how depressing, its winter with no snow. my birthday is only 6 days away, ugh gag me nothing is going to happen. I think its funny how im planning on finishing out some commitments here then im telling my dad i want to go live with my mom, ah his reaction will be priceless. ha ha ha. I think of it this way, my life with have a major change in it, if life gets better, then im good, but if it gets worst or stays relatively close to the same i just may not take another breath, ahh but my pondering about the future just doesnt grab my own attention as it should, because if everything does result in my suicide well then oh well, its not like i would miss out on much more than i am now, complete isolation, im pathetic, i cant believe there really is no other option, but someone else has found another option please tell me before you dont get the chance to. geez to bad i have to wait until february, ahh gag me even more, the month of love what the hell is that anyways. i can tell this will be the worst vacation ever. hmph.

Ahh only 8 days left until my birthday, i had to talk about this book im composing, called "My Suicide", I had to explain a whole lot about it to someone and she talked to me about religion, but unfortunately for her it was a waste of breath, because i have abosolutely no religion, and nothing anyone says will convince me to find a religion.

Ahh today was great! i got to school and for some reason unknown to me i was really happy! amazing, for me at least! yay, and i got to sit next to stephen in art today, i love that kid!(as a friend) WooHoo, only 10 more days until im 16! yeah it really wont be that exciting but, something to look forward to i guess

My life has challenged me once again, all i think about is dying. It's pretty bad all i want to do is kill myself, or better yet kill the old people i live with, move out, argh if only my asshole of a dad would actually get to working on moving out. He has absolutely no clue how i feel, and im not talking about that emo feeling, the "oh lets just cut our wrists acrossed the street" shit im talking about the real thing, i feel like killing myself, taking a bullet to my head, my life is no better than anyone's. No one has a clue.