I wish i could feel things the way i used to but I can no longer feel anything anymore not pain,not emmotion,every great while a pain will inflict me that is so great that I will shed a single tear in sadness and then I feel nothing,so many things are going on right now in my life,so many things that I feel I have no power over as if fate is taking a hold on me and no planning to ever let me go but where are the people I need the most,I can see none for miles on end,I remember things in my past,and I had to deal with them alone,is that really how it is supposed to be for me? maybe I deserve it maybe I dont,but either way I have gotten used to living alone,being alone,watching the world with a sad and tired eye,seeing the things I want but like a ghost I cant grab it,my hand goes right through,I want to fall to my knees and cry like i have in the past,but the bible says "do not trouble others with your pain,for them it matters none" a sad truth I have learned to realize over the many years among other things in my long neverending life,do I want people to pity or feel sorry for me,no I want nothing of the sort,I want people to see what I have seen,felt what I have felt,allthough my pain is often self inflicted according to others,everything is my fault,since that is apparently the case I suppose then I should always stay silent and forever continue to hollow and enclose myself to the world,only a few understand me,and their lives and pain are similar to mine,but it would be nice to cry on someone's shoulders from time to time or confide in another but to many tears of mine have been left unshed and hence they have made me what I am now,a silent,forgotten,broken piece of a man who once smiled,but maybe one day I will smile again....just mabye.




Currently listening to:
Command & Conquer: Tiberian Sun Soundtrack *approach*
By Frank Klepacki
Release date: 01 January, 1999