(what i have written next is a pure rant of my feelings. i'm not looking for pity or trying to sound emo... so you don't have to read this if you don't want to)
i don't know what to say... that i'm sad or what. i just don't get how another girl could mean so much you have to leave someone twice in the same week for her. i thought you loved me, but i guess not. i don't know why some people have to be the way they are. he said he wanted to marry me, for real this time, then three days later he leaves me for her. what about our happy life together? i was going to give everything to you... i don't know. i can't change your mind or anything. i can't be a better person to make you love me. i am who i am. but i did try not to get mad so much. i was commited and i really did love him like i said, but i'm glad he chose not to pity me. i still don't know why that would be, if he loved me at all then staying with me would be more then just a pity party. *sigh* i tried, i really did. i've fucked up a lot with relationships, but i tried this time, so if this was all my fault then either i'm hopeless or i just need to try harder... i feel like i could have been better from the start but maybe this would still be inevitable. now i don't know what's going to happen... will we talk? and how much... what am i going to say if he calls? act like i'm not hurt... god i know i would be lying which is what i didn't want him to do. maybe it will be for the best.
there are two songs i was going to post lyrics for (here comes the emo part *fake laugh*) but then my diary would be too long so i'll just say what they are and whoever reads this wants to know, they can look it up.
"Now That We're Done" by Metro Station <---the best
"Take Me Away" by Plain White T's
this is horrible... i feel so horrible... nothing i do matters to him and i'm trying so hard to keep him with me. i love him so much, but it doesn't make a difference. i try to talk to him... i tell him how i feel. i've cried too many times over him and none of it makes a difference and i'm falling apart. i feel like i can't talk to him because it just hurts me more. i never get through to him and i feel like he's just going to find another girl better than me. i'm falling apart, just literally my spirit is breaking. why can't he see how much he really matters? and why doesn't he feel the same? i know that i have to work for love, but i should have to put myself through pain everyday just to have it when he doesn't act like i make a difference in his world. all i wanted was him to show me how much he loves me. to show me how special i am so i don't feel like i do. i don't think i'm asking too much, but then why is it so difficult? i know i'm not just over-reaacting and i will not take the blame for another thing i didn't do. i just need to feel better... i need him to make me feel better...
Poison- Life Goes On
I felt this before
Now I feel it again
No matter how hard I try
This feeling won't end
So I, pretend you're here by my side
Tonight on this lonely ride
I keep telling myself that
Chorus:
Life goes on while you're miles away
And I need you
Time rolls on as night steals the day
There's nothing I can do
You healed up my wounds
I tasted your tears
You spilled out your heart
So I let out my fears
But one fear I kept to myself
How I prayed that you'd love no one else
Like you're saying you love me
Chorus
If you only knew how much I miss you
Solo
When my mind plays these tricks on me
It shows me things I don't want to see
That's why I tell myself now
I keep tellin' myself now
Just take another piece of me
Life goes on while you're miles away
And I need you
Time rolls on as night steals the day
There's nothing I can do
Love goes on, you're still miles away
And I miss you
And this last mile, I travel with you
Hey everybody just wanted to say that you should all join my friend Aidan's new site Vampiretavern.
he and i would appreciate it soooooooooooo much so please join =)
PLEASE!
i love Langdon sooooooo much and i don't care who knows it! ^.^ *tackles him*
(by the way... this diary entry was posted like two days ago so take that, hunnie :P)
Dashboard Confessional- Hands Down
Breathe in for luck.
Breathe in so deep.
This air is blessed, you share with me.
This night is wild, so calm and dull.
These hearts, they race, from self-control.
Your legs are smooth, as they graze mine.
We're doing fine.
We're doing nothing at all.
My hopes are so high that your kiss might kill me.
So won't you kill me?
So I die happy.
My heart is yours to fill or burst,
to break or bury, or wear as jewelry.
Whichever you prefer.
The words are hushed, "let's not get busted."
Just lay entwined here, undiscovered.
Safe in here from all the stupid questions.
"Hey did you get some?"
Man that is so dumb.
Stay quiet, stay near, stay close, they can't hear.
So we can get some.
My hopes are so high that your kiss might kill me.
So won't you kill me?
So I die happy.
My heart is yours to fill or burst,
to break or bury, or wear as jewelry.
Whichever you prefer.
Hands down this is the best day I can ever remember.
Always remember the sound of the stereo.
The dim of the soft lights.
The scent of your hair, that you twirled in your fingers.
And the time on the clock, when we realized "It's so late!"
And this walk that we share together.
The streets were wet, and the gate was locked,
So I jumped it, and let you in.
And you stood at the door, with your hands on my waist.
And you kissed me like you meant it.
And I knew...that you meant it.
even though this was like over a week ago... Langdon still tagged me...
Rules: Once you’ve been tagged, you are supposed to write a note with 16 random things, facts, habits, or goals about you. At the end, choose 16 people to be tagged. You have to tag the person who tagged you. If I tagged you, it’s because I want to know more about you!
--------------
1) it's no surprise that i hate where i live, but i'm thinking about moving to florida one day.
2) i hate when people eat like they're starving.
3) i hate that little kid in the Mazda commercials that says "zoom zoom"
4) i'm not much for sequels though there are some good ones.
5) i love all the cats in our house but i tend to favor my cat, Oreo, over our other ones.
6) i laughed at the Titanic when Leonardo de Caprio died.
7) i have a lot of kid-like qualities in me including my love for dinosaur-shape
8) my favorite number is 8.
9) i want to get married someday.
10) i've neglected my friends lately for things i feel aren't as important, but i want to make it up to them.
11) oh yeah i hate Splenda... the no sugar sweetener... i mean seriously it says right in the commercials that it looks like sugar, tastes like sugar, and is even made from sugar but it's not sugar. like ok... if it looks like a duck, quacks like a duck, and was even made from ducks, i guess it must be a hippopotamus.
12) i don't like sports.
13) i like to knit, but i only use my powers for good... like knitting GIR and penguins and the project i'm doing right now which i can't say what it is because Ryan might actually read this.
14) i think i fall in love way to easily, but that doesn't mean i don't mean it.
15) i want these double-standar
16) i have a boyfriend right now, but i think i'm falling mad for someone else.
AND I TAG!
1) [Xorital]
2) [Infested_Zling]
3) [paradox twin]
4) [Belthazor]
5) [Aidan Aven]
6) [i need a beer]
7) [--------------- --------]
8) [zim_1]
9) [kryl]
10) [Ookami Ouji]
11) [CrCaPiSq]
12) [Apache Longbow]
13) [Black Winged Kuro]
14) [//Desperately/Seeking/You//!!]
15) [Scream, Aim, Fire!!]
16 [Deus Ex Taco]