wearing to do her art outcome! Sir popped the udder though telling us we were being stupid -_- ahh well it was still funny!
Then i went into town with Cross and Ruth which was cool we got chips! They were nice!! My parents are away tonight as well and they sent my brothers away leaving me alone for tonight and tomorrow so Beki's coming over and we're going to celebrate the end of our art exam! Plus it means we can both watch Hellsing! =D yay!
okay sorry for being a diary whore buuut.. meh! xD you can just skip this entery if you want to..
My kneee hurts! >.< I injured it in August last year while on a canoeing holiday nad it hurt for a while, aching mostly occasionally sharp pain but i could deal with it, after about 3 months it disappeared and i assumed it had fixed itself but the pain has returned again. It may have something to do with standing up all day while i was painting but i can't straighten my leg without pain and it aches alot -_- So i have a support bandage on it which makes me walk like a tard.. and my foot has started acting up too.. i think it's just the pressure of being on my feet for 6 and a half days a week instead of the usual five. It only started recently and it was only recently i started ice-skating and working up at Michelle's with the horses which involves alot of standing up.. xD ahh well i'll survive and i thought i'd rant here becuase my parents are very unsympathetic! xD
My mum just walked in and i said "my knee's hurting again." her response was to turn around and walk away! xD lol ahh well..
Time for a long ramble! yayness! lol!
Anyways last night was 6th form open evening where we got to go round and look at displays for A Level courses in a bunch of subjetcs which was alright! lol i saw all the teachers i wanted too and met loads of people i knew. I saw Wilson 3 times and he forced me to ballroom dance with him in the corridor which caused chaos for all the people trying to get passed! xD I wasn't bothered i just carried on having a conversation with another guy Ruth knew! Then Ceri gave me her hot chocolate because it didn't taste very nice but i drank it anyway and me and ruth went to the refreshments area and had some free cookies and chocolate which was nice! I had pretty much made up my mind on what i wanted to do and going last night just confirmed that i should be able to take all the A Levels i want. If i stick with them until the end i should end up with 5 A Levels o_O BUT on the plus side i still get 3 free periods a week! =D
The A levels i want to take are:
Further Maths (2 A levels)
Art
History
Chemistry
A pretty odd combination i know! But i'm not sure what i want to do when i leave 6th form so i wanted to keep my options open i've picked some subjects i enjoy and ones that will mean i don't narrow down my choice of Uni courses. I know a coupld of people that have picked the same subjects as me but not many which means i should meet loads of new people and hopefully make some new friends! =D yayness!
And in other news we had the first 5 hours of our GCSE art final exam today.. the exam rawked coz we were allowd to go get coffee and food at 2:30 xD It's so relaxed! We got another 5 hours tomorrow and i'm going to add a couple of pieces to my prep work tonight then i can relax and concentrate on other subjects like english and maths. The exam is going okay, i'm painting an A2 portrait of myself in oils in the style of Shani Rhys-James.. oils are annoying o_O they take days to dry aad i kept accidently touching the wet paint and i spilt turps on it once! xD At the moment i hate what i've done i think it looks crap but hopefully it'll look great once i've put in all the shading and detail tomorrow fingers crossed anyways *crosses fingers* I'm just going to forget about it until then.. no point panicing over it when there's nothing i can do..
So yeah i'll see if i can take a picture of it finished tomorrow and upload it for you guys to see!
okay you may not find this funny at all but i found it histerical! Infact me my brother (mark) and my mum were crying with laughter because of it.
We'd just finished a big dinner and got up to start doing chores when my dad comes out with this:
"I'm Pogged" for a minute we all took tis as being normal and then..
Me: Did you just say you were pogged?
Dad: yeah it's the same as saying i'm stuffed.
Me: You sure?
Dad: what else does it mean?
Me: well to me it's like your being attacked by pieces from the pogs game. *starts giggling at the thought*
Dad: *laughs*
Mum and brother: *join in laughing*
Dad: well if shakespeare can make up words why can't i? I demand they put it in the oxford dictionary.
Mum, me and Mark: *Laughing our asses off*
Mark: Yeah Pog: a verb that can be used in place of any other verb.
A couple of minutes and really bad "pog" jokes later we've all just about calmed down then my dad gets up to get some water.
Dad: where's the POGGING water!!!
Everyone *dies laughing again*
Then we just couldn't stop i laughed till my sides hurt and tears were running down my face and it wasn't even that funny! xD
I am the girl kicked out of her home because I confided in my mother that I am a lesbian.
I am the prostitute working the streets because nobody will hire a transsexual woman.
I am the sister who holds her gay brother tight through the painful, tear-filled nights.
We are the parents who buried our daughter long before her time.
I am the man who died alone in the hospital because they would not let my partner of twenty-seven years into the room.
I am the foster child who wakes up with nightmares of being taken away from the two fathers who are the only loving family I have ever had. I wish they could adopt me.
I am one of the lucky ones, I guess. I survived the attack that left me in a coma for three weeks, and in another year I will probably be able to walk again.
I am not one of the lucky ones. I killed myself just weeks before graduating high school. It was simply too much to bear.
We are the couple who had the realtor hang up on us when she found out we wanted to rent a one-bedroom for two men.
I am the person who never knows which bathroom I should use if I want to avoid getting the management called on me.
I am the mother who is not allowed to even visit the children I bore, nursed, and raised. The court says I am an unfit mother because I now live with another woman.
I am the domestic-viole
I am the domestic-viole
I am the father who has never hugged his son because I grew up afraid to show affection to other men.
I am the home-economics teacher who always wanted to teach gym until someone told me that only lesbians do that.
I am the man who died when the paramedics stopped treating me as soon as they realized I was transsexual.
I am the person who feels guilty because I think I could be a much better person if I didn’t have to always deal with society hating me.
I am the man who stopped attending church, not because I don't believe, but because they closed their doors to my kind.
I am the person who has to hide what this world needs most, love.
post this if you think homophobia is wrong!
Every breath is carefully counted,
Each minute precious,
Your thoughts are not your own,
You escape is as of yet unknown.
You won’t be the one to fall,
You’re there to help save them all,
Promises that past your lips,
Never a lie to touch it’s tip.
Can you let them all down?
Stand by and watch as they die,
Hear the thud of their lifeless bodies?
Know that their breath is gone.
Could you commit such a crime?
I don’t think you could,
I think that you would stand strong,
Even if all hope is gone.
You’d never give up,
You’d never stop,
I know you’d carry on,
You’d save them.
Wouldn’t you? Would you?
You couldn’t just walk away?
You couldn’t leave like this,
Condemn them all to the hellish pits?
Watching silent as you go,
A tear on cheek, hate in eyes,
How heartless and cold are you?
The world has lost another hero.
Gah i want to scream.. i'm not entierly sure whats up mostly stress i think but GAH!!! Okay i'm just going to have a rant becuase i'm starting to feel kinda depressed. here's how things stand: I've suddenly realised how close my exams are and i'm so scared of failing them coz there's a huge emphasis on how they change your life and all BUT i have no motivation what so ever, i'm doing so much at the moment that i have no time for revision or work that i need to do. it's half term at the moment but i'm so busy that i don't even know if i'm going to manage to finish my art for the exam on Thursday and if i don't it's potentially 40% of my grade i lose. Pressure? Just a bit!
I'm working wednesday and sunday which i LOVE but it tires me out alot and on wednesday evening i'm also babysitting. On the plus side my mum has practically agreed to buy mimi for me a small grey mare that i can break in and train up and sell for a bit of profit which would be awesome!!
I got a bunch of maths and drama to do ontop of my art and revision for some end of unit tests.. thats as well as trying to make revision notes.. it's driving me INSANE!!
Then there's the other social things that are going on, like boyfriends and stuff.. well mainly the boyfriend thing.. we've been going out two and a half months and i like him but recently he's been really kinda full on. He seems to think of this as a long term thing and i don't. I'm finding him kind of suffocating but i know that half of it is becuase i'm stressed out anyway and i don't want to break up with him but i don't think i cna talk to him about it either. Then i'm doing the whol "must push all my friends away" thing which i hate but seem to do whenever i get stressed as a defense mechanism. I feel like i'm destroying myself and i want to kind of hide away and not do anything this week. Cancel all my commitments and just run away but i know i can't. If it was up to me i'd have packed somethings and walked off into the hills to camp out for a coupple of days and think about things but thats just not practical. So instead i'm ranting (which has helped) and hoping that spending time with some friends tomorrow will help me.
Put music player on shuffle and use the song title to answer each question.. press skip after you've written the answer!
What does next year have in store for me?
Maria (o_O)
What's my love life like?
Smells like teen spirit! (xD ROFLMAO!!!)
What do I say when life gets hard?
Praise You (LMFAO!!!)
What do I think when I get up in the morning?
Stairway to heaven (okkaaay..)
What song will I dance to at my wedding?
Brown sugar
What do you want as a career?
The Formula
Your favourite saying?
Whole Lotta Rosie
Your pets name?
Get Busy Living or Get Busy Dying
Favourite place?
Touch Too Much
Describe your sexlife:
FighterPatrol (I think this is some game SFX! XD)
What do you think of your parents?
Don't Give Up (!!!)
What's your Pornstar name?
Is this the way to amarillo (ZOMG!! LMAO!!)
Where would you go on a first date?
Laidback
Drug of choice?
Spirit of Radio
Describe yourself:
Above the Pyramid And the eye
What is the thing i like doing most:
Nobody Puts Baby in the Corner
What song best describes my school principle?
The Logical Song
What is my state of mind like at the moment?
Call Me (wow.. i'm waiting for Mel to call me back o_O)
How will I die?
Dance on a Volcano (hmm well i guess that would lead to death! xD)
This was done using my whole families playlist.. i'll redo it later using just my playlist! =D
Meh i'm sitting in the libary with nothing to do so i might as well write something here.. gah i'm frustrated.. not sure what with just in general.. i cna't wait until half term and then i'm going to go off and hike on my own.. find out whats at the end of that road i've always wondered about... xD
Yeah i'm one of those people who can only be sociable for so long and then i need some time out to assess my situation and think about things. Otherwise i end up like i am now, frustrated and annoyed with most people and fidgety!! hehe talking of which my german teacher was having a rant at me about my coursework.. apparently my attitude sucks, i'm not reaching my potential i'm not putting effort in and i shouldn't tell her that i don't want to be there and that i think a B grade is fine. GAH!! oh yeah and ontop of that parent's evening is on tuesaday.. the one day i have to lose my temper with a teacher and it's the week before my parents see her -_- should be fun.. now i'm going to have to go for damage control reasons. bah!! Oh well i'll live it's not majorly important except my parents have no idea about the coursework thing and when they find out it shall mean trouble..
Hmm what else can i rant about? I have half an hour to kill and no msn.. gah i want to talk to people.. people on msn are great to talk to about how messed up i'm feeling becuase then i don't have to deal with looking at them. Which is difficult... talking to people.. as far as i can tell it isn't really helping it's just making me realise how stupid i am and how much i've failed at pretty much everything. I wish i could just wander off right now but i can't.. hmm so instead?? I dunno i might just not plan anything for a week next saturday and go for a long rambling walk and sit on a hillside to think about stuff.. Thats another thing i'm not speaking to my brother and it's for a really stupid reason.. and i'm so close to losing it with my mum as well... >.< i hate it when i get like this.. i just want to push everyone away and more than anything i want to lose my temper and scarily i want to make myself hurt, not in the sense that i want to start cutting or anything that never helped in the past.. more i want to make everyone mad at me and i want to make myself mad at me.. i don't know why.. -_- gah issues.. anyuways i've ranted enough and none of you guys want to read any of this anyway..
toodles!
Nothing
Nothing’s ever simple,
Nothing’s ever easy.
Nothing’s ever what it seems,
Or even what it’s meant to be.
Everyone wears a mask,
Every word is a lie,
Every time I think I see,
It all comes crashing down on me.
One word means a thousand things,
But never what I want it to,
Why all these silly games?
Just to make us feel secure.
Torn paper on the wind,
Scattered words never said,
A thought remaining in my head,
A pain that I will always hide.
A mirror that lies broken,
Shards of truth in my palm,
All speaking of the same thing,
A promise never spoken.
A sad sigh on the wind,
A wish that never reached the star,
A million different things,
But none of them will take me far.
So what now?
What do we do with what’s not said?
What do we see while we are blind?
What can we speak with no voice?
Is there anything we can really change?
And do we really care?
Is it worth it in the end?
For nothing is ever truly fair.
Then there is silence,
Darkness, Emptiness,
Pain and death and madness,
A million blades wrapped in sadness.
And then the end,
After all that living, what?
Anything, nothing?
Who could ever know.
But would it be worth it?
Do we try to live because of death?
Or die because we live?
Do we strive to achieve.
Or simply try to avoid everything,
Words, pictures, sounds,
Echo’s of what we really mean,
Nothings really real.
Now? Carry on,
Why? Silence,
How? As you’ve always done,
When? Once you’ve said what you mean.
So that’s how it is?
That’s how it will always be.
And we just go on?
And on and on and on.
Forever.
Together.
As one.
Alone.
Just something that popped into my head comments would be welcomed! =D
Just a word or two to inform you all of how windy it is in Wales and Britain as a whole today. So far a tree got blown over in school and blocked the main enterance, we were banned from going outside for a while becuase some skylights and tiles blew off the school roof, the 6th form is experiancing rain INSIDE when it's not raining outside o_O and Ian has informed me that in England (i can't remember were exactly it is he lives) the roof of the maths building has blown away! xD Ahh well at least it's been interesting.. school tomorrow? maybe maybe not.. depends on whether it's safe to drive and whether the school is fit to be inhabited!
In other news.. I got my new boots yesterday and i'm going shopping loads over the next couple of weeks becuase of my birthday etc. ^_^ fun fun fuuuun! xD
hehe - one of the truest things i've seen xD and on a little side note this is my first diary entry for 1) the new year and 2) in a month! o_O I should really use this more often..
["difference between FAKE ASS friends and REAL friends]
FAKE ASS FRIENDS: Never ask for food.
REAL FRIENDS: are the reason you have no food.
FAKE ASS FRIENDS: Call your parents Mr/Mrs
REAL FRIENDS: Call your parents DAD/MOM
FAKE ASS FRIENDS: bail you out of jail and tell you what you did was wrong.
REAL FRIENDS: Would sit next to you sayin "Damn ... we fucked up ... but that shit was fun!"
FAKE ASS FRIENDS: never seen you cry.
REAL FRIENDS: cry with you
FAKE ASS FRIENDS: Borrow your stuff for a few days then give it back.
REAL FRIENDS: keep your shit so long they forget its yours.
FAKE ASS FRIENDS: know a few things about you.
REAL FRIENDS: Could write a book about you with direct quotes from you.
FAKE ASS FRIENDS: Will leave you behind if that is what the crowd is doing.
REAL FRIENDS: Will kick the whole crowds ass that left you.
FAKE ASS FRIENDS: Would knock on your front door.
REAL FRIENDS: Walk right in and say "I'M HOME!"
FAKE ASS FRIENDS: Are for awhile.
REAL FRIENDS: Are for life.
FAKE ASS FRIENDS: Will take your drink away when they think you've had enough.
REAL FRIENDS: Will look at you stumbling all over the place and say "Bitch drink the rest of that you know we don't waste."
FAKE ASS FRIENDS: will talk shit to the person who talks shit about you.
REAL FRIENDS: Will knock them the fuck out
FAKE ASS FRIENDS: Would ignore this
[REAL FRIENDS: Will repost it]
helloooo! went to chester today.. which was fun!! I got bullied about my height, was as stupid as i could be and went flying when i tripped over my own trousers! xD which was all very funny! ^__^ I also got ruth and my bro and mum christmas prezzies so my shopping is done! yayness! And i'm now going out with cross! ^_^ all in all a very good day!