Time control
Wait! Mistake, do it all over again. change it rearrange it, and then. Fastforward to the good parts. Skip the ones that broke my heart.
We watch our lives on a T.V. screen. I hate the ending myself, but it started with an alrigfht scene.
He's lying next to me. The tmpeture rises another degree. I love his brown eyes, but hate it when they cry. I love the sound of his voice; I've made my choice. I love his smell; I'm no longer in hell. Then he looks down at me and smiles. Oh, his beautiful smile. Pause, let's stay here for awhile.
Don't want to hit play, but life has to go on anyways. Sometimes it goes to fast, lets slow it down some. To slow, speed it up to the next scene to come.
Feels as if I'm on a rollercoaster cart. Lifes like art- only makes sense to the creater. Fix this part later. Up and down, round and round, swirling and twirling, fast and slow then we grow old.
Was it what you wanted it to be? Did you find lifes secret key? Did you like who you were? Did you land on top? Blank screen, then you hit stop.
My past is my past. My mind is my mind. A mind which will forever last. What happened then haunts me, so I tried to block it out, but that seems impossible if Shane keeps bringing them up. All of any kind. I didn't want you to know I didn't want them to know. I didn't even want myself to know. I just want them to pack up and go. Lucio hurt us more than everyone else, but he gone now. Gone for 12 more years. After he might come for us again. In his mind we're the evidence, and he wont stop till he puts us at an end. Shane had no right to bring that up. It's something I've been trying to forget (even did for awhile), But since it's brought up it won't leave, and I'm starting to remember it clearly. I hold you so dearly. I love you, and you know I'd tell you most things, but this was to hard so don't get mad at me for this. I don't talk about my past. I'm not like Haliea or becca I don't use these for my advantage. A long time ago I close those doors. Please don't make me talk about this anymore.
Unspoken words
Ask me how it was that day. Ask me how it felt. Ask me what I couldn't say, and why on those subjects I melt. Show me how much you hate me, and how much you want me dead. Ask me why I said those things. How much he wanted to be king. I look at my world around me-my world, my cave, my cell-, and I see how far down I endlessly fell. Show me how much this world despises me, and how much they want me gone. So that I'll slip away into this night; never to show this disturbing face of mine. Never to change in time. I'm sick of this life, the tempting knife, this cage, this rage, this space and time. I'm so sick of it, it even makes me rhyme. Ask me about the faces(the ones that look away), and ask me about my faces(the ones I put on display). Ask me to leave this place; to never show my face, but don't ask me to return again; for no one wants me here to stay. Let my lay and think about this silly girl with a silly dream. A dream I want to be reality (so badly I want to scream). Since no one has the guts to say what they truely feel, and say, "Hey! This is the real deal.", I'm forced to stay here. In this isolation, in this desperation, alone in the cold, an unheard wisper in the wind. And that is the end.
NONSENSE
Liveing someone else's dream. Broken self-esteem.Ta
He makes me out like I'm god, but I'm not I'm a frod. Never saying what's on my mind. Can't seem to seek the words to find. Stay till I'm gone. I was here all along. I'm still here; Please hold on. Alone and misowned. Forgotten and rotten. Misunderstood and die if I could. I made alot of mistakes, but I'm the biggest one of them all. Feel as if I'm a ragdoll. Holding on to my arm, then you drop me, and let me fall.
It's over. I'm done. It all has won. Close my eyes and let me sleep. Never more wake. In this nightmare too deep. I breath no more. At age 15 I already grown old and sore. I don't have a home, Don't have a family, and I don't have hope. Can't wash what I've done with magical soap.
Liveing with this broken family; there never was one. It's no longer fun. Run away from it all. Blood on the wall. No heartbeat, no pulse, no breath, I'm a piece of shit, Dead, Nothing at all.
Break the day; don't let it stay. Stab my heart; broke from the very start. Cried all I had and more. Dead before I hit this floor. Mind wont stop; wont shut up! make it stop, make it go away. Stop my breath so I have nothing to say.
Is what I'm thinking wrong? It makes me smile,but everyone else sad. Blame my past and my fucking dads. I want to cry. I want to die. But I have to keep going for their sake. I don't want to hurt them, but it's hard for me to keep going. Everyone's changed, and there's nothing I can do; nothing I can say too.
I have to keep going for all of yall, but I'd rather yall let go and watch me fall. I'm sorry for everthing. I know I've been a bitch lately and I feel bad. I'm sorry I'm working on it. Im sorry that's all I can say. can't take this another day. I'm still here. I always will I fear.
Untitled
Distorded clips of these horror films in my head. The things that were done, and the things that were said. In a single thought; blown away by a lonely gun shot.
Wantng thing the way they used to be, but things changed and so do we. Twisting and turning, swallowed whole in these repeating nightmares. Sweating and screaming, then I breath the night air.
Fallen rose peatles and twisted metal. Broken dreams and unheard screams. Love to hate and hurt, until you become the reason they're baried in the dirt.
These dreams and thoughts won't seem to fade. I feel wrongly built and poorly made. I want to, but can't talk about it. It wants out so badly it won't sit. But when I talk, they laugh in my face. So it stays in my head; in this lonely place.
There's only one person I want to talk to, but my words won't go through. All I can say to him is that I'll stay till he's gone. I'm here; hold on.
Cutting me to tiny pieces. Blessing me with forbidden kisses. Love is what I wanted, and now love is what I got. He doesn't know how much I fought.
They're afraid that I'm going to hurt myself again, but how can you hurt someone who's already dead. I think about this question as I lie awake in bed. Suicide was my way out, but how do you kill someone who's already dead. Loosing him is the worst thing I dread.
How can someone like him love someone like me. It seems to good to be. Like a dream I'm afraid to wake. I've been beaten down to were there's no repair. All that's left is hope and dispair. I look in to the mirror and only see a ghost, a scared little girl, and my fucking screwed up past. I still wonder how long it'll last.
My words don't don't come out right. I've been trying to show him the light. I'm afraid he's not going to love me as long as he says. He's all I got, he's all I want, But if I say he's all I desire; I'd be a lier. He's my world, he's also the sword. I love him till the end. This is real, this is not a fake, It's not pretend.
Repeating Nightmare
Irresistable charm; no need for alrm. Woman falls in love, they get married, and have kids. Then she finds out the true monster he really is.
Anger and fear, Danger and tears. Daddy's mad again. It's all our fault; he has no sin. Daddy's yelling and hitting. Momma's silently sitting. Children cry. Momma would rather die. New born baby thrown across the room. It's a mess; get out the mop and broom.
Momma's checking her bruises. She hates how she always looses. Daddy's having a beer. Children are still in tears.
Children in foster care. It's not fair. Momma's thinking of suicide. Bible or pills, Bible or pills, and daddy's ill.
Years after there's still no laughter.Daddy
The worst came to an end, but she's still scared to defend. It's now a repeating nightmare. She's to ashamed to care. She's a beautiful daughter, but she'll never forget her abusive father.
Secret Butterfly and the Snake
Searching for answers, as I look up to the dark and empty sky. Broken wings torn straight from the secret butterfly held within. Still hurting because of that secrat sin. Not only me, but others as well. This life IS my heaven and hell.
Pealing off their skin.
Kiss them goodnight and then. Secret butterfly is slowly dieing inside.
Blank stares. Undieing nightmares. To late; Secrat butterfly is no more. In it's place a snake. Time to settle the score. For years; lieing and killing with deep regret, until a stranger I soon did met.
Then the true battle began. Now afraid to stand. He's bringing back to life my secret butterfly. My snake not willing to die. He's cleaning my sin. Close my eyes and count to ten. Butterfly or snake. A choice not so hard to make.
I love you to death. You're more addicting than the drug meth. Snake dieing, and butterfly moves. I didn't think this could happen. I didn't think this could be real. I can finally feel.
Secret butterfly flutters around. Snake still on the ground. For all this I thank you. The war is over and won. It's finally through. All because of you.
Acid Rain and Her Dead Roses
Pain stay. Rain today. Love and hate. Grudge and fate. Roses bloom, but fastly die. She breaks down and cries.
Tomented eyes. Pain-stakeing lies. Money and fame. Honey and shame. She's to beautiful to hide, but to ugly to be seen. She's hurting inside. No one understands what she means.
Glass shadders. Nothing else matters. Looking at her broken reflection. Mom should've never had her fucking sesection.
Bleeding wounds. Hideing in her cacoon. Her blood stains as it pours down like acid rain. It washes her clean, but then she wakes from her wonderful dream.
Lost self-esteem. Hair raising scream. Want and lust, then she turns to dust.
Horror film. Lights gone dim. Life went wrong. Thought she was strong. Violent poses, and her dead roses.
Take this pain and make me fell sane. My open wounds that u healed are bleeding once again. I hid from everybody cuz of evil men, but u got close, and I love u for that. But it feels as if I've been beaten to death with a baseball bat.
Wipe away my undieing tears, strip me clean of my unforgetable fears. I love you; I've proven that to you. I don't know what to say, how to act, or even what to do. but I'll be with u till my life takes a break. My love is not a fake. I should ask u the same question, but I know u do. How much though? I thought I knew.
But after this I'm not quite sure. Am I enough, or do you want more? This all feels like a dream. I'm afraid to wake up and scream, for fear you won't be there beside me. I wish you can see how I would die for you. You know I would. I wish you understood.
That I love you till death do we part. I love you till the end and beyond. You know I do. I love you.
Fuck yall! This hurts so much I can't write. I can't think, Can't talk I can't do anything. I don't know what 2 write, think, say, do, or even act. All I know is that this hurts,and I can't get Pretty girl by Sugarcult out of my head. Just like I can't never did and never will get Eddie out of my head. I don't know anything anymore but what I do know is that I love Eddie with all my heart I always will. No matter how he fucks it up I always love him. Till death do we part.
This is what's wrong!
Run away, can't stay. Gotta escape. Put me back together with crappy ass tape. Already to late. Win this debate. I've already became what I fucking hate.
Loosing faith. Fallen from grace. Too much to face. I'm all over the place. Plumiting hope and dieing dreams.To lost to fix my broken self-esteem.
with everything that's going on, I'm still wondering what went wrong. To blind to see what's true and what's a lie. To scared to stop my crying eyes. to hurt to mend my bleeding heart. Hit with to many darts. It shadders as it falls to my feet. It no longer beats.
Lost in my memories and scary thoughts. I'm falling apart. to confused to save my soul. To tired to take control.
You wanted to know what's wrong, well here you go, this is what's going on. This time I almost lost you. I can't live if I really do. I wouldn't be able to go on another day. This all I have to say. I love you with all of me. Why can't you see? That I'd do anything for you. What more could I do?
My Confession
Can't sleep. The pain is too deep. Stop all the clocks, turn back time. This should be a crime. Can't laugh. I need my better half. Can't smile. Is he sure he wants ME walking down that aile?
The things that I've done; I have more than one. But the one that hurts the most I dare not say. Even though it's right there on display. The one that hurts the most I dare not talk about. It hurts so much I can't even let it out.
I couldn't see what was right infront on my blinded eyes. How much of what he said were lies? He thought that day, "I love you, Brea." He shouldn't of loved me. That was his first mistake. Now his life has taken a permanint break. The worst part of it all is that I loved him back, but my courage to tell him this I lacked.
If I could talk to him one last time, I'd say, "I'm sorry for blameing you for everthing I just couldn't do." But he's never to return. The moral of this story I quickly learned. That you should take what you have and run with it; for it doesn't last forever. And when it's gone; The day it'll return is never.
So there you have it, Eddie; in printed form. The tears I've cried over this are feverishly warm. You called me your skittle, and now you've tasted my true flavor. I'm only telling you this 'cause with you I feel safer.
I'm not perfect; as you make me out to be, but you still fell in love with me. I'm not perfect, but neither are you. You try so hard, what more could you do? This memory has made me sick. It's not about a boy, it's about Nick. I can't tell you no more. Anymore of this I plead the 5th, but I will tell you this-it's not your perfections, but your imperfections that I fell in love with.
The Name of the Game is LIFE
Falling forward onto the sword. Hardly breathing, yet still they're decieving. Laughing faces. Distorted places. Screaming out. To many doubts. Lying awake. Shed afew tears for their sake. Can't sleep. In memories knee deep. Choking on fears and bad thougts. Desearted streets and vacant lots. Bleeding cuts. mixed-breed muts. Live or die; in this game you have to choose. To late. You loose.
Red Tears
Red tears fall down. Red tears hit the ground. Love and Hate. Find another mate. Red tears throughout the years. Drowning in all my fears. Lying awake. Another mistake. Hit the ground. Not another sound. Pronounced dead. Hear all the shit they said. Blood and pain. Mud and rain. All my red tears stain. Red tears fall down. Dead before I hit the ground.
*Creature of the Night*
Asleep by day, awake by night. Praise the darkness, curse the fucking sunlight. Never grow old; never die. Excited by my pray's horrified cry.
Safe by daybreak, but come sundown I won't be late. It's my fate. be careful what you say. Bitches will soon pay.
They called me stupid, so I drank their fluid. They called me a fake, so their life I'll soon take. They laughed in my face; that was their mistake. They're not safe in any place. I could take them silently in their dreams, but I'd rather hear their wonderful screams.
Hyponotize my pray. Bite their neck, if I may? Dazzle them with my charm; there's no need for alarm. Listen to their heartbeat. They tast so fucking sweet.
In the shadows I watch and wait. Time for them to meet their fate. I can make your blood run cold. You'll nevr live to grow old.I can make your skin crawl. I love how they want mercy and all. Let them keep believing. To bad I'm the one deveiving.
I am your lie. I'll be the way you die. I am your repeating nightmares. I am all your blank stares. I am your hurt and pain. I'm your very own rain. I am your sinning ways. I'm the reason your life's been delayed. I am your numbered days. I am your sorrow. I am your tomarrow. I am your fright. I am your very own night.
Held Captive
Please'em, squeeze'em, whatever they want. weather they're pleasant, or fucking asscunts. They want you to use the word please. They want you to get on your fucking knees.
Save'em, slave for'em, let them beat you down. Your only friend is the freak'n ground. Love'em, grudge'em, you have no choice. They took away your very own voice.
They make you bleed. They said they're the only thing you need. They said all you want is attention, but you feel as if you live in a different dimension.
Saved by the bullit. Another soul flushed down the toilet. While someone is "bringing home the bacon", another life is taken.
You don't want them to see you cry. You'd rather crawl in a ball and die. They think they're your master, but their lives is a disaster. They hate your guts. They're the ones who made your cuts. Tormented by their burning eyes. In our hearts the truth lies. They say you're sheltered; that you live in a cave, but the truth is you're everyones' slave.
Sin and Salvation
They said I wouldn't get that far, and they were right. But I'm not going down without a hell of a fight. I shouldn't be doing this, but it's hard to resist that last little kiss.
The things that I did, yet he still calls me a little kid. This is wrong, but I'll sin as far as my life is long.
He is my death, yet he's also my life. He's the cure, yet he's also the knife. He's what I need. He knows, for him, I'll bleed. He said his love was in the grinder; mine is much more kinder, yet still hard to get. He doesn't understand it.
He's my truth, yet he's also my lie. He's the way I live, and he'll be the way I die. He's my dark, yet he's also my light. He's my day, and he's my night.
I screwed up; I shouldn't of done this. The things I love about him; I could make a life long list. Some might call this fate. But he fell in love with what he fucking hates.
He said someone had to go this far, but what he doesn't know is that he left a permanint scar. Why can't he see that he completes me?
He's the only one who can make me really laugh. He's my better half. He saved me from my very own starvation. He's my sin, yet he's also my salvation.
I Really Do Try!
I silently scream as it haunts my dreams. All I can do is stare as I watch this nightmare. I try to speak; try to say something out loud, but out comes no sound.
I hate myself for what I've done. I still have more to come. I am my own enemy. I'll punish myself for infinity. Call me emo; call me a hypocrate. I am; I'll admit.
I don't care about me. I only care about you. What more can I do? What more can I say? Be happy I'm still trying today.
I wish I could tell you. I wish you knew. I wish I could talk. I know you don't want to hear this, but it really is all my fault.
Disguised Again
She sits by the window. Clinging tightly to her pillow. Wondering what face she should wear today. her mask of clay. Everyone puts theirs on display. Change it, rearrange it, let everyone see. Soften it, harden it, whatever she wants it to be.
So many faces. In way to many places. All are plastic. All are fake. There's always another to make.
Without the mask, who would we be? Without the mask, what would we see? Stop pretending. This is so condescending. We're all afraid to show our face; to show the real us. So we live in a world of clay and dust.