Little Mary was not the best student in Sunday School. Usually she slept through the class. One day the teacher called on her while she was napping, ''Tell me, Mary, who created the universe?''


When Mary didn't stir, little Johnny, an altruistic boy seated in the chair behind her, took a pin and jabbed her in the rear. ''God Almighty !'' shouted Mary and the teacher said, ''Very good'' and Mary fell back to sleep.


A while later the teacher asked Mary, ''Who is our Lord and Savior?'' But Mary didn't even stir from her slumber. Once again, Johnny came to the rescue and stuck her again. ''Jesus Christ!'' shouted Mary and the teacher said, ''Very good,'' and Mary fell back to sleep.


Then the teacher asked Mary a third question, ''What did Eve say to Adam after she had her twenty-third child?'' And again, Johnny jabbed her with the pin. This time Mary jumped up and shouted, ''If you stick that damn thing in me one more time, I'll break it in half!''


The Teacher fainted.

75 Ways To Order Pizza
1. Belch directly into the mouthpiece; then tell your dog it should be ashamed.
2. Make up a charge-card name. Ask if they accept it.
3. When they repeat your order, say "Again, with a little more OOMPH this time."
4. Order a Big Mac Extra Value Meal.
5. Terminate the call with, "Remember, we never had this conversation."
6. Tell the order taker a rival pizza place is on the other line and you're going with the lowest bidder.
7. When they ask for your phone # give them theirs and see if they notice.
8. Answer their questions with questions.
9. Tell them to put the crust on top this time.
10. Sing the order to the tune of your favorite song from Metallica's "Master of Puppets" CD.
11. Do not name the toppings you want. Rather, spell them out.
12. Stutter on the letter "p."
13. Make a list of exotic cuisines. Order them as toppings.
14. Put an extra edge in your voice when you say "crazy bread."
15. Change your accent every three seconds.
16. Ask if you get to keep the pizza box. When they say yes, heave a sigh of relief.
17. Ask what the order taker is wearing.
18. Move the mouthpiece farther and farther from your lips as you speak. When the call ends, jerk the mouthpiece back into place and scream goodbye at the top of your lungs.
19. Say hello, act stunned for five seconds, then behave as if they called you.
20. Say "Are you sure this is (Pizza Place)? When they say yes, say "Well, so is this! You've got some explaining to do!" See how they respond.
21. Tell the order taker you're depressed. Get him/her to cheer you up.
22. Imitate the order taker's voice.
23. Tell them to double-check to make sure your pizza is, in fact, dead.
24. Order 52 pepperoni slices prepared in a fractal pattern as follows from an equation you are about to dictate. Ask if they need paper.
25. Act like you know the order taker from somewhere. Say "Bed-Wetters' Camp, right?"
26. Put the accent on the last syllable of "pepperoni." Use the long "i" sound.
27. If they repeat the order to make sure they have it right, say "OK. That'll be $10.99; please pull up to the first window."
28. Eliminate verbs from your speech.
29. Say it's your anniversary and you'd appreciate if the deliverer hid behind some furniture waiting for your spouse to arrive so you can surprise him/her.
30. Amuse the order taker with little-known facts about country music.
31. Ask to see a menu.
32. Have your pizza "shaken, not stirred."
33. Ask if they have any idea what is at stake with this pizza.
34. Ask what topping goes best with well-aged Chardonnay.
35. If using a touch-tone, press random numbers while ordering. Ask person taking the order to stop doing that.
36. Order a slice, not a whole pizza.
37. Doze off in the middle of the order, catch yourself, and say "Where was I? Who are you?"
38. Psychoanalyze the order taker.
39. Ask what their phone number is. Hang up, call them, and ask again.
40. Order two toppings, then say, "No, they'll start fighting."
41. Call to complain about service. Later, call to say you were drunk and didn't mean it.
42. If he/she suggests anything, adamantly declare, "I shall not be swayed by your sweet words."
43. Wonder aloud if you should trim those nose hairs.
44. Try to talk while drinking something.
45. Start the conversation with "My Call to (Pizza Place), Take 1, and. . . action!"
46. Ask if the pizza is organically grown.
47. Ask about pizza maintenance and repair.
48. Be vague in your order.
49. Use CB lingo where applicable.
50. If using a touch-tone press 9-1-1 every
5 seconds throughout the order.
51. After ordering, say "I wonder what THIS button on the phone does." Simulate a cutoff.
52. Start the conversation by reciting today's date and saying, "This may be my last entry."
53. State your order and say that's as far as this relationship is going to get.
54. Learn to properly pronounce the ingredients of a Twinkie. Ask that these be included in the pizza.
55. Ask if they're familiar with the term "spanking a pizza." Make up a description to go with the term. Ask that this be done to your pizza.
56. Say "Kssssssssssssssht" rather loudly into the phone. Ask if they felt that.
57. When listing toppings you want on your pizza, include another pizza.
58. Ask if they would like to sample your pizza. Suggest an even trade.
59. Put them on hold.
60. Teach the order taker a secret code. Use the code on all subsequent orders.
61. Mumble, "There's a bomb under your seat." When asked to repeat that, say "I said 'sauce smothered with meat'."
62. Make the first topping you order mushrooms. Make the last thing you say "No mushrooms, please." Hang up before they have a chance to respond.
63. When the order is repeated, change it slightly. When it is repeated again, change it again. On the third time, say "You just don't get it, do you?"
64. When you've given the price, say "Ooooooo, that sounds complicated. I hate math."
65. Haggle.
66. Order a one-inch pizza.
67. Order term life insurance.
68. When they say "Will that be all?", snicker and say "We'll find out, won't we?"
69. Ask how many dolphins were killed to make that pizza.
70. While on the phone, fake entering puberty. Fluctuate pitch often; act embarrassed.
71. Dance all around the word "pizza." Avoid saying it at all costs. If he/she says it, say "Please don't mention that word."
72. Have a movie with a good car chase scene playing loudly in the background. Yell "OW!" when a bullet is fired.
73. If he/she suggests a side order, ask why he/she is punishing you.
74. Ask if the pizza has had its shots.
75. Order a steamed pizza.

Everything that is going wrong in your life today shall be well with you this year. No matter how much your enemies try this year, "they will not" succeed. You have been destined to make it and you shall surely achieve all your goals this year. For the remaining months of this year (2007), all your agonies will be diverted and victory and prosperity will be incoming in abundance. Today God has confirmed the end of your sufferings, sorrows, and Pains because HE that sits on the throne has remembered you. I knocked at heaven's door this morning, God asked me...My child, what can I do for you? And I said, "Father, please protect and bless the person reading this message"...God smiled and answered...Request granted. If you believe this message, put it in your diary, or somewhere where your friends will read it.
By doing this you have succeeded in praying for your friends today

There's so much brainwashing going on.It's coming from TV.
They take things that you accept and add one thing different
you may not agree with it but you take it anyways cause mostly you agree.
then eventually they get you to the point where you're on their side
it's a slow but successful process.
The TV is brainwashing America.
I've noticed a trend happening over the past few years.
They're starting to drop the 'A' in USA.
They started calling it the US
and the United States
What does that matter?
I'll tell you.
America is slowly becoming no more.
They want America gone.
Now, who are they?
The ones who never use America when talking about the USA.
It's a delicate process, but I see what's going on.
I'm not blind to this brainwashing of american society.
I see it happening each and every day.
The main source is the television.
Why?
Because most homes have AT LEAST one television in it.
And what's becoming of today's youth?
I go to school and see at least 5 people not able to do the schoolwork.
It's not that they can't learn it, it's that they won't learn it.
Today's youth has become so lazy and pampered with current technology, it's sad to see. People not able to spell because of the internet.
People not able to do simple algebra. It's frightening what we've become as a nation.
Back to brainwashing.
It's a subtle process that is being put in place and further progressed every day. They try to make you believe things. You never see both sides of one story. Why? Profit. It's all about profit. Maybe it's about time someone did something. Stop the brainwashing of AMERICA.
We are all AMERICANS. Stop dividing the nation into races!
Facist pigs. Who cares if you're black, white, oriental, latin, european, islander, mixed, albino?! We're all human beings living on this earth.
But I still have one problem...
ILLEGAL IMMIGRANTS ARE ILLEGAL FOR ONE REASON
THEY CAME OVER ILLEGALLY!!
STOP GIVING THEM JOBS.
STOP GIVING THEM FREE MEDICAL
OTHER IMMIGRANTS DID IT LEGALLY
WHY CAN'T THEY?
DEPORT THEM ALL!!
BUILD 100 YARD TALL BORDERS!
MAKE THEM GO INTO THE GROUND 300 YARDS!!
ONLY LEGAL WAY IN OR OUT IS THROUGH CHECKPOINTS OR AN OFFICIAL AIRFLIGHT OR SHIP RIDE!
There. Enough said.

America Awaken

Demolition of the human mind
Genocide of all human kind
Death bombs dropped on us all
What rises to power must fall

America slowly becoming no more
While the middle east is war torn
Nations self-destructing at the core
Rugged land that has been battle worn

Freedom our fathers died for
Slowly turning into a monarchy
That which we closed the door
Before all turned into anarchy

The wheel turns once more
Stand for what you believe in
Destiny will soon settle the score
One day everything will end

Nation warring against nation
Bringing death and devastation
Waning the belief of a population
Revitalize the pride of the nation

Bring the nation together as one
United we stood as we won
Maybe losing battles here and there
But winning the peace of nations everywhere

Ok, here's the second part. Enjoy
Calling All Cars, Part Two

Calling all cars
We've got another victim
He's mad with love
And somebody else loves him
He's walkin down the highway
Following the stars above
He begun his walk today
Doesn't know how long it'll take
But he'll be there one day
He'll be there one day

Calling all cars
We've got another victim
He's cruisin down the highway
Dangerous on a motorcycle
Nobody can get near him
There's nothing we can do
Better just let him through
Follow him in the helicopter
While he blazes on his chopper

Calling all cars
The victim is on the loose
We can't get too close
Or he'll hang his noose
And make his life dispose
But then again I suppose
That's why I'm...

Calling all cars
Calling all cars
We've found the victim
He's in the town where his love lives
It took him about a week
But it's alright now
Because he's found his love

Calling all cars
Calling all cars
We've found the victim
He's mad with love
And somebody else loves him
They've found each other
They have one another
[repeat this last part over and over until fade out]

A song I wrote
Calling All Cars, Part One

Calling all cars
We've got another victim
He carries the scars
Of all who once loved him
Destroyed by love
He turned away
Just one more shove
And he'll end the day
Days of his life
He'll Draw his final breath
He will fall to his death.

Calling all cars
We've got another victim
He's going to fast
He's gonna crash
Haunting is his past
His thinking is rash
No one there to love him
Cheated by the cruel society
No one will see him again
Now death is his priority

Calling all cars
We've lost control
He's gone for good
The car took its toll
It rolled onto the hood
Flipped and gone for good
Lost at the bottom of the river
Last evidence is a flash of silver

Calling all cars
We need an ambulance
And the rescue team
It looks bad at a glance
It's worse than it may seem
They're drownin in his car
The parents don't know where they are

Calling all cars
We've got yet another victim
Looks like former love by him
The tragedy of it all
Making the horrible call
Telling the parents they won't be home
All because of he was left alone

Calling all cars
Calling all cars
We've got we've got
We've got another victim
We've got another victim
Calling all cars
We've found the victim
Calling all cars
Somebody loved them
Calling all cars
If only they had listened
Calling all cars
This is how it ends
Calling all cars.

Stormy Times

The sky turns pitch black
Lightning streaks across it.
There is no turning back.
Maybe I will get hit.

Winds pick up dust
That's all we'll be
Dust in the wind
Forever set free

Pitter-patter of raindrops heard
I walk outside in the storm
Cryin? Who me? That's obsurd
But really the rain hides my form

Ashes to ashes
Dust to dust
Energy crashes
Heal, I must

Screamin out my lungs
Never return to me
I've climbed the rungs
I'll be set free

My October

I lock myself in my room
I plead for you to go away
Cause in all of this doom
Loneliness is the only way

I look outside the window.
The leaves are fallin down
It feels so bad cause you're not around
Time is slipping by so slow
Ohuhoooohooooh.

It is My October
It is my fall.
I must stay sober
Before I lose it all
Aaall-eh-aaaallll.

I open up the scars again.
I thought I forgot and then
Your name fills my head
The one wishing I were dead

This is My October.
This is my Fall.
I thought it was over.
I thought I lost it all.
Aaall-eh-aaaallll.

It is My October
It is my Fall.
I must stay sober
Before I lose it all
Aaall-eh-aaaallll.

I may expand on this later.
Develop a story around it.
Depends on if I feel up to it or not.

but now I present to you...
Lonely Boy

<www.humanforsale.com>

Secret from Birdy
Lyrics by me [NukleaЯ EveЯgloW™]

V1
What is this that I have heard?
A pretty little birdy told me,
Cardinal is the type of the bird.
Red are the feathers that you see.


V2
The truth of the matter I'm told.
Something I didn't see coming.
Oh ever, ever is the birdy bold.
Telling me what you'd hide from me.

CH
Birdy birdy birdy birdy birdy!
Little pretty cardinal birdy!
Birdy!(birdy!)x2
Telling me secrets!(Secrets!)
Secrets! (secrets!) x2

V3
Birdy! Voices! Little birdy voices!
Secrets! Secrets! I've heard truth!
I laugh at out of all of the choices,
that's the one you made. Birdy sleuth!

DROP
Hahahahahahaaaaaa!
I laugh at your poor decision!
Once more for a little derision!
Hahahahahahaaaaaa!


CH
Birdy birdy birdy birdy birdy!
Little pretty cardinal birdy!
Birdy!(birdy!)x2
Telling me secrets!(Secrets!)
Secrets! (secrets!) x2

DROP
Hahahahahahaaaaaa!
I laugh at your poor decision!
Once more for a little derision!
Hahahahahahaaaaaa!

END
Birdy secrets telling me HAHAAA!

http://battles.myyearbook.com/?battleid=1204717
please vote for me =) [Clayton!!!]

RULES:
1. Put your music player on shuffle.
2. For each question, press the next button to get your answer.
3. YOU MUST WRITE THAT SONG NAME DOWN NO MATTER HOW SILLY IT SOUNDS!

IF SOMEONE SAYS "IS THIS OKAY" YOU SAY?
Justin Timberlake - Sexy Back

WHAT DO YOU LIKE IN A GUY/GIRL?
Kittie - What I Always Wanted

HOW DO YOU FEEL TODAY?
Creed - Higher

WHAT IS YOUR LIFE'S PURPOSE?
Linkin Park - What I've Done

WHAT IS YOUR MOTTO?
Stuckmojo - Declaration Hatebreed


WHAT DO YOUR FRIENDS THINK OF YOU?
Kittie - Looks So Pretty

WHAT DO YOU THINK OF YOUR PARENTS?
Saliva - Fuck All Y'all

WHAT DO YOU THINK ABOUT VERY OFTEN?
Papa Roach - Last Resort

WHAT DO YOU THINK OF THE PERSON YOU LIKE?
Third Day - You Are So Good To Me

WHAT IS YOUR LIFE STORY?
Saliva - Weight of the World

WHAT DO YOU WANT TO BE WHEN YOU GROW UP?
Saliva - Your Disease

WHAT DO YOU THINK WHEN YOU SEE THE PERSON YOU LIKE?
System of a Down - Waiting for You (Version 2)

WHAT DO YOUR PARENTS THINK OF YOU?
Slipknot - Disasterpiece

WHAT WILL YOU DANCE TO AT YOUR WEDDING?
Hellogoodbye - Here In Your Arms

WHAT WILL THEY PLAY AT YOUR FUNERAL?
Saliva - My Goodbyes

WHAT IS YOUR HOBBY/INTEREST?
Linkin Park - Shadow of the Day

WHAT IS YOUR BIGGEST FEAR?
The All-American Rejects - My Paper Heart

WHAT IS YOUR BIGGEST SECRET?
Otep - House of Secrets

WHAT DO YOU THINK OF YOUR FRIENDS?
Marilyn Manson - Disposible Teens

WHAT WILL BE THE SUBJECT WHEN YOU REPOST?
Three Days Grace - Riot

Update:
Mmmk.
Just as I said.
I'm feeling alright now as of this morning.
It don't see why I get like that when I shouldn't be.

Ok, I don't know why I'm even like this.
I'm tired of it but I don't know what to do.
I like it dark with no lights on. That's what I crave
But school messes that up. Summers here and now I can enjoy the darkness. But there's one problem with me...
Some reason, when I'm alone at the computer.
and all the lights are off except for the monitor...
I get all sad and crap. For no apparent reason at that.
It's been this way since...at least last summer.
I don't know what to make of it.
It's so stupid and I just don't know what to do.
It's like just cause It's dark with only the computer giving me light makes me sad or something...like the monitor drains away my happiness and the light isn't there to replinish it. Sounds stupid I know but it's just a theory I came up with.

I don't know why I feel so sad and down.
Maybe it's cause I'm alone.
I don't know.
But it's stupid.
Cause I know I should be happy.
But I'm not.
I'm at that point where you wanna cry
but they just won't come out.
On the verge, but the verge won't break.
It's pointless but I don't know what to do about it.
I AM NOT GOING TO SEE A COUNCELOR/THERAPIST/PSYCHOLOGIST/PSYCHIATRIST!!
Don't even suggest it. I've already got my mind set about that part. I am not going to go PAY for someone to listen to my problems and HELP me with it. Neither am I going to let my parents know. They do not need to know, they'll only make it worse.

Once morning comes around I'm fine and dandy.
Like nights like these don't affect how I am tomorrow.
I just live moment to moment. Or so I try to.
But yeah. I'm just really at a loss here and tired of feeling this way. NO I AM NOT GOING TO TAKE MEDICATION EITHER! They just want to get you into the system and keep you in it so you end up wasting money on their products.

Run Away lyrics by me. [NukleaЯ EveЯgloW™]

V1
You just can't stand it.
So you run away from it all.
All of your troubles
All of your disturbances
Can't stand to bear it all.
So you take flight.
Running away from everything.
CH
Run away from your shame.
Run away from your mistakes.
Run away from all your fears.
Run away from the love you've left behind.
Run away. So far away. Away from here.
So far away from me. From my presence.

V2
What have you done?
Hiding behind your lies
Complain as many times as you want.
Twist all the words you need.
Can't you see your ignorance?
It is you that grows that demon seed.


V3
The things you have done.
The lies that you tell.
Hate built up inside you.
It drives people away.
You're left with reserves.
Secondaries became primaries.
We see the truth, but not you.
No not you.

PRE-CH
Instilled inside you is hate.
Away from you courage flees.
Avoiding the evident truth.
You've made it time for you to run.

DROP
Run run as fast as you can!

CH
Run away from your shame.
Run away from your mistakes.
Run away from all your fears.
Run away from the love you've left behind.
Run away. So far away. Away from here.

END
Run run as fast as you can!
Courage flees you as you flee.
Flee away into your hiding place.
Flee...away...

"Nice guys finish last." [imma x mine]

To every guy that regrets hurting or losing her.-regret nothing in life. everything happens the way it is supposed to.

[x]To every guy who knows which girl he wants.

[x]To every guy that's said, "Sex can wait."

[x]To every guy that's said, "You're beautiful." (instead of Damn ur hot!)

[x-haven't had this happen, but I would do this] To every guy that was never too busy to drive across town (or across the state) to see her.

[x] To every guy that gives flowers and a card when she is sick.

[x-would do that] To every guy who has given her flowers just because.

[x]To every guy that said he would die for her.

[X] To every guy that really would.

[x]To every guy that did what she wanted to do.

To every guy that cried in front of her. -i cry alone.

[x]To every guy that she cried in front of.

[x]To every guy that holds hands with her.

[x]To every guy that kisses her with meaning.

[x]To every guy that hugs her when she's sad.

[x]To every guy that hugs her for no reason at all.

[x]To every guy who would give their jacket up for her.

[x]To every guy that calls to make sure she got home safe.

[x]To every guy that would sit and wait for her for hours just to see her for ten minutes.

[x]To every guy that would give his seat up.

[xx]To every guy that just wants to cuddle.

[x]To every guy that reassured her that she was beautiful no matter what.

[x]To every guy who told his secrets to her.

[x]To every guy that tried to show how much he cared through every word and every breath.

[x]To every guy that thought maybe this could be the one.

[x]To every guy that believed in her dreams.

[x]To every guy that would have done anything so she could achieve them.

[x]To every guy that never laughed at her when she told him her dreams.

[x]To every guy that walked her to her car.

[xx]To every guy that wasn't just trying to get laid.

[xx]To every guy that gave his heart.

[x]To every guy who prays that she is happy even if you are not with her.

Not many girls appreciate nice guys anymore... And because of this, there are not many left out there...

[x]If you are a nice guy repost this with "Nice guys finish last."

If you are a girl that thinks every guy should try to acomplish even a few of these repost this with: "To the nice guys left"

Marilyn Manson - Man That You Fear

The ants are in the sugar
The muscles atrophied
Were on the other side, the screen is us and were t.v.
Spread me open,
Sticking to my pointy ribs
Are all your infants in abortion cribs
I was born into this
Everything turns to shit
The boy that you loved is the man that you fear
Pray until your number,
Asleep from all your pain,
Your apple has been rotting
Tomorrows turned up dead
I have it all and I have no choice but to
Ill make everyone pay and you will see
You can kill yourself now
Because youre dead
In my mind
The boy that you loved is the monster you fear
Peel off all those eyes and crawl into the dark,
Youve poisoned all of your children to camouflage your scars
Pray unto the splinters, pray unto your fear
Pray your life was just a dream
The cut that never heals
Pray now baby, pray your life was just a dream
(I am so tangled in my sins that I cannot escape)
Pinch the head off, collapse me like a weed
Someone had to go this far
I was born into this
Everything turns to shit
The boy that you loved is the man that you fear
Peel off all those eyes and crawl into the dark,
Youve poisoned all of your children to camouflage your scars
Pray unto the splinters, pray unto your fear
Pray your life was just a dream
The cut that never heals
Pray now baby, pray your life was just a dream
The world in my hands, theres no one left to hear you scream
Theres no one left for you

Marilyn Manson - Filth

You bite the tin foil they give you
Your P.N.O.Y. mind is entombed
You are amused by your confusion
Staple your face to mine if you're afraid to be alone
I'll mail you razor blades for Christmas
If you're so disgusted then leave the wicked way
You are confused by your amusement
The hypocrite will be the first to see the filth
You want to look like me
(You want to look like)
You want to live like me
(You want to live like)
You want to live like me
(You want to live like)
You want to look like me
(You want to look like)
It's not the same, you don't mean a thing, you're just another stain
It's not the same, you don't mean a thing, you're just another stain
This won't hurt...
You should eat the shit you speak
You know you are what you think
You should eat the shit you speak
You know you are what you think
Don't you try to touch me
You're no different from what you see
Don't you try to touch me
You're just as filthy as filth can be
Like a pinata you crack open
Your candy guts cascade in rainbow
You decay in your own containment
the sweetest insides are all coated with their filth
It's not the same, you don't mean a thing, you're just another stain
It's not the same, you don't mean a thing, you're just another stain
You should eat the shit you speak
You know you are what you think
You should eat the shit you speak
You know you are what you think
Don't you try to touch me
You're no different from what you see
Don't you try to touch me
You're just as filthy as filth can be
Transcrita por Sorrento

Marilyn Manson - Count to 6 & Die

Shes got her eyes open wide
Shes got the dirt and spit of the world
Her mouth on the metal
The lips of a scared little girl

Ive got an angel in the lobby
Hes waiting to put me in line
I wont ask forgiveness
My faith has gone dry

Shes got her christian prescriptures
And death has crawled in her ear
Like elevator music of songs
That she shouldnt hear

And it spins around 1...2...3
And we all lay down 4...5...6
Some do it fast
Some do it better in smaller amounts

And it spins around 1...2...3
And we all lay down 4...5...6
Some do it fast
Some do it better in smaller amounts

Marilyn Manson - Tourniquet

Shes made of hair and bone and little teeth
And things I cannot speak
She comes on like a crippled plaything
Spine is just a string
I wrapped our love in all this foil
Silver-tight like spider legs
I never wanted it to ever spoil
But flies will always lay their eggs
Take your hatred out on me
Make your victim my head
You never ever believed in me
I am your tourniquet
Prosthetic synthesis with butterfly
Sealed up with virgin stitch
If it hurts, just tell me
Preserve the innocence
I never wanted it to end this way
But flies will lay their eggs