[Sideways]'s diary
This is a poem I wrote back when I was fifteen. I wrote it for a friend of mine who was undergoing a lot of bad shit in her family life. I thought of it earlier today...just randomly. I wanted to post it here, because Its kind of cool to know not everything I wrote back then was total crap.
"Give it"
by Darran Kern
Give, it to me
Before I steal it with my force
How much, all in all?
ALL, of course.
Give, it to me
Before I am forced to steal
How much, all in all?
ALL, for real.
Give, it to me
Before I steal it with my force
How much, all in all?
ALL, Divorce.
“Dead as dead can be,”
The doctor tells me
But I just can’t believe him, ever the optimistic one,
I’m sure of your ability
To become my perfect enemy
Wake up and face me
Don’t play dead, cause maybe
Someday, I will walk away and say,
“You disappoint me,”
Maybe you’re better off this way...
Leaning over you here,
Cold and catatonic
I catch a brief reflection
of what you could and might have been.
It's your right, and your ability
To become my perfect enemy
Wake up, and face me
Don’t play dead, cause maybe
Someday I’ll walk away and say
“You disappoint me!”
Maybe you’re better off this way
Maybe... maybe you're better off this way.
Maybe
Maybe you're better OFF!
Wake up! Why can't you?
And face me! Come on, now!
Don't play dead! cause maybe
Someday I’ll walk away and say,
“You fucking disappoint me!”
Maybe you’re better off this way!
Go ahead and play dead!
I know that you can hear this!
Go ahead and play dead.
Why can't you turn and face me?
(WAKE UP!)
Why can't you turn and face me?
(WAKE UP!)
Why can't you turn and face me?
(WAKE UP!)
Why can't you turn and face me?
(YOU!)
You Fucking Disappoint me!
Passive agressive bullshit.
Passive agressive bullshit.
Passive agressive bullshit.
Passive agressive bullshit.
Two hearts-- beat as one
Disguise your mind and feel the hope
This drone and buzz of our love
In time-- we move
This turning factor! Feel the groove,
Release the touch that moves you
Oh! this is HER! No regrets!
I embrace your defects
To confess: You were my every wish!
I admit: that I will never feel alone
Once I call.... You "Home."
OhhhhhHHHHH!
Push towards-- the dance floor
And together we'll show them who's boss
We'll set a fire once more!
Oh! This is HER! No regrets!
I embrace your defects
To confess: You were my every wish!
I admit: that I will never feel alone
Once I call.... You "Home."
Oh, maybe it's not now!!!!
Or later-- Till you save the best for last
I want to be everything you need!
Oh! This is HER! No regrets!
I embrace your defects
To confess: You were my every wish!
I admit: that I will never feel--No I will never feel alone,
Our sum in monotone
Where the record spins around...
Please turn me over! Slide me into sleeve...
Oh girl, Please wait,
Please be Home.
This one is "2's My Favorite 1" by Coheed And Cambria
Please look this one up.
Saw Coheed and Cambria live at the Fillmore Jackie Gleason theater in Miami beach. Its a theater best kniwn for being the set of "The Honeymooners" tv show. Its now the location of the best musical experience of my life.
Unfortunately, today's (technically yesterday's) picture is not of me. No, "The Afterman" is Claudio Sanchez, lead singer and melodic guitarist for Coheed and Cambria. They were mind blowing, and I was right by the stage. It was everything I hoped for and more.
Lacerating pains of degeneration speed through your trembling mind
Still, in machine-like strife you gain another mile
The temporary elusive goal:
To reach the solace,
To feed once more upon the synthetic reaper of loss
No matter the outcome
No matter the cost.
Cold and stinging needs tearing through the halls
Of your defiled
Flesh, made temple- with its closing walls
Still you claim the worshipers pose and you bow
You kneel!
Control: once superior
Now a docile pet at chaos's feet
Pulling the leash as it trails the scent to where all hurt recedes
Your past a blurry patch in mind, your future once;
Now thin dreams filed!
Toward the lights of need you strive
To drink into your vein the shine
Beaten to the unforgiving ground
Lashed into submission by the inner starving demon
By its unrelenting hand
Still you claim the worshipers pose and you bow
You kneel to the syringe!
Answering only to authorities of sedation.
Their calls the only ones heeded
A worn out soldier touched by their contagion.
A battered drone at their feet--You're the one betrayed!
An outcast set afire by your inner war
Your burning self so far astray.
A combustion fanned from within your core.
"In the Desert" BY STEPHEN CRANE
In the desert
I saw a creature, naked, bestial,
Who, squatting upon the ground,
Held his heart in his hands, And ate of it.
I said, “Is it good, friend?”
“It is bitter—bitter,
“But I like it
“Because it is bitter,
“And because it is my heart.”
These new days are supposed to be about progress. I'd make better progress if I didnt get on here. Logging onto ET is about as useful as punching myself in the face right now.
Yep. Youre an asshole, and Im an idiot. What else is new? Seriously. You are total waste of my time, and here I am, wasting it on you, anyways. Fml.
Me: *Flails around for attention*
Entire Friend's list at 8:45pm: *no online friends*
Me: *too alone to google forever alone meme* Q~Q
I am seriously starting to hate this site -_-
Do you feel the way you hate?
Do you hate the way you feel?
Always closer to the flame
Ever closer to the blade--
Yeah...
I am poisoned, crazy, lush
Knead these hands to build me up
We are servants of
Our formulaical ways...
I'm screaming Daisies
From fourteen miles away!
I've got my own time
I got it all today!
Make!
Up your mind!
Need some help
To find this mind!
Mind? Mind?
Limber this--and Limbo that
You were this, and you were that
Did you know that what you fear
Is what you'll find?
This hideous summer!
I signed my life away
This greedy fly here
Won't fly away!
Make!
Up your mind!
Need some help
To find this mind!
Mind? Mind?
Make up your mind!
Need some help
Find this mind!
Mind? Mind? Mind?
Mind? Mind?
Mind?
Attention we have got
A medical emergency!
The patient's condition Is critical
and fading
Oh, I've got this under control-- But these is no guarantee
Now should you question thisprofession
It's time we'll spend wasting
And oh...if you wanted to see?
Go on and tear it OUT of me!
This case is possibly the worst
That I have ever seen
I see how vulnerable we
As people can truly be
And oh, if you wanted to see?
Go on and tear it OUT of me!
And oh, if you wanted to see?
Go on and tear it OUT of me!
Honey! release my heart, if you--
Honey! release my heart- you let me go!
Release my heart if you, Honey!
Do not let me!
Do not let me go!
And oh, if you wanted to see?
Go on and tear it OUT of me.
Defibrillate, defibrillate!
A radio transmission sent
To get the heart to listen
And oh, if you wanted to see?
Go on and tear it OUT of me.
This is love- from a gurney-
oh, This is love- from agony-
This is love- from a gurney-
oh, This is love- from agony
---
shhhhhhhj"DON'
HONEY, DON'T TELL ME THIS HAS MISSED YOU
HONEY, I WON'T FORGET YOU
HONEY, THIS HAS SLIPPED THROUGH
HONEY, RAN THROUGH MY FINGERS
LIKE YOU..."hhhhhhh
---
Honey! Release my heart, and if you-
Honey! Release my heart and let me go!
Release my heart, then if you-
Honey! Do not let me--
Do not let me go!
BELIEVE ME
Oh... if you wanna see?
Go on and tear it OUT of me!
BELIEVE IN ME
Oh, if you wanted to see?
Go on and tear it OUT of me.
Written about Monday 2013-02-18
Written: (4296 days ago)
Hey, everyone! real diary time this time, I swear, no poetic angst!
This time it's satyrical angst! this should be fun and exciting!
I'm being nominated for many new ET awards!!!!!
"Elftown's Biggest Dumbass"
"Elftown's Lowest Loser"
"Elftown's Most Unlucky Roleplayer"
"Elftown's Most Blocked Active Member"
"Elftown's Greatest Sufferer of Misinterpreted PM's"
"Elftown's Lamest Manic-Depressi
Wish me luck, all. I have a lot of competition in the "unlucky roleplayer" and "Lamest manic-depressi
Those of you who still have me on your friends list, you all, every last one of you with no exceptions mean the world to me. You guys still care even after all the crap I do and all the stuff I fuck up. It means a lot. Really, please believe me. It means everything...
Someone wrote a song about me, I think -_-;
As any other day, except
A voice was in my head...
Said "Seize the day!
Pull the trigger, drop the blade,
And watch the rolling heads!"
The Day I Tried to Live
I stole a thousand beggar's change
And gave it to the rich!
The Day I Tried to Win
I dangled from the power lines
And let the Martyrs stretch!
Singin' "One more time around...
Might do it!
One more time around...
Might make it!"
The Day
I Tried to Live!!
Nothin' they say
Ever seems to live up to
The Voice inside your head
Advice they make
Never really seems to get us
Anywhere but dead...
The Day I Tried to Live
I stole a thousand beggar's change
And gave it to the rich!
The Day I Tried to Win
I wallowed in the blood and mud
With all the other pigs! Yeah!
Singin' "One more time around...
Might do it!
One more time around...
Might Make it!"
The Day
I Tried to Live!!!
Singin' "One more time around...
Might do it!
One more time around...
Might Make it!
The Day
I Tried to Live!!!!
One more time around..
One more time around...
I learned that I was liar!
One more time around...
I learned that I was a liar!
I learned that I was a liar!
I learned that I was a liar!
Just like you.........
One...more...t
He had a lot to say...
He had a lot of nothing to say-- We'll miss him
We'll miss him
He had a lot to say..
He had a lot of nothing to say-- We'll miss him
We'll miss him
We're gonna miss him...
We're gonna miss him.
Well, SO LONG!
We wish you well!
You showed us how you weren't afraid to die!
Well SO LONG!
Don't CRY!
Yeah, or feel too down.
None of us have seen divinity-
But at least you tried
Standin' above the crowd,
He had a voice that was strong and loud, we'll miss him
We'll miss him
Ranting and pointing his finger
At everything but his heart, We'll miss him
We're gonna miss him
We're gonna miss him.
Yeah, NO WAY!
Like children call--
One is One-You had said to me
Like a cannon ball!
but it was SO LOUD
Boy, You sure could yell!
Took a stand on every little thing!
Well, SO LONG!
You...saved...
You saved me...you're such...a matyr...you should...come down.
Yeah! Standin' above the crowd--
He had a voice that was strong and loud, and I
Swallowed his insight cuz I'm so
Eager to identify
With someone above the crowd
Someone who appears to feel the same,
Someone prepared to lead the way,
Someone who would die for me...
Really...Reall
Would you die for me?
Don't you fucking lie
DON'T YOU STEP OUT OF LINE!
DON'T YOU STEP OUT OF LINE!
DON'T YOU FUCKING LIE!
You claimed all--This time--That you
Would die for me...
Why--Then are you--So surpried--When you hear
Your own Eulogy?
He had a lot to say!
He had a lot of nothing to say!
He had a lot to say!
He had a lot of NOTHING to say!
Come down!
Get off your fuckin' Cross.
We need that fuckin' space-
To NAIL the next FOOL MATYR!
To Ascend You Must DIE
You must be CRUCIFIED
For our sins and our LIES
GOOD-BYYYYYYYY
Sorry all. My infernal device of misery and despair (iphone 3gs) is broken. Im on my xbox for now. WHich means typing is mega slow and i can barely read anything on here cuz IM not in HD atm. Ill stay available. I love you all and DEATH TO APPLE!!!
In those discouraging days
I always missed the mark
When we were comfort and close
I would neglect to keep
You safe and unexposed--
A portrait of time repeats
This moment now replaced
With an empty wish to give
I give! I gave!!
I gave my everything!
For all the wrong dreams!
In this cold reality I made
This selfish war machine!!
Oh, this has become Hell!
How can I share this life with someone else?
I promise you!
There is no wall that can shelter us
From all the ghosts of all my guilt
Here in the Darkside of me
Here in the Darkside of me
Now in your abscence I wade
Through the coursing, lonely lost
And in this tragic dismay
I could never believe what I became!
I gave my everything!
For all the wrong dreams!
In this cold reality I made
This welcomed war machine!!
Oh, this has become Hell!
How can I share this life with someone else?
I promise you!
There is no weight that can bury us
Beneath the ghosts of all my guilt!
Here in the Darkside of me
Here in the Darkside of me
Oooh, I couldn't give you what you needed
It's all my fault! Too coward to believe
I lost it all!
I gave my everything!
For all the wrong dreams!
In this cold reality I made
This selfish war machine!!
Oh, this has become Hell!
How can I share this life with someone else?
I promise you!
There is no wall that can shelter us
From all the ghosts of all my guilt!
Here in the Darkside of me
Here in the Darkside of me
Oh... Oh...
----
....
"You fought to withdraw from a location of unscience
In near unquantifiable pain
You nearly terminated the mission,
nearly terminated your own life
Yet, you desire to sail back close to it
I am not equipped to comprehend human rationale
Cyrus... Is this what love is?"
..............
..............
"Yes."
I flew headfirst into the light
Weightless, crisscrossing, precise
In a dream--or was it life?
Inside this door--all answers wait
So saddle up, my steed
Where the lies live way beneath
Ohh... I think I've made a mess of this
It is all my fault--it's what I wished!
And I was wrong--To let you go!
I accept my mistakes--But you will never know!
This is all my love-Into a Ten Ton Truck!
Baby please!
Remember the better me!!!
No time to change my life-In mid air
Maximum reach exceeds
Apart pictureless retreat...
A terror meets the truth,
No longer who,
We know what we must do
Shadows dance across the roof---
Contact the life you used to know...
I'm Gravity with World in tow--
And I was wrong--To let you go!
I accept my mistakes--But you will never know!
This is all my love-Into a Ten Ton Truck!
Baby please!
Remember the better me!!!
Driver may I sleep with you, tonight?
Ultra-Uncertai
Past city limits-Soul strewn diary
The Roar of the engine won't cease!
All of my love and heart, spilled in this car-
Picture me the perfect enemy!
Our lives, once one, collide past and beyond/
In this fatal possibility!
I am yours.
I am your Prise.
We waved "Welcome aboard."
We waved "Welcome aboard."
In my eyes, I drown you...
.....
---
*beep*-----*be
---
....
Has he forgotten his place?
Baited the hook, and let it sink--
No cause for alarm!
Enter the master: I am Doctor Staight.
Scalpel! Keep that lung in place!
Nurse, I.V. needs refilling!
Now, watch the brain...
Responding quite normal-
This life I can save!!
---
...
*beep*----*bee
....
---
Every man has a point
Where he breaks, or conjoins
Among pressure that floods to complicate
Matters close to the heart
Define who we are
Do we love? Do we hate?
We are only our fate....
---
We understood the unmistakeable
The two lovers, on holiday...
And how they stole our love!!!!
CAGED!!!
Locked in Perpetual Motion!
Carving our Wounds Wide Open!
But You let the Wrong one in!
Haaa, Ha! Haa-ha-haa!
CAGED!!!
Locked in Perpetual Motion!
Carving our Wounds Wide Open!
But You let the Wrong one in!
Haaa, Ha! Haa-ha-ha!
Believer--Your spotlights on the subject so incorrect
Suggestion--Su
Yes, you wear--your facade so well
Covered up in your plastic shell
You're a liar--To everyone, just don't forget
Face The Honest Truth!
You were Never You!
and I'll be defiant. The Lion.
Give them a fight to open their eyes
Hangman Hooded, softly swingin'
Don't close the Coffin yet!
I'm Alive!
Can you remember
When there was no wrong deed that I could do?
Much too young--Biting off more than I could chew
Yes, but one day I grew too old
And my cares were now theirs to mold
Please accept this
As my resignation. It's time to go...
Face The Honest Truth!
You were Never You!
and I'll be defiant. The Lion.
Give them a fight to open their eyes
Hangman Hooded, softly swingin'
Don't close the Coffin yet!
I'm Alive!
--
These minds, ungoverned are tearing us apart!
These hearts, forsaken have given up on art!
Now, why should I believe in
Anything they praise?
When one hand holds them the victor
And the other holds the shovel for their graves!
---
Face The Honest Truth!
You were Never You!
and I'll be defiant. The Lion.
Give them a fight to open their eyes
Hangman Hooded, softly swingin'
Don't close the Coffin yet!
I'm Alive!
Oh, hear me
I'm Alive!
Is this what I wish for those and all they know
Could depend on how coward I should act?
(From Hell they will crumble within!)
If you won't give me the love I came here for
With pen, I am armed here to react
(Hey now, hey now, what is it boy?
All these things that trouble you
So visit your mirror image
Of what might have behaved
Hey now, hey now, what is it boy?)
But I won't rest
'Til dead, 'til death do you part!
This is how I feel my god from what's been dealt
The flies that flutter-fight tonight
(From Hell they shall crumble within)
Is it love that I'm feeling? Or is it hate?the same
The emotion's enough to kill the sane!
(Hey now, hey now, what is it boy?
All these things that trouble you
So visit your mirror image
Of what might have behaved
Hey now, hey now, what is it boy?)
I only hope you know that I love you!
No, I don't! Don't!
(Feed! Little Maggots
Off the westside-- Of your sin!
Run! Little Maggot
When they learn
Of what you did!)
Ahhh, Feliz la vida que orden!
Happy is the life that you asked for!
Ahhh, Feliz la vida que orden
Happy is the life that you order!
(From start to finish/Break
I've made you feel this/Oooh,
Uncomfort in turn/Break
With the world, you've turned/Ooooh,
To love through this hate/Break
To live with it's weight,
A burden, discerned
In the blood you taste!)
But why would you deny me answers?
When I'm just a boy, on the break of being
Honored in Hell, through its fires!
Be brutally honest,
Was it better before me?
The curve of your body...
How I want,
How I want her with me...
The truth of the story
The vitriol I wish you all!
The Better End of All to Come!
The Truths Be Now Here One by One!
I Am to You, Extent to None:
The Memory to Fuel
The Fire!!!
(Watching his tale
With the words he unfolds,
Conscious and cold,
We'll never know
They scream as he laughs
Off the dust from his eyes
These worlds will now learn
The dreams in his mind)
Could this be that hard for me?
To configure a new love in pain
Prove my new entity
Or banish it all to the grave?
No one is saved....
With the quickness, strike out!
For the less of us in doubt
Put in the mercy of the Writer
Who put the pen in our mouths
Should the word write us well,
Signed, "Forgiveness for Sale"
I'm through being full of all the might you want killed!
(The Fiction will see through Real
The Answer will question still
Turn your body to blood
As your parents once went
You'll follow their lead
One by One, every step!)
Could this be that hard for me?
To configure a new love in hate
Prove my new entity
Or banish it all to the grave?
I will not save...
Your world!
Your World! To the end with you!
QUOTHE THE RAVENS:
"Touchdown Score."