[NukleaЯ EveЯgloW™]'s diary
Written about Friday 2008-02-01
Written: (6142 days ago)
on this bed i lay
holding back the demon
inside of me...
i tried through all the day
but tonight the barrier is broken...
opening things of the recent past
bleeding out from the wound...
releasing the demons from within
escaping only to return again
i try so hard but then...
it's wrong...
all wrong
all wrong...
crying...slowl
bleeding...sil
cursed...rotte
unworthy...dam
i try oh so hard
but my dreams get smashed
everything i do or say
is never enough, always wrong
i feel that nothing matters
i'm falling, falling
but no one's there to catch me
i'm alone and drowning in my
river of plagues, so cursed
and this dismal feeling is worse
i'm losing my hope
holding on to a thread
and it is unravelling
and i am falling into
the dark abyss of my
evergrowing self-destructi
everyone i know, i bring harm
and everything i've tried
it is nothing but wrong
alone i am meant to be
i only make things worse
that's all i've ever done
it was a dream but then
reality hit me
i've lost it all
everything i once knew
is no longer what it seems
don't know what to do
or what to say
don't know who to trust
existence in of itself
is a blessing, but for me
it's never been anything
but a curse
i'm tired of desperation
i'm tired of being tired
i looked in the mirror today
what i saw wasn't me
that's not what i am
it's not who i want to be
it can't be
it'll never be me
i'm losing myself in
all of my thoughts
cause i lost my human side
so long ago
nobody ever knew
my soul is bleeding
feeling the torment
hating the pain
wish it could end
i reap what i sow
all i receive is pain
i'm decaying in this shell
the demons in me have
deserted me.
everyone i thought i knew
they're all leaving me
shutting me out
nobody cares that i'm bleeding
and all i can feel is the sting
i'm worred and i'm crying
i can't go on
living this way
i'm losing my sight
my mind...
wish somebody could say
that i'm alright
this sweet dispair
feeding my disease
my river of plagues
over and over it
breaks my heart
but i live on
i pick up the pieces
i repair myself again
like i have so many
times before
time and time again
it makes me want to go away
never to be found
so i can't hurt anyone else
i won't let it happen again
i'll never let it happen again...
Americans!
Watch this movie and be enlightened!!
There are things that the government
and others don't want you to know about!!
http://zeitgei
It contains imperative information that must be known!!
Please watch it, you won't regret it.
Look at me.
It's back again
It's worse than back then
Don't you see
I'm in this on my own
Cause I want to be alone
Just don't forget me when I'm gone
When I'm six feet under where I belong
No I'm not going to disappear
But one day, all shall perish
And no one will be near
And the earth shall then cherish
Its own natural beauty once more....
what the fucking hell is goin on!!
it's like something's inside of me
a different entity
some creature...
and it's trapped within
lost inside of me...
i just want it to go away!!!
aaaaaaahhhhhhh
fuck fuck fuck fuuuucccckkk!!
why tonight?
why now? i just want to feel fine!!!
arrrrrgggghhhh
[and no, nothing's wrong between me and my girlfriend. we're fine]
raaaaaaaaaaaaa
Song Dragon
In the war between good and evil, a Song Dragon tends to walk the fine line of Neutrality.
When it comes to the powers of Chaos vs. those of Law and Order, your inner dragon walks a fine line between Law and Chaos.
As far as magical tendancies, a Song Dragon's nature does not lend itself well to the ways of Magic.
During combat situations, whether by spells or by claw, your inner dragon will do whatever it takes to get the job done.
Dragon Description:
Song Dragons are a dull grey color to their scales, but are graceful and quick in movement. The most striking attribute of the Song Dragon is it's voice. Having several sets of vocal chords, the Dragon's every word reverberates like a string symphony.
Song Dragons build their homes deep in seclusion, but in truth they are very social and friendly in nature. They will often be found polymorphed into human form and fraternizing with people in bars and public places.Song Dragons are the bards of dragonkind, they greatly value creative thinking and artistic talent. They live life to it's fullest, and are well known for going to extremes. They are also known for their good-hearted nature and kindness.
http://dragonh
[ Fate Untold ]
[----Part One: Sacred Silence]
As I lay in my sacred silence
I hear words that I never spake
Causing emotions to come to surface
Overriding the ones that I pretend
I assure everyone that I'm fine
But I lay in darkness at night
Crying out my silent sorrow
Wishing for no tomorrow
I've been to the edge and back
It is closer to me each time
And each time is another crack
I'm so fragile I could break
Don't know what is happening
Don't know what to do
I'm just so afraid that my choice
May end up hurting someone
They needn't hurt anymore
So maybe I'll be the one
To take away all the pain
And bring it unto myself
[----Part Two: Unknown World]
Scared of going further into the unknown
Others are following me into it
I don't know what I should do
I don't want to go into the darkness
But there's just a part of me
That wonders if it'll be alright
Traveling into worlds unknown
Surely it may be a delight
Then again there's another me
That doesn't want to go
It's scary to think about the others
What would become of them if they get lost
Ok, well originally this was going to be just one whole thing, but I kept on writing so I felt it needed to be into
part one and part two. The entire thing is called Fate untold, but if you're talkin about just one part of it, call it by the part name.
Written about Sunday 2007-12-09
Written: (6196 days ago)
[Saving me]
I sit here starin' out the window
Watchin the world pass me by
I sit wonderin if you even care
And sometimes I just break down and cry
Cause it feels like you're no longer there
Like you no longer even care
Why do I even bother to try
When all I seem to get is hurt
I wanna be loved
I wanna be yours
I wanna make you mine
I wanna feel fine
I'm tired of feelin hurt
Tired of feelin down
Tired of gettin left in the dust
Don't wanna be backburner anymore
Let me into your life again
I love you til the very end
Cause no matter what I do
I'll always be here to love you
And I don't even know why
I love you when you make me cry
When I feel like you've forsaken me
What must I do to be with you
There's nothing I'd rather be
Than be in perfect harmony
Cause when I'm down like this
I don't know how much more I can stand
So help me save me from myself
Keep me from going six feet under
You know you aren't helping
When all you do is neglect me
I wanna be yours
I wanna have you
I wanna last forever
Hear my words
I wanna be loved.
WHEEE I'M A DAILY POET!!
GO ME!
lol i'm a dumbass
I missed my turn to someone's house tonight.
I ended up going straight to the other highway lol
what a retard i am.
and it was before even the first curve in the road
eh, oh well.
she got the charger and i'm feelin fine.
hehe. i'm so stupid
Hurting For You
On the floor I lay motionless in pain
All my mistrust drivin me insane
I keep on thinking the love is true
But then I see the things you do
Why can't it be just us two
Crying my melancholy tears of pain
My chest tightens once again
Got me feeling oh so low
Leaving cry stains on my pillow
Why can't you just pick me now.
I am tired of all this waiting
That I love you, there is no debating
You say that you don't wanna hurt me
Well you're hurting me now don't you see
Why can't I be yours now and forever
All I ever did was love you
Ok, I checked out Ranma 1/2 vol 1 from my school library right...
well...ummn...
DAMN I NEED THE OTHER 33 VOLUMES THAT I HAVEN'T READ!
GRRR. I NEEDS MONEH!!
I should've never checked it out, lol.
wanna smoke?
check this out
http://myspace
Written about Saturday 2007-11-10
Written: (6226 days ago)
Dear diary,
I feel like total and utter shit.
I'm tired of feeling this way.
I'm going to try something new
see if that works out for me
if not I'll just go back to what
I used to do.
I feel so bad...I can't explain it.
I just want it to end without me ending it all.[I WILL NEVER END IT ALL]
Fuck why does this have to happen...
Why can't things just go smoothly...
Wish there was something or someone
that could kill all the pain I have
and resurrect the joy I once possessed.
I'm sick of feeling sad and alone.
Nothing really matters unless you make it matter
I think I made something matter too much
and now I'm paying the consequences.
I hate it hate HATE IT!!!
I know I'm not perfect.
But neither is anyone else.
Why must my life be such a fuckup...
I just need someone who will love me that I can love back and never stop loving me...I want someone to be mine forever...
</sad rant>
Linkin Park - Given Up
Wake in a sweat again
Another day's been laid to waste
In my disgrace
Stuck in my head again
Feels like I'll never leave this place
There's no escape
I'm my own worst enemy
I've given up...
I'm sick of feeling
Is there nothing you can say?
Take this all away
I'm suffocating!
Tell me what the fuck is wrong with me!
I don't know what to take
Thought I was focused but I'm scared
I'm not prepared
I hyperventilate
Looking for help somehow somewhere
And no one cares
I'm my own worst enemy
I've given up...
I'm sick of feeling
Is there nothing you can say?
Take this all away
I'm suffocating!
Tell me what the fuck is wrong
with me!
GOD!
Put me out of my misery
Put me out of my misery
Put me out of my...
Put me out of my fucking misery!
I've given up
I'm sick of feeling
Is there nothing you can say?
Take this all away
I'm suffocating!
Tell me what the fuck is
Wrong with me!
Natural Hair Color:
[x] Brown - $100
[] Blonde - $50
[] Black - $15
[] Bald - $5
[] Other-$75
Eye Color:
[x] Brown - $1
[] Green - $75
[] Blue $50
[] Hazel $100
[] Other - $15
Height:
[] Over 7' - $200
[] 6'8" to 7' - $175
[] 6'0" to 6'7" - $150
[x] 5'5" to 5'11" - $75
[]4'9" to 5'4" - $45
[] Under 4'9 - $45
Age:
[] 31 to 40 - $100
[] 26 to 30 - $75
[] 21 to 25 - $50
[x] 17 to 20 - $25
[] 0 to 16 - $100
Birth Order:
[] Twins or more than twins - $300
[x]First Born - $300
[] second born - $150
[] third born - $100
[] fourth born - $100
[] fifth born - $100
[] Last Born - $100
[] Only Child - $250
Do You Drink?
[x] No - $400
[] Only Holidays - $250
[] Sometimes - $215
[] YES - $200
[] Only weekends - $350
[] Every other day - $50
[] Once a day - $15
[] I live from the bottle - $Bankrupt$
Vision?
[] perfect vision -$300
[x] need or have glasses/contac
[] No correction $100
[] Glasses $50
[] contacts $25
[] Surgical correction - $1
Car(s) Color
[] Black - $450
[] Blue - $900
[x] Gold - $700
[] Gray - $600
[] Green- $350
[] Maroon - $800
[] Obsdian - $800
[] Pink - $2,000
[] Primer - $75
[] Purple- $250
[] Red - $400
[x] Silver $300
[] Tan- $20
[] White - $475
[] Yellow - $100
[] Metallic - $200
[] Rusted - $15
[] No Car - $0
[] Other - $ 50
Shoe Size:
[] 13+ - $300
[]12.5 to 13 - $250
[] 11 to 12 - $700
[x] 7 to 10 - $500
[] Under 7- $550
Favorite Color:
[] Aqua - $350
[x] Black - $100
[] Blue - $300
[] Brown - $50
[] Green-$750
[] Orange - $300
[] Pink - $100
[] Purple - $225
[x] Red - $600
[] White - $400 (not a color)
[] Yellow -$475
Did you use a calculator to add it all up?
[] Yes - $0
[X]no- $1000
[] on some - $550
wheee $4301