Dear Diary,
I got an 89% on a hard Econ. test. When I showed me mum my good grade, she spat on it and hit me across the face his a measuring cup {she had been baking}. I have a huge welt on my face, but the cookies me mum baked were delicious! I love her! Wouldn't you just kill for a mother like mine?!

Dear Diary, I piddled me pants today. mother hit me for making such a big mess! i think i'm gonna take my life now! i don't wanna piddle anymore!!!!