[NukleaЯ EveЯgloW™]'s diary
wanna smoke?
check this out
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Written about Saturday 2007-11-10
Written: (6226 days ago)
Dear diary,
I feel like total and utter shit.
I'm tired of feeling this way.
I'm going to try something new
see if that works out for me
if not I'll just go back to what
I used to do.
I feel so bad...I can't explain it.
I just want it to end without me ending it all.[I WILL NEVER END IT ALL]
Fuck why does this have to happen...
Why can't things just go smoothly...
Wish there was something or someone
that could kill all the pain I have
and resurrect the joy I once possessed.
I'm sick of feeling sad and alone.
Nothing really matters unless you make it matter
I think I made something matter too much
and now I'm paying the consequences.
I hate it hate HATE IT!!!
I know I'm not perfect.
But neither is anyone else.
Why must my life be such a fuckup...
I just need someone who will love me that I can love back and never stop loving me...I want someone to be mine forever...
</sad rant>
Linkin Park - Given Up
Wake in a sweat again
Another day's been laid to waste
In my disgrace
Stuck in my head again
Feels like I'll never leave this place
There's no escape
I'm my own worst enemy
I've given up...
I'm sick of feeling
Is there nothing you can say?
Take this all away
I'm suffocating!
Tell me what the fuck is wrong with me!
I don't know what to take
Thought I was focused but I'm scared
I'm not prepared
I hyperventilate
Looking for help somehow somewhere
And no one cares
I'm my own worst enemy
I've given up...
I'm sick of feeling
Is there nothing you can say?
Take this all away
I'm suffocating!
Tell me what the fuck is wrong
with me!
GOD!
Put me out of my misery
Put me out of my misery
Put me out of my...
Put me out of my fucking misery!
I've given up
I'm sick of feeling
Is there nothing you can say?
Take this all away
I'm suffocating!
Tell me what the fuck is
Wrong with me!
Natural Hair Color:
[x] Brown - $100
[] Blonde - $50
[] Black - $15
[] Bald - $5
[] Other-$75
Eye Color:
[x] Brown - $1
[] Green - $75
[] Blue $50
[] Hazel $100
[] Other - $15
Height:
[] Over 7' - $200
[] 6'8" to 7' - $175
[] 6'0" to 6'7" - $150
[x] 5'5" to 5'11" - $75
[]4'9" to 5'4" - $45
[] Under 4'9 - $45
Age:
[] 31 to 40 - $100
[] 26 to 30 - $75
[] 21 to 25 - $50
[x] 17 to 20 - $25
[] 0 to 16 - $100
Birth Order:
[] Twins or more than twins - $300
[x]First Born - $300
[] second born - $150
[] third born - $100
[] fourth born - $100
[] fifth born - $100
[] Last Born - $100
[] Only Child - $250
Do You Drink?
[x] No - $400
[] Only Holidays - $250
[] Sometimes - $215
[] YES - $200
[] Only weekends - $350
[] Every other day - $50
[] Once a day - $15
[] I live from the bottle - $Bankrupt$
Vision?
[] perfect vision -$300
[x] need or have glasses/contac
[] No correction $100
[] Glasses $50
[] contacts $25
[] Surgical correction - $1
Car(s) Color
[] Black - $450
[] Blue - $900
[x] Gold - $700
[] Gray - $600
[] Green- $350
[] Maroon - $800
[] Obsdian - $800
[] Pink - $2,000
[] Primer - $75
[] Purple- $250
[] Red - $400
[x] Silver $300
[] Tan- $20
[] White - $475
[] Yellow - $100
[] Metallic - $200
[] Rusted - $15
[] No Car - $0
[] Other - $ 50
Shoe Size:
[] 13+ - $300
[]12.5 to 13 - $250
[] 11 to 12 - $700
[x] 7 to 10 - $500
[] Under 7- $550
Favorite Color:
[] Aqua - $350
[x] Black - $100
[] Blue - $300
[] Brown - $50
[] Green-$750
[] Orange - $300
[] Pink - $100
[] Purple - $225
[x] Red - $600
[] White - $400 (not a color)
[] Yellow -$475
Did you use a calculator to add it all up?
[] Yes - $0
[X]no- $1000
[] on some - $550
wheee $4301
Teenage Heartbreak
http://s5.bite
clicky plz ^^^^^^^ (^^)v
Love
Love
Sometimes It's all you want
To be loved
To have some to call yours
Such defiance it can cause
ignores all logic
Causes irrational behavior
And may end friendships
The emotion it conjures
Makes you feel so good
Like it's the best thing ever
And you never want it to end
Love
Sometimes it's so terrible
You despise it
And end up losing hope
Such brokenness it can cause
Hurt beyond measure
Sometimes it's so bad
Lives end up being killed
It is a double-blade sword
Making compromise and taking risks
Even though it may not last
it is a chance you should take
Nothing compares to it
With it, much happiness arises
Loss of it, great sorrow is wrought
But it is a chance I'm willing to take.
'Lost' Child
You think yourself right,
Yet you avoid me.
Run away at my sight.
What do you see?
Is it strange?
Are you scared?
Feelings beyond your range?
Emotionally Impaired?
Confused?
Feeling used, abused?
Desperately defused
before the love xplosion.
Detatched before
you're overrun with emotion.
You dislike what you don't understand.
You fear what you can't comprehend.
You avoid what is no longer known.
Suppress your conflicting thoughts
and emotions.
Hide them and forget them.
They'll only affect you later on.
The subcounscious will catch up
to you.
[something from Sept 7th]
Can't believe I just found this song, lol.
From ex to ex:
Slipknot - Everything Ends
You are wrong, fucked, and overrated
I think Im gonna be sick and its your fault
This is the end of everything
You are the end of everything
I havent slept since I woke up
And found my whole life was a lie, motherfucker
This is the end of everything
You are the end of everything
Shallow skin, I can paint with pain
I mark the trails on my arms with your disdain
Everyday its the same - I love, you hate
But I guess I dont care any more...
Fix my problems with the blade
While my eyes turn from blue to gray
God, the worst thing happened to me today
But I guess I dont care anymore...
You are wrong, fucked, and overrated
I think Im gonna be sick and its your fault
This is the end of everything
You are the end of everything
I havent slept since I woke up
And found my whole life was a lie, motherfucker
This is the end of everything
You are the end of everything
My flaws are the only thing left thats pure
Cant really live, cant really endure
Everything I see reminds me of her
God I wish I didnt care anymore
The more I touch, the less I feel
Im lying to myself that its not real
Why is everybody making such a big fucking deal?
Im never gonna care anymore
What the hell am I doing?
Is there anyone left in my life?
What the fuck was I thinking?
Anybody want to tell me Im fine?
Where the hell am I going?
Do I even need a reason to hide?
I am only betrayed
I am only conditioned to die
lol and I just NOW find the song...
wow, why couldn't I have found it earlier =\
Found another song hehe.
Slipknot - Diluted
Im cold, Im ugly
Im always confused by everything
I can stare into a thousand eyes
But every smile hides a bold-faced lie
It itches, it seethes, it festers and breathes
My heros are dead, they died in my head
Thin out the herd, squeeze out the pain
Something inside me has opened up again
Thoughts of me exemplified
All the little flaws I have denied
Forget today, forget whatever happened
Everyday I see a little more of overall deficiencies
Im nothing short of being one complete catastrophe
What the hell - did I - do to deserve - all of this?
I save all the bullets from ignorant minds
Your insults get stuck in my teeth as they grind
Way past good taste, on our way to bad omens
I decrease, while my symptoms increase
God what the fuck is wrong
You act like you knew it all along
Your timing sucks, your silence is a blessing
All I ever wanted out of you was
Something you could never be
Now take a real good look at
What youve fucking done to me
What the hell - did I - do to deserve - all of this?
Gimme any reason why Id need you, boy
Gimme any reason not to fuck you up
Gimme any reason why Id need you, bitch
Gimme any reason not to fuck you up
I see you in me
I keep my scars from prying eyes
Incapable of ever knowing why
Somebody breathe, Ive got to have an answer
Why am I so fascinated by
Bigger pictures, better things
But I dont care what you think
Youll never understand me
What the hell - did I - do to deserve - all of this?
Fuck!!!
more to be added to this later
Forgive
Can you hear it?
Thump thump
Can you feel it?
Thump thump
Can you taste it?
Thump thump
It's getting closer
Thump thump
Behind you
Thump thump
Run away
Thump-thump
Before it gets you
Thump thump
Don't-*trips*
Thump thump
It has you now
Thump thump
There's no escape
Thump thump
Hatred has consumed you
Thump-thump
thump-thump
Bleeeeeeeeeeee
No way out
Except to forgive,
And then forget.
Remember not why you hated
Keep America Alive
Look around and tell me what you see.
Is it the way it is happening?
The United States of America being diminished
To simple be the United States when finished
America is slowly slipping away.
Never again to see the light of day.
You see it happening every day.
Calling it just the U.S., the United States
It's on reems of paper and on the
Internet. Soon shall there be a generation
Whom knows no America. America the free.
America the proud. America the brave.
They'll only know the United States to the
Grave. Embrace yourself as an American
If not, there won't be one ever again.
The United States of America is being diminished
Only to to be the United States when it is finished.
When it's gone, America won't carry on.
It's up to you to awake in te dawn
And protest your grievance for repreive
Before the eve of when America takes
Leave and it'll be something you won't believe
And you'll be gone before you even breath.
So take a stand and never leave. Fight
for what's right and Keep America
in U.S.
Forevermore
Riding on the dead train
Dead inside from the pain
The hurt of old memories
My heart has lost its keys
Locked up with someone inside
Whom over I have cried
Someone I'd give my life for
To be with forevermore
Conflicting Empires
Conflict of two minute empires
Neither speaking directly
Using a shared tribe
For tasks and speaking
How long until resolve?
Until hatred dissolves?
When peace is achieved
And fright disentigrated?
Why the mindless hostility?
Such empires should not fight,
But embrace positive qualities
And disregard the past.
Destiny tugs each other.
Forces visual contact.
But indirect exchanges,
Made by a middle tribe.
Using it unjustly,
For neither confront each other
Neither empire wishing to
Make the first move.
Inane little empires.
When will they learn?
Do unto others
As you would have
Them do unto you.
to be updated...
System of a Down - Johnny
Hello, my name is Johnny
Well hello my name is Johnny
I would like to explain myself
And I would like to complain in vein
Sweet little boy
JOHNNY!
Sweet Little Boy
JOHNNY!
Let me show you the way to my
Let me show you the way to my
Let me help you explain your mind
When I help you explain your mind
'ello my name is Roger
Well hello my name is roger
I would like to proclaim myself
A god
And likely ordain myself
Sweet little boy
ROGER!
Sweet little boy
ROGER!
Let me show you the way to my
Let me show you the way to my
Let me help you explain your mind
When I help you explain your mind
Let me show you the way to my
Let me show you the way to my
let me help you explain your mind
When I help you explain your mind
Sweet little boy
Johnny
Sweet little boy
Know as roger
Let me show you the way to my
Let me show you the way to my
Let me help you explain your mind
When I help you explain your mind
Let me show you the way to my
Let me show you the way to my
Let me help you explain your mind
When I help you explain your mind
Rest you, my enemy,
Slain without fault,
Life smacks but tastelessly
Lacking your salt!
Stuck in a bog whence naught
May catapult me,
Come from the grave, long-sought,
Come and insult me!
--(Steven Vincent Benet, Elegy for an Enemy)
TRAPT LYRICS
"Headstrong"
Circling your, circling your, circling your head,
Contemplating everything you ever said
Now I see the truth, I got doubt
A different motive in your eyes and now I’m out
See you later
I see your fantasy, You want to make it a reality paved in gold
See inside, Inside of our heads (yeah)
Well now that’s over
I see your motives inside, decisions to hide
[Chorus:]
Back off I’ll take you on
Headstrong to take on anyone
I know that you are wrong
Headstrong we’re Headstrong
Back off I’ll take you on
Headstrong to take on anyone
I know that you are wrong and this is not where you belong
I can’t give everything away
I won’t give everything away
[Verse 2:]
Conclusions manifest, your first impressions got to be your very best
I see you’re full of $#!T, and that’s alright
That’s how you play, I guess you’ll get through every night
Well now that’s over
I see your fantasy, you want to make it a reality paved in gold
See inside, inside of our heads (yeah) Well now that’s over
I see your motives inside, decisions to hide
[chorus]
[Verse 3:]
I know, I know all about [3 xxx]
I know, I know all about your motives inside, and your decision to hide
[chorus]
Migrant Slave
Foreign smells abound
Looking to be found
A nose to deliver the fragrance
Those of early day migrants.
Searching for a place to call home
Not for one to be left alone
New oppurtunities left undiscovered
But later found after memories recovered
Newcomers shunned and sent to camps
Not neven allowed to carry lamps
Working day in and day out
Servicing diligently and never pout
Freedom is tasted over time
Finally worth more than a dime
No longer in a slave labor
But now give life a new flavor
Fall/Gift
Eruption of crimson blood
Destruction from the flood
The Blood covering everything
Making all things clean
Corruption from the fall
Death among us all
Everlasting life, a gift
I ask you, make the shift
Untitled Work
One chapter ends
Another one unfolds
Once again amongst friends
Wait to see what the future holds
Destiny does not limit
It is your own creation
You make your destination
Now stick with your choice
Empty Relaxation
High-pitched pinging, ringing.
The emptiness in the air.
Neverending, without a care.
Singing its sound in my ear.
Reminding me something's near.
The pinging, ringing, oh so clear.
Emptiness for my relaxtation
Void of hateful sensation
Pinging for concentration
Poetry for contemplation
Read inside for information
You control your destination.