I wish that I could stop thinking, if only for a second...to have relief from the emotion that threatens to choke me up with tears. I just wish I didn't care..I wish it didn't hurt so bad. I just want so badly to let go but I can't.....
I think back to the day you first messaged me, to the night at the gravel piles, to the night we watched movies and I fell asleep next to you feeling that nothing could come between us, I think back to the night we went to your old elementry school playground and the things you told me happened there, being there with you just looking at the moon was more than I could ever ask for,,,I think back to the dramatic night I caused after your brother's concert, the day after when I ended it all out of being too scared to put you through that again, the feeling I got as soon as I sent that message was what I thought would be the most horrible...but I wasn't even close, I remember what it felt like to wake up on your couch thinking everything was okay again, then coming to the harsh reality that things were far from okay, I remember being overwhelmed with emotion when you were talking to her and saying all the same things you used to say to me and running down the street crying uncontrolably and I think back to how pathetic I felt when your mom was driving beside me...I remember every word that was said since the day I met you...I would give anything to have that back...I wish you felt the same way.
Love like death changes everyone.
I really wish you wouldn't over analyze things...thing
You start shaking at the thought you are everything I want
'Cause you are everything I'm not
Is it real enough for you now?...
I love you
I have loved you all along
And I miss you
Been far away for far too long
I keep dreaming you'll be with me
and you'll never go
Stop breathing if
I don't see you anymore
I'm sure she's better in alot of ways and I'm sure she's great and much better than me...but in my mind, you'll never find anyone that loves you the way I do...
Your the one that kept me going...what do I do now that your gone?
always
Lying beside you,
Listening to you breathe.
The life that flows inside of you,
Burns inside of me
Hold and speak to me,
Of love without a sound.
Tell me you will live through this,
And I will die for you.
Cast me not away.
Say you'll be with me.
For I know I cannot bear it all alone.
Can't fight it all away, Can't hope it all away.
Can't scream it all away, It just won't fade away.
^^^^^
Um don't really know what to say about this besides it's just a part of a song by Evenescence that holds alot of meaning to me now...
You once told me that you got into your car and didn't put on your seat belt just hoping with everything in you that you would have a wreck and everything would be over....those words have never held so much meaning until now.
I don't know what else I can give...I love you but, that's not enough anymore.
I fucked up...I don't know how, but I did, I must have. I don't understand. What did I do wrong and why can't a fix it? Things were fine a total of probably 18-19 hours ago. I don't know what I did.
July 4, 2006 1:50 AM
I think....NO...
^^^^^^^^
lucky my ass...if that were true, you'd still be here...
i wont call you anymore because it hurts too much to hear that answering machine over and again. i won't think about you anymore because it hurts too much not to know that your okay. i won't make you my everything ever again because it hurts too much to know that I'm nothing to you.
alone
I feel like I'm not even human. I'm dead in your eyes, as well as in mine. I look in the mirror and see a different person. I don't have thoughts. All I have is guilt. All of this is way too dramatic. I feel like I'm in some kind of movie. Not a real person. Just a "thing" trying to be real. I don't know what to do with myself. I can't sleep. All I can do is sit and guilt myself into another place until I drive myself insane. It wasn't supposed to be like this. This is all wrong. What I have is my guilt and my shame. I feel like it's all I use to get through the day. Things are spiraling out of control. If I'm not in control, I'm not alive. I'm numb to emotions. I can't cry anymore. I don't get mad. I just sit and stay in one mood. Nothing alters to the sligtest degree. From the bottom of all my shame and guilt...the only emotion I have is how sorry I am. I truely am sorry.
So long you've been gone.
So long I've missed you.
So long I've wondered what your like.
My dream came true.
But this isn't the real you.
No, this isn't you, it can't be true.
For you to do what you've done,
you've let me down.
But for the last time.
You won't be able to anymore.
I'm leaving you and all this disappointment
There's no use in you trying to make me stay.
Things will never get better like you say.
by: me....about mi madre
It kills me to see you like this
your sorrow cuts through me like the razor you once held.
This is like nothing I've ever felt before
I hate to see you, your heart sore and broken.
I try to stop you, but you've already spoken.
The scars we share are what make us a pair.
I see you falling but I can't reach you.
I'm not pulling through like I promised I would do.
You talk to me but I don't know what to say,
I feel like I've failed you in that special way.
by: me.....to a friend...a while back
"Fog"
It's getting foggy and I can't see.
Why can't I see what lies ahead of me?
Will things ever get better than what they are?
It's like walking with no flashlight in the dark.
What will happen next, I'm dying to know.
The fog gets thicker the more I wonder.
Maybe I don't want to know, out of fright I might not recover. Have I ever recovered from the first time of getting hurt?
Does anyone remember who I used to be?
I used to be a member of this family.
I used to think that this family would last, but the fog has thickened over the past.
by: me
I want to hide, but I'm too proud.
I just can't let him push me down.
I don't want him to see me cry, but soon my anger turns to tears, and love turns to fear.
I run away, once again.
I'm so ashamed.
He's under stress, that's no excuse,
I've done nothing to deserve this abuse.
That's a poem I wrote today. I know it needs work. Any consructive critism would be nice :)
As he stands over her, her lips pale and cold.
He thinks back on there life together,
She so selfishly sold.
As his mind drifts far, far away.
The sorrow in his eyes,
No one could say.
All the words spoken, so sincere,
Never would he think she’d leave him here.
As he turns to walk away,
He wishes he were dreaming that dreadful day.
umm yea that would be a poem i wrote a looong time ago...i was really pleased with it when i wrote it but now that i look back on it i'd say its kinda gay. but its about a dream i had about my friend and her boyfriend. sad stuff man.
hey this is pretty kool. never noticed it before..maybe i'll use it. (diary thingy)
well ummm. yea pretty much just found out that this dude that i thought was awsumly awsum turned out to be a complete two faced, lying, son of a bitch, nautical asshole. haha nautical...i dont think i've ever used that word. I think I'll start....im so tired