If you are wondering why my last blog is missing, I deleted it. I said some harsh things about someone that is important to me that I should have never said. I am so sorry to her for that. I got angry for a stupid reasont hat I shouldnt have. I really am happy that she is happy. I want her to do everything she wants to d o that will make her happy. And I know I'e made mistakes, but i am changing. Ive learned that love isn't about seeing someone, or being there with them. It's about being happy for them in everything they do, supporting their decisions, being there when they need you most, and putting all of their inequalities aside.

Alrighty kids, if you've been keeping tabs on my blogs, you know I've been depressed the past few days, but I'm out of it now. I stood up and conquered, lol. Anyway. I am so happy that my ex-girl is happy now. She is moving on, and I am happy for her. I don't have to hear about her crying anymor eand that makes me feel a lot better. And I finally set a plan for my life.
  I am going to go to the university here in town to get my associates right now. I wanna move to Florida really bad so I can be on the ocean, cause I miss the ocean. California is nice, but it's so crazy there if you live there. Anyway. I'm not for sure right now,but I might get my bachelor's degree and my Master's degree in Florida, but i might stay her and get my bachelor's, or get my bachelor's in ohio, depending on how things go. So for those that are friends of mine, don't get your hopes up.
  I do wanna get married soon. I dunno with who right now. But I woud like to meet someone who also wants a serious relationship. I was tired of the dating and one niter thing back when i met danielle, let alone now. lol. But, anyway. All of my friends that are dissappointed cause I might not be coming back, I can guaranteee you that when I do end up having a wedding, I will fly you guys out here, or to Florida or wherever for it. It will be a big thing for me and I want everyone close to me to see it.
  To any girls that I have talked to or are gonna talk to, don't get freaked out, Im not expecting to find a wife right off the bat, lol. I am not in a hurry right now. I mostly wanna get my life going and stay single for a little while longer, just kinda look around and see if there are any prospects that can match up to something else.
  Anyway. That's it for my blog right now, but I might write again later. Thanks for reading.

Closure makes me happy. See kids, if everything gets laid out, everything is fine. Love you all and have a geat evening!

Dear Diary,
  Trying to move on with my life right now. Trying to forget the relationship I had with Danielle. I wish I could just move on and get over it. she already has. Why can't I? Of course I wish so much more that she would just take me back. I would literally do anything in my power oto get her back right now. I would slaughter a walrus, turn atheist, leave my family, get a ticket to ohio for the next availablke flight, or anything.     
  I just wish that there was soemthing I could do. I don't even know if she wants me back. I don't even know if she thinks that there would ever be a chance again for the two of us. If she would take me back or if there was a chance, I wish she would just tell me. I am so afraid that she is just pretending to be happy and just hurting inside because I hate to see her hurt. But if she is truly happy, then I am happy for her.
  Danielle, I want you back, and want to know what I need to do to get you back. And i there isn't a chance in hell that I will get you back, at least tell me. I don't wanna lead myself on false hope anymore.

  Now onto another subject. I am not moving to Ohio as soon as I said earlier. I am going to do half my schooling (two years) here and do the other half at Ohio State. Then I wanna move to Florida and go to Full Sail. Maybe get a place on the beach. Danielle always said I would love it, so why not? I love the ocean more then I love any other type of geographic feature.
  I can't wait. I finally figured out where I want to go. Of course, I'd love to take someone with me, but I dun know if she would want to go. If not, I'll do it alone. I'm not scared anymore.

Dear Diary,
  The feelings she had when she met me; Constant butterflies, always
anxious to see me, and she fell in love at first site, supposedly. The
feelings she has for this new guy; Constant butterflies, always anxious
to "chat with him online," and fell in love at first site....I mean chat.
I am sorry about this diary being an angry one. I am sorry to her for any
insult she feels from it, but I have to let my feelings out somehow.
  She still has the nerve to talk to me about him. Like I care you know.
I try to be pretend supportive, because I love her and hate to see, hear,
or know about her crying. I say pretend supportive by the way because I
don't really want it to work out. Not because I hate her, but because
I think it'll give me at least a little bit of a shot at getting her back.
I know I'm selfish for this.
  She says that she is afraid that she messed things up with him. Why? He
doesn't love her. He doesn't even know her. and she doesn't know him. For
All she knows, he could be one of those band guys that lures in groupies
for a good time.
  She makes me wish I never fell in love. I wish I could just put her
behin dme and forget it ever happened, but she is too important to me for
me to do that. Maybe I'll get her back. I wish I would, but chances are
that God just lied to me like he does to everyone else. She doesn't care
about my fate, why should he? Love you guys for taking the time to read
this on ET and Myspace.

Dear Diary,
  I realized something last night as I couldn't fall asleep. You know what? I don't think she loved me anyway. The fact that she has moved on already and fallen in love with someone else proves that. The whole time we were together, all it was that she said was words with no meaning behind them.
  But why does it hurt so bad? Maybe it hurts so bad because I finally realized that I was the only on ein the relationship that was in love and willing to do anything to be with my partner. Maybe it hurts because I have realized that I will never see her again.
  Why did I ask for the ring back? I asked for the ring back because I don't feel right having a person who doesn't love me in posession of it. It belongs to the person that wants to spend the rest of their life with me. She's not that person. What am I going to do with the ring? I am going to throw it away. It's nothing but a poison fruit to me, so I am gonna treat it as so.
  Why don't I want her to say "I love you" to me anymore? Why don't I want her to call me any pet names? She deosn't love me, and never did, so why should she say it at all. And her calling me by any pet names that she used to, hun and etc., just reminds me of what it used to be.
  Do I still love her? Yes I do, with all of my heart. I will never be able to stop loving her. She is my life and my world.
  Would I ever take her back? In a heartbeat. I want nothing more then to be with her. I want her in my arms, in my eyes, and back in my soul.

Dear Diary,
   My life is lost and I don't know where to go. I start college next month. Iplan on pursuing and fulfilling an education so I can do more with my life then be a worker bee. At least, that's my new goal. My old goal was for me to get my life started and get setlled while in college, so that I could take care of the love of my life. But she doesn't wanna be with me anymore, so I guess that my goal has to change. I have made the decision now, that thee is no point in me being where I am at. I moved here so I could make abetter life for the two of us with support from my family, but If I am going to be on my own, I can do it anywhere. I am gonna transfer back to Ohio next semester. That way I have a little money saved up to get myself started. At least in Ohio, I have the support of my friends. At first, I didn't care, because she was mor eimportant then my friends and if I had her, I don't need them, but still stay in contact with them.

Anyways, on with another sad part of my pitiful existance. We were engaged to be married. I was so excited. I wanted to plan a wedding soon, so that we could be together forever. I loved her a lot and I wanted her to be my wife. She is my life, so now I guess I'm dead. Anyway, continuing on.... Now she's dating some other guy. It really hurts me, cause now I know for sure that it's over. I know that she is over me and ready to geton with her life. What I don't understand is, I can't even look at another woman and be interesed. Does this mean she really never loved me in the first place? Does she hate me that much? What doe sit mean? I don't know, but it hurts.

  I can't stand being away from her, I had to call her everyday to keep myself from going insane. I can't stand going a whole day without hearing the sound of her voice. I have had her pictures set as my screensaver because I couldn't stand not seeing her when I woke up everyday. I even turned my bed so I would face the computer. Am I sad fo r this, probably. I don't care. I just wish she would remember how well we were together. Sure we had our bad times, but who doesn't? I just wish I could hold her, kiss her, squeeze her, pick her up, play with her, tease her, or just see her, just one more time. I love her with everything I have. I will give my life for her love, but she can only give me sadness in return.