Well, i just got home from Teen Camp. It was lotssa fun! i got much closer to God than ive been and i rededicated myself to him. every nite except for the last they had an altar call, and i went up every time... i bawled my eyes out each time... specially on the day that we talked about family. i broke about my dad, and my brother. I prayed for my best friends Kaycee and Ana... it was a very spiritually and emotionally strengthening experience. Im very glad i got to go. i made great friends with a chick named Jodie and met a girl who was from Girls Town, an orfanage kinda thing for girls who have to go through rehab for sex, drugs, and alcohol. talking to these 2 ppl made me feel horrible about feeling upset about my life... my life is perfect compared to theirs, but God gives us all what he knows we can handle. and obviously, if He gave Kaycee, Ana, Jodie, and that other girl lives that are extremely hard, that must mean they're much stronger than i am. I was just brought here to help them get through it, and pray for them, or make sure they know they have someone to talk to about things. This way, i can handle my life along with others'. I learned this past week also though, that in order to help others... i really need to take care of myself. Throughout my life, ive tried to put myself behind and last and help all my friends, and in the process, ive screwed myself up. I will still help my friends first, but imma make a little bit of time for myself sometimes. maybe itll do me some good.

Well, life sux at this point...
Kyle(My bro)'s Bday was on Sunday. It sucked. I love my mom to death, and i know she was hurting, and everyone was concerned about her. She didnt go to church that day, she didnt go anywhere.... i felt bad for her. I was prolly in more pain that she was... but... i didnt want anyone to know that. I just didnt talk to too many people at church on Sunday, but i didnt really show that i wanted to go to my room, shut the door, turn my music on full blast, and cry till i couldnt cry anymore. I still kinda want to...
He didnt call Sunday
He called yesterday though...
I didnt wanna talk to him. I was pissed with him.
Not cause he didnt call on his bday,
but cause he doesnt want my mom or i to say anything bout him to Samantha(his wife). She yells at him wenever he tells us stuff...
I love her so much and im glad i finally have a sister... but... i dunno.
I take her side most of the time,
but i refused to talk to my brother yesterday, but mom gave the phone to me anyway. he asked if i was crying. i said no. cause i wasnt. i was pissed. why the hell should i keep something from Sam if shes my sister. if shes saying things to him thats bothering him, and hes too much of a chicken to tell her its bothering him, then why cant i tell her, in a nice sisterly way, that its hurting him. last time i did that, she got mad at him for me knowing that she got upset with him.
I dont wanna talk to him till he gets back.
next time he calls
ill not only refuse but rebuke the phone.
hes not gonna even be here for my DAMN Bday! this is the only time ive been mad at the Army. The ONLY time ive been mad at Bush. Ya, i stuck up for him to my friends and stuff... then he added that Fuckin 3 month addition to those in iraq!! WTF?!?! now instead of coming home in August, my bro is coming home in November... after my bday...
Hes gonna miss my 16th BDAY!!
Fuck it...
I dont give a shit...
I wont have my masquarade ball
I wont have my bro
I wont celebrate my 16th.
itll just be another day.

No need to reply, its just me ranting again. Ya, Amber is ranting off again.
Lovely me, just lost yet another really good friend. Why you ask?
Because... i decided to stick up for one of my other friends.
Tell me... (or not) Why is it, that when im good to one friend, i lose another?
Why is it, that when i finally find someone that helps me to sustain myself from doing something id regret, that they leave me, or they turn on me. They use it against me.
You see, my friend knows the harm it does to me...
My friend knows the pain ive been in these past few days. I missed school because of my emotional stress. And now, when i thought i was better, (which, i know i wasnt... i couldnt have been) he brought me back down. Slowly healing, condemned to stay unstable forever. I try, but does anything help, no.
When i ask for help, all i get is someone who wants to ask me how it makes me feel for 6 months, paying over a thousand dollars a month, and if i FEEL the way they think i should to get medication, then ill get medication. If not, here i go another 6 months of debt and misery.
The world keeps going, but why do i?
I dont know. I ask myself every day, why i didnt just go the first time. Why i was condemned to stay here, cause He said so. He is the Truth, and i love Love. But He, is the reason i still suffer. i do it for Him.
Why you ask? Cause, i should. Cause im supposed to. Is it a test? a Challenge? I do not know.
I felt i was feeling better.
But my friend changed that, the minute they hung up that phone. The one person who was there for me. The one person besides Him that cared and wanted me safe. The one that brought my eyes to see the He was the reason i still live. The Reason why we all still live... but... my friend you see... HE IS THE ONE THAT CONDEMNS ME STILL!
And why is that?
Hipocrite? No... Once again, i forgive him... i forgive him for all the pain and misery i feel right now. i forgive him, for being yet, another friend, who has betrayd me... the second in the line, of "friends" that i still call my best friends. of all they've done to me, i still give to them. IS THAT A CRIME? DO I HAVE TO SUFFER FOR WHAT I DO FOR THEM?!?! obviously so...
But now i tell you...
I will be alright.
What goes around....
Comes around....
What goes up...
Must come down...
Karma... 10 fold...
Im sorry my friends... its not my doing, but yours.

WOO HOO!! IM SOOOO FUCKIN HAPPY! I GOT THE TICKETS FOR THE EVANESCENCE CONCERT ON MARTH 19th IN LAS CRUCES! I SO CANT WAIT!

New Song: Written by Amber~AKA~Ami *1/14/07*

Frozen

If the world were to freeze,
What would you be doing?
Would you be starting in a fight?
Would you be lusting at a random person?

Lets freeze now
Who are you?
Are you your best friends?
Are you everyone else?

If we were to freeze,
Who would he take?
The one in the church pretending to be holy?
The man helping the old lady across the street,
Only to show off to a girl?

If the world were to freeze,
Who would you be?
The hipocrate?
The fake?
Or would u be the first to run to him?

He died for us to be close,
Not for us to pretend.

So freeze the world.
What are you doing?
Now unfreeze.
Are you still cold?

20 ways to keep yourself sane:

1. At lunch time, sit in your parked car with sunglasses
on and point a hair dryer at passing cars. See if they slow down.

2. Page yourself over the intercom. Don't disguise your voice.

3. Every time someone asks you to do something,
ask if they want fries with that.

4. Put your garbage can on your desk and label it "in"

5. Put decaf in the coffee maker for 3 weeks. Once everyone
has gotten over their caffeine addictions, switch to espresso.

6. In the memo field of all your checks, write "for sexual favors".

7. Finish all your sentences with "in accordance with the
prophecy."

8. Don't use any punctuation marks

9. As often as possible, skip rather than walk.

10. Ask people what sex they are. Laugh hysterically after they answer.

11. Specify that your drive-through! order is "to go".

12. Sing along at the opera.

13. Go to a poetry recital and ask why the poems don't rhyme.

14. Put mosquito netting around your work area. Play a tape of jungle sounds all day.

15. Five days in advance, tell your friends you can't attend their party because you're not in the mood

16. Have your coworkers address you by your wrestling name, Rock Hard Devon.

17. When the money comes out the ATM, scream "I won!", "I won!"
"3rd time this week!!!!!"

18. When leaving the zoo, start running towards the parking lot, yelling "run for your lives, they're loose!!"

19. Tell your children over dinner, "Due to the economy, we are going to have to let one of you go."

20. Put this in all of your profiles

::WHAT IF::

I died:

I kissed you:

I fell:

I lived next door to you:

I showed up at your house unexpectedly:

I was murdered:

I cried:

I asked you to marry me:

I was hospitalized:


::WHAT DO YOU THINK ABOUT MY::

Personality:

Eyes:

Hair:

Family:

Smile:


::WOULD YOU::

Trust me enough to sleep in the same bed as me?

Keep a secret if i told you one?

Hold my hand?

Study with me?

Cook for me?

Love me?

Date me?


::HAVE YOU EVER::

Lied to make me feel better?

Wanted to kiss me?

Wanted to kill me?

Broke my heart?

Thought I was unbearably annoying?

Hated me?

Wanted to tell me something but didn't?

Wondered about my sanity?

Wanted to do something to me?







::More::

When and how did we meet?

Describe me in three words:

What was your first impression of me?

What do you think of me now?

What reminds you of me?

Could you see us together forever?

When was the last time you saw me?

Are you gonna repost this to see what I say about you?

Songs

Fairytale Stories By Amber~aka~Ami

See the mountains
See the valleys
See the oceans and the seas
See how beautiful they are
Then look at me
My life isnt what i wish it to be
So many things happen to me
If only i could either go back
in time
or just fade away
So i could fix my mistakes
Or i could just relieve everyone else's pain of my existence
I want so much, and yet so little
Im just a simple girl with simple dreams
I dont wish for fairy tale creatures
Just fairytale stories
I dont wish for diamonds and jewels
Just a guy with sparkling eyes and rare personality
I dont wish for a robot to do my bidding
Just a guy to love, respect, and trust me
I dont wish for a prince in shining armor who magically just loves me
Just a great guy friend that loves me as his friend first
I hear so many stories about best friends falling in love
It'll never happen to me
Im such a girl to write this song
But guys dream and wish too dont they?
I shall just keep wishing for my fairytale story
my diamond eyes
and my best friend
For now i will sleep and
Dream
Dream away...


Just Let Me Go By Amber~aka~Ami (originally a poem)


I lay on my bed face down.
My face in my pillow.
As I lift my head,
I see the pillow soaked in my tears.
Why should I live?
Do I deserve this pain?
Do I really?
If I cant die,
Can I at least run away?
In the woods somewhere alone.
I just don’t care anymore.
If I die,
I won’t suffer at all.
Even the flames of hell can’t be this painful!
Just let me go!
Let me leave this earth!
Let me leave this hurt
Life off of earth will be better than this,
Much better.
Just let me go!

*~Songs~*

The Story Of A Girl

She sits bleeding
Her ears are screaming
He left her there
Dying
Crying
The tears streaming down her face
Black and red
From makeup and Blood
Why her?
He doesnt know
She was walking down the street
On her way home from school
Just an innocent girl
He lied ot her
He hurt her
He beat her
He hid her
He used her
Ten years missing
Then dying in the Alley
Thinking...

I sit bleeding
My ears are screaming
He left me here
Dying
Crying
Tears streaming down my face
Black and red
From makeup and blood
Why Me?

I dont know...



Your love, My love

Everywhere I look
Something reminds me of you
I can't even listn
To my favorite music anymore
Why do i love you so much?
I've doen so much crap to you
And yet you still love me
Why?
I dont desurve your love
Your love
My Love
You desurve
My love
I dont desurve
Your love

Everywhere i look
Something reminds me of you...
You...

Hello all. well, im new here... thnx to Ana. its kinda kool... well i gotta go... ill b back on tomarrow hopefully. IM DYING MY HAIR RED!!!! -ER... *in case u didnt get that i said red-er* so ya... i gotta go babysit, then help at my church's fall festival! c ya all L8z!!

A religion teacher assigned her class an essay on what makes a good Christian. One student wrote about praying nightly, say no to abortion, banning gay marriage, and donating money. The other student wrote about talking to God and allowing people to enjoy their lives, and supporting gay marriage.




The day the teacher was to hand the papers back, she called up the second student and told him she would pray for him when he went to hell. The student asked why would he be going to hell, and why he got an F on his paper. The teacher told him that Catholisim is against gay marriage. The student looked at her for a minute, then said aloud, "I'm gay." The teacher kicked him out of class as if he had said fuck or worshipped Satan.


A girl in the back of class who had a boyfriend and was obviously straight got up and left too.




* If you would leave the classroom, repost this. It doesn't matter if you're straight, bi, or gay. It doesn't matter if you're Catholic or not. Everyone is a human being and deserves happiness. *
[Everyone Deserves HAPPINESS!]