[hellnegative]'s diary

889423  Link to this entry 
Written about Wednesday 2006-12-20
Written: (6547 days ago)

Dear Diary,
  I realized something last night as I couldn't fall asleep. You know what? I don't think she loved me anyway. The fact that she has moved on already and fallen in love with someone else proves that. The whole time we were together, all it was that she said was words with no meaning behind them.
  But why does it hurt so bad? Maybe it hurts so bad because I finally realized that I was the only on ein the relationship that was in love and willing to do anything to be with my partner. Maybe it hurts because I have realized that I will never see her again.
  Why did I ask for the ring back? I asked for the ring back because I don't feel right having a person who doesn't love me in posession of it. It belongs to the person that wants to spend the rest of their life with me. She's not that person. What am I going to do with the ring? I am going to throw it away. It's nothing but a poison fruit to me, so I am gonna treat it as so.
  Why don't I want her to say "I love you" to me anymore? Why don't I want her to call me any pet names? She deosn't love me, and never did, so why should she say it at all. And her calling me by any pet names that she used to, hun and etc., just reminds me of what it used to be.
  Do I still love her? Yes I do, with all of my heart. I will never be able to stop loving her. She is my life and my world.
  Would I ever take her back? In a heartbeat. I want nothing more then to be with her. I want her in my arms, in my eyes, and back in my soul.

889293  Link to this entry 
Written about Wednesday 2006-12-20
Written: (6547 days ago)

Dear Diary,
   My life is lost and I don't know where to go. I start college next month. Iplan on pursuing and fulfilling an education so I can do more with my life then be a worker bee. At least, that's my new goal. My old goal was for me to get my life started and get setlled while in college, so that I could take care of the love of my life. But she doesn't wanna be with me anymore, so I guess that my goal has to change. I have made the decision now, that thee is no point in me being where I am at. I moved here so I could make abetter life for the two of us with support from my family, but If I am going to be on my own, I can do it anywhere. I am gonna transfer back to Ohio next semester. That way I have a little money saved up to get myself started. At least in Ohio, I have the support of my friends. At first, I didn't care, because she was mor eimportant then my friends and if I had her, I don't need them, but still stay in contact with them.

Anyways, on with another sad part of my pitiful existance. We were engaged to be married. I was so excited. I wanted to plan a wedding soon, so that we could be together forever. I loved her a lot and I wanted her to be my wife. She is my life, so now I guess I'm dead. Anyway, continuing on.... Now she's dating some other guy. It really hurts me, cause now I know for sure that it's over. I know that she is over me and ready to geton with her life. What I don't understand is, I can't even look at another woman and be interesed. Does this mean she really never loved me in the first place? Does she hate me that much? What doe sit mean? I don't know, but it hurts.

  I can't stand being away from her, I had to call her everyday to keep myself from going insane. I can't stand going a whole day without hearing the sound of her voice. I have had her pictures set as my screensaver because I couldn't stand not seeing her when I woke up everyday. I even turned my bed so I would face the computer. Am I sad fo r this, probably. I don't care. I just wish she would remember how well we were together. Sure we had our bad times, but who doesn't? I just wish I could hold her, kiss her, squeeze her, pick her up, play with her, tease her, or just see her, just one more time. I love her with everything I have. I will give my life for her love, but she can only give me sadness in return. 

 The logged in version 

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