I have undoubtably hurt myself and more importantly have hurt others and my mistakes have come back to drag me under and pull me away. As of now it seems to be working. It hurts to know when you have done somethign worng and you know you have hurt osmeone dearly and it replays over and over that one moment of oyu fucking up and then you can't do anyhtign to change it its just osmethign you can't change and personally if I had to I would go as far back to not even meeting the person to change that msitake even if it meant not ever seeign them again

AS my heart lays in wait it cringes on wodner what will happen. I mean it knows that even though slim chance are very unlikely, they still exist and are possible to happen. My heart is on full stress and is quite swelled as well as the tumor in my chest it swells when I ma stressed and it is as big as it has ever been and is very sensitive wondering if my worst fear will happen. I hope it doesn't but if it does it was my fate nad also my fault.

Laid to the river
Midsummer, I waved
A "V" of black swans
On with hope to the grave
And though Red September
With skies fire-paved
I begged you appear
Like a thorn for the holy ones

Cold was my soul
Untold was the pain
I faced when you left me
A rose in the rain....
So I swore to the razor
That never, enchained
Would your dark nails of faith
Be pushed through my veins again

Bared on your tomb
I'm a prayer for your loneliness
And would you ever soon
Come above onto me?
For once upon a time
On the binds of your loneliness
I could always find the slot for your sacred key

Six feet deep is the incision
In my heart, that barless prison
Discoulours all with tunnel vision

Sunsetter...
Nymphetamine

Sick and weak from my condition
This lust, this vampyric addiction
To Her alone in full submission

None better...
Nymphetamine

Nymphetamine, Nymphetamine...
Nymphetamine girl.

Nymphetamine, Nymphetamine...
My Nymphetamine girl.

Wicked with your charm
I'm circled like prey
Back in the forest
Were whispers persuade
More sugar trails
More white lady laid
Than pillars of salt...
(keeping Sodom at at bay)

Fold to my arms
Hold their message away
And dance out to the moon
As we did in those golden days

Christening stars
I remember the way
We were needle and spoon
Mislaid in the burning hay

Bared on your tomb
I'm a prayer for your loneliness
And would you ever soon
Come above onto me?
For once upon a time
On the binds of your loneliness
I could always find the slot for your sacred key

Six feet deep is the incision
In my heart, that barless prison
Discoulours all with tunnel vision

Sunsetter...
Nymphetamine

Sick and weak from my condition
This lust, this vampyric addiction
To Her alone in full submission

None better...
Nymphetamine

Nymphetamine, Nymphetamine...
Nymphetamine girl.

Nymphetamine, Nymphetamine...
My Nymphetamine girl.

I think I may have ruined everything. I broke a rule that was set upon me by myself alone and it fucked everything up and if i ocudl take it back all the way back to when we first met I would jsut to fix this mistake I made. If I lose her because of my mistake I swear on my life its the end of me. Or at least the end of my heart