I. Am. In. So. Much. Paaaaaaaaaaaaaaain ;___;

This started last night, woke me up at about 2am. I can't move my head. Seriously. I have no idea what i've done, but every time i move my head i get this pain shooting up from the top of my spine between my shoulders, right round the back and sides of my head. And it's PAIN. I have quite a good pain tolerance, you kinda have to when you've got permanent deep muscle damage in your back, so i'm not exagerating when i say this REALLY fucking hurts. To the extent where when i woke up i thought "ow, my head hurts", then i looked to the left and instantly threw up because it hurt so much. It's taken me 3 hours to motivate myself enough to deal with getting out of bed, and that hurt so much i nearly cried. Now i'm trying my hardest not to move my head at all. I'm doped up on co-codamol to deal with the headache (which is separate from the neck pain, just a constant dull ache).. and i keep getting dizzy spells and nausea. Not nice. I think i'm gonna have to cancel my driving lesson and drinking session, because right now i feel like i should be booking my funeral.

Aaanyway. I'm still refusing to go to the doctors. This family is a bunch of hypochondriacs. Me and my dad are the only one's who aren't, and we're the only ones who actually have something wrong with us. Ironic really. My brother gets a rash, he's got Lupus. I get flu, it's Meningitis. Dad kicks a pigeon, he's got Cryptococcosis. You get the picture, mum always thinks there's going to be something seriously wrong, so i'm just going to say i strained my neck doing lifting in work or something (lol yeah lifting the really heavy cigarettes off the shelf o.o). I just don't want to cause another mass-family panic. It's ridiculous and i can't be doing with it...

So. My diagnosis is: I have no idea what's wrong. Maybe it's linked to my muscle problems somehow.
My treatment: Dope up on co-codamol and any other painkillers i can get hold of, and carry on like normal. Except for driving lessons. I think i'd be dangerous on the road, dizziness is bad when driving.

I just wanted to complain somewhere without causing a huge family-wide panic attack, so i'll complain here where i know they can't see it XD

That is all.

</complainingness>

Helloooooooooooooo!!! Man i've been neglecting this diary! Gone are the days i used to write in here diligently every single day without fail XD

Sooo...update... Erm... Ok the major events of late have been, went to Amz's, went to chester (twice XP) spent £15 on games (Solid Snake 3, Urbz and Clock Tower 3) and Amz bought Champions of Norrath which turned out to be fecking awesome XD So we pretty much played that none stop for 2 days o.o Then i had to buy it too, went on ebay on sunday night, bought it, and it arrived today! 2 hours before i have to go to work so i'm going on a gaming spree XD

Erm... What else has happened? I was really ill yesterday, but i still went into work. Felt sick and dizzy the entire 6 and a half hours, then threw up just before i went home XD piss take that, if i'd thrown up earlier i would have been sent home, but noooooo i had to go and wait till the very last minute XD Still feel sick today, probably due to being up till 3am last night throwing up, but i'm still going into work. I need money and i don't wanna take any more time off anyway..

I'm only working 1 weekend this month instead of two, which rocks! XD so i won't get a huge paycheck for june... I don't care cuz i'll get a huge one for may because i did overtime and bank holidays XD double time ftw!!

So yeah, that's all i had to say really... I'm turning into such a money grabber o.o

That is all.

</spam>

Yeah, i was right, work cheered me up and i feel better now. There was a box of chocolates on the jewellery counter with my name on, which was sweet =] no idea who they were from, but hey, it's free chocolate XD

I think i'm gonna go chill and play final fantasy for a bit. Only 1 more day of work to go and i'm freeeeeee!! XP

</spam>

Grrrr. Really pissed off with my mum at the moment... She asked me to check her email for her to see if some archery dude had emailed back, and while i was at it i was reading through the emails my cousin had been sending her. Nothing wrong with that, it's my cousin, i wanted to see what she was up to since i hardly ever talk to her, and it turns out my mum has pretty much been slagging me off to my entire family without me knowing about it. And i'm not talking the usual 'oh she's so lazy' or 'she's such a pain', but really nasty, un-called for stuff that's just upsetting. I was glad to read that my cousin had been tactfully ignoring those comments, as had the other family members, but it's still really upsetting to read things like that. So i'm pretty much not talking to my mum at the moment, and if she thinks i don't have a valid reason for ignoring her she can go to hell. Hopefully she'll figure out why i'm pissed off and try and explain herself, that way it'll give me a chance to let loose hell on her. If i'm provoked, it's not my fault, right pshychiatrist? ¬___¬

So yeah, just generally pissed off today and actually looking forward to going to work just so i can get away from this shithole for a while. Only two days of work to go and i'm free for 4 days. A 5 and a half hour shift and a 7 hour shift. I think i can handle that.

I'll probably have calmed down by the time i get home tonight, i'm just peeved at the moment... I can get in a bad mood with someone but usually it never lasts... Unless they REALLY upset me, then i can hold a grudge like the best of them.

Whatever, i'm off to do something productive for an hour before i have to get ready for work.

</spam>

I should have been in beeeeeed several hours agooooo.. but i got distracted by possibly the funniest game in existence. It was german, or swedish, or something like that, so i had no idea what was going on. But there was a very angry egg in the bottom corner screaming like a maniac in swedish/german/whatever, and it made me giggle.

Kinda missing the single life =/ WAOW. I know that's a bit random, after talking about an angry egg, but it just kinda occured to me that i've fallen out of one relationship and straight into another, something i've NEVER done before. Because i prefer to have a few months inbetween of being single and whorish. I'm getting withdrawal symptoms XD Oh well, if it works it works, if it doesn't.. Too bad, i've made yet another mistake and i'll just have to deal.

I felt really, really weird in work today... I came over all House all of a sudden... Some guy was talking to me, and i was just noticing things about him, and then i just blurted out 'Do you have heart problems??' ...And he was all '..Yeah, recently diagnosed.. but how did you know??' ...and then i had to explain that his fingers were 'clubbing' (aka, swelling at the end) and it was a sign of heart problems. He asked me if i was training to be a doctor. I told him i watch too many hospital shows. He laughed, which is good, at least he didn't get offended XD

I'm running out of things to talk about, but i really don't want to go to bed so i have to... wait a sec.. what the feck... There are 11 firefox windows open, how did that happen o.o *curious* ...Oh, all pop ups. Thats what you get for playing swedish angry egg games at stupid o'clock at night.

I'm going to bed now, i'm dying here. Seriously.

</spam>

Meeeeeeh. I just got back from drinking in Ewloe with Amz lerd... I feel sick because Skye's car smells funny and it was too hot =[ stupid person. Buuuut i had fun anyway XP

I feel all nostalgic now because i was just reading through all my old journals and surveys on ET and i found one that mentioned Ash (a really cool pirate-type dude i met at Download) and it got me really missing him XD (lame i know)..SO i've texted him and all the other people i've been neglecting and i feel better now...

*looks up*

46 messages.

I should really do something about that...

Work tomorrow at 9am *dies*

Better go to bed then, since i've been drinking, i know i won't get up tomorrow if i don't get a decent night's sleep XD

That is all.

</spam>

Woke up at 7.30 this morning to my phone ringing... It was my boss telling me i don't need to come in till 11.30 X3 Sooo i was like 'well fuck that' and i went back to sleep... And now it's 9.30 and i'm happy ^.^

Buuuut in an hour and a half i'm gonna have to get myself ready ¬___¬ and i'm not leaving work till 8pm now, instead of the usual 5.30, which kinda sucks... But hey, i can deal, it's not the end of the world.

I'm just thinking if i'd actually got up at 7.30 i could've played final fantasy for a while XD As it turns out, i now have to walk the dog and do other things, so there's no time for FF =/

Soooo... Whatever... I'm working 5 days straight now and i hardly ever do that anymore... Today 11.30am-8pm, tomorrow 10am-6.30pm, monday 9am-5.30pm, tuesday 4.30pm-10pm, wednesday 2.45pm-10pm... THEN I'M OFF THURSDAY FRIDAY SATURDAY SUNDAY AND I INTEND TO SPEND THOSE DAYS SLEEPING!!!! O.O *hyperventilates*

I'm off now to take the dog for the quickest walk in history so i can maybe get an hour of FF in before work *dork*

</spam>

CCCCCCCCBBBBBBBBBAAAAAAAAA. Work tomorrow. Really really cba. ARGH. I'm working 8 hour shifts 3 days in a row now which is something i really don't want to do >.< 2 8 hour shifts a week is enough for me, i don't need bloody three. And then wednesday i'm doing a 7 hour shift which is just as bad really.. GAYFACE. Ah well. Think of the money, think of the money, think of the money...

I've made a really big mistake with something too =/ and i'm not sure if it's possible to resolve it without someone getting hurt. And i don't want to hurt anyone, not again, i've done enough of that recently thank you very much. Soooo once again stuck in a vicious circle, and it's entirely my fault, and i know full well someone is going to end up getting hurt, and it's probably not going to be me, which in a way makes it worse *headdesk* why do i always get myself into these situations?? >.<

Had a huge blazing row with Carl over the phone earlier, which has really done nothing to lighten my already abysmal mood. I'll just avoid him for a while, i can't be doing with petty arguments.

I seem to be losing alot of friends recently =/ Maybe they're right, maybe i am changing... Ah well, maybe it's for the better too. It's not getting me down so it's nothing to worry about.

On a lighter note, been playing FFXII all day. Balthier = My future husband. Do i care that he's a computer animated character? No. No i really don't. :p

Off to bed now, early start tomorrow =___=;;

Nighty!

</spam>

Maaaaaaaaagh again XD I'm going to have a busy week this week. All i REALLY want to do is sit in my room and play Final Fantasy 12 until my eyes explode, buuuut i can't do that. I have relations that need to be maintained if i don't want to die a sad, lonely dorkazoid XD Soooooo, tonight after work i'm heading over to Gemma and Nathan's to have a mini-piss-up with those two, which should be fun. Then i'm coming home some time wednesday, getting myself looking semi not-hungover and going for my driving lesson at 6. THEN i'm going over to Amz's to sort out our next cosplay and i'm staying there wednesday night through thursday. Then FINALLY i can spend thursday night and friday day playing final fantasy till i drop XD ...Then i'm working at the weekend. DEPRESSING. Oh well.

Sooooo, those are my plans for this week. My plans for the week after: work monday, tuesday and wednesday, do bugger all for the rest of the week. Then i've got two more weeks to plan around but i'll do that when i get there. THEN it's back to school to start a new year (which will last 1 month, then i'm on summer break. Seems pointless, right? It is.) and THEN the Borders Anime Con, which is like the big black blob on the horizon of the next few months. The looming event of the year XD Good god, i don't think i'm going to get any rest until christmas the way things are going... AH WELL.

You see how much of a jerk i am? I've just realised, i'm making going to see my friends sound like a big chore. It's not, not really. Leaving the house is the big chore, once i'm in someone elses house and i can sit down again i'm ok XD It's just the inbetween preparation and movement that bothers me.

Laziest person in the world? Why yes, i think i am.

</spam>

Maaaaaaaaagh... Ok, i don't feel like i've written in here for ages... Despite the fact that it's only been like 4 days, i usually update 5 times a day XD So it's weird.. The reason for this is there's been alot of fighting and general shit-ness here and i just couldn't be bothered writing about depressing stuff. So i've waited for all that to boil over and disappear and now things are normal again i can write in my journal again.

I'm burning a CD at the moment. Something really amused me about 2 minutes ago and i'm still laughing. My cursor, for no reason whatsoever, turned into a banana when i was burning the CD. Anywhere else on the desktop my cursor was normal, boring old white pointer, but when i went to my burn list it turned into a wiggling banana XD really amused me..

Erm... Not much has been happening here recently apart from the fighting... I was in work yesterday, and Paul amused me with his invention of the word 'Piss-take-arettes', describing the thousands upon thousands of cigarettes me and him had to count XD Other than that work was dull as always. I made an elastic band ball.

Also yesterday i got described as a likeable jerk by the dude who works in the shop in my village. I always stop for a chat when i'm there, I was up there buying cheese and we were talking. The conversation went something like this::

Me: It's really quiet in here lately..
Him: The summer heat brings nothing but insects.
Me:... Are you going to explain that or is it supposed to be one of those mysterious metaphors that makes you sound cool?
Him:...I mean that.. Oh nevermind.
Me: No, i'm interested now. Are you possibly suggesting that i'm an insect? Or maybe you're the insect, you're just in denial about being an insect so you accuse the rest of the world of being them. Is that it? Are you harbouring a secret lust for dragonflies?
Him: You're a jerk you know. A likeable jerk, but still a jerk.
Me: why thank you!

XD It amused me. So he's an insect and i'm a walking contradiction. What a pair o.o

Anyway, i've gotta go and clean my room and get a bag sorted and get ready for work. BLAAAAH. That is all.

</spam>

Soooo went into Cheshire Oaks today. I BOUGHT HOUSE SEASON 1 AND 2!!! Now i have 1, 2 + 3, so i'm happy XP House marathon ftw!! And FFXII came today so i'm gonna be up all night XP Me and Amz decided who we're cosplaying as for the next con.. DUN, DUN, DUUUUUUUUUUUUUUN!!! We're gonna be....... Dark and Daisuke from D.N Angel! Which should be fun XP Gay couple ftw o.o

We saw Shutter today. I wasn't that impressed by it to be honest. In fact, it was hilarious. I'm not gonna spoil it for anyone who hasn't seen it, but there was two bits in it that literally had me spazzing with laughter, to the point where Amz had to restrain me because i looked like a crazy person XP 

OOOOOOOOOOH and for anyone interested in any of my creative writings, spare a minute to look at The RWG Project, which is just a little creative experiment i'm doing :p

That is all.

</spazz>

Still drawing Balthier.. OBSESSED!! He's sexy. EXAMS OVER NAOW!!!! HAPPYYYYYY!!!!! X3 I think i failed miserably, but i don't care, because they're over and i don't have to worry about them until August!!! I was meant to be going out celebrating with Amz tonight, but lo, my parents came up with some reason for me to stay home...

Me: Mum, i need a lift to Buckley.
Mum: What for?
Me: I'm going out drinking with Amz to celebrate end of exams.
Mum: No you're not. All you ever do is go out drinking. I'm sick of it, you're staying here.
Me: Whyyyyyy?!?!
Mum: Well, you have to clean the playroom, and you can do the washing, and feed the animals while i'm out, and hoover the landing and-
Me: OH MY GOD!!!
Mum: What??
Me: INVISIBLE CHORES!!!
Mum: ¬____¬ Get cleaning.

So i've been cleaning =____= No worries though, i've got a month off school now so there's plenty of time for going out and getting drunk ^.^ for now, i'll focus on finishing my invisible chores so i can go to Cheshire Oaks with Amz Lerd tomorrow =D

Oh, and when i got home today, my Vaan figure had fallen off his stand and faceplanted straight into Balthier's crotch. I nearly pissed myself laughing XD XD Wish i'd got a photo... Priceless moment :p

I'm such a nerd XD

</spam>

Aaaaah, the con was amazing!!! YAAAAARGH!!! X3 I've just been chatting to one of the AWESOME people i met there, which is what's inspired this journal entry to rant XD It was fricken awesome, i made a bunch of friends who i've added on DA! When we first got there i saw a Haruhi cosplayer and we literally just flew at eachother, it was the best thing ever XD And i gave ALL my roses out and had a bunch of people asking me for pictures, it was awesome!

AND I BOUGHT A VAAN!!! So now i have Balthier and Vaan and i am greatly amused by that XD And me and Amz found this manga, that is pretty much a yaoi version of Gojyo and Hakkai from Saiyuki, so naturally we were SCREAMING at the tops of our voices about that XD

And now i'm drawing Balthier, because i am totally, utterly, completely obsessed with his sexyness. I want to marry his sideburns XD

...And me and Amz are FORCING Skye to dress up as Balthier for the London con, because he would be a very sexy Balthier XD

That is all.

</spam>

Depressing. DEPRESSING!! I AM DEPRESSED!!! =____= i just finished watching my House box set. Now i'm at a total loss. I will never know what to do when i'm bored now. I'm going to have to buy all the other seasons just so i have something to watch XP House is amazing. If there is one person in the whole world i aspire to be like, it's him. Kinda sad considering he is constantly described as a jerk, but he's so cool XD

So yeah, i have nothing to do now so i'm going to add to my art. Because i'm upset because i have no more House. It is upsetting. UPSETTING!!!!! O____O 

And yes, as far as i'm concerned House owns Scrubs like WOAH. Yes it does.

That is all.

</spam>

Had an ok day today. Met up with Skye this morning and me him and Amz went for a drive around. We ended up half way up Moel Famau for no reason o.o Skye threw a bottle at a sheep and failed dramatically, and i stole his hat XP Then he had to drive us back to school so we could go and do our exaaaaaam. I'm taking a day off work incase you hadn't noticed lol. So anyway, exam went ok, don't think i failed, don't think i passed with flying colours either XD My 'go into the room and pretend to be House' thing worked well though, i felt like a genius even if i wasn't acting like one XP

So yeah, all in all, ok day. CBA writing anymore now. SHOWER BEFORE CON!

Oh yeah.

One more thing.

ANIME CON TOMORROW!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

</spam>

IT'S. TOO. HOT.

I'm dying. I need a cold shower RIGHT. NOW!

*going to die*

My house is shit. When it's cold outside, my house goes into freezer mode. When it's hot outside, my house becomes a giant sauna.

GAY.

</annoyed and over heating>

I hope at least one other person finds this amusing.



Because i just had the biggest giggling fit ever over it XD

I <3 Miguel XP

</spam>

Bleeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeh. Work again today. It went fast yesterday so i'm hoping it will today aswell. Then i'm going to Amz's tonight and i've gotta pull and all nighter to try and get this work done, or i'm buggered on monday. I think i might tell Miss B that i'm taking monday off time table to get all my art finished, or my marks are going to be horrific. I'm also going to sneak the projects out and add too them over the next week before they get properly sent off. Psychology exam on Tuesday which i'm dreading. Lot's of cramming on monday night after work. I'm considering taking monday off ill to be honest, because otherwise i'm just going to have no chance at all of passing this exam.

So yeah. Not really looking forward to work today. Got a migrane coming on, which is distressing. I might have a chat to Lindsay and ask if i can go home early, because my head is banging already and i'm not even there yet, and i've got a million other things to be doing right now. I've just decided i'm going to take monday off, i know i'll probably get fired, but i really need the time for my art, which at the moment is more important than my job.

So basically, i'm in a bad mood today.

</spam>

Blaaaaah, i still CBA with work today. It's ok cuz i dont have to go in till 11:30, but it's not ok because i have to stay there until 8pm. GHEY. Uber gay. And tomorrow it's 10 until 6:30, same hours but with an earlier start. It's massively depressing. I think i might just stay there a few more months, save up all my wages and then quit and look for a job that will actually keep me busy until it's time to go home. If there's one thing i cant stand about Makro, it's the standing there and doing nothing for near on 6 hours, then going out on to the shop floor and doing more nothing for another 2 hours. It is really, really boring.

Rant over, i've gotta go and get my stuff together now. And i'll be pulling an all nighter tonight to try and finish all my unfinished artwork as the deadline is monday. As well as revising for psychology. STRESS STRESS PANIC STRESS.

</moody rant>

AAAAAAAAAARGH.

I really really really really CBA with work tomorroooooooow!!!

It's just one of those days... i've had a really nice week, i've only been in work for one day, and i just don't feel like doing anything except lazing about in the sun and... that's it XD

BUT I HAVE TO STAND BEHIND A FECKING JEWELLERY COUNTER FOR 8 HOURS INSTEAD.

Because i'm being paid to do so.

GHEY.

</rant>

Wheee, i've had a good day today aye! Hung out with Amz for most of the day, and me her and Jem had a giggle in the library when Jem was on poppers XD

Jem: *giggling*
Amz: LOOOK!!!!! A DEAR!!! A FEMALE DEAR!!!!
Jem: *lol* i have a wide bum hole!

XD Then after school i bogged into Chester with Nath and Gemma, which was really fuuuuuun! We had a good time X3 I saw my Big Issue friend, and Snake who i haven't seen in ages. He walked out of Tesco with a bag full of stuff and all the alarms went off o.o but they just ignored him XD Lol, Snake rules. Aaanyway, then we went to Gamestation and there was a sale on Final Fantasy figures so i was like 'OMG BUYING BALTHIER!!!!!!11111ONE *FANGIRL SQUEEL*' ..So i did XD And Gemma got a Sephiroth and we made them make out in Pizza Hut which was highly amusing XD Sephiroth made a nose dive into my lap at one point, which was the funniest thing ever at the time XD XD

Good day! And i saw Dan Glass on the bus on the way home, wearing a name badge that said Steven o.o Yeeeeeeeah.

That is all.

</spazz>