she left again and im felling pretty good about this one cause i get to see her soon she got a job and she works on my and her b days but i dont want her to give me alot of stuff but i no she will i love her i dont no wat else to say we had a couple bad momets and we had some good ones but after all id do it all again
she left again and before i new it i felt so angry cutting would feel so good at the time it tore my heart some more and i feel like it wont last as long as i wont (forever) cause all of the people who dont trust me for no one (ruling out a few people) love me care about me trust me dont even notice me but who cares about me i shouldnt even be alive i shouldnt be wasting anybodys time i have dreams and they get crushed
thats funny how people think im a good person when i think im the stupid bad person but only a few people that love me show it my mom called me a fu**ing a hole today and i had to think about it the people who love me see my true sides i have alot of sides and u can truly see them in my eyes and hair (they turn colors) most of the people hate me like my girlfriend loves me and she thinks we are ment to be from all the info that we no but i think that im not that person cause she can do all this stuff and i cant do a thing the people that hate and sometimes the people who love me pick at me like im the hole and they have the shovels and it hurts inside and i dont think they no but im tearing inside and i start to tremble and cry all alone in a dark room until i am forced to work or stuff i do comes around or i get to see my love people ask when will we break up or wat will she do and i say were not going to break up but i get so depresed and i see images and my consious begins to talk to me and i see her cheating on me and i digs a little more in to me and soon i will break when they get to the other side then i will fill agian and i dont want to ruin my life when i break cause i fear that i couldnt control it i see images when i do break and i get sick and shake i cant disiplen myself im not aloud to and when i got to hold my baby sister for the first time i felt like she was healing me and i felt i had a big responsibility and i felt good and some times i wish that i had kids but when i get sad i feel i dont deserve things like that i dont get to have the good life like that and i have to hold on to her or i might lose her and my future wife i feel i will lose her i think she is going to leave me and i cant go on not loving her the most and i get scared that i will so i hold on to her as much as posible when she talks about some of the stuff she likes and i have no idea i feel left out and i see her talking to someone about that i might lose her she thinks im sexy and smart and good looking and stuff like that but i think im a piece of sh*t and when im with her i feel like i dont need anything but her love and id do anything to make her happy thats y i am going to start to listen more and maybe she will respect me more and love me a little more and pay attention to me more cause i feel left out in life........
sometimes i just sit here and wonder how am i ever going to know everything if i dont find out for myself i just sit and think for hours at a time i cant really explain it i guess i really didnt have a dream but when i had one it came true i had a crush on the most bueatufull girl i have ever seen and i got to know her and we both started to flirt and we went out and i got a kiss and it was the most romantic thing that ever happend to me i cant explain it and that if im ready to do it and i imagine how it will happen and i can see it and in less time as it takes a tear to fall those bells rang loud as thunder as they opend up the doors now i dont have to wonder anymore and sometimes i think that shes gonna make it and i never will im at the foot of the mountain and she over the hill......
im at my dads and i realized that i changed alot i dont have much to say about it but i just wanted to state it
i missed school today but i did put pics up i hope she dont get mad at me i just love to see her buitifull face
did u ever want something so bad it hurts? well i did and i still do, see she thought she was i knew she wasnt but the drama caused me to think she was then we found out she wasnt and im a little disipionted that she isnt cause that means im not wat i wanted to be and she doesnt have wat she wants but she will always be my lover, and soulmate and soon my babies moma
dont know if i am being lied to or not i hope not i just seems to good to be true it is true and i love her
booooooooorrrr
im soo pissed i dont know why i might do something stupid
my poll says i am not an A** hole what is up with this world ahhhhhhhhhhhhh
i dont like dairys sorry