*sigh* sometimes i think the only thing keeping me going is my stubborness... I keep trying and trying.... and i just end up failing and failing over and over.. it's like living in a nightmare, building my hopes up only to repeatedly have them destroyed. Yet still i keep going, i think i'm getting resigned to it now, i'm never going to achieve what i want but i'm always going to try... hows that for a depressing prospect. I wish i'd talk to someone there's so much i could say, probably need to say, but i don't know the right person... hopeless romantic.. >.<

CBA

okaay i'm online for once in a millenium... anywho i just wanted to ask your opinions becuase i went home sick today (THAT time of the month) but the thing is i've been feeling constantly tired at the moment and i have had a bit of a cold and i am AMAZINGLY busy but seriously i was knackered today and i had 7 hours sleep... then there's these pain attacks i keep having, like stabbing in my side, it happened today and i felt like being sick and crying it was so bad... but i don't want to over react and i'm not keen on doctors.. should i ignore it and put it down to being over tired or make an appointment to see my doctor? (i'd really rather not... i haven't seen a doctor since i was 12... 5 years ago..)

OMG EYE ACHE!

okay update:
The random things section shall be update whenever i feel the need.
The monthly books and films section shall be updated soon... as soon as i can read the other of the two books that may be my book of the month (my brother has it) and when i get a chance to see a few new films.
There may be some new stuff on my page... as soon as i think of anything worth putting there and as soon as i have the time!

Rant:
OMG! I'm knackered, 10 hour shift at work and then i had to come home and do the washing up =___= and my mum says i do nothing and am self centred =___= Anywho today was a fairly good day, a guy came in and asked for a "mango and passionfruit squishy" i struggled not to laugh in his face! work was workish.. i got a frog! XD and i saved a frog. Yes I GET TO LIE IN TOMORROW for the first time in a month! And i was going to say more but i really need to loo... XD so.. i'm off for now! I'll answer my messages too!
Hope you're all well!
*kisses*

I don't use my diary anymore :o lol oh well...

round up:
I'm in switzerland atm leaving for Italy tomorrow (randomness)
My AS's were a bit of a fail but meh i'm not that bothered! Worst come to worst i'll manage somehow!
Uhh yeah that's it really... moving over here soon and tbh i'm really really excited now, it's an awesome place! Just had a brilliant thunderstorm, forked lighting and everything! I was sitting out on the balcony watching it! There was one the other night too... we were eating dinner and there was a flash (lighting hit the crane infront of our flat!) and there was a massive bang that frightened me half to death and caused me to yell "BLOODY HELL!" at my mother! XD XD
We got a wii too which is AWEZOME! all of my family have been playing on it obsessively... we got wii sports and wii play which are both really good games and causes everyone to laugh at my completely hopeless golf! Then we got mario carts which is really good! ^_^ I luffs it.. but it's gotta stay in switzerland =( OH and the outdoor swimming pool turns into an ice rink in winter *dances* we're coming back for christmas and i can't wait to visit the christmas market. Talking of markets me and my mum were in Zurich today doing a bit of window shopping coz we got bored of packing (which i still haven't finished <_<) anyways there was a medieval market on and it was awesome! There was a really forge set up in this square and sword makers and everything. All chatting away in german... it was so surreal! Next year i'm going to go and get myself a medieval gown! <3 *nods* On another side note i've been impressed with my german and how much i know! It's going to be great when i'm fluent!
So yeah that's about everything i think... i gotz money though! Holiday pay from work <3 <3
So yeah going back to school should be fun! And having a winter shopping trip! I'm going for the layered, jumper and jeans look this year! (inspired by my new Espirit jumper my mum got me today!)

omg my diary is failing at the moment but my entries from the past few months are really amusing me! XD XD so yeah!

Ah diary... i just feel like a random ramble... so here goes! ^_^

well what's going on in my life?
*I've got a job and i'm really enjoying it, the pay is good and i'm saving some cash!
*I'm going to switzerland for a couple of weeks at the end of august which should be cool! And i'll be moving out there in the next year (just not sure when atm!) which i'm also really excited about! Tbh i think i've grown up a bit too quick and i need a change, some more independance and a bit of excitement. So yay to having to learn German and meet new people! =D
*I'm playing alot of video games which is really messing up my eye sight... >.<
*I'm really happy generally with myself, my friends and what's going on in my life! So yay!
*I've got a gym membership and am making sure to go 2 - 3 times a week and i think i'm going to try and get some swimming in too! =D (toning up my body before i don my bikini in switzerland)
*I'm going to get my hair COMPLETELY restyled and coloured on friday! ^_^

That's about it really! Life id goooood! =D The only bad thing is the amount of messages in my inbox! XD

I just remembered a conversation from the other night that made me laugh:
me: why is a fridge called a fridge?
dad: it's a refrigerator
me: what is?
dad: fridge that's what it's short for
me: oh
lewis: does that mean that it was fridged?
me: *laughs my head off over the word fridged*
dad: *seriosuly* i guess so...

i just found it hilarious... but you probably had to be there.. it was just how suddenly he said it.. and the word fridged.. but yes i still want to know why a fridge or refrigerator is called a fridge!

Ruth says:
Oh man Alex im trapped in the kitchen cos theres a HUGE moth in the livingroom
Ruth says:
and dad is talking to it and has called it Orwell *dies*

lol i just had a laughing fit over that... poor ruth! XD SOD'S LAW! XD

woooork.. was pretty cool! ^_^ got my wage slip and figured out i gave them the wrong account details >.< typical! XD lol but anyways once i've given them the RIGHT details it should mean that i get my moneys! =D
Back to school tomorrow ;_; but scotland in 3 weeks!! waaa can't wait should be AWESOME!!! It's such a spurr of the moment plan and everything, there is no way we should have been able to pull it off... but we have!! =D
OMG i went to chester with my mum yesterday (she bought me lots of nice new clothes) and i want an opal pendant for my 18th birthday, becuase i feel in love with the opal when i was in america when i was 12 and have wanted one ever since! So we decided to look in some jewellery shops while we were in chester and i've found the pendant i want, it is GORGEOUS! and expensive =/ It's a green/blue opal which is stunning, the colour is the same sort of colour as the british ocean when you see it from a plane. It's a teardrop cut set below 3 small diamonds and i swear i have never wanted a piece of jewellery as much as i want that necklace, if it was possible to love an inanimate object i would love that necklace. Anyways here's hoping that it turns up on my 18th bday!! <3 XD
lol and yeah i'm knackered from work so i'm thinking i might watch some saiyuki and chill out! Before having to sort out stuff for school... bleh =___= XD

Stolen off Atay coz it amused me!

1) Go to http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Special:Random and look at the name of the article. That is the name of your band.

2) Next, go to http://www.quotationspage.com/random.php3 and check the last four
words of the very last quote. That is the name of your album.

3) Finally, head over to http://www.flickr.com/explore/interesting/7days/ and look at the third image. Whatever it is, that will be your album cover.

4) Muck all three up with your favorite photo-editing program and post the result.

And the result....



yeah my band rawks! =P

EXAMS ARE OVER!!! YAY!

Oh yeah for anyone who'd like to know my dad came, 5th in the race (I think) and is now into commonwealth 24 hour racing training... so good luck to him!! <3

I was going to have a rant in here about stuff... but i find myself less and less bothered with talking about my life over the net. I'm happy, I have a job and things are going okay. Exams have been a mixture of alright and crap, i still don't know what to do in the future but i'm not really too bothered about that.. i believe in fate! And that my dears is all that really matters! =P

So yeah said none of the things i meant to but oh well.. i need to go write in my DA journal and unplug the tumble dryer (don't ask)

peace out!

I'VE ANSWERED ALL MY MESSAGES!!

I'm also phailing at this revision stuff... ahh interview on tuesday i really hope i get the job! Yeah that's it really.. not much else to say.. lol gah hope my dad does well tomorrow!! <3 <3 Must finish reading antony and cleopatra tonight.. bleh revision!!

I need to go do revision.. so this is going to be a short entry. Just to say GOOD LUCK!!! to my dad who's going to be representing wales in the Anglo Celtic Plate 100K race in cardiff!! I hope he does as well as he wants so he can qualify for the world 24 hour racing championships again. So good luck to him!

I'm off now to read Antony and Cleopatra again!! tarrah!

OMG EXAMS!

ahh i just woke up and i feel sooo odd... like i have a hangover but i haven't had anything to drink at all.. o_o I also had a really odd dream where i had to save the world by singing to help a load of cow like humanoid people fly into the air and stop an eclipse :o i think i might have to make a story out of that... and there's another one i have an idea for based on Rachel's drawing... a dark horror so sci-fi and horror.. i've got plenty of ideas to work on over the summer now! ^_^

Omg one other thing:

"Don't you just love it when a person gives you a good set of gerbils? Especially a person you don't like!" LOL aren't inside jokes great =P ahh *huggles* it's moments like these i have my friends to thank for..

that sentence made no sense but i think i'm just tired... sooo bed! =D

I feel a bit sad right now.. not in a "i hate my life" sort of way but in that washed out "what if.." sorta way. If you know what i'm saying.. if not meh.. this is just a rant.. well more of a reflection. This is the first time in days i've had time to myself where i'm not doing something, revision, chores etc. Exams are coming up and i'm stressed out, although not as stressed out as i could be. I just have the odd moment. Today however has been a weird day, i've been going through a bit of a rough patch. Some people might have noticed.. i hope not many have though, i've been keeping this one to myself. Mainly because it's not something i can really talk about, it's not something i completely understand myself. Just something i had to do, some emotional baggage and pain that i've had to face and i've had to take a long hard look at myself and make a decision. A decision i've been avoiding, becuase it is hard and i needed it to be the right decision. The kind of decision that could change my life.. almost life and death in a way. Anyway today i woke up tired but i don't remember waking in the night so i must have just slept shallowly. Got ready for school, felt fine, got to school and i was standing with all my friends around me and i just felt detached and.. not really there. So i went to the libary before form. After that things were okay, played football rounders in the park with Mark, Tanz, Dan, Cross, Tom, Aled and Chad. It was so much fun and it felt really summery, and fourth i went to the rec with Tien and Danny and Holly ad people. Which was also fun.
Then i got home and decided i was having a day off from revision. So i've been lounging, watching TV and written some e-mails. But now it's late, everyone is bed and i'm alone and i feel sad. I think it's just because the decision is made, i've faced myself, made a choice and come to term with exactly what that choice means. It means letting go of some people i care for and getting closer to others that i've drifted apart from. It means no drinking till after exams (over a month now and i've not had a drop of alcohol. not a drop.), no smoking full stop. I've given blood, focused on revision and started looking for a job and work experiance. I've decided i'm taking a gap year after next year and applying to uni at the end of year 13 not the start of it. That's some pressure off my chest!
I feel centered now and the sadness is for all the things this big decision (sorry to be so vague but i can't really explain it.. because i don't know how.), has changed, all the "if things had been different, if my life had been different" thoughts. Not regrets as such, just ackhowledgements of what i've done and i think the beginnings of an acceptance. I don't have any really close friends at the moment but i DO have lots of friends. People who have made me smile and reminded me that i am tough enough to make the right decision and stick to it. People who have accepted me for that decision. I love you all guys, you maybe don't know how much, I don't show it very well sometimes but i really do. Thank you for accepting me and helping me to accept myself. I feel lighter now, less burdened with trying to carry the world. You guys have made the difference. To those that haven't accepted the change: I'm sorry, that things turned out this way, but i'm not going to apologise for making a decision, for sticking to my guns, i'm not going to say i wish things were back how they used to be, people change, things change and those memories of the past are happy, but at the moment i feel that my future is going to be happy too. At least for the moment. I'm stronger now, stronger than i ever knew i could be and becuase i have changed and accepted the change. It was good while it lasted but i'm done worrying with trying to please people who don't seem to want to understand me. I'm not going to be bitchy, those people i've parted with i did love and although i feel sad for what is not i feel more happy for what is.
Anyway that's it. I've said my piece and i feel so light now, so happy and content. Goodnight my dear friends. *hugs* tomorrow looks bright! =D
xxxxxx

http://images8.fotki.com/v145/photos/2/23376/93737/mordor-vi.gif

yeah i pmsl!!! XD