god I am so tired here it isn't funny.... I almost want to crwal in hole and sleep for a long time... I wish I could just get my mind to shut off at night... I miss him so much.. but I miss him at night the most... becuase he was there to cuddle me and keep me warm... and his smell I miss it all, but is almost emmbarasing to think about it and to have him in my head all the time... I dont know what to do

Today is getting easier... I dont hurt as much anymore... I feel complete... even tho he far away I still feel complete... it is very strange...

I dont know if any of you out there reading if anyone... belives in magick and the paranormal... but I do and I havent had any starnge events come near me for sometime... now until Chris came... it is so wierd. His touch, his smell
his kiss was so familiar... and still I never felt anything like him before... sure.. I have kissed tons of guys... well not tons but enough to know that every pair of lips taste and feel different... but his... are so good I cant even begin to expalain...

I was never one for beliveing in love at first sight, and soul mates... secretly I wanted to belive and in my heart I did but with this day in age stuff like that just doesnt happen...

Till I met Chris, then everything changed...I still puzzled because everyhing was so familiar... like uncanny familliar.. we have never seen eachother below the neck line in 7.5 years... btu still everything was perfict and we knoew things about eachother... I guess after talking for that long we would have said something that we barreid in the back of our head for years. but still the touch... smell... you just dont tell someone what you smell like for what it feels like to touch you... that would be jsut wierd...

But I will say this... he is Perfict... perfict to me in almost every way (come on ppl have to somewhat logical)

Toodles

Yesterday was probably the saddest day in my enitre life and hardest... Letting go of someone you care for is the hardest thing ever... even though Chris was only here for two weeks.. it felt like a lifetime... and then I had to let him go...

I know he is a proud American and wants to serve his country and what not... and I know I dont fully understand things because I am Canadian... but still I do know that the media does blow things out of puportion about the wars and such.... but all I care about is that he comes back to me alive... after meeting him in person and being able to kiss him and hold him, make love to him... I want more then anything to have him next to me for the rest of my life...

I would marry him if he so much as asked... Granted with him in the military and me tring to get a life and being on seprate ends of the content him in East Coast of RI and me on the West Coast of British Columbia Canada... it would be some years before we would get married...

but as far as I am concerned he is the only man for me and the only one I want in my life...

Neither of us had the greatest of upbringings or a lot of "lucky breaks" for anything... we did manage to find eachother and and we have such a connection... I never thought that two ppl could fall in love to hard and so fast as we have and have it cut so deep...

When he left which was yesterday... I spent the night crying, and the next day I sware I spent the rest of the day after he was gone crying about everything... where he was where he slepted... where his stuff was... I started wondering the house almost looking for him... I was a complete wreck and I just felt like I was going mad... I didnt know what would happen if he would talk to me again... if he made it home alrught... I still wonder if he accually feels the same way I do for him... but I dont want to scare him off and telling him:
"I would marry you in a heart beat"
might just make him want to back off... Or look at me funny! LOL

Having him come out here was the best thing that ever happened to me and if he reads this. Chris as far as I am concerned you are the love of my life and I want no one else.

the problem is I dont think he is on here... I showed him once... and I dont think he would get a membership on here anyway... so anyone that is reading this... sort of thing... I would be happy for feed back.. I am still new here and still done quite understad a lot about this palce

Toodles

I know I haven't been on here in a while... I have out with quite possibly the love of my life... as I stated earlier he has flowen accross the US and Canada to be with me for 2 weeks... and it has been onderful... I never want him to go... but unfourtunatly he has to go... :( but I am makeing plans to come out there in the spring next year... LOL or summer... :) and boy wont he be surprised... lol...

These past two weeks have been absolute hevean... almost to the point where I would move to the US just to be with him... And yes I am canadian.. I am on the West Coast and he from the East Coast of the US,... talk about east meets west... lol

God I love him more then life itself... more then I have cared for anyone in my entire life...

Well got to run,... customers to help...

*waves as she runs away"

Greetings eevryone...

Well Chris is here... an it is wonderful... It was well worth the weight... this is something out of a fairytale to tell you all the trouth... Not everything I expeceted... mind you I never had any expectations of him to begin with...

It is so strange... we know eachother so well becase we have been talking for years... approx 8 years... give or take a couple of months... and just being near him make me so happy... content... at peace with everything, when he hugs me I feel safe... when he touches me even if he runs his hand accross my cheek I just melt... I have never felt like this to anyone before... and I cant get enough of it... LOL

well I need to get back to work...
Toodles
*runs away waving*

Well today is the day before Chris gets here and it is funny... beacuase I am excited... but I am not bouncing off the walls and such... but to me it still seems so much like a dream that I have had over and over... its almost like if I let myself belive in it, it wont happen... strange huh?

But yea.. I will report more once he has gotten here... I am so happy... its just on the iside...lol

But yea I must be going.. got things to see ppl to do...
Toodles
*runs away waving*

Ok I know it has been a long since I have written in here and probably no one is apying attention this diary... if you are please pelase... sign my guest book.. it is bare and so depressing... :(

No body loves me on here..*sniff sniff*

its ok.. I am still new and dont hold any titles yet... but I am working on getting my own set up on Elfwood once it is back up and running...

My work with computers brings me many a story and perhaps one day I will be able to write some of them down on here...

As for what is going on in my real life... a really really good frind and possiblly the love of my life.. is finally comming to meet me... he is traveling from Rhoad Island... and I am on the West Coast of Canada... lol talk about East meets west... lol I have knowen him for 8 years now and yes we have had seprate lives and had other relationships over time.. however we have always come back to eachother... lol
How does the saying go?
"If you let it go and it doesnt come back it was never ment to be, but if it comes back then its yours forever"

I get a week vacation for Valentines day, inst that so sweet.. He made sure he could get the time off so he could be with me for Valentines day... although I never thought that he would ever get up the nerve to come out and see me... simply because we have been planning this with huge ideas of grandure for 6 years... a long time huh... lol

But hopefully things will turn out alright... he doesnt have much money.. and I think I have even less then that.. lol but we will be happy no matter what happen...

How goes everyone elses life... Anyone that wants to chat I am always free for time to talk.... message me and I will answer

ok... Now I am mad... I just had a very very very dumb customer that ruined my day... well no not really but drove me mad... well not mad more INSANE!!!

taking 10 min to help the customer realize that when adding a password for your computer... and when it says "Please re-enter your passowrd exactly as before" They just couldnt grasp that concept...

Another humorous note I might add to today's oddities... Now again I have had ppl take to the bathroom for fear of being hung up on... I dont got a problem with that.. not at all... the worst one tho is one that take's you to the bathroom and not tell you till the toilet flushes... well I have to say this one takes the cake...

This lady desides to call up to order her missing audio cord for her monitor... so I ask her to varify the information about the units... after asking her politly for a few times... she finally tells me "I'm sorry dear I am in the bath tub right now... would you like me to get out and make sure?".. I politly said No and ordered the part.... even if it could be the worng part... for the wrong monitor... but oh well thats life... hope to update my readers... if there are any soon

well today is another day... getting close to Christmas and my birthday...

For those who know whats going on around here can you inform me?

I understand what this place is and the forums but is this like a chat place? probably is.. but I can be dence sometimes...

I am sorry but I am not all here right now... and I have never posted a live diary before.. but I will try to do my best to make it entertaning for those who make it.. and with that I must go back to my job... I a technical phone agent for computer repiars...

Feel free to ask me anything.. there has never been an answer I wont answer..

so Toodles for now
*waves and runs off*