For my new piece I'm doing. Yes, I'm doing art again... slowly. I've been all gung-ho about my star sign lately, seeing as how it is completely and utterly ME. I'm doing Mucha style star sign designs, starting with mine. I had a weird experiance tonight which got me rolling on this finally. It's been really windy and warm so I went outside tonight and started looking at the stars and the warmth and the wind just made me feel all nice and happy inside. I really wished it would have stormed, but I cant be picky. Getting in a weird mood, I said something like this out into the night, into the wind.


Scorpio’s Love Song


Give it back to me
That which I once loved
Bring to me all that once was good and pure
Give it back
Let it billow and roll like the thunderous sea
Let it crash down upon me
Drown me
Saturate me until I am whole again
Give me back my passion that was stolen from me
My spirit
My life
Make me who I once was
Feared and powerful over all who did not know me
Loved and cared for by those who did
Give me back all that I once had
And lost to love
Rain down upon me my inspiration
My art
My passion that once was
Make my countenance and character be like a gentle brook
But my spirit like a roaring fire
Now give me peace
Let me sleep in quiet streams
And forget my sorrows
Give me life, anew

I'm sorry everyone... I really do feel bad about leaving you all behind in the roleplaying and otherwise. I havent been myself lately, and I dont see an end to it any time soon. I really hate that Stargate and Underground have suffered so much, even though not all of it is my fault, I'm sure, but I feel responsable since they're mine that I havent kept them going like I should. I've just, honestly, lost all desire to roleplay for the time being. Yes, even Quintz. I just dont feel up to it. I dont know what I'll do in the meantime... I may try to get someone else to try to get them going again, but until then... I am really sorry. I've already apologized on DA for not doing any art, and they're all linked to what I've talked about before, but again I'm not going into detail.

Um... again... sorry... you may be seeing less of me on ET as well.. I just dont feel like getting online much anymore either. One day I guess I'll stop writing too... and then dreaming... and god knows what else. Sorry for my melodramism and angst.... it'll only get worse in the next couple days

well I said I would update you on anything major that happened in reguards to my situation afore mentioned, but I havent. Mainly because if I havent told you about it, you either dont need to know, or I kinda dont want you to know.... most likely you would be better off not knowing. For whatever reason I feel like ranting about my stupidity and how really truly moronic I am.

have you ever felt like you were so naive about something, and yet you were smart enough to know at the time that you're being naive, and yet you're not going to do anything about it? If that made any sense at all, you know how I feel. I want to be with him (ah yes, its about him... those of you in the dark are asking, who the hell is him? you shall be sufficiently in the dark unless you ask). I dont know why I want to be with him, because a reasonable person would be like... hell no. He has so many faults, so many bad character traits... and yet, I love him in a way. Dont get me wrong, more as a friend than anything, but I do really care about him. I so badly wish he wasnt the way he was, because if he werent... well, he'd be perfect. But then again, arent all people perfect if they loose all their bad traits? But I guess I mean more for myself, he would be perfect. But I am so fucking naive to think that if he wasnt with her, and wanted to be with me, that somehow he would be different. He wouldnt cheat on me like he did her, because she's a bitch and treated him so badly that it made him want to be with someone else. I am so naive that I actually think my love would somehow make him a better person in the end. God you have no idea how much I hate that about myself. To sit here and tell myself, "this is how it is and he's never going to love you" and then completely disreguard myself and ignore all reason and sense. I swear its going to kill me in the end. Especially if I keep fucking myself like this. And I will. If I'm this way with him, its not going to change. It would be so much easier if I could just... actually get a damn boyfriend so I could just sorta... forget about him. The only other guy I'm interested in at the moment is more or less a stranger (some guy in one of my classes) and he doesnt seem interested so far.

Damnit, and now that V day is so close... (fuckinpieceofromanticbullshitofaholidaythatneverendsuphappyforme.....) its really just making everything so much worse. When all you see is love everywhere, not only in advertisements, but people in general... holding hands, kissing, hugging, telling their person they love them... god it really gets to me. Everything I have ever wanted, and everything I have never had. Thank god Karrie is getting me some moonshine just in time for a much needed drunken sleep to pass the rest of the day. Cause I'll be working with him on V day, and I swear I'm going in the back room to cry on my break... its going to be so hard... that when I get home about 6:30, I'm going to drink myself silly and just sleep the rest of the fuckin day away. Drown myself in my sorrows. Cause he's not going to get me anything... I'll be lucky if he's sympathetic and tries to comfort me... I mean, after all, he's got his fuckin girlfriend.... the bitch... why would he go out of his way to do something for me on a holiday he supposedly doesnt even celebrate. Pfft, sure.


so... so depressed... sorry guys, I really didnt want to rant that much, but I guess I had a lot to rant about. I doubt many of you even read below the first line or two. Um, I'm going to go do homework now... cause I forgot I had to. Just please do me a favour... next tuesday... dont even mention valentines day to me? please? I doubt I'll even get online, we'll see. I dont think I could handle all the love shit

toodles

for those who are trying to figure out my mood swings and actually give a damn, I've been a bit hung up over a guy lately (yes yes, him) (confused people: him? who's him?!) I think I've only talked to like... two of you about it. The whole past two weeks have been so freakishly weird its just... amazing its only been two weeks. Barely two. Should you care to know more about the situation I'd be glad to tell you but its nothing all as dramatic as I make it out to be... I just happen to be a melodramatic person most of the time.

...And I may or may not be starting the IHHC here on Elftown... Alicia will understand this one too. Tis the I Hate Her Club, refering to John's girlfriend... John being my dood I'm hung up over. We hate her, yes. Fun.


ANYWAY... what I was really writing this for was to ask anyone on my friend's list who might happen to play around with or fix RC cars, mostly gas ones, if you might be able to aid in educating me about the tools needed and used most often. I work at a hobby store so I should be able to get some things there, or at least some small cheap spare parts as well. Let's just say I'm helping with a Christmas gift



Aaaaanyway, that's all I think. Will update if anything seriously major happens in reguards to my situation afore mentioned. I am very tired now and I have to work tomorrow so there's no massive sleeping in. Pray the mall wont be MURDEROUS.... god I hate Christmas. Toodles mates

good lord, havent done this in a while. Well the only reason I'm posting here is because I have an image to display to all those who care, should there be any, and to hopefully avoid the guards wrath.. since Elftown seems to hate me with a passion. so here it is!

Given to me by [LunaSoleil], so watch out! She's a devious one, that Luna. Any and all harrassing things will be dealt with by her.... or at least she'll hear about them, lol. Personal guard dog, tee.

other than that... have a nice night.... or day, depending on where you are

been a while since I've written.. but I need to blab to SOMEONE about this... though I seriously doubt anyone reads this stupid thing
My "wittle crushie" has been messing with my head, seriously. He's been flirting with me, but I found out today that he doesnt even like me! In fact, he has a "special friend" even -.- am really frickin pissed. I really really liked him... and I could've sworn he liked me too, and yet... not, supposedly. I mean, how frickin wrong is that?! You just dont mess with someone's head like that. I mean, I'm glad he can find someone on the spot like that, but for ppl like me, who've never had a boyfriend at the age of 17... its pathetic. I'm emmotional and rather clingish at times, and if someone is flirting with me, that I just so happen to like, THEY BETTER FRICKIN BE SERIOUS -.- *grumbles*
Now I gotta act as if I dont know for.. however long it takes... and I'll be seeing him again soon
Am SO about to cry right now.... its really making me depressed
Here I thought I had my perfect guy (rushing things a bit, wasnt I?) and he doesnt even like me! Yet was flirting!
EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE I want to mutilate something reaaally bad -growls-

ok, am done now... though I could go on forever

whoa buddy... and a long time later, I'm really FLIPPIN happy! My crushie... likes me, I think.. and... THAT'S WONDERFUL, considering twould be the first time I'd have happened! yay! this is what happened
I told him about this song right, it goes...
Goodnight, sleep tight, no more tears, in the morning I'll be here. When we say goodnight, dry your eyes, because we said goodnight and not goodbye

so this is the conversation that followed...

basebal******: are you saying you must leave
ElvenRinger: lol, no, but when I do.. whenever that is... you can think of that song, lol ^^
baseb******: ok
ElvenRinger: cause I know.. it would just break your heart... -sniff- :P
baseballf****: it will
basebal****: (kissy symbol)
ElvenRinger: awwww, lol.. I feel appreciated
baseba*****: you should

EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE
he's never said anything like that before! totally took me by surprise! -SWOONS- my heart... is... POUNDING, I tell yas!

Just got back not long ago from my friend's visitation. Worst thing I've ever been to; having never been to one before. She looked so sad and more like a wax figure than anything. I kept expecting to see her stomach slowly rise as she breathed peacefully as if asleep, but she no longer breaths. Her family was taking it very well, and I was surprised. I learned that her husband was with her as she died and he told her of all the characteristics he loved about her, and she clasped his hand and left this world. It made me feel better to know that she left like that. I couldnt approach the casket though I looked from afar. Everyone there was wearing toe-socks, because she would always wear them. I've got a poem to write tomorrow for English and I'm going to write about that... wearing toe-socks.
And still I did not cry, though I nearly did several times. I came in the room shaking like a leaf and left with somewhat of a smile. I wont be able to make it to the funeral tomorrow, though my heart goes out. Today was all I could handle.

even more depressed than before. My lady friend died today from cancer in her leg, kidney and back. She had four children the youngest of which was 7 I believe, and the oldest was 15. She was Christian and so I know where she is right now and I'm glad that she isnt in anymore pain, though it will be hard to know that her children will grow up without a mother. We loved her dearly and was not expecting her sudden death.
She was a strong woman, quick to smile and with a witty humour. She was always encouraging and giving wisdom to all who asked for it. We will miss her always.
As soon as possible, I'm setting up a memorial on either my wiki page or my house.

not so terribly depressed today.... got to talk to my crushie and such...woo... made me happy... then depressed cause I wanted to talk longer and jenk. Yeah
Tis all for now

well, my laptop goes bye bye today... twas my step mom's. So my postings here will get more random until my computer gets fixed. Yeah, so just thought I'd let you know.
-sigh-
"How did it come to this?"

Well, my dad came over tonight to tell me that he and my step mom.. married just 2 months, are splitting up. He was crying and about throwing a fit saying how if it werent for me he would commit suicide... and I've never even seen my dad cry but once. I about lost it as well. You see, my real mom and I dont get along very well, though we have to live together, and my step mom was like, my escape... my friend, the mom I should've had. Even my best friend loved her...having hated and being hated my real mom. I've already been through one divorce, and that's enough for me. I cant deal with another one. I'm way too emotional and I get really schitzo-like when I get depressed... schitzoprenia runs in my family so there's a good chance I could have a bit of it somewhere in me.
So yeah, this isnt good and I'm depressed.
Listening to Evanescence Last Breath, and Imaginary a lot... Imaginary being my theme song for my life
-sigh- so difficult

mkay, I just saw Signs right? well.... I'm a terribly, and I mean TERRIBLY paranoid person, okies? I got freaked out, yesh I did. And.... I'm paranoid now. I have this odd desire to board up my windows, grab a bat and some tinfoil and a flash light... and.... stay the night at a friend's... Yeah, so.. what did you do? Bet it wasnt as fun as trapsing throgh a corn feild.... I did that before the movie... mind you... that was interesting.
Did I mention I'm not normal? Yeah, I think you already know by now.... anyway

yesh, well, mkay... am sitting on my couch listening to Evanescence again, with my best friend beside me... she wants to say something, yesh...
Jen: ummm.....hi
yay, anyway... not much to say, just wanted to do something stupid like that... toodles

dood... why on earth have I all of a sudden wanted to be a goth?! I dont get it! One day I start listening to Evanescence... the next, I'm wearing all black with heavy black makeup! Not like I do the whole wiccan, terribly depressed, usually thought of as a low life sort of Goth... not saying they all are... I just like the clothes, hair and makeup! I think it'd be cool to be one of those Goth Christians that all the other freaks think is cool because she's like them, but different. I dunno...rawr

Got attacked by bees last weekend o.o twasnt good!

Someone else asked me to illustrate a few things for her story, and I've got about 3 ppl to draw! Yay! cant wait to begin on them.

Just made myself a wire diadem and slave bracelet and they look lurvly. Might make another website and try to sell them. Ah well.

Never got to take my pictures from last weekend and so I'm going to try again very soon. Should be lurvly, yesh.

Well, toodles

Recently did two pictures for two different people... think they turned out lurvly! So far, the one who's written back as of now, seemed to have liked it as well! Quite happy, yesh.
Am about to go out in the woods next to my dad's house and take some pictures with chairs! How fun! lol. Should prove very interesting...
And I've been working on some logos and such for my online store (http://www.cafeshops.com/tincanshop) which sells merchandise based on my website, TinCan Productions (http://elfqueentindomiel.tripod.com/tincanproductions) a parody based on LOTR. Its a "company" that sells Elvish home care products.
Am listening to Enya's, The Celts, cd... lurvly. Just love Gaelic.. must learn more! Tis all for now