Cutting me to tiny pieces. Blessing me with forbidden kisses. Love is what I wanted, and now love is what I got. He doesn't know how much I fought.
They're afraid that I'm going to hurt myself again, but how can you hurt someone who's already dead. I think about this question as I lie awake in bed. Suicide was my way out, but how do you kill someone who's already dead. Loosing him is the worst thing I dread.
How can someone like him love someone like me. It seems to good to be. Like a dream I'm afraid to wake. I've been beaten down to were there's no repair. All that's left is hope and dispair. I look in to the mirror and only see a ghost, a scared little girl, and my fucking screwed up past. I still wonder how long it'll last.
My words don't don't come out right. I've been trying to show him the light. I'm afraid he's not going to love me as long as he says. He's all I got, he's all I want, But if I say he's all I desire; I'd be a lier. He's my world, he's also the sword. I love him till the end. This is real, this is not a fake, It's not pretend.
Repeating Nightmare
Irresistable charm; no need for alrm. Woman falls in love, they get married, and have kids. Then she finds out the true monster he really is.
Anger and fear, Danger and tears. Daddy's mad again. It's all our fault; he has no sin. Daddy's yelling and hitting. Momma's silently sitting. Children cry. Momma would rather die. New born baby thrown across the room. It's a mess; get out the mop and broom.
Momma's checking her bruises. She hates how she always looses. Daddy's having a beer. Children are still in tears.
Children in foster care. It's not fair. Momma's thinking of suicide. Bible or pills, Bible or pills, and daddy's ill.
Years after there's still no laughter.Daddy
The worst came to an end, but she's still scared to defend. It's now a repeating nightmare. She's to ashamed to care. She's a beautiful daughter, but she'll never forget her abusive father.
Secret Butterfly and the Snake
Searching for answers, as I look up to the dark and empty sky. Broken wings torn straight from the secret butterfly held within. Still hurting because of that secrat sin. Not only me, but others as well. This life IS my heaven and hell.
Pealing off their skin.
Kiss them goodnight and then. Secret butterfly is slowly dieing inside.
Blank stares. Undieing nightmares. To late; Secrat butterfly is no more. In it's place a snake. Time to settle the score. For years; lieing and killing with deep regret, until a stranger I soon did met.
Then the true battle began. Now afraid to stand. He's bringing back to life my secret butterfly. My snake not willing to die. He's cleaning my sin. Close my eyes and count to ten. Butterfly or snake. A choice not so hard to make.
I love you to death. You're more addicting than the drug meth. Snake dieing, and butterfly moves. I didn't think this could happen. I didn't think this could be real. I can finally feel.
Secret butterfly flutters around. Snake still on the ground. For all this I thank you. The war is over and won. It's finally through. All because of you.
Acid Rain and Her Dead Roses
Pain stay. Rain today. Love and hate. Grudge and fate. Roses bloom, but fastly die. She breaks down and cries.
Tomented eyes. Pain-stakeing lies. Money and fame. Honey and shame. She's to beautiful to hide, but to ugly to be seen. She's hurting inside. No one understands what she means.
Glass shadders. Nothing else matters. Looking at her broken reflection. Mom should've never had her fucking sesection.
Bleeding wounds. Hideing in her cacoon. Her blood stains as it pours down like acid rain. It washes her clean, but then she wakes from her wonderful dream.
Lost self-esteem. Hair raising scream. Want and lust, then she turns to dust.
Horror film. Lights gone dim. Life went wrong. Thought she was strong. Violent poses, and her dead roses.
Take this pain and make me fell sane. My open wounds that u healed are bleeding once again. I hid from everybody cuz of evil men, but u got close, and I love u for that. But it feels as if I've been beaten to death with a baseball bat.
Wipe away my undieing tears, strip me clean of my unforgetable fears. I love you; I've proven that to you. I don't know what to say, how to act, or even what to do. but I'll be with u till my life takes a break. My love is not a fake. I should ask u the same question, but I know u do. How much though? I thought I knew.
But after this I'm not quite sure. Am I enough, or do you want more? This all feels like a dream. I'm afraid to wake up and scream, for fear you won't be there beside me. I wish you can see how I would die for you. You know I would. I wish you understood.
That I love you till death do we part. I love you till the end and beyond. You know I do. I love you.
Fuck yall! This hurts so much I can't write. I can't think, Can't talk I can't do anything. I don't know what 2 write, think, say, do, or even act. All I know is that this hurts,and I can't get Pretty girl by Sugarcult out of my head. Just like I can't never did and never will get Eddie out of my head. I don't know anything anymore but what I do know is that I love Eddie with all my heart I always will. No matter how he fucks it up I always love him. Till death do we part.
This is what's wrong!
Run away, can't stay. Gotta escape. Put me back together with crappy ass tape. Already to late. Win this debate. I've already became what I fucking hate.
Loosing faith. Fallen from grace. Too much to face. I'm all over the place. Plumiting hope and dieing dreams.To lost to fix my broken self-esteem.
with everything that's going on, I'm still wondering what went wrong. To blind to see what's true and what's a lie. To scared to stop my crying eyes. to hurt to mend my bleeding heart. Hit with to many darts. It shadders as it falls to my feet. It no longer beats.
Lost in my memories and scary thoughts. I'm falling apart. to confused to save my soul. To tired to take control.
You wanted to know what's wrong, well here you go, this is what's going on. This time I almost lost you. I can't live if I really do. I wouldn't be able to go on another day. This all I have to say. I love you with all of me. Why can't you see? That I'd do anything for you. What more could I do?
My Confession
Can't sleep. The pain is too deep. Stop all the clocks, turn back time. This should be a crime. Can't laugh. I need my better half. Can't smile. Is he sure he wants ME walking down that aile?
The things that I've done; I have more than one. But the one that hurts the most I dare not say. Even though it's right there on display. The one that hurts the most I dare not talk about. It hurts so much I can't even let it out.
I couldn't see what was right infront on my blinded eyes. How much of what he said were lies? He thought that day, "I love you, Brea." He shouldn't of loved me. That was his first mistake. Now his life has taken a permanint break. The worst part of it all is that I loved him back, but my courage to tell him this I lacked.
If I could talk to him one last time, I'd say, "I'm sorry for blameing you for everthing I just couldn't do." But he's never to return. The moral of this story I quickly learned. That you should take what you have and run with it; for it doesn't last forever. And when it's gone; The day it'll return is never.
So there you have it, Eddie; in printed form. The tears I've cried over this are feverishly warm. You called me your skittle, and now you've tasted my true flavor. I'm only telling you this 'cause with you I feel safer.
I'm not perfect; as you make me out to be, but you still fell in love with me. I'm not perfect, but neither are you. You try so hard, what more could you do? This memory has made me sick. It's not about a boy, it's about Nick. I can't tell you no more. Anymore of this I plead the 5th, but I will tell you this-it's not your perfections, but your imperfections that I fell in love with.
The Name of the Game is LIFE
Falling forward onto the sword. Hardly breathing, yet still they're decieving. Laughing faces. Distorted places. Screaming out. To many doubts. Lying awake. Shed afew tears for their sake. Can't sleep. In memories knee deep. Choking on fears and bad thougts. Desearted streets and vacant lots. Bleeding cuts. mixed-breed muts. Live or die; in this game you have to choose. To late. You loose.
Red Tears
Red tears fall down. Red tears hit the ground. Love and Hate. Find another mate. Red tears throughout the years. Drowning in all my fears. Lying awake. Another mistake. Hit the ground. Not another sound. Pronounced dead. Hear all the shit they said. Blood and pain. Mud and rain. All my red tears stain. Red tears fall down. Dead before I hit the ground.
*Creature of the Night*
Asleep by day, awake by night. Praise the darkness, curse the fucking sunlight. Never grow old; never die. Excited by my pray's horrified cry.
Safe by daybreak, but come sundown I won't be late. It's my fate. be careful what you say. Bitches will soon pay.
They called me stupid, so I drank their fluid. They called me a fake, so their life I'll soon take. They laughed in my face; that was their mistake. They're not safe in any place. I could take them silently in their dreams, but I'd rather hear their wonderful screams.
Hyponotize my pray. Bite their neck, if I may? Dazzle them with my charm; there's no need for alarm. Listen to their heartbeat. They tast so fucking sweet.
In the shadows I watch and wait. Time for them to meet their fate. I can make your blood run cold. You'll nevr live to grow old.I can make your skin crawl. I love how they want mercy and all. Let them keep believing. To bad I'm the one deveiving.
I am your lie. I'll be the way you die. I am your repeating nightmares. I am all your blank stares. I am your hurt and pain. I'm your very own rain. I am your sinning ways. I'm the reason your life's been delayed. I am your numbered days. I am your sorrow. I am your tomarrow. I am your fright. I am your very own night.
Held Captive
Please'em, squeeze'em, whatever they want. weather they're pleasant, or fucking asscunts. They want you to use the word please. They want you to get on your fucking knees.
Save'em, slave for'em, let them beat you down. Your only friend is the freak'n ground. Love'em, grudge'em, you have no choice. They took away your very own voice.
They make you bleed. They said they're the only thing you need. They said all you want is attention, but you feel as if you live in a different dimension.
Saved by the bullit. Another soul flushed down the toilet. While someone is "bringing home the bacon", another life is taken.
You don't want them to see you cry. You'd rather crawl in a ball and die. They think they're your master, but their lives is a disaster. They hate your guts. They're the ones who made your cuts. Tormented by their burning eyes. In our hearts the truth lies. They say you're sheltered; that you live in a cave, but the truth is you're everyones' slave.
Sin and Salvation
They said I wouldn't get that far, and they were right. But I'm not going down without a hell of a fight. I shouldn't be doing this, but it's hard to resist that last little kiss.
The things that I did, yet he still calls me a little kid. This is wrong, but I'll sin as far as my life is long.
He is my death, yet he's also my life. He's the cure, yet he's also the knife. He's what I need. He knows, for him, I'll bleed. He said his love was in the grinder; mine is much more kinder, yet still hard to get. He doesn't understand it.
He's my truth, yet he's also my lie. He's the way I live, and he'll be the way I die. He's my dark, yet he's also my light. He's my day, and he's my night.
I screwed up; I shouldn't of done this. The things I love about him; I could make a life long list. Some might call this fate. But he fell in love with what he fucking hates.
He said someone had to go this far, but what he doesn't know is that he left a permanint scar. Why can't he see that he completes me?
He's the only one who can make me really laugh. He's my better half. He saved me from my very own starvation. He's my sin, yet he's also my salvation.
I Really Do Try!
I silently scream as it haunts my dreams. All I can do is stare as I watch this nightmare. I try to speak; try to say something out loud, but out comes no sound.
I hate myself for what I've done. I still have more to come. I am my own enemy. I'll punish myself for infinity. Call me emo; call me a hypocrate. I am; I'll admit.
I don't care about me. I only care about you. What more can I do? What more can I say? Be happy I'm still trying today.
I wish I could tell you. I wish you knew. I wish I could talk. I know you don't want to hear this, but it really is all my fault.
Disguised Again
She sits by the window. Clinging tightly to her pillow. Wondering what face she should wear today. her mask of clay. Everyone puts theirs on display. Change it, rearrange it, let everyone see. Soften it, harden it, whatever she wants it to be.
So many faces. In way to many places. All are plastic. All are fake. There's always another to make.
Without the mask, who would we be? Without the mask, what would we see? Stop pretending. This is so condescending. We're all afraid to show our face; to show the real us. So we live in a world of clay and dust.
50 Feet Under
Her last word a wisper. She has lost her mister. She has no choice; she has no voice.
Her tears mixed with blood and pain; as they flood the floor and stain. As she lies there dying, the walls seem to be crying.
Torment in her face. She has fallen from grace. Her beauty so rare, her complection so fair. Her wings burned into ashes. All her memories dashes.
Her hopes begin to fall. Her dreams are too small. All her years filled with hate and sorrow. She believes her fate starts tomarrow.
Behind locked bars, she looks up to the stars. Her thoughts louder than thunder. She's 50 feet under.
My Thank You Note
I thought you would leave, but you stayed. These fears won't seem to fade. The tears I've cried, all through the years, haunt my dreams, and you heard my screams. Cutting my wrists, and suicidal thoughts. My reason to live I have missed. Someone like you I have sought. You broke my nightmares, Gave me the breath of life, I'll be your human sacrifise. The only one who cares. With you the rain goes away, and now I have a reason to live another day. I'm no longer blue, and for this I thank you.
Fuck this shit! I try and I try, and I still don't succeed. Then they make me bleed. Wanna die; don't fucking cry! I hate myself for what I've done. Want to hurt someone? Then I'm the one. Look at my broken reflection. Mamma should of never had that fucking sesection. Without me fantastic they would be. Without me they all will shout with glee. They're better off without shitty ass me.
Lost little soul
All our sins are filed. Mamma cries 'cause she's lost her child. Daddy sits disoriented. Everyone else just aren't interested.
You yell to try and stop the screaming. You wake all that are dreaming. With everyone else you watch in silance as he says, " May you rest in peace." Then they all have a feast.
You cry for their pain. Now you're part of the rain. You put your life in danger to save the life of a mutha fucking stranger. They would lie for a simple fuck. Shit! This is just your luck.
Now you're a ghostly spirit wondering alone while they're getting stoned. You bled your last drop so they could have their fun. Thought they were friends, but they're fucking asscunts.
For them look what you've become. God! You're so fucking dumb. Your cold and numb. To save a few lives you've gone too far. But truth be told we can't help what we've already done, or who we are.
Forever Ago
Running from my past didn't last. Chasing your shadow on the wall. You let me fall.
You said you'd always be with me. But where were you with all my suicidal attempts? When I'd try and die to be with you. There wasn't anything I wouldn't do. When you said " I love you kid." I'm sorry I never said it back; even though I really did.
Remember that time when we tried to dodge the rain drops, and wound up soaked? Mamma was so mad she almost choked. Now the rain only reminds me of pain. Remember when we laughed so hard that it began to hurt? Now you're baried in the dirt. I use to look people in the eye. Now I can only watch as time slowly goes by.
What ever happened to " Forever and ever"? I guess now it's never. Forever ended September 4. Now you're gone, but I can't seem to move on.
We got into so much trouble; we just didn't care.I was happy as long as you were there. I just wanted you to wake, but you didn't; not even for my sake. God, How I miss you so. I was happy once, but that was forever ago.
If Someone Told You
What if someone told you that you were almost through? Would you break down and cry? Would you undue every lie? Every sin that you made?
Would you want to be alone? Or tell someone on the phone? Or anyone at all?
What would you say, what would you think, what would you feel, If someone told you that your time was almost up.
Would you climb the higher mountain, or go in a corner and cower? What would you do, if someone told you that you were almost through?