"In the Desert" BY STEPHEN CRANE

In the desert
I saw a creature, naked, bestial,
Who, squatting upon the ground,
Held his heart in his hands, And ate of it.
I said, “Is it good, friend?”
“It is bitter—bitter,” he answered;

“But I like it
“Because it is bitter,
“And because it is my heart.”

These new days are supposed to be about progress. I'd make better progress if I didnt get on here. Logging onto ET is about as useful as punching myself in the face right now.

Yep. Youre an asshole, and Im an idiot. What else is new? Seriously. You are total waste of my time, and here I am, wasting it on you, anyways. Fml.

Me: *Flails around for attention*
Entire Friend's list at 8:45pm: *no online friends*
Me: *too alone to google forever alone meme* Q~Q

I am seriously starting to hate this site -_-

Do you feel the way you hate?
Do you hate the way you feel?
Always closer to the flame
Ever closer to the blade--
Yeah...

I am poisoned, crazy, lush
Knead these hands to build me up
We are servants of
Our formulaical ways...

I'm screaming Daisies
From fourteen miles away!
I've got my own time
I got it all today!

Make!
Up your mind!
Need some help
To find this mind!
Mind? Mind?

Limber this--and Limbo that
You were this, and you were that
Did you know that what you fear
Is what you'll find?

This hideous summer!
I signed my life away
This greedy fly here
Won't fly away!

Make!
Up your mind!
Need some help
To find this mind!
Mind? Mind?

Make up your mind!
Need some help
Find this mind!
Mind? Mind? Mind?

Mind? Mind?
Mind?

Attention we have got
A medical emergency!
The patient's condition Is critical
and fading

Oh, I've got this under control-- But these is no guarantee
Now should you question thisprofessional opinion
It's time we'll spend wasting

And oh...if you wanted to see?
Go on and tear it OUT of me!

This case is possibly the worst
That I have ever seen
I see how vulnerable we
As people can truly be

And oh, if you wanted to see?
Go on and tear it OUT of me!
And oh, if you wanted to see?
Go on and tear it OUT of me!

Honey! release my heart, if you--
Honey! release my heart- you let me go!
Release my heart if you, Honey!
Do not let me!
Do not let me go!

And oh, if you wanted to see?
Go on and tear it OUT of me.

Defibrillate, defibrillate!
A radio transmission sent
To get the heart to listen

And oh, if you wanted to see?
Go on and tear it OUT of me.

This is love- from a gurney-
oh, This is love- from agony-
This is love- from a gurney-
oh, This is love- from agony

---
shhhhhhhj"DON'T TELL ME THIS HAS MISSED YOU
HONEY, DON'T TELL ME THIS HAS MISSED YOU
HONEY, I WON'T FORGET YOU
HONEY, THIS HAS SLIPPED THROUGH
HONEY, RAN THROUGH MY FINGERS
LIKE YOU..."hhhhhhhss
---

Honey! Release my heart, and if you-
Honey! Release my heart and let me go!
Release my heart, then if you-
Honey! Do not let me--
Do not let me go!

BELIEVE ME
Oh... if you wanna see?
Go on and tear it OUT of me!
BELIEVE IN ME
Oh, if you wanted to see?
Go on and tear it OUT of me.

Hey, everyone! real diary time this time, I swear, no poetic angst!
This time it's satyrical angst! this should be fun and exciting!

I'm being nominated for many new ET awards!!!!!

Someone wrote a song about me, I think -_-;

He had a lot to say...

He had a lot of nothing to say-- We'll miss him
We'll miss him
He had a lot to say..
He had a lot of nothing to say-- We'll miss him
We'll miss him
We're gonna miss him...
We're gonna miss him.

Well, SO LONG!
We wish you well!
You showed us how you weren't afraid to die!
Well SO LONG!
Don't CRY!
Yeah, or feel too down.
None of us have seen divinity-
But at least you tried

Standin' above the crowd,
He had a voice that was strong and loud, we'll miss him
We'll miss him
Ranting and pointing his finger
At everything but his heart, We'll miss him
We're gonna miss him
We're gonna miss him.

Yeah, NO WAY!
Like children call--
One is One-You had said to me
Like a cannon ball!
but it was SO LOUD
Boy, You sure could yell!
Took a stand on every little thing!
Well, SO LONG!

You...saved...me...You...saved...my...soul...So loud.....

You saved me...you're such...a matyr...you should...come down.

Yeah! Standin' above the crowd--
He had a voice that was strong and loud, and I
Swallowed his insight cuz I'm so
Eager to identify

With someone above the crowd
Someone who appears to feel the same,
Someone prepared to lead the way,
Someone who would die for me...

Really...Really, now... would you, now?
Would you die for me?
Don't you fucking lie

DON'T YOU STEP OUT OF LINE!
DON'T YOU STEP OUT OF LINE!
DON'T YOU FUCKING LIE!


You claimed all--This time--That you
Would die for me...
Why--Then are you--So surpried--When you hear
Your own Eulogy?

He had a lot to say!
He had a lot of nothing to say!
He had a lot to say!
He had a lot of NOTHING to say!

Come down!
Get off your fuckin' Cross.
We need that fuckin' space-
To NAIL the next FOOL MATYR!

To Ascend You Must DIE
You must be CRUCIFIED
For our sins and our LIES
GOOD-BYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYE!!!!!!!!!

Sorry all. My infernal device of misery and despair (iphone 3gs) is broken. Im on my xbox for now. WHich means typing is mega slow and i can barely read anything on here cuz IM not in HD atm. Ill stay available. I love you all and DEATH TO APPLE!!!

In those discouraging days
I always missed the mark
When we were comfort and close
I would neglect to keep

You safe and unexposed--
A portrait of time repeats
This moment now replaced
With an empty wish to give
I give! I gave!!

I gave my everything!
For all the wrong dreams!
In this cold reality I made
This selfish war machine!!

Oh, this has become Hell!
How can I share this life with someone else?
I promise you!
There is no wall that can shelter us
From all the ghosts of all my guilt
Here in the Darkside of me
Here in the Darkside of me

Now in your abscence I wade
Through the coursing, lonely lost
And in this tragic dismay
I could never believe what I became!

I gave my everything!
For all the wrong dreams!
In this cold reality I made
This welcomed war machine!!

Oh, this has become Hell!
How can I share this life with someone else?
I promise you!
There is no weight that can bury us
Beneath the ghosts of all my guilt!
Here in the Darkside of me
Here in the Darkside of me

Oooh, I couldn't give you what you needed
It's all my fault! Too coward to believe
I lost it all!

I gave my everything!
For all the wrong dreams!
In this cold reality I made
This selfish war machine!!

Oh, this has become Hell!
How can I share this life with someone else?
I promise you!
There is no wall that can shelter us
From all the ghosts of all my guilt!
Here in the Darkside of me
Here in the Darkside of me
Oh... Oh...
----
....
"You fought to withdraw from a location of unscience
In near unquantifiable pain
You nearly terminated the mission,
 nearly terminated your own life
Yet, you desire to sail back close to it



I am not equipped to comprehend human rationale
Cyrus... Is this what love is?"
..............


.......................
"Yes."
  

I flew headfirst into the light
Weightless, crisscrossing, precise 
In a dream--or was it life?

Inside this door--all answers wait
So saddle up, my steed
Where the lies live way beneath

Ohh... I think I've made a mess of this
It is all my fault--it's what I wished!

And I was wrong--To let you go!
I accept my mistakes--But you will never know!
This is all my love-Into a Ten Ton Truck!
Baby please!
Remember the better me!!!

No time to change my life-In mid air
Maximum reach exceeds
Apart pictureless retreat...

A terror meets the truth,
No longer who,
We know what we must do
Shadows dance across the roof---

Contact the life you used to know...
I'm Gravity with World in tow--

And I was wrong--To let you go!
I accept my mistakes--But you will never know!
This is all my love-Into a Ten Ton Truck!
Baby please!
Remember the better me!!!

Driver may I sleep with you, tonight?
Ultra-Uncertainty!
Past city limits-Soul strewn diary
The Roar of the engine won't cease!

All of my love and heart, spilled in this car-
Picture me the perfect enemy!
Our lives, once one, collide past and beyond/
In this fatal possibility!

I am yours.
I am your Prise.

We waved "Welcome aboard."
We waved "Welcome aboard."
In my eyes, I drown you...
.....
---
*beep*-----*beep*-----*beep*----*beep*
---
....

Has he forgotten his place?
Baited the hook, and let it sink--
No cause for alarm!
Enter the master: I am Doctor Staight.

Scalpel! Keep that lung in place!
Nurse, I.V. needs refilling!
Now, watch the brain...
Responding quite normal-
This life I can save!!
---
...
*beep*----*beep*-----*beep*----*beep*---
....
---

Every man has a point
Where he breaks, or conjoins
Among pressure that floods to complicate

Matters close to the heart
Define who we are
Do we love? Do we hate?
We are only our fate....
---

We understood the unmistakeable
The two lovers, on holiday...
And how they stole our love!!!!


CAGED!!!
Locked in Perpetual Motion!
Carving our Wounds Wide Open!
But You let the Wrong one in!
Haaa, Ha! Haa-ha-haa!
CAGED!!!
Locked in Perpetual Motion!
Carving our Wounds Wide Open!
But You let the Wrong one in!
Haaa, Ha! Haa-ha-ha!

Believer--Your spotlights on the subject so incorrect 
Suggestion--Suggests that I'm someone you should not respect

Yes, you wear--your facade so well
Covered up in your plastic shell
You're a liar--To everyone, just don't forget

Face The Honest Truth!
You were Never You!
and I'll be defiant. The Lion.
Give them a fight to open their eyes
Hangman Hooded, softly swingin'
Don't close the Coffin yet!

I'm Alive!

Can you remember
When there was no wrong deed that I could do?
Much too young--Biting off more than I could chew

Yes, but one day I grew too old
And my cares were now theirs to mold
Please accept this
As my resignation. It's time to go...

Face The Honest Truth!
You were Never You!
and I'll be defiant. The Lion.
Give them a fight to open their eyes
Hangman Hooded, softly swingin'
Don't close the Coffin yet!

I'm Alive!
--
These minds, ungoverned are tearing us apart!
These hearts, forsaken have given up on art!
Now, why should I believe in
Anything they praise?
When one hand holds them the victor
And the other holds the shovel for their graves!
---

Face The Honest Truth!
You were Never You!
and I'll be defiant. The Lion.
Give them a fight to open their eyes
Hangman Hooded, softly swingin'
Don't close the Coffin yet!

I'm Alive!
Oh, hear me
I'm Alive!
  

Is this what I wish for those and all they know
Could depend on how coward I should act?
(From Hell they will crumble within!)
If you won't give me the love I came here for
With pen, I am armed here to react

(Hey now, hey now, what is it boy?
All these things that trouble you
So visit your mirror image
Of what might have behaved
Hey now, hey now, what is it boy?)
But I won't rest
'Til dead, 'til death do you part!

This is how I feel my god from what's been dealt
The flies that flutter-fight tonight
(From Hell they shall crumble within)
Is it love that I'm feeling? Or is it hate?the same
The emotion's enough to kill the sane!

(Hey now, hey now, what is it boy?
All these things that trouble you
So visit your mirror image
Of what might have behaved
Hey now, hey now, what is it boy?)
I only hope you know that I love you!

No, I don't! Don't!

(Feed! Little Maggots
Off the westside-- Of your sin!
Run! Little Maggot
When they learn 
Of what you did!)

Ahhh, Feliz la vida que orden!
Happy is the life that you asked for!
Ahhh, Feliz la vida que orden
Happy is the life that you order!

(From start to finish/Break
I've made you feel this/Oooh,
Uncomfort in turn/Break
With the world, you've turned/Ooooh,

To love through this hate/Break
To live with it's weight,
A burden, discerned
In the blood you taste!)

But why would you deny me answers?
When I'm just a boy, on the break of being
Honored in Hell, through its fires!

Be brutally honest,
Was it better before me?

The curve of your body...
How I want,
How I want her with me...
The truth of the story
The vitriol I wish you all!

The Better End of All to Come!
The Truths Be Now Here One by One!
I Am to You, Extent to None:
The Memory to Fuel
The Fire!!!

QUOTHE THE RAVENS:
"Touchdown Score."

Pathetic/Benign!--Accept it/Undermine!
Your opinion/My Justification
Happy/Safe?--Servile/Caged!
Malice=Total Weakness

No toleration!
Invade?/Comitted--Enraged/Admit it!
Don't condescend-Or even Disagree!
Desire=Decay--Dissapoint/Delay
You've suffered then? Now suffer unto me:

Obsession? Takeake another look.
Remember! Every chance you took
Decide: Either live with me
Or give up: Any thought you had of being free!

(Don't go...)
 I never wanted anybody more
Than I wanted you!
(I know...) 
The only thing I ever really loved, 
was
 HATE

Anyone? (NO) Anything? (YES) Anyway-- (FALL!)
Anybody? (MINE) Anybody? (TELL ME!)
I want (YOU) I need (YOU) I'll have (YOU)
I won't LET ANYBODY HAVE YOU!
Obey! (ME) Believe! (ME) Just trust (ME!) 
Worship (ME) Live for (ME)
Be grateful (NOW) Be honest (NOW) Be precious (NOW) 
Be mine (JUST LOVE ME!)

Possesion! (Feed my only vice)
Confession! (I wont tell you twice!)
Decide: Either die for me
Or give up: Any thought you had of being free!

(Don't go??)
 I never wanted anybody more 
Than I wanted you!
(I know...)
The only thing I ever really loved
Was hurting you.
(Don't go!)
I never wanted anybody more 
Than I wanted you!
(I know...)
The only thing I ever really loved
 was 
   HATE

YES!
Stay inside the hole
 let me take control/Dominate!
You were nothing more, you were something less: 
Innocent!
Something has to give
something has to break/ its omnipresent
Fingers on your skin! Let my savage in
YOU DESERVE IT!

(Don't go?(
 I never wanted anybody more 
Than I wanted you!
(I know...)
The only thing I ever really loved
Was hurting you.
(Don't go!)
 I never wanted anybody more
Than I wanted you!
(I know...) 
The only thing I ever really loved
 was 
HATE

You're mine, Should
Mine(deserve it)You're mine(mine)
 

Something's on my mind...
It's been for quite some time
This time I'm on to you

So where's the other face?
The face I heard before
Your head trip is boring me

Let's nuke the bridge we torched
Two thousand times before
This time we'll blast it all to Hell...

I've had this burning in my gut
Now for so long
My belly's aching now to say....

Stuck down in a rut
Of dislogic and smut
A side of you well hid

Well it's all said and done
It's real, and it's been fun
But was it all real fun?

Let's nuke the bridge we torched
Two thousand times before
This time we'll blast it all to Hell

I've had this burning in my guts
Now for so long
My belly's aching now to say...
To say...

Woo!

You're Just
A Fuck!
I can't explain it cuz I think you Suck!
I'm tak-
Ing Pride
In telling you to Fuck Off and Die!

Let's burn the bridge we torched
Ten thousand times before
This time we'll blast it all to Hell!

I'm taking pleasure in
Expressing myself to you
So listen up! Cuz you might miss this

You're just
A Fuck!
I can't explain it but I think you Suck!
I'm tak
Ing pride
In telling you to Fuck Off and Die!

Goooooooooood
Bye!
Bye-bye-bye-bye-byebye----....

What solace-
 lies in the arms of fate?
The ill embrace of uncertainty!
When did I leave this 
in other hands
To be pulled down at chance?

Ripped away! by destiny-claws
Am I another of fate's possessions
Dwelling! the lie of freedom?
Just another Straw Pulled at Random?

Reclaimed!
by deceiving time!
A silent judgment 
I can not overrule!

Drawn back-
Into the origin-vortex
Uprooted and ground to dust!
Retracted into anti-existence,
A magnet repelled by life's polarity!

Denied the self control of fate-
We flow suspended in semi-life!
Until the ever imminent day
When oblivion claims our breath.

Nowhere indefinitely!
Not dead, not alive!
Existence-patterns ripped of symmetry!-
As Will
and Fate 
DIVIDE!

Have I appeased the gods of Fate?!
Am I allowed another day?!
Must I die to escape!
The scanning 
Eyes
 of Death???

----
Everything felt closing-in
Precious life broken-in
I can see now-why you balk
If I know what I have lost--

If I tell--I risk all
If I Hate--I wiil fall
I could crawl--Accept shame
I could bear--My own pall

I could be cold--I could burn
If I then ask--Could I then learn
Beyond the glass--Eyes should discern
Without love I'm lost--No hate though pays cost

If I then asked--you
What can I--do?
If I then Loved--You
Would you then Love--Me too, now?

Back out, then--Back out, then
Me too, then--Me too, then
Heavy again--Bereft again
Still pulsating, then, would try again...

WARNING
The following technology related rage-rant will contain gratuitous and inappropriate cursing and overreaction. Enjoy!

FUUUUUUUUUCKKKK!!!

I'm so fucking FURIOUS RIGHT NOW! I

I don't have a computer. My ancient iPhone 3GS, a device made from cheap plastic and caveman tools, is my only computer. I don't watch television. I watch YouTube. And now Google owns Youtube.

FUCCCCCVVKKKKKKFTFIDUDKEDIIG

Fuckity-Fuck-fuck-FUCK!

The YouTube app I have right now is fucking stupid as fuck. I can't subscribe to anything on it. To do so, I have to try to slog through the agonizing horror that is Safari's mobile version of YouTube, wait ten minutes for my search result to load, then subscribe to a channel from there.

That is now fucking impossible.

Even though I am completely signed into Youtube, now Google is requiring me to...WTF!
Why the FUCK do I have to sign into google to sign into YouTube, which I am ALREADY SIGNED INTO YOUTUBE.

I don't have a Google account. I attempted to make one, and it asked me for a username, and my YouTube username was taken... And I went... Either it means I can't have it because my YouTube username makes that taken... Or... If I do successfully create an account, my YouTube will get fucked.

See, google has their own line of phones. So now I'm almost certain YouTube is no longer free for apple phones. Which mean I can only use YouTube because I have never updated my ios (on purpose, because I'm using a 3. I can no longer iTunes videos or use 99% of apps, because even the most simple apps now require ios4 because apple needs me to buy that shiny new phone because they are corporate demons) in order to avoid being fucked out of stuff I have.

So now I will never be able to use my Youtube account for anything except commenting from now on, or else I risk losing my access to YouTube altogether.

So, in short. Fuck the man. Fuck Apple. Fuck Google. Fuck corporate America. May someone dig up and fuck steve jobs' corpse, and may someone brutally torture the executives of google until they wish they were dead.

That is all.

Am I the only one in the US who grew up around Christians who didn't run around screaming "THE DEVIL!!!" at everything like Kathy Bates in The Waterboy?

I don't think you have to be an atheist to be completely mortified by Christian Fundamentalists. I just took it on faith *ba-dum TING!* that most Christians were not slavering lunatics bent on fascist takeovers of government and education. I swear, people, I always hated church but I was fairly certain the pastor wasn't a freaking Nazi.

41%

This is the percentage of Americans who "don't believe" in evolution. Over 60% don't think there's conclusive evidence for evolution.

I'm just going to say this once. So listen very carefully.

There is more evidence to support the fact of evolution than there is evidence to support the standard model of the theory of gravitation.
Evolution is, comparably, and contextually, more true than the fact that your ass is stuck to the chair it's on.
There are no "missing links." there are tens of thousands of "transitional forms."
There is complete evidence of speciation, and even "change of kinds." the whale evolved from a four legged mammal resembling a hippo. Fucking deal with it.