im learning how to play a guitar!!! yay! well..last night talisha called at 8 30ish(ricos lil sister) and i talked to her fo a while. then like ed and rico were being mean to her...and i had to yell at rico..then i talked to talisha more..then ruan started crying and rico or ed wouldnt do anything..they made it worse! so i made talisha put rico on the phone and i yelled at him telling him to put he's lil brother to bed and step up as the friken oldest..he calmed down real fast and did it..lolz..then i talked to rico til 6 in the morning. we talked about random things. he was trying to find something on tv. i kept falling asleep on the phone.
Rico- the tour da france is on..
me- ...
Rico- blaire...
Me- huh!
Rico- were you asleep?
me- *wipes drool off* no...
Rico- thats kinda cute how your falling asleep but still you dont want to go to sleep..


another time
Rico- *does weird loud thing with his nose*
Me- *jumps* AH! that scareded me!
Rico- *laughing* scareded? thats soo cute

well..so i talked to him and talisha for like 10 hours..i went to bed at 6..and woke up at 9! yes 3 hours! todays my b-day party...it should be ubber fun

im like so tired. we went to the church to move a pool table today. this thing was huge! it was sooo heavy! we had like 4 football players and still didnt move it..there was me kody brittany amber nick johnathan dom eric manny and alex! omgosh it was hard! im like so tired now..but hey we got pizza :D

me and brittany are friends again!! yay! she came over today after we did alot of work at the church...we watched white noice..then part of 28 days later..then secret ..then we went outside and the playground was all wet and we slide down and got our butts all wet! it was great fun! then we came back up and were now watching racing stirips or sumtin like that but yeah..

*sigh* ricos being weird..i hope nothings wrong..i cant take anymore pain in my life...i just got most of it out..

ashley: dude ur retarted
me: no im not
me: thats like ofesive ot the retarted kids
me: lolz
ashley: yeah ur are
ashley: lol nice
me: wait..i just made fun of my self
me: lolz
me: nvm
me: O,o
ashley: yeah u did
ashley: loser

im back from camp! yay! it was really fun! monday me lacey angie sarah and nicole rode in my dads car up to hawkins texas where the camp was! we jamed the wholeeeee way! we called ppl in other cars heading up there and sung to them! it was fun! i swear i heard the hasmterdace 10 million times that day!!! thne we got to camp and i got my cabin. it was with lacey sarha and our consler tiffany! she was soo sweet! then we walked around alot and we had worshiping and stuff..and went to dinner. We had fireworks that night cuz it was the forth of july! it was fun! it was my best forth of july! me and sarah got sooooooooooo hyper we scared ppl!!! it was funny! then we pasted out. Tuesday we had to wake up at like 7:30! then we went to breakfast and went to chapel. they told us what we were going to do. we went a serman on modesty while the guys had to stay in the chappel. they got taught how to treat a women like we should be! it was sweet. after that we went down to the pound where the zip line was and stuff like that. then we went to lunch. after lunch me and my friends went swimming. it was fun. me and rico kept dunking each other. then we went to go build our go cart and stuff.we palyed football witha bannana! it was fun. then we went to dinner. then swimming..then i changed and we went to chappel. the worhsip is just how i memebered it! fun! and crazy! then that night i prayed alot so i was tired and went in my room and passed out after chappel. Wes i woke up like at 7 cuz i wanted to take a shower in the morning. then i went to breakfast. then we went to an orphange to sing. it was fun until a creapy old lady scared the crap out of me saying im gonna die after her. then we put make up on luke in the car! it was soooooooo funny! then we dressed him up as a girl and took pics. then we went to lunch. after lunch i think i went swimming. with randy..and brooke..but they kept flipping me. we played the throw up game! then we walked around. sarah edrique johnny kaleb and nicole got pushed in the nasty pound. then i walked by my self and talked to jesselle and prayed with ehr. then i went to dinner. then i had my own bible study. everyone thought i was sad. then i went to churhc and had fun again :D then that night i stayed up for a lil bit. then i went to sleep. thursdya i woke up went to breakfast. after break fast i went to another serman..it was kinda boring..then we went and wokred on our car. i worked on our car utnil the race. i toook a breka to eat...one to chace after shannan and get in a paint fight..then i went swimming. our car was blue with 2 yellow stripes. then on the back it had a bumber sticker saying if you can read this ur too close and a licence plate that said btl cry. then we had sponcers. then we had olympics. we had to run up a hill and sutff..we didnt win. yellwo team did. then i was really tired. then we went to didnner..and i ahd a bible study..but rico came and we talked for a long time. then brooke randy and some other ppl came and we got in a pineocne fight. then me and brooke werseld. then we went in a room and palyed lil sally walker. then we went outside where we were having chappel! worship was aweoseme!!!! then we danced to freedom around the cross! i was soo tired after that..me adn rico went outside and talked..for like 3 hours. tehn we helped clean the chappel. then i went to sleep. sarah got in troble for bieng out after curfe with a guy..and she had to have an adult with her 24/7...friday mornign was our last day. and we went to breakfast. then dom said for all guys to go in the chappel as the girls pakced. then we went in there. the were to rows of the guys. and they were clappign and handed us flowers! and prayed over us! it was soooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo sweet! i wanted to cry! rico gave me a pink rose..then prayed right over me! omgosh i love him! then we packed and the guys took our stuff to the cars for us! then my daddy came and we drove home. on the way home me kass the twins and sarh had a crazy idea. so they came over yesterday and we cooked alot! and we had a big surprise paryt for all the guys today! gosh i love life!

Me : im fallin forever*singign going under*
Me : lolz
Rico<3 : ok
Me : yep
Rico<3 : dot hit the groud
Me : lol
Me : that was kinda me
Me : mean
Me : lolz
Me : if u fall forever..then u never hit tho
Me : lolz
Rico<3 : how...i waz saying that so you woulnt get hurt hitting the ground
Me : lol thanks..

soooo last night ashely spent the night. brooke just lefted. then she called saying that there were lil kittens running around. so we went outside and tried to catch them. we chaced them around a lil bit. then finally we had one cornered. then i reached for it and accidentally got its tail. it bit me like 3 times..and scratched me too. i just lefted it and went up stairs. my finger was like covered by blood. so i washed it off. soo..thats how i got beaten by a kitten..O.o I now think theyre evil!!! lozl

im reading all the things..when me and rico loved each other alot..its sad..i wanna cry now..all that is gone now..:'(

todays suked so far.. yesterday i went to kids camp..and stubed my toe..and friken broke my mouth on chris' head. now my teeth hurt so i go home today and make soup and friken spill it on my self..and i ahve a huge burn on my leg!!! and if that dont top it off..me and rico dotn think we're that close any more..im gonna cry!

Rico<3 : y are you in a bad mood?
Me : cuz..im thinking nicole from churhc is right..
Rico<3 : wat?
Me : she doesnt think that me and your love is gonna last for 4 years..and im starting to see it to.
Rico<3 : i waz thinking that
Me : yah i know.
Rico<3 : how?
Me : i can just tell.
Rico<3 : o
Rico<3 : ok
Rico<3 : me too
Me : yeah..
Me : brb
Rico<3 : ok
Rico<3 : me too..i sew it like a sople of weeks ago...when i waz thinking about it
Me : yeah.. i know..i jsut havent told any one about it..
Me :
Me : even brooke noticed..
Rico<3 : wat?
Me : that we werent as close
Rico<3 : how?
Me : i donno..but she told me a while ago.."you guys dont seem as close anymroe"
Rico<3 : ooo
Rico<3 : i waz thinking about that
Me : ep
Me : yep**
Rico<3 : well...wat shold we do?
Me : i dono
Rico<3 : but we did putbown thaws things that we saed we arent doing no more
Rico<3 : thats probibly y brooke sead tha
Rico<3 : t
Rico<3 : cuz you didnt call nemore
Me : yeah..nto really..she never saw any of that..except the calling..and its the summer..and i wouldnt wake u up in the summer anywyas..
Rico<3 : ya
Me : ahuh
Rico<3 : well..wat shold we do....
Rico<3 : slowly llat it run off or stop it
Rico<3 : or wat?
Me : i donno..what is there to do.
Rico<3 : idk
Me : yaeh
Rico<3 : we are pritty colse thow..
Rico<3 : closer than most bf's and fg's
Me : yeah..because were not..we're just friends.
Rico<3 : ya
Me : i guess ur right..and i should just stop thinking aobut it..
Rico<3 : ya...me too
Rico<3 : but we cant just lev it
Me : yeah i know..but if we're not supossed to be close..then itll just happen..i guess.
Me : even tho i dont want to..
Rico<3 : your right
Me : wish i wasnt..but w/e
Rico<3 : yeah

doesnt life suk

Me : member..when we first imitted taht we loved each other..wehn i gave you taht copy of jesse mccartneys cd..and i was lik i like all his songs..i think theyre all really pretty..and i wish a guy would sing them to me.. and you were like who?? and you kept pushing to try to get an answer out of me..were u tryin to get me to say you?
Rico<3 : your right i waz
Me : lolz..cuz i thought u were..and thats why i never told u then that it was u..
Rico<3 : but waz it me?
Me : yeah lozl
Rico<3 : i know it
Me : lozl..we cant lie to each other.
Rico<3 : i know

funny...:D

so..me brooke david alex kieth josh and abby were at mcdonalds yesterday..eatiin talkin...havin fun..

davy- gosh this is an intelagent table..*shakes head*
Abby- gosh davy! brooke kick him!
Brooke- yall dont know about me! *she kicks him*
davy- OH GOOD GOD WOMEN! *he like falls out of he's seat. we all start krackign up*
Josh- dang are you about to cry! *still kracking up*
*davy walks up to the table. grabs a piece of ice and rubs it on his foot.*



so..me and brooke baked edrique ricos lil bro a cake. it was already done cooking...and..well here

Brooke- its too hot..*feels the pan* we cant forst it yet.
Me- why dont we just take it out....
Brooke- ok. *she gets another pan*
*she places the long pan ontop of the small one with the cake in it. she flips it over. it wont come out. brooke starts banging on it.*
Brooke- it wont come out *she picks the pans up a lil bit and the cake falls out in like 4 huge pieces!*
Me- WE BROKE THE CAKE!!
Brooke- crap!
Me- LETS GLUE IT BACK WITH FROSTIGN!


so..we did..then it looked all lumby..funny

then we took it to him after church...and we got him trick candles..it was sooo funny cuz he wouldnt stop until they were out..it was great.

theyre dad- who made that cake
Brooke- us..*points to me and her*
dad- oohh i gotta try that..
edrique- im kinda scared..*after we told him of the cake story*
brooke- good we rub in the grass and in dog crap..oh nad we put some laxids in there
*we walked out*


before church
we were at mcdonalds. me johnny and rico and sarah..me johnny and rico had cd players..sarah didnt..
Sarah- blah blah blah
Me- what! *push pause*
Sarah- i got a boy friend!!!
Me- ok*push play*
Sarah- blah blah blah
Me- what!
sarah- forget it!

randomness........

Chelsea :D: they call it killing the fly
me: hwatttttttttttt
me: ya foo
Chelsea :D: yup
Chelsea :D: its talking about you]
me: what is....
me: im confused
Chelsea :D: your dog is one of them man
me: lol
me: O.o
chelsea :D: yeah tell me critter them beans be smoking
me: and that cheesey llama
Chelsea :D: yep making dirttyyss
me: lolz. u knmow it..with the purple cactus'
me: and the walkin toes..O.o
Chelsea :D: not them they will eat my heart man
me: i know dude..thye got bobs already
Chelsea :D: ummm mumm mummm mummm mummm
Chelsea :D: im telling on them
Chelsea :D: skeeters
Chelsea :D: they are bad
me: yueah..
Chelsea :D: haha
Chelsea :D: they are swimming around the cat and the cat is swimming around them man
me: i know..and the liger is eatin it.
Chelsea :D: yup yup
Chelsea :D: sucks for the flys and they are dirty deeds
me: i know dude..if they would just turn from theere evil ways..O.o
Chelsea :D: yeah it would save us all
Chelsea :D: and tensome
me: poor bob..
me: whos bob???

yeah..




Blaire Ludwig: RICO!
Rico visser: BLAIRE!
Blaire Ludwig: ! I LOV YOU!!!!!!!!
Rico visser: I LOVE YOU TOO
Blaire Ludwig:
Rico visser: YUOR IN A GOOD MOOD
Blaire Ludwig: yeah i know we went to mcdonalds..i laughed soooo hard
Rico visser: lol
Rico visser: y?
Blaire Ludwig: cuz we sat by davy..it was just sooo funny
Blaire Ludwig: he thought i was always older than me
Rico visser: lol
Rico visser: wat he do?
Blaire Ludwig: llz..and didnt belive that i was 13
Rico visser: lol
Blaire Ludwig: he started mess with brooke..and she kicked him..and he goes good god women!
Blaire Ludwig: it was soo ofunny
Blaire Ludwig: gsoh
Rico visser: lol
Blaire Ludwig: lolz..my tummy hurts from laughin soo hard
Rico visser: sonds like you had fun w out me:(
Blaire Ludwig: im sry it would of been even funner if u were there..cuz i would of gotten to see ya more..and maybe play on the playground
Rico visser: ya
Rico visser: :(
Blaire Ludwig: im gald ed liked his cake..
Rico visser: ya
Blaire Ludwig: its ok..we get to hang out tomorrow..and frida "D
Blaire Ludwig: friday
Blaire Ludwig: and saturday..and sunday
Blaire Ludwig: so S
Rico visser: when sat?
Blaire Ludwig: carwash
Blaire Ludwig: /garage sell
Rico visser: ummm..idk i have cheerleding
Blaire Ludwig: oh..
Rico visser: ya but she hasent caled me so i dout we will have it
Blaire Ludwig: oh
Rico visser: ya
Blaire Ludwig: /
Blaire Ludwig: waves of mercy waves of grace everywhere i look i see ur face ur love has captured me!
Blaire Ludwig: yay
Rico visser: lol\
Blaire Ludwig: i like dat song
Rico visser: lol
Blaire Ludwig: lolz
Blaire Ludwig: jealous
Blaire Ludwig: lolz
Blaire Ludwig: jk
Blaire Ludwig:
Rico visser: lol
Blaire Ludwig:
Rico visser:
Blaire Ludwig:
Rico visser's status is now "<33 JESUS AND BLAIRE!!! GOSPLE MUSIC "ROX MY SOX!!!" IN THE WORDS OF BLAIRE...IN A GOOD MOOD...FEEL LIKE DANSING". (6/15/2005 10:56 PM)

Rico visser: lol
Blaire Ludwig: lol u know its the words of me
Blaire Ludwig: lolz
Rico visser: i dont get it?
Rico visser: oo ok
Rico visser: ya my thingy
Blaire Ludwig: lolz
Blaire Ludwig:
Rico visser:
Blaire Ludwig:
Blaire Ludwig: im tired
Blaire Ludwig: lolz.
Rico visser: lol
Blaire Ludwig: im gonna go t bed early tongiht
Rico visser: go to bed then
Rico visser: ya me too
Blaire Ludwig: lolz..cuz i gotta get up at 8
Blaire Ludwig: 7**
Rico visser: yame too
Rico visser: ya me*
Blaire Ludwig: lolz
Blaire Ludwig:
Rico visser: lol
Rico visser:
Blaire Ludwig:
Rico visser: lol
Blaire Ludwig: lolz..im totaly not staying up til 1
Blaire Ludwig: lolz
Rico visser: ya me too
Rico visser: lol
Rico visser: i went to sleep like 1:30 2 ish
Blaire Ludwig: yeah..i went in my room and played my game for a lil bit..then one of my sisters friends called so..yeah
Rico visser: i just lade there
Rico visser: lol
Rico visser: lol
Blaire Ludwig: lolz nice..
Rico visser: y?
Blaire Ludwig: cuz..i donno
Blaire Ludwig: lolz
Blaire Ludwig: i dont even member who it was
Blaire Ludwig: lolz
Rico visser: nice
Rico visser: lol
Blaire Ludwig: yeah i know
Rico visser: lol
Blaire Ludwig: i have a head ache.. i hate head aches..
Blaire Ludwig: but oh wellz
Blaire Ludwig:
Rico visser: me too
Rico visser: lol
Blaire Ludwig: lolz.
Rico visser: i think i ate to much cake
Rico visser: lol
Blaire Ludwig: LOL NIXW
Blaire Ludwig: NICE
Blaire Ludwig: nice**
Blaire Ludwig: lol did u like it?
Blaire Ludwig: ??
Rico visser: ya it waz good...but the ising...its sweet....
Blaire Ludwig: wow..i forgto my name for a min there..i was like..rico loves blaire..that sounds familar...oh..wait..thats me righ..lolz.
Blaire Ludwig: lolz yeah..we had to use alot
Blaire Ludwig: lozl.
Rico visser: lol...nice
Rico visser: uy?
Rico visser: y?*
Blaire Ludwig: cuz it broke..
Blaire Ludwig: lolz
Rico visser: lol
Blaire Ludwig: lolz.
Blaire Ludwig:
Rico visser: lol
Blaire Ludwig: well.im glad u liked it..
Rico visser: ya
Rico visser: i only had 2 pesis
Blaire Ludwig: ncie
Blaire Ludwig: loz..i had a happy meal..
Rico visser: nice
Rico visser: lol
Rico visser: you alwaz do
Blaire Ludwig: yeah..all ive had to day..was fries..and 4 pieces of chicken.
Rico visser: nce
Rico visser: lol
Rico visser: y?
Blaire Ludwig: Yah i know..
Blaire Ludwig: cuz i fasted breakfast..didnt have time for lunch..and had a small diner.
Rico visser: lol
Rico visser: nice
Rico visser: lol
Blaire Ludwig: yeah..
Blaire Ludwig:
Rico visser: i droke 1 of my rubber bands
Blaire Ludwig: good job..
Rico visser: ya i know
Blaire Ludwig: lolz.
Rico visser: lol
Rico visser: it like droke 4 no reason...
Blaire Ludwig: nice..lolz.
Rico visser: i know
Blaire Ludwig: lolz........
Blaire Ludwig: 
Blaire Ludwig: lolz jk
Rico visser: i waz like MAN THAT SUCKS!
Rico visser: lol
Blaire Ludwig: lolz
Blaire Ludwig: and its all down hill from here!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Blaire Ludwig: lolz.
Blaire Ludwig: song
Rico visser: nice
Blaire Ludwig: lozl
Rico visser: lol
Blaire Ludwig: im gonna go to bed at 11 30
Rico visser: ow old is david?
Rico visser: how*
Blaire Ludwig: thats my time..now u have to keep me acountable
Blaire Ludwig: like.15.i think
Rico visser: lol
Rico visser: no hes not
Blaire Ludwig: yell at me if u need to
Blaire Ludwig: or 14 i think..
Blaire Ludwig: im not sure
Rico visser: ya hes 14 cuz im older than him
Blaire Ludwig: oh..ok
Rico visser: i can tell
Rico visser: lol
Blaire Ludwig: lolz.........................
Blaire Ludwig:
Rico visser: lol
Blaire Ludwig: im startin to get in a random mood again..
Blaire Ludwig: oh great
Blaire Ludwig: lolz
Rico visser: lol
Blaire Ludwig: bad blaire! no
Blaire Ludwig: lolz
Rico visser: you need to get in a sleepy mood
Rico visser: ll
Blaire Ludwig: lol i know right..lolz..but then i talk crazy
Blaire Ludwig: lolz
Rico visser: lol*
Blaire Ludwig:
Blaire Ludwig: i!
Blaire Ludwig: lolz
Rico visser: lol
Blaire Ludwig: (:\
Blaire Ludwig:
Rico visser: ][]][][][][][][][][][][][][][][][][][][][][]
Blaire Ludwig: lolz
Rico visser: lol
Blaire Ludwig: ()()()()()()()()
Blaire Ludwig:
Rico visser: lol
Rico visser: {}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}
Rico visser: ooooooooooooooo
Blaire Ludwig: ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~lolz
Rico visser: lol
Blaire Ludwig: *******
Rico visser: lol
Blaire Ludwig: um..yah
Blaire Ludwig: lolz
Blaire Ludwig:
Blaire Ludwig: lolz
Rico visser: \/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/
Rico visser: lol\
Blaire Ludwig: |\|/|\|/|\|/
Blaire Ludwig: ;p;z
Rico visser: lol
Blaire Ludwig: lolz
Rico visser: |0|
Blaire Ludwig: <(^.^<) <(^.^)> (>^.^)>
Blaire Ludwig: lolz
Rico visser: lol..mine is better
Blaire Ludwig: ok..
Blaire Ludwig:
Blaire Ludwig: **
Rico visser: are you watching me?
Blaire Ludwig: yeah,,kidna
Blaire Ludwig: lolz
Blaire Ludwig: are u wathcing me?
Rico visser: lol
Rico visser: no
Blaire Ludwig: lolz
Rico visser:
Blaire Ludwig: u liar!
Blaire Ludwig: lolz
Blaire Ludwig: creepy
Blaire Ludwig: lolz
Rico visser: lol
Blaire Ludwig:
Blaire Ludwig: lolz
Rico visser: im watching you
Blaire Ludwig: O,o
Rico visser: AUAUAUAUAUAUAUAU
Blaire Ludwig: lol.. no im scared
Blaire Ludwig:
Rico visser:
Blaire Ludwig: *hides under table and banket*
Rico visser: LOL
Blaire Ludwig:
Blaire Ludwig: ('
Blaire Ludwig: (:
Blaire Ludwig: (:
Blaire Ludwig: gtt
Blaire Ludwig: grr
Blaire Ludwig: (:
Blaire Ludwig:
Blaire Ludwig: dank you!
Blaire Ludwig: lolz
Blaire Ludwig: *craps rico* im scared..............
Rico visser: LOL
Rico visser: ?
Blaire Ludwig: lolz...........
Blaire Ludwig:
Blaire Ludwig: \./
Blaire Ludwig:
Rico visser: LOL
Blaire Ludwig: *spins rico aroudn..and dances*
Rico visser: LOL.....
Rico visser: *SRAWLS INTO A BALL AND ROWLS ON THE GROWND CRYING MOMY*
Blaire Ludwig: 
Blaire Ludwig: *sits in corner and cries*
Rico visser: LOL...J/K
Blaire Ludwig: rico hates me
Rico visser: i dont hate you
Rico visser: i love you
Rico visser:
Blaire Ludwig: aweeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee
Blaire Ludwig: love ya tooooooo
Blaire Ludwig:
Blaire Ludwig: ya jerk
Blaire Ludwig: lol jk
Rico visser:
Blaire Ludwig: rico hates me agaiN!
Rico visser: i dont hate you
Rico visser: i love you
Blaire Ludwig: but u were sad at me
Blaire Ludwig:
Rico visser:
Blaire Ludwig: >:<D
Blaire Ludwig:
Blaire Ludwig: me and chelsea are bein random..
Blaire Ludwig: oO
Rico visser: lol
Rico visser: O.o
Blaire Ludwig: lolz
Blaire Ludwig: O.o
Blaire Ludwig: O.O
Blaire Ludwig: o.o
Blaire Ludwig: o.O
Rico visser: lol
Rico visser: brb
Blaire Ludwig: okie dokie
Rico visser: back
Blaire Ludwig: i see dat..O.o
Rico visser: lol
Blaire Ludwig: lozl
Rico visser: i got my report card
Blaire Ludwig: realy
Blaire Ludwig: cool
Rico visser: i know
Rico visser: i pased
Blaire Ludwig: good job
Blaire Ludwig: *pants on the back*
Rico visser: lol

O.o random..

Me- ur ugly
marissa- ur mom
me- :( my mom died
me- 5 years ago..:(
Marissa- are you serious?!?!
me- yeah...:(
Marissa- IM SO SORRY! :(( :((:((
me- DUDE! i was like totally kindding :)) :D
Marissa- dont do that i am a very emtional person
me- lolz

so my cuzin sarah stayed the night last night..and we were trying to stay up the whole night..so..i was palyin my inuyasha game..and she went into my closet and found my old pokemon toys.
Sarah- You are misty and rico is james. I am jesse and edrique(ricos brother/ her x shes still obesssed with) is ash.
now this is what she said through the toys
Rico- Blaire will you marry me?
Blaire- ok
Ed- sarah will you marry me?
Sarah- ok lets go have sex!
Rico- we're not going to have sex. cuz we're blaire and rico. and blaire and rico dont have sex til theyre married.

I started kracking up it was sooo funny!

well me and rico talked and im no longer depressed! but then i got sick! just my luck! i stayed home from school..and slept alot..rico called in the morning and at his lunch..so it was coool..

depressed..first time in life..i cant eat..sleep..and if i do sleep..i cry my self to sleep..*sigh* this sux..

well..im still not my self..and me and rico talked..we're gonna stop "loving"..who the heck knows what that means..well..i feel like im loosing him..and i cried myself to sleep..tehn i had a bad dream..and woke up crying..im not my self..and it sux..ill try to put a smile on for yall at school..but'll be fake..

i havent felt my self in a long time...like 3 days..i think its cuz on sunday..what dom said..and now me and rico dont talk as much..johnny says in his vissions that we will be together..but im doutign..and im pretty sure..we'll always just be friends..my heart is breaking in 2..i feel like crying..and 2 ppl noticed..rico..and nicole..thanks guy..

well..i guess im better than yesterday..me and rico are still talking..its kinda awkward..but..we still say i love you...its weird..but..yea...