[Madame Black]'s diary
for those who are trying to figure out my mood swings and actually give a damn, I've been a bit hung up over a guy lately (yes yes, him) (confused people: him? who's him?!) I think I've only talked to like... two of you about it. The whole past two weeks have been so freakishly weird its just... amazing its only been two weeks. Barely two. Should you care to know more about the situation I'd be glad to tell you but its nothing all as dramatic as I make it out to be... I just happen to be a melodramatic person most of the time.
...And I may or may not be starting the IHHC here on Elftown... Alicia will understand this one too. Tis the I Hate Her Club, refering to John's girlfriend... John being my dood I'm hung up over. We hate her, yes. Fun.
ANYWAY... what I was really writing this for was to ask anyone on my friend's list who might happen to play around with or fix RC cars, mostly gas ones, if you might be able to aid in educating me about the tools needed and used most often. I work at a hobby store so I should be able to get some things there, or at least some small cheap spare parts as well. Let's just say I'm helping with a Christmas gift
Aaaaanyway, that's all I think. Will update if anything seriously major happens in reguards to my situation afore mentioned. I am very tired now and I have to work tomorrow so there's no massive sleeping in. Pray the mall wont be MURDEROUS.... god I hate Christmas. Toodles mates
Written about Sunday 2005-08-07
Written: (7047 days ago)
good lord, havent done this in a while. Well the only reason I'm posting here is because I have an image to display to all those who care, should there be any, and to hopefully avoid the guards wrath.. since Elftown seems to hate me with a passion. so here it is!
Given to me by [LunaSoleil], so watch out! She's a devious one, that Luna. Any and all harrassing things will be dealt with by her.... or at least she'll hear about them, lol. Personal guard dog, tee.
other than that... have a nice night.... or day, depending on where you are
been a while since I've written.. but I need to blab to SOMEONE about this... though I seriously doubt anyone reads this stupid thing
My "wittle crushie" has been messing with my head, seriously. He's been flirting with me, but I found out today that he doesnt even like me! In fact, he has a "special friend" even -.- am really frickin pissed. I really really liked him... and I could've sworn he liked me too, and yet... not, supposedly. I mean, how frickin wrong is that?! You just dont mess with someone's head like that. I mean, I'm glad he can find someone on the spot like that, but for ppl like me, who've never had a boyfriend at the age of 17... its pathetic. I'm emmotional and rather clingish at times, and if someone is flirting with me, that I just so happen to like, THEY BETTER FRICKIN BE SERIOUS -.- *grumbles*
Now I gotta act as if I dont know for.. however long it takes... and I'll be seeing him again soon
Am SO about to cry right now.... its really making me depressed
Here I thought I had my perfect guy (rushing things a bit, wasnt I?) and he doesnt even like me! Yet was flirting!
EEEEEEEEEEEEEE
ok, am done now... though I could go on forever
whoa buddy... and a long time later, I'm really FLIPPIN happy! My crushie... likes me, I think.. and... THAT'S WONDERFUL, considering twould be the first time I'd have happened! yay! this is what happened
I told him about this song right, it goes...
Goodnight, sleep tight, no more tears, in the morning I'll be here. When we say goodnight, dry your eyes, because we said goodnight and not goodbye
so this is the conversation that followed...
basebal******: are you saying you must leave
ElvenRinger: lol, no, but when I do.. whenever that is... you can think of that song, lol ^^
baseb******: ok
ElvenRinger: cause I know.. it would just break your heart... -sniff- :P
baseballf****: it will
basebal****: (kissy symbol)
ElvenRinger: awwww, lol.. I feel appreciated
baseba*****: you should
EEEEEEEEEEEEEE
he's never said anything like that before! totally took me by surprise! -SWOONS- my heart... is... POUNDING, I tell yas!
Just got back not long ago from my friend's visitation. Worst thing I've ever been to; having never been to one before. She looked so sad and more like a wax figure than anything. I kept expecting to see her stomach slowly rise as she breathed peacefully as if asleep, but she no longer breaths. Her family was taking it very well, and I was surprised. I learned that her husband was with her as she died and he told her of all the characteristic
And still I did not cry, though I nearly did several times. I came in the room shaking like a leaf and left with somewhat of a smile. I wont be able to make it to the funeral tomorrow, though my heart goes out. Today was all I could handle.
even more depressed than before. My lady friend died today from cancer in her leg, kidney and back. She had four children the youngest of which was 7 I believe, and the oldest was 15. She was Christian and so I know where she is right now and I'm glad that she isnt in anymore pain, though it will be hard to know that her children will grow up without a mother. We loved her dearly and was not expecting her sudden death.
She was a strong woman, quick to smile and with a witty humour. She was always encouraging and giving wisdom to all who asked for it. We will miss her always.
As soon as possible, I'm setting up a memorial on either my wiki page or my house.
not so terribly depressed today.... got to talk to my crushie and such...woo... made me happy... then depressed cause I wanted to talk longer and jenk. Yeah
Tis all for now
well, my laptop goes bye bye today... twas my step mom's. So my postings here will get more random until my computer gets fixed. Yeah, so just thought I'd let you know.
-sigh-
"How did it come to this?"
Well, my dad came over tonight to tell me that he and my step mom.. married just 2 months, are splitting up. He was crying and about throwing a fit saying how if it werent for me he would commit suicide... and I've never even seen my dad cry but once. I about lost it as well. You see, my real mom and I dont get along very well, though we have to live together, and my step mom was like, my escape... my friend, the mom I should've had. Even my best friend loved her...having hated and being hated my real mom. I've already been through one divorce, and that's enough for me. I cant deal with another one. I'm way too emotional and I get really schitzo-like when I get depressed... schitzoprenia runs in my family so there's a good chance I could have a bit of it somewhere in me.
So yeah, this isnt good and I'm depressed.
Listening to Evanescence Last Breath, and Imaginary a lot... Imaginary being my theme song for my life
-sigh- so difficult
mkay, I just saw Signs right? well.... I'm a terribly, and I mean TERRIBLY paranoid person, okies? I got freaked out, yesh I did. And.... I'm paranoid now. I have this odd desire to board up my windows, grab a bat and some tinfoil and a flash light... and.... stay the night at a friend's... Yeah, so.. what did you do? Bet it wasnt as fun as trapsing throgh a corn feild.... I did that before the movie... mind you... that was interesting.
Did I mention I'm not normal? Yeah, I think you already know by now.... anyway
yesh, well, mkay... am sitting on my couch listening to Evanescence again, with my best friend beside me... she wants to say something, yesh...
Jen: ummm.....hi
yay, anyway... not much to say, just wanted to do something stupid like that... toodles
Written about Saturday 2003-09-27
Written: (7727 days ago)
dood... why on earth have I all of a sudden wanted to be a goth?! I dont get it! One day I start listening to Evanescence... the next, I'm wearing all black with heavy black makeup! Not like I do the whole wiccan, terribly depressed, usually thought of as a low life sort of Goth... not saying they all are... I just like the clothes, hair and makeup! I think it'd be cool to be one of those Goth Christians that all the other freaks think is cool because she's like them, but different. I dunno...rawr
Got attacked by bees last weekend o.o twasnt good!
Someone else asked me to illustrate a few things for her story, and I've got about 3 ppl to draw! Yay! cant wait to begin on them.
Just made myself a wire diadem and slave bracelet and they look lurvly. Might make another website and try to sell them. Ah well.
Never got to take my pictures from last weekend and so I'm going to try again very soon. Should be lurvly, yesh.
Well, toodles
Recently did two pictures for two different people... think they turned out lurvly! So far, the one who's written back as of now, seemed to have liked it as well! Quite happy, yesh.
Am about to go out in the woods next to my dad's house and take some pictures with chairs! How fun! lol. Should prove very interesting...
And I've been working on some logos and such for my online store (http://www.caf
Am listening to Enya's, The Celts, cd... lurvly. Just love Gaelic.. must learn more! Tis all for now