[Eternally in the corner of your mind]'s diary
DARK FIRE
Everything is black with the glow of orange, red and yellow.
All I see is the fire burning deep inside me,
And its growing higher and higher.
The flames are engulfing me, burning me.
Help me, I am suffocating inside,
Help me out but do not ever let me see the light,
The light is evil in my heart,
Get over the fact that Im not perfect,
Just help me out, Bring everything out,
My feelings, my art, my life.
The fire is burning everything.
I must save it. It shant be burnt.
I must keep it and show it off,
Its the only way, this cant happen,
This must be brought to an end.
STOP! STOP! STOP Burning!
I must make it stop, Its truly the only way.
Now the fire is going down down down,
Replenishing everything, Making them better than before.
Now im living with all intention,
Except I still shall never see the light,
The light, to me, shall forever be evil,
And will suffer without me.
I shall forever be me in all my potential,
I LOVE THE DARKNESS!
Its so beautiful, I shall forever dwell in darkness.
All alone, just the way i want it.
{this has no title}
When world domination occurs, the devil will clap his savage hands, everyone will die, fore they shall kill themselves. World domination, rather damnation, will occur. If you don't want to live through it, take this knife, slit your throat and die. There, very good. Now who's next?
{neither does this one}
If only they knew
If only they listened.
The people who find me,
Those people wont know me...
No one knows me.
2/9/07
My heart beats
although it aches
aches from wonder
aches from what it will never have
the world, it seems, sees,
but not reality
not the future
little things, truth betold,
they still wouldn't know
beyond what they see
imaginations run wild
everyone sees what will never be
It seems I am the only one who knows
Knows what the future holds
all this doubt, that's not a lie
In the end no one shall cry
Fore I knew all along
Life's no mystery to me
I'm dead before I've died.
2/7/07
SUICIdE
Suicide, my favorite word
Death, reality, suicide
Murdering yourself
My crazy obsession
suicide a simple little word
Suicide packed with so much meaning
so simple, very very simple
Guns, water, rope
Jump! simple little ways
Who says we have to abide by silly little rules.
Suicide. Massive suicides.
Kill yourslef!
watch me laugh
my psychotic obsession
Suicide
Make the world a better place
A seven letter word
make use of it
The simplicity drives me insane
Nothing vacuous here
Full of meaning, like a painting
This obsession is chaotic
suicide, my favorite word
An obsession with passion.
2/6/07
UNdERStANdINg
Understanding is everything, my love
Without it we simply can not be
Mysteriously, I am unknown
Everything is chaotically tucked away
My feelings are too crazy for me
I don't understand them
My head is always spinning
With you, forever, in there
Too close, too close, too close
I am getting too close
You have to understand
My wanting of a little distance
I try not to speak
I wish never to speak
Because avoidance seems impossible
I try, I try the impossible
You broke down my invincibility
Now I know almost nothing
I haven't prepared for this
I don't know how
We both have to understand
Understand before it's too late
Understand reality
Understand truth
Understand past, present, and future
Understand everything.
In my mind--vacuity
my feelings are mostly vacuous
In the end we are all empty
except for the hatred of the fake
Our lives rest in our own hands
We have the power,
but do we have the will?
I couldn't sleep
not until i cried
my head was spinning
thoughts of everything
I couldn't fall asleep
not until I cried
I shed one fantastic tear
and then I died
The moon shines so brightly in the misty sky
I'll hold your hand until you say good-bye
I want more than life can give
I'm sorry if you can't hear me
all I hear is the rustle of the wind
Howls at the moon
I feel you, but you're not there
At the moon, all I do is stare
This life, tonight it's all a dream
I need better offers than I recieve
As you let go
As you say good-bye
I am dying
utterly dying
There is no moon at full moon
you drift away with the wind
I'm forced to stay where I am
This world is too slow
Now I fade into the darkness you left for me
I close my eyes and it's over
The moon returns but nothing else resurfaces.
1/6/07
Cooperation
If then, they knew--If we'd met--
we would have been together--
years pass--no one came--
They left me here--lonely--
everynight--em
it calms me, the night--
and the moon--they are both rather cold--
just like my heart and the darkness--
If only my brain would cooperate with my heart.
12/27/06
Frustrating confusion
I see mostly light illuminating around everyone, But I do see the fire around a few. I'm totally confused. Why can't I see anything around you? Why are you doing this? How is it you're the only one with nothing around you? It's killing me not knowing who you are inside. My feelings, I'm sure have nothing to do with the reason I cannot see inside you. Others I used to feel for I could always see inside them. This frustrating confusion! I want to see inside you more. You must be facsinating. Just give me a chance. I know the flames around me are harmless. Just let me see. I'm so full of frustrating confusion and it's all because of you.
[Juggalo Pledge
I pledge allegiance to the Hatchet of the Underground Juggalo Society, and to the Ninjas for which it stands, One Family, Under Clowns, Full of Freaks, with Faygo and Magik Neden for all!!!
if ur a juggalo or juggalette put the pledge in your house!!]
[92% percent of the teen population would be dead if Abercrombie and Fitch said it wasn't cool to breathe anymore. Repost this if you are one of the 8% who would be laughing your ass off.]
[98% of teenagers have consumed alcohol, smoked or have had sex. Post this in your house if you like bagels.]
Troubled, troubled, I'm so troubled
It hurts when I look into your eyes
This pain is worst of all
my privacy is killing me
But when I think, I think less of myself
my only question is will you?
I always wonder if you wonder
wonder about me, I know you must
Fore you pretty much know nothing
I wish you did and wouldnt think less of me
I can handle many things right now
I feel so broken
I used to feel so invincible
Now I feel oh so lost
Being mysteriously private
I feel as if it's killing you as much as me
Inside I feel so dead to you
I wish I felt invincible again
Being as I am It's not too normal
My friend, My friend, My friend,
Friend, friend, friend........
Ahhh the insanity the insanity. I truely am going insane, Everything just needs to huury up and get done with, I need to "chill out" calm myself down, OOOHHhh the insaity the insanity. I really need to burn something or kill something right now, but not me, I do not wish to kill myself yet, when you go insane and noone around you seems to notice what in the world is wtong with you? When someone gets mad at you but the are afraid to lose you how do you deal with that? especially since thats why you make them mad in the first place, for them to get rid of you? AAHHHH insanity insanity. the world shall suffer with my insanity.
IF I cannot trust my own dad, how in the world shall I trust anybody?
even though here its still my birthday, but on the other side of the world my birthday ended 3 hours ago. Today the weirdest thing happened. I woke up and took a shower, then I went back to sleep, I had a dream that my sister came over and she said happy birthday and all we talked and then my sister really did come to my house she woke me up, then I told her everything and we had the same conversation we had had in my dream. It was so weird. and OH Yeah, today my dad came into my room, all happy and stuff, I suppose he was going to wish me a happy birthday, but then he saw my lip ring asked if it was real, I said yes, and he got so pissed he left without a word. He still hasnt said a word to me, I just dont understand why he doesnt confront his problems, the things he doesnt like in life. ugh but oh well. and so yeah I peirced my labre (sp?) yesterday, between shopping. I was so happy yesterday, I got a really super fantasticly cute dress. Its so gorgeous, I got it from hottopic I love IT!
I am a A DeathWyrm Dragon!
I took the http://dragonh
In the war between good and evil, your inner Dragon self is rotten with the stench of EVIL....
When it comes to the powers of Chaos vs. those of Law and Order, your inner dragon is a risk taker and answers to no one....
As far as magical tendancies, Magical spells come as natural to the DeathWyrm Dragon as breathe from it's body....
During combat situations, whether by spells or by claw, your inner dragon will do whatever it takes to get the job done....
The dreaded deathwyrm is one of the most powerful evil dragons in existence. Older deathwyrms command armies of undead, and nearly all great wyrms eventually become dracoliches.'
A deathwyrm's vampiric bite, aside from physical damage, drains the life force from it's victims. Most creatures killed by the dragons breath or bite have a nasty tendency to turn undead afterwards.'
Deathwyrms of adult age and older radiate a powerful aura of negative energy that is harmful to living things in the long run. When a mature deathwyrm lairs in an area for more than 6 months, changes start to take place in the environment. The sky becomes unnaturally dark, even on the brightest day. Normal animals become hard to find, and the territory becomes a bleak landscape of twisted, dead trees, hardy weeds, and undead, mutated or otherwise unnatural animals.
'
This Dragons favorite elements are: Coal, Death, and Hemlock
Today after i went bowling i went to Auburn, Indiana, and ate at fire mountain, i stuffed myself full. i hate eating so much, but i havent hardly ate in so many days i guess i deserved to eat something.
how depressing, its winter with no snow. my birthday is only 6 days away, ugh gag me nothing is going to happen. I think its funny how im planning on finishing out some commitments here then im telling my dad i want to go live with my mom, ah his reaction will be priceless. ha ha ha. I think of it this way, my life with have a major change in it, if life gets better, then im good, but if it gets worst or stays relatively close to the same i just may not take another breath, ahh but my pondering about the future just doesnt grab my own attention as it should, because if everything does result in my suicide well then oh well, its not like i would miss out on much more than i am now, complete isolation, im pathetic, i cant believe there really is no other option, but someone else has found another option please tell me before you dont get the chance to. geez to bad i have to wait until february, ahh gag me even more, the month of love what the hell is that anyways. i can tell this will be the worst vacation ever. hmph.
Ahh only 8 days left until my birthday, i had to talk about this book im composing, called "My Suicide", I had to explain a whole lot about it to someone and she talked to me about religion, but unfortunately for her it was a waste of breath, because i have abosolutely no religion, and nothing anyone says will convince me to find a religion.
Ahh today was great! i got to school and for some reason unknown to me i was really happy! amazing, for me at least! yay, and i got to sit next to stephen in art today, i love that kid!(as a friend) WooHoo, only 10 more days until im 16! yeah it really wont be that exciting but, something to look forward to i guess
My life has challenged me once again, all i think about is dying. It's pretty bad all i want to do is kill myself, or better yet kill the old people i live with, move out, argh if only my asshole of a dad would actually get to working on moving out. He has absolutely no clue how i feel, and im not talking about that emo feeling, the "oh lets just cut our wrists acrossed the street" shit im talking about the real thing, i feel like killing myself, taking a bullet to my head, my life is no better than anyone's. No one has a clue.