I don't mind being wanted, but there are some people I just do not want to be pursued by. Blah

I am afraid, afraid that I've gotten myself a leech. A guy I was with for a little while last year has returned for school, at Christmas we had seperated due to his uncertianty of being gay (and I don't date closet cases). After that he began talking badly about me, so I was fine being done with him. Today he walks into the library and tells me he was hoping he would be able to see me and wanted to talk this evening. He seemed to be nervous, and had an almost fake looking smile plastered on. I so hope he does not want to get back together, and just want him to leave me alone. ARRGG! Some people should just dissapear forever. 

School starts tomorrow, and even though I will not be attending it means that more stuff is going to be going on. Excited for auditions on Tuesday, and meeting all the drama people tomorrow. I'm really rather tired right now, so that is all. ^_^

Vin was actually aware of me today, true all of my dealings with him before have been more through Briar, but still, there is some satisfaction it breaking through. I also visitied Werethylacine's site, some good stuff there, I really like they way she does eyes, very soul-full. I want to get my recent pictures on elfwood, but it won't happen until sometime in September, due to scanner avalibility. I have not put anything on for a long time and feel that I have improved with my more recent art, well...I guess it's just that I had an art spurt, which is really the only time that I feel really good about what I draw, and it's only happened I think three times in my life, so I draw like mad during those times, and hope to get some pictures completed. The drawing of Briar turned out pretty well, and I'm thinking I may want to draw Vin, we'll see. (Durty, nasty Vincerius O,~) Well, I think I may be done here for the day, or perhaps I'll come back later this evening. we shall see what we shall see.

I'm feeling ill today, stomach flu or something. It started last night just before the county talent show, so I did not perform very well. I'm hoping I'll be recovered for auditions on the 26th. who knows.

I don't know why I starting chatting in this town, I guess I didn't think I would meet anyone significant. I knew that the chat rooms take up so much time, even if it's just waiting for the people you know to come in. And now I feel like I cannot stop the chatting, because I feel a have a small place there, even if it's just the guy with the mice =p but I feel bad using up all my time on people who will eventually just fade away from my life. I guess it's for the immediate gratification, feel accepted and having someone to get along with. The Drama geeks are starting to return to the campus, so I may fill that need with them, but I feel it would be bad of me to neglect Elftown, because I feel I owe these people something. Maybe I'll just gradually slow down my visits until people stop expecting me, or stop coming all together. But I don't want people to think I no longer like them, It would be nice to continue a chatroom relationship with someone for once. But once people get older, and no longer need the peer support they cannot find in their area's they stop coming. I guess I still need that support. *sigh* some of the people are never forgotten, some are, but some touch me too deeply to fade away. Atuarre, BizRodin, I_don't_drive_the_ambulance, and an assortment of others (none from elftown were mentioned, simply becasue they are all meaningful at this time, in their ways) being gay sucks, at least in Utah. Well, enough rambling from me, for now.

People can be so stupid. Kathryn just gushed to me about she and Ryon, who is ingaged to Laurel, whom I was on the phone with until three o'clock two nights ago trying to give comfort. It seems there is more going on between Ryon and Kathryn than Laurel or I knew, I like Ryon, but have lost any expectations for him about two months ago, since the strip phase-10 game he had with two other girls, Laurel didn't know of course. Kathryn keeps baiting Ryon, who loves Laurel more, but since she lives about two hours away wants the comfort of a femal, something he has been known to get into before, having a girl on the side. It would all be nice and solved if one of them would convieniently drop off the face of the earth. A spacific one. No such luck eh?

I have now moved to a new location, since I'm sure all of you wanted to know that. Still in the same town, but closer to the college campus. School starts in one week, which means auditions for the firts play will be in one week and one day! We will be putting on Peter Pan. I'm hopeful to get (and everyone who has already come down seems to believe it) Captian Hook. I got a nice wound on the middle finger of my right hand last night practicing the sword routine that we are going to perform at the Halloween dance. I think I just pulled loose the wound that Kathryne had inflicted a week or two ago because no one ever made contact with it. Ryon got a nice welt across the forehead though, I'm not sure if it was becasue he was not used to the contact, if the light was too dim, or if I just overreached. It was probably a combination of all of the above. (It was the first time I've gotten someone with my rapier though, and I didn't draw blood!) That's all the fun exciting stuff going on in my life right now. Buh bye.

(#4) I may have a way of making pictures of me available...if you care to make the effort. You can go to hhtp://www.snow.edu/~theatre/ and click on 'past productions' I was in some of the pictures from the plays, so you might not really concider it me. You would click on the 'stage photos' under the plays, which are (the numbers are the order of the pics', I'm in these ones)
The Odd Couple: pic's 2,3,4,and 6 (It's a fun 'find me' game! Sorry the odd couple pics' are so fuzzy, the others are better!)
The Diary of Anne Frank: 1,3,4 and 6
Harvey: 1
Loves Labours Lost: 1,2 (in 2 I'm in the middle wearing blue)
Dancing at Lughnasa: 4,5,6 (Warning you, these are bad pics')
The Miser: 1,2,4,5,6 (Me without hair!)

(So many sneaky snipits to be snuck in petween patrons) I work at a library, by the way, and am writing in the empty moments when there are no patrons needing my help or supervisors giving me projects. I've decided, screw people. I will write it like it is and if it scares them away, good ridance, and if they like me more for it, all the better. It was fun chatting with Briar, haven't been able to just play around for some time. I would be fun to meet again, though I am sure there are other fun people here in elftown also. (Three entries in one day, thus far! Should I be afraid, very afraid?)

Met cool Briar today. I don't know how personal I should get with this whole online diary thing. I've always kind of thought they should be private, not that I mind people knowing about me. I just never know if what I say will offend people. And I don't know if I should write it for me or for Elftown. Have to get back to work.

Oh, my diary is sad and empty. Well, I just set up an elfwood account, so that is a little bit of an interesting fun thing. It will be interesting exploring this area becasue I really know nothing about it. at all. Sorry, I know that I now have an online diary! Hum hum. It would be nice to be able to post some pictures, I'll need to ask Angie how, and then I should be able to do it from home. I really don't have anything terribly interesting to say just now, and am interested in exploring more of elftown, but could not leave my diray sad and empty. So now I will go. buy.