[NukleaЯ EveЯgloW™]'s diary

985155  Link to this entry 
Written about Saturday 2007-10-20
Written: (6069 days ago)

Teenage Heartbreak



Waiting in this suspenseful pain

I cry hidden tears in the rain

Wishing it was what it once had been

I thought I had it all but then...


Falling, breaking, shattering

Calling, painstaking, splattering


The blood of my soul floods from my eyes

Leaving my pillow wet with sobbing cries

It hurts to know that you're with him

My life suddenly seems so terrible grim


But I must keep on living my life

Suppress all of the sadness and strife

Keep family thinking that I'm alright

When in reality I hurt unfathomly at night


Bleeding, Crying, Hoping

Pleading, Trying, Moping


Plans of the future hanging on by a thread

Contemplating if I should move on instead

It brings my emotions to a win-lose conflict

Either way there is possible pain to inflict


I ponder if I should keep holding on

Or should I just leave at the break of dawn

My options are slowly seeping over the house fences

Hoping a night's sleep will bring me to my senses


Dreaming, Needing, Wanting

Screaming, Heeding, Haunting


Wake me up from this nightmare

I only wish that you would care

You and your actions hurt me

If you could just only see


Falling, Shattering, Crying

Calling, Clattering, Dying...


Chapters in life begin and end

And sometimes hearts are rend

Right out of a young man's chest

Sometimes he must learn to rest
984584  Link to this entry 
Written about Thursday 2007-10-18
Written: (6071 days ago)

http://s5.bitefight.org/c.php?uid=56782
clicky plz ^^^^^^^ (^^)v

981233  Link to this entry 
Written about Thursday 2007-10-04
Written: (6085 days ago)

Love

Love
Sometimes It's all you want
To be loved
To have some to call yours

Such defiance it can cause
ignores all logic
Causes irrational behavior
And may end friendships

The emotion it conjures
Makes you feel so good
Like it's the best thing ever
And you never want it to end

Love
Sometimes it's so terrible
You despise it
And end up losing hope

Such brokenness it can cause
Hurt beyond measure
Sometimes it's so bad
Lives end up being killed

It is a double-blade sword
Making compromise and taking risks
Even though it may not last
it is a chance you should take

Nothing compares to it
With it, much happiness arises
Loss of it, great sorrow is wrought
But it is a chance I'm willing to take.

981011  Link to this entry 
Written about Wednesday 2007-10-03
Written: (6086 days ago)

'Lost' Child

You think yourself right,
Yet you avoid me.
Run away at my sight.
What do you see?
Is it strange?
Are you scared?
Feelings beyond your range?
Emotionally Impaired?
Confused?
Feeling used, abused?
Desperately defused
before the love xplosion.
Detatched before
you're overrun with emotion.
You dislike what you don't understand.
You fear what you can't comprehend.
You avoid what is no longer known.
Suppress your conflicting thoughts
and emotions.
Hide them and forget them.
They'll only affect you later on.
The subcounscious will catch up
to you.

973939  Link to this entry 
Written about Wednesday 2007-10-03
Written: (6112 days ago)

[something from Sept 7th]

Can't believe I just found this song, lol.
From ex to ex:

Slipknot - Everything Ends
You are wrong, fucked, and overrated
I think Im gonna be sick and its your fault
This is the end of everything
You are the end of everything
I havent slept since I woke up

And found my whole life was a lie, motherfucker
This is the end of everything
You are the end of everything

Shallow skin, I can paint with pain
I mark the trails on my arms with your disdain
Everyday its the same - I love, you hate
But I guess I dont care any more...
Fix my problems with the blade
While my eyes turn from blue to gray
God, the worst thing happened to me today
But I guess I dont care anymore...

You are wrong, fucked, and overrated
I think Im gonna be sick and its your fault
This is the end of everything
You are the end of everything
I havent slept since I woke up
And found my whole life was a lie, motherfucker
This is the end of everything
You are the end of everything

My flaws are the only thing left thats pure
Cant really live, cant really endure
Everything I see reminds me of her
God I wish I didnt care anymore
The more I touch, the less I feel
Im lying to myself that its not real
Why is everybody making such a big fucking deal?
Im never gonna care anymore

What the hell am I doing?
Is there anyone left in my life?
What the fuck was I thinking?
Anybody want to tell me Im fine?
Where the hell am I going?
Do I even need a reason to hide?
I am only betrayed
I am only conditioned to die



lol and I just NOW find the song...
wow, why couldn't I have found it earlier =\


Found another song hehe.

Slipknot - Diluted
Im cold, Im ugly
Im always confused by everything
I can stare into a thousand eyes
But every smile hides a bold-faced lie

It itches, it seethes, it festers and breathes
My heros are dead, they died in my head
Thin out the herd, squeeze out the pain
Something inside me has opened up again

Thoughts of me exemplified
All the little flaws I have denied
Forget today, forget whatever happened
Everyday I see a little more of overall deficiencies
Im nothing short of being one complete catastrophe

What the hell - did I - do to deserve - all of this?

I save all the bullets from ignorant minds
Your insults get stuck in my teeth as they grind
Way past good taste, on our way to bad omens
I decrease, while my symptoms increase

God what the fuck is wrong
You act like you knew it all along
Your timing sucks, your silence is a blessing

All I ever wanted out of you was
Something you could never be
Now take a real good look at
What youve fucking done to me

What the hell - did I - do to deserve - all of this?

Gimme any reason why Id need you, boy
Gimme any reason not to fuck you up
Gimme any reason why Id need you, bitch
Gimme any reason not to fuck you up

I see you in me

I keep my scars from prying eyes
Incapable of ever knowing why
Somebody breathe, Ive got to have an answer

Why am I so fascinated by
Bigger pictures, better things
But I dont care what you think
Youll never understand me

What the hell - did I - do to deserve - all of this?

Fuck!!!


more to be added to this later
979806  Link to this entry 
Written about Friday 2007-09-28
Written: (6091 days ago)

Forgive
Can you hear it?
Thump thump
Can you feel it?
Thump thump
Can you taste it?
Thump thump
It's getting closer
Thump thump
Behind you
Thump thump
Run away
Thump-thump
Before it gets you
Thump thump
Don't-*trips*
Thump thump
It has you now
Thump thump
There's no escape
Thump thump
Hatred has consumed you
Thump-thump
thump-thump
Bleeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeet
No way out
Except to forgive,
And then forget.
Remember not why you hated





Keep America Alive
Look around and tell me what you see.
Is it the way it is happening?
The United States of America being diminished
To simple be the United States when finished
America is slowly slipping away.
Never again to see the light of day.
You see it happening every day.
Calling it just the U.S., the United States
It's on reems of paper and on the
Internet. Soon shall there be a generation
Whom knows no America. America the free.
America the proud. America the brave.
They'll only know the United States to the
Grave. Embrace yourself as an American
If not, there won't be one ever again.
The United States of America is being diminished
Only to to be the United States when it is finished.
When it's gone, America won't carry on.
It's up to you to awake in te dawn
And protest your grievance for repreive
Before the eve of when America takes
Leave and it'll be something you won't believe
And you'll be gone before you even breath.
So take a stand and never leave. Fight
for what's right and Keep America
in U.S.
979166  Link to this entry 
Written about Wednesday 2007-09-26
Written: (6093 days ago)

Forevermore

Riding on the dead train
Dead inside from the pain
The hurt of old memories
My heart has lost its keys

Locked up with someone inside
Whom over I have cried
Someone I'd give my life for
To be with forevermore



Conflicting Empires

Conflict of two minute empires
Neither speaking directly
Using a shared tribe
For tasks and speaking

How long until resolve?
Until hatred dissolves?
When peace is achieved
And fright disentigrated?

Why the mindless hostility?
Such empires should not fight,
But embrace positive qualities
And disregard the past.

Destiny tugs each other.
Forces visual contact.
But indirect exchanges,
Made by a middle tribe.

Using it unjustly,
For neither confront each other
Neither empire wishing to
Make the first move.

Inane little empires.
When will they learn?
Do unto others
As you would have
Them do unto you.


to be updated...
979132  Link to this entry 
Written about Wednesday 2007-09-26
Written: (6093 days ago)

System of a Down - Johnny

Hello, my name is Johnny
Well hello my name is Johnny
I would like to explain myself
And I would like to complain in vein

Sweet little boy
JOHNNY!
Sweet Little Boy
JOHNNY!
Let me show you the way to my
Let me show you the way to my
Let me help you explain your mind
When I help you explain your mind

'ello my name is Roger
Well hello my name is roger
I would like to proclaim myself
A god
And likely ordain myself

Sweet little boy
ROGER!
Sweet little boy
ROGER!

Let me show you the way to my
Let me show you the way to my
Let me help you explain your mind
When I help you explain your mind

Let me show you the way to my
Let me show you the way to my
let me help you explain your mind
When I help you explain your mind

Sweet little boy
Johnny
Sweet little boy
Know as roger

Let me show you the way to my
Let me show you the way to my
Let me help you explain your mind
When I help you explain your mind
Let me show you the way to my
Let me show you the way to my
Let me help you explain your mind
When I help you explain your mind

977199  Link to this entry 
Written about Wednesday 2007-09-19
Written: (6100 days ago)

Rest you, my enemy,
Slain without fault,
Life smacks but tastelessly
Lacking your salt!
Stuck in a bog whence naught
May catapult me,
Come from the grave, long-sought,
Come and insult me!
--(Steven Vincent Benet, Elegy for an Enemy)

975003  Link to this entry 
Written about Tuesday 2007-09-11
Written: (6108 days ago)

TRAPT LYRICS


"Headstrong"

Circling your, circling your, circling your head,
Contemplating everything you ever said
Now I see the truth, I got doubt
A different motive in your eyes and now I’m out
See you later
I see your fantasy, You want to make it a reality paved in gold
See inside, Inside of our heads (yeah)
Well now that’s over
I see your motives inside, decisions to hide

[Chorus:]
Back off I’ll take you on
Headstrong to take on anyone
I know that you are wrong
Headstrong we’re Headstrong
Back off I’ll take you on
Headstrong to take on anyone
I know that you are wrong and this is not where you belong
I can’t give everything away
I won’t give everything away

[Verse 2:]
Conclusions manifest, your first impressions got to be your very best
I see you’re full of $#!T, and that’s alright
That’s how you play, I guess you’ll get through every night
Well now that’s over
I see your fantasy, you want to make it a reality paved in gold
See inside, inside of our heads (yeah) Well now that’s over
I see your motives inside, decisions to hide

[chorus]

[Verse 3:]
I know, I know all about [3 xxx]
I know, I know all about your motives inside, and your decision to hide

[chorus]
Missing: </center>
971215  Link to this entry 
Written about Tuesday 2007-08-28
Written: (6122 days ago)

Migrant Slave

Foreign smells abound
Looking to be found
A nose to deliver the fragrance
Those of early day migrants.

Searching for a place to call home
Not for one to be left alone
New oppurtunities left undiscovered
But later found after memories recovered

Newcomers shunned and sent to camps
Not neven allowed to carry lamps
Working day in and day out
Servicing diligently and never pout

Freedom is tasted over time
Finally worth more than a dime
No longer in a slave labor
But now give life a new flavor

971213  Link to this entry 
Written about Tuesday 2007-08-28
Written: (6122 days ago)

Fall/Gift

Eruption of crimson blood
Destruction from the flood
The Blood covering everything
Making all things clean

Corruption from the fall
Death among us all
Everlasting life, a gift
I ask you, make the shift

971212  Link to this entry 
Written about Tuesday 2007-08-28
Written: (6122 days ago)

Untitled Work

One chapter ends
Another one unfolds
Once again amongst friends
Wait to see what the future holds



Destiny does not limit
It is your own creation
You make your destination
Now stick with your choice
971211  Link to this entry 
Written about Tuesday 2007-08-28
Written: (6122 days ago)

Empty Relaxation

High-pitched pinging, ringing.
The emptiness in the air.
Neverending, without a care.
Singing its sound in my ear.
Reminding me something's near.
The pinging, ringing, oh so clear.

Emptiness for my relaxtation
Void of hateful sensation
Pinging for concentration
Poetry for contemplation
Read inside for information
You control your destination.

969456  Link to this entry 
Written about Wednesday 2007-08-22
Written: (6128 days ago)

might not be on much until the internet bill gets payed
I'll be on a bit when school starts though
so message me and whatnot, i'll get back to you later 

969094  Link to this entry 
Written about Tuesday 2007-08-21
Written: (6130 days ago)

My Love True

Messenger sent me a letter today
The feeling that I felt inside
Leave me feeling sad this way
My love for you has never died

I see that you want me to be happy
All I want is for you to feel the same
But without you all I feel is crappy
I don't want to be played like a game

I only know one thing inside of me
That is only you can make me so glad
You cannot be replaced, can't you see
And babe just so you know, I'm not mad

Cause all I know is that I love you
I don't think my joy will come back
No matter who I see or what I do
My unhappiness is cause you I lack

It is only a matter of time
Before we can see each other
I express my love in this rhyme
We were just made for one another

Don't know what else to do
So baby I'll just wait for you.

968034  Link to this entry 
Written about Friday 2007-08-17
Written: (6133 days ago)
Next in thread:

Little Mary was not the best student in Sunday School. Usually she slept through the class. One day the teacher called on her while she was napping, ''Tell me, Mary, who created the universe?''


When Mary didn't stir, little Johnny, an altruistic boy seated in the chair behind her, took a pin and jabbed her in the rear. ''God Almighty !'' shouted Mary and the teacher said, ''Very good'' and Mary fell back to sleep.


A while later the teacher asked Mary, ''Who is our Lord and Savior?'' But Mary didn't even stir from her slumber. Once again, Johnny came to the rescue and stuck her again. ''Jesus Christ!'' shouted Mary and the teacher said, ''Very good,'' and Mary fell back to sleep.


Then the teacher asked Mary a third question, ''What did Eve say to Adam after she had her twenty-third child?'' And again, Johnny jabbed her with the pin. This time Mary jumped up and shouted, ''If you stick that damn thing in me one more time, I'll break it in half!''


The Teacher fainted.

967717  Link to this entry 
Written about Friday 2007-08-17
Written: (6134 days ago)

75 Ways To Order Pizza
1. Belch directly into the mouthpiece; then tell your dog it should be ashamed.
2. Make up a charge-card name. Ask if they accept it.
3. When they repeat your order, say "Again, with a little more OOMPH this time."
4. Order a Big Mac Extra Value Meal.
5. Terminate the call with, "Remember, we never had this conversation."
6. Tell the order taker a rival pizza place is on the other line and you're going with the lowest bidder.
7. When they ask for your phone # give them theirs and see if they notice.
8. Answer their questions with questions.
9. Tell them to put the crust on top this time.
10. Sing the order to the tune of your favorite song from Metallica's "Master of Puppets" CD.
11. Do not name the toppings you want. Rather, spell them out.
12. Stutter on the letter "p."
13. Make a list of exotic cuisines. Order them as toppings.
14. Put an extra edge in your voice when you say "crazy bread."
15. Change your accent every three seconds.
16. Ask if you get to keep the pizza box. When they say yes, heave a sigh of relief.
17. Ask what the order taker is wearing.
18. Move the mouthpiece farther and farther from your lips as you speak. When the call ends, jerk the mouthpiece back into place and scream goodbye at the top of your lungs.
19. Say hello, act stunned for five seconds, then behave as if they called you.
20. Say "Are you sure this is (Pizza Place)? When they say yes, say "Well, so is this! You've got some explaining to do!" See how they respond.
21. Tell the order taker you're depressed. Get him/her to cheer you up.
22. Imitate the order taker's voice.
23. Tell them to double-check to make sure your pizza is, in fact, dead.
24. Order 52 pepperoni slices prepared in a fractal pattern as follows from an equation you are about to dictate. Ask if they need paper.
25. Act like you know the order taker from somewhere. Say "Bed-Wetters' Camp, right?"
26. Put the accent on the last syllable of "pepperoni." Use the long "i" sound.
27. If they repeat the order to make sure they have it right, say "OK. That'll be $10.99; please pull up to the first window."
28. Eliminate verbs from your speech.
29. Say it's your anniversary and you'd appreciate if the deliverer hid behind some furniture waiting for your spouse to arrive so you can surprise him/her.
30. Amuse the order taker with little-known facts about country music.
31. Ask to see a menu.
32. Have your pizza "shaken, not stirred."
33. Ask if they have any idea what is at stake with this pizza.
34. Ask what topping goes best with well-aged Chardonnay.
35. If using a touch-tone, press random numbers while ordering. Ask person taking the order to stop doing that.
36. Order a slice, not a whole pizza.
37. Doze off in the middle of the order, catch yourself, and say "Where was I? Who are you?"
38. Psychoanalyze the order taker.
39. Ask what their phone number is. Hang up, call them, and ask again.
40. Order two toppings, then say, "No, they'll start fighting."
41. Call to complain about service. Later, call to say you were drunk and didn't mean it.
42. If he/she suggests anything, adamantly declare, "I shall not be swayed by your sweet words."
43. Wonder aloud if you should trim those nose hairs.
44. Try to talk while drinking something.
45. Start the conversation with "My Call to (Pizza Place), Take 1, and. . . action!"
46. Ask if the pizza is organically grown.
47. Ask about pizza maintenance and repair.
48. Be vague in your order.
49. Use CB lingo where applicable.
50. If using a touch-tone press 9-1-1 every
5 seconds throughout the order.
51. After ordering, say "I wonder what THIS button on the phone does." Simulate a cutoff.
52. Start the conversation by reciting today's date and saying, "This may be my last entry."
53. State your order and say that's as far as this relationship is going to get.
54. Learn to properly pronounce the ingredients of a Twinkie. Ask that these be included in the pizza.
55. Ask if they're familiar with the term "spanking a pizza." Make up a description to go with the term. Ask that this be done to your pizza.
56. Say "Kssssssssssssssht" rather loudly into the phone. Ask if they felt that.
57. When listing toppings you want on your pizza, include another pizza.
58. Ask if they would like to sample your pizza. Suggest an even trade.
59. Put them on hold.
60. Teach the order taker a secret code. Use the code on all subsequent orders.
61. Mumble, "There's a bomb under your seat." When asked to repeat that, say "I said 'sauce smothered with meat'."
62. Make the first topping you order mushrooms. Make the last thing you say "No mushrooms, please." Hang up before they have a chance to respond.
63. When the order is repeated, change it slightly. When it is repeated again, change it again. On the third time, say "You just don't get it, do you?"
64. When you've given the price, say "Ooooooo, that sounds complicated. I hate math."
65. Haggle.
66. Order a one-inch pizza.
67. Order term life insurance.
68. When they say "Will that be all?", snicker and say "We'll find out, won't we?"
69. Ask how many dolphins were killed to make that pizza.
70. While on the phone, fake entering puberty. Fluctuate pitch often; act embarrassed.
71. Dance all around the word "pizza." Avoid saying it at all costs. If he/she says it, say "Please don't mention that word."
72. Have a movie with a good car chase scene playing loudly in the background. Yell "OW!" when a bullet is fired.
73. If he/she suggests a side order, ask why he/she is punishing you.
74. Ask if the pizza has had its shots.
75. Order a steamed pizza.

966062  Link to this entry 
Written about Saturday 2007-08-11
Written: (6139 days ago)

Everything that is going wrong in your life today shall be well with you this year. No matter how much your enemies try this year, "they will not" succeed. You have been destined to make it and you shall surely achieve all your goals this year. For the remaining months of this year (2007), all your agonies will be diverted and victory and prosperity will be incoming in abundance. Today God has confirmed the end of your sufferings, sorrows, and Pains because HE that sits on the throne has remembered you. I knocked at heaven's door this morning, God asked me...My child, what can I do for you? And I said, "Father, please protect and bless the person reading this message"...God smiled and answered...Request granted. If you believe this message, put it in your diary, or somewhere where your friends will read it.
By doing this you have succeeded in praying for your friends today

964643  Link to this entry 
Written about Tuesday 2007-08-07
Written: (6144 days ago)


There's so much brainwashing going on.It's coming from TV.
They take things that you accept and add one thing different
you may not agree with it but you take it anyways cause mostly you agree.
then eventually they get you to the point where you're on their side
it's a slow but successful process.
The TV is brainwashing America.
I've noticed a trend happening over the past few years.
They're starting to drop the 'A' in USA.
They started calling it the US
and the United States
What does that matter?
I'll tell you.
America is slowly becoming no more.
They want America gone.
Now, who are they?
The ones who never use America when talking about the USA.
It's a delicate process, but I see what's going on.
I'm not blind to this brainwashing of american society.
I see it happening each and every day.
The main source is the television.
Why?
Because most homes have AT LEAST one television in it.
And what's becoming of today's youth?
I go to school and see at least 5 people not able to do the schoolwork.
It's not that they can't learn it, it's that they won't learn it.
Today's youth has become so lazy and pampered with current technology, it's sad to see. People not able to spell because of the internet.
People not able to do simple algebra. It's frightening what we've become as a nation.
Back to brainwashing.
It's a subtle process that is being put in place and further progressed every day. They try to make you believe things. You never see both sides of one story. Why? Profit. It's all about profit. Maybe it's about time someone did something. Stop the brainwashing of AMERICA.
We are all AMERICANS. Stop dividing the nation into races!
Facist pigs. Who cares if you're black, white, oriental, latin, european, islander, mixed, albino?! We're all human beings living on this earth.
But I still have one problem...
ILLEGAL IMMIGRANTS ARE ILLEGAL FOR ONE REASON
THEY CAME OVER ILLEGALLY!!
STOP GIVING THEM JOBS.
STOP GIVING THEM FREE MEDICAL
OTHER IMMIGRANTS DID IT LEGALLY
WHY CAN'T THEY?
DEPORT THEM ALL!!
BUILD 100 YARD TALL BORDERS!
MAKE THEM GO INTO THE GROUND 300 YARDS!!
ONLY LEGAL WAY IN OR OUT IS THROUGH CHECKPOINTS OR AN OFFICIAL AIRFLIGHT OR SHIP RIDE!
There. Enough said.

 The logged in version 

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