Dear diary,

I took some laxatives along with my Prozac. I can't get off the john but I feel good about it. After I finish I plan to ask the elderly lady down the street a very personal question (Like if she has any tampons I could borrow) and see if she chases me. If she does, my friend Pierre (who will be hiding in the bushes) will document how fast her electric wheelchair can really go. If she makes it over 15, I win 10 dollars! Then we will surf the internet and most likely get into mischeif and hack into secret confessions so we can laugh hysterically when we find out what Jenny down the block has been up to. Then we will meet up with Kenneth and for for our powerwalk. We will powerwalk to Smith's and try not to get stuck in the blood pressure machine this time. But if we do, it will give us an excuse to destroy it. I have always had this BURNING DESIRE to destroy one of those. Just to see what happens. The pharmacists will try to take us down but there are nothing but a bunch of old ladies working there so we should be able to take them down with a few punches. Then if we make it out before the whole building goes up in flames and fiery explosions (It's amazing what results you get when you mix some pop rocks, lighter fluid and alka seltzer) we will head across the street and see if the bank will give us any money out of pity. If not, we'll sexually solicit anyone who wishes for our service. Of course no one will (except maybe Griffin but that's just torture) so we will go home and think up another diabolical scheme for tomorrow! Well, my laxatives just wore off, so I had better go take some more. This time I'll take some viagra and see what results I get.