"Sometimes, they say the worst of the worst, the greatest of all fears, is to die alone.

A song, it says the worst of the worst, the loneliest of all numbers, is number One.

By that logic, surely, surely, the worst and greatest lonely word must be "I."
I assure you, it is not. That word comes close, but it is not the loneliest.

The lonliest word of all,

is "If.""

"Worst Poem"
by Darran Kern, 2013

What I excel in best
Is my excessiveness,
Self deprecation:
I hate myself sometimes...
How can--I be down when
All that I want--Is in my reach?
WHAT'S WRONG WITH ME?
Fuck it.

Sometimes, I can feel so touch and go
Sometimes, as my self esteem is low
Sometimes--Well..
Well at least I know,
Sometimes I'm beautiful.

BEAUTIFUL.

And if I wasn't me,
I'd still just laugh at me
And point the finger,
And blame myself as well!
Yet, I will--not succumb to
Any of--my peers
I'm in control
(AND I'M LOSING IT!)
Fuck it.

Sometimes, I can feel so touch and go
Sometimes, as my self esteem is low
Sometimes--Well,
Well, at least I know
Sometimes I'm beautiful

BEAUTIFUL.

Sometimes, as my feelings coincide
Sometimes, while I struggle to survive
Sometimes--Well,
Well, at least I know
Sometimes I'll be all right,
Be all right,
Feel right,
Feel right,
Be all right.....

FUCK IT!!

*sigh*
Everything sucks. I feel like a hamster in a wheel, going nowhere, getting nothing. But running. Running hard, as usual. Fucking waste.

I can feel it in the way your blood and heart beats!
My body's cold, and it thinks that I'm already gone
Or is it in the way your body moves?
I'd like to tell you, but I think that you already know
The words I drag out from your mouth speak!
So listen up, world! Listen up world!
In her vision I have given company
I see no evil in leading their bodies from home...

Believer, you'll leave her
In leaving them all!
No! I just don't buy it.
Like anything you do. As anyone you are.
Ten Speed, if I must, then I must!
Believer, you'll leave her
In leaving them all!
No! I just don't buy it.
Like anything you do. As anyone you are...

If Writing wrote me even chance, and choice to save you
I wouldn't answer if it even chose to ask.
In her figure I've instilled a taste of my own!
So listen up world. Listen up world,
To make it easier to take what life I'm owed
As the curse has returned from the hell of your heart and your soul!

Believer, you'll leave her
In leaving them all!
No! I just don't buy it.
Like anything you do. As anyone you are.
Ten Speed, if I must, then I must!
Believer, you'll leave her
In leaving them all!
No! I just don't buy it.
Like anything you do. As anyone you are.

Oooh,
Nobody knows, but you
Oooh,
Nobody knows, but you
"I don't want to ride tonight... No I don't want to go..."
Nobody knows but you
"I don't want to ride tonight..."
Oooh,
"No baby, I don't want to go."
...
But are you going to kill her off?
It's not your decision. I love the character.
She stays.
Yeah? Well,
The only thing love has done is
Put you in this position. I say KILL HER OFF.
Yeah. But you say a lot of things.
And how's that work? You're a bicycle.
....
Believer, you'll leave her
In leaving them all!
No! I just don't buy it.
Like anything you do. As anyone you are.
Ten Speed, if I must, then I must!

Believer, you'll leave her
In leaving them all!
No! I just don't buy it.
Like anything you do. As anyone you are...

Because I'm

Ten Speed, of God's Blood & Burial
Ten Speed, of God's Blood & Burial
Ten Speed, of God's Blood & Burial
Ten Speed, of God's Blood & Burial
Now, as I said,
Kill her OFF!

So... fucking... furious. I could just fucking smash everything around me right now. Fuck! Ive never been so offended in my life and I have been very, very fucking offended before.

http://www.cracked.com/quick-fixes/a-30-second-guide-to-how-gay-marriage-ruling-affects-you/

---A very important public service announcement from your pal Sideways.

To [hanhepi]



I WIN.

The wish you plead and the dream you sought
We all think, we all thought...

And The things I've done, and the world I've seen
Don't measure up
To you, my queen

Oh, trade one life for another,
And find my way
Through this Machine

God damn this cursed Iron Fist.. When I lose control,
Oh, no...
God damn this cursed Iron Fist.. When I lose control
Oh, oh...

The first trade out, and the last one drones
We'll all sing; "We're going home"

As the curtain swings,
to cover all our secrets kept,
Our love, enough.

God damn this cursed Iron Fist When I lose control
Oh, no...
Oh, girl, this is what I've become.
And I'm going to leave it up to you. What are you
Going to do?

Cuz I
Don't
Want--to lose your
Hold
On--me...
Cuz I
Don't
Want--to lose your
Hold
On--me...

God damn this cursed Iron Fist When I lose control
Oh, no...
See, girl, this is what I've become!
And I'm going to leave it up to you!

What are you
Going to do?

Just remember!
Just remember..
Pay no attention to:
This IRON FIST!
This IRON FIST!
Just remember, please!
Pay no attention to:
This Iron!
This Iron Fist...

God damn this curse,
God damn,
God damn this Iron!
This Iron Fist!
Godamn this curse,
God damn,
Godamn this Iron!
This Iron Fist.

I...

Hurt myself today.
To see if I still feel
I focus on the pain...
The only thing that's real.

The needle tears a hole.
The old, familiar sting
Tried to kill it all away,
But I remember

Everything.

And you could have it all
My empire of Dirt.
I will let you down.

I will make you hurt.



I wear this crown of shit
Upon my liar's chair
Full of broken thoughts
That I cannot repair.

Beneath the stains of time
The feelings dissappear.
You are someone else.

I am still right here.

And you can have it all!
My empire of dirt.
I will let you down!
I will make you hurt.


If I could start again,
A million miles away,
I would keep this self.


I would find a way.

-----

_____
  -----
_____
    ----

I beat my machine..
It's a part of me.
It's inside of me.

I'm stuck in this dream..
It's changing me
I am Becoming--

The "Me" that you know
He had some second thoughts
He's covered with scabs,
He is broken and sore!

The "Me" that you know
He doesn't come around much.
That part of me

Isn't here anymore

All traits disappear
It's the nature of
Of my circuitry...

Drowns out all I hear 
No escape from this,
My new consciousness..

The "Me" that you know
Used to have feelings
But the blood has stopped pumping
And he is left to decay!

The "Me" that you know
Is now made up of wires,
And even when I'm right with you
I'm so far away

I can try to get away!
But I’ve strapped myself in
I can try to scratch away!
The Sound in my ears
I can see it killing away!
All of my bad parts..
I don't want to listen!!
But it's all too clear.

......
**a teddy bear
A grown up's smile
A piece of sunny sky without fear..***

**stained floor I wept on
Stranger's house
With no idea how I got
From there, to here...***
......
Hiding...
Backwards inside of me
I feel...
So unafraid...
Baby...
Please hold a little tighter.
I might...
Just slip away.

....
**Safety blanket..
..warmer bed..
Everything...
That mommy said...
A goal to achieve
A girl to wed
Every Lie..
That I was fed...***

it won't give up, it wants me dead
God damn this noise inside my head.
it won't give up, it wants me dead
God damn this noise inside my head

IT WON'T GIVE UP, IT WANTS ME DEAD
GOD DAMN THIS VOICE INSIDE ME HEAD
IT WON'T GIVE UP, IT WANTS ME DEAD
GOD DAMN THIS NOISE INSIDE MY HEAD

**Glassy eyes
Slackjaw face
Never feeling
Past erased

Forgotten once
Forget it twice
I feel nothing.
Isn't that nice?**Missing: </i>

This is for my dear friend [Ravenclaw]




These are the days,
The End Complete
The world is turning to the sound
Of the suffering
You are the jury, we are the saints.

Our minds divide,
The past repeats
A war still brewing in the hearts
Of those we once bled.
I am the Knowing, the living dead.

Dig deeper! Remember:
All that you've been
And all you've left behind!
Wave goodbye, my dear.
Dig deeper! Remember:
All that you've been
And all you've left behind!
Welcome home, my dear.

No words to say,
The worst displayed
What once was courage is now
Cursed in the world we've made.
We are the sinners, before our fate.

Now leave in peace,
The dead unsaved
A world still turning down the path
Toward The End Complete!
Now spite me, jury.
We've come for change!

Dig deeper! Remember:
All that you've been
And all you've left behind!
Wave goodbye, my dear.
Dig deeper! Remember:
All that you've been
And all you've left behind!
Welcome home, my dear.

...
"Momma,
I'm living proof that
Never,
Is just around the
Corner:
A Ghost!!
To walk the end
Designed for you and I..."

No one will ever know...


*sigh*
No one will ever know.



"SCREAM!!! Ah-Ha-HAAA!"

We are the fate of Killers!
The call of justice!
We are now waiting while you
Wish us away with your plans
And pray for deliverance!
Well, this is no safe haven!

GOD He will not save you
    IS NOT He will not save you
       HERE!!! He will not save you from this!

You've been stealing my lines?
NOW! Go on living your lies,
For on your knees you will find,
You'll face a jury in Hell-



We are the fate of Sinners!
The call of justice!
We are now waiting while you
Wish us away with your prayer
And hope for a savior!
Wont save your soul from Satan!

GOD He will not save you
    IS NOT He will not save you
       HERE!!! He will not save you from this!

You've been stealing my lines?
NOW! Go on living your lies,
For on your knees you will find,
You'll face a jury in Hell!


Those were the days,
The End Complete
The world is burning to the howls
Of the suffering.
You are the jury, we are the saints....

Dig deeper! Remember:
All that you've been
And all you've left behind!
Wave goodbye, my dear.
Dig deeper! Remember:
All that you've been
And all you've left behind!
Welcome home, my dear.

You were the magic
That turned a curse in time!
And You were the beauty
That we had to leave behind.
Oh, oh...
"Bye-bye."

This sinking warmth through obscurity
Beyond the sweet in between Where and what you're doing.. There is a view of an uncharted place
Where you're the brunt of a joke
And everyone's laughing..

I am not: Who I seem
Who you thought: I could be
The support: You could lean
Up against: When you need
I'm the Dark: When you want
The lights out: At all costs,
This is mine: That is yours
I'm the bricks in your Wall.

Goodbye, Forever!
My Darling, Whether
I was everything you thought I'd be,
Or not...
I was a bad man, so bad,
To stop you girl from loving me!

Goodbye, Forever!
My Darling, Whether
I was everything you thought I'd be,
Or not...
I was a bad man, oooh...
To stop you girl from loving me..
Oh, no!

A yearning loss--to silence me The struggle breaks the black and white,
Calling, transmitting,
The echo breaks: electric air.
Her pulse! It stretches from never
To everywhere...

And from the other side she'll save me!
Her courage, strength and heart:
Beyond!
I wish she'd stay mine..
But her place is in some other time,
Oh, oh!

Goodbye, Forever!
My Darling, Whether
I was everything you thought I'd be,
Or not...
I was a bad man, oooh...
To stop you girl from loving me..
Oh, no!

Sssss....
Oh, no...
Ssss....
No, no....

Body, separating,
Ascend and release...
This Tragedy's all MY--
Fault...
Reaching, desperately
To salvage any piece!
This Tragedy's all MY--
Fault.... and...

This hurt won't- Won't go away
This hurt won't- Won't go away
This hurt won't- Won't go away This hurt won't- Won't go away
Won't go away
Won't go away..

And from the other side she'll save me!
Her courage, strength and heart:
Beyond!
I wish she'd stay mine..
But her place is in some other time,
Oh, oh!

Goodbye, Forever!
My Darling, Whether
I was everything you thought I'd be,
Or not...
I was a bad man, oooh...
To stop you girl from loving me..
Oh, no!

Goodbye, Forever-- Forever!
You won't be forgotten!
Goodbye, Forever,
ForEVER...
You won't be forgotten....

YOU LIED.

(This song used to keep me up at night. A lot. For years.)

Time- has passed,
Far too long,
To lament that we were once
Deeply in love-

The wind- blows softly
While- my heart
Cannot heal all the tears
That are in it...

Would someone cry
Just for me
With the driest of eyes?!

THE REAL FOLK- BLUES!
I only- want
To understand
What true sadness is

Reclining amongst
The muddy water
Really isn't-
Such a bad life

Only if it ends...
After--The first time...

Well I don't want to see you waiting,
I've already gone too far away
I still can't keep the day from ending,
With no more messed up reasons for me to stay!

Well this is
Not for real!
Afraid to feel!
I just
Hit the floor!
Don't ask for more!

I'm Wasting my time!
I'm Wasting my time!

You can't stop to feel!
And there's no reason
Just make the call!
And take it all again!

Woah, all again....

I hate-- everything I am becoming!
This change is torture
There is never enough to give
Only plenty to take--and this I wage

When the ground parts from below,
Will it feel so?
How can I gain from another
when the other goes?

This hand,
This hurt,
My heart

I'll flirt with Disaster
Just know now, man,
The deal is off!!

I'll be no good!
This time defines:
I'll put my Touch around the grip of this knife
These dirty hands
Just won't come Clean!

I'm a "Murderer,"
The worst these Worlds will see

Mercy!--Please leave her just a little bit longer
She's All my world!
My love, I apologize!
With that you'll see the end of days,
Just rest assured!

'Cause they won't let her go,
And I remain so-- Alone
To work out a clever way to get her home!

I will
Do what
I must

I'll flirt with Disaster
Just know now, boy,
You're out of luck!!

I'll be no good,
This time defines:
I'll put my Touch around the grip of this knife
These dirty hands
Just won't come Clean

I'm a"Murderer,"
The worst these worlds will see

Oh, save me from Defeat again!
This is war...
Murdered the one so close!
While she trusts!-- You curse
"Die, my darling!"

If only you'd know
How Lovely you glow!
In the flame of Error!

Oh, I ask too much..
Please turn back the clock! and
Take me instead!!!!

How have you
Come to lose? The only thing that mattered
The other "1" to your "2!"

I've become! The Wrong...
Everyone's Black Sheep

A witch, please burn me
For God...

I'll be no good
This time defines:
I'll put my Touch around the grip of this knife
These dirty hands
Just won't come Clean!

I'm a "Murderer,"
The worst these worlds will see

Oh, save me from Defeat again!
This is war....
Murder the one so close!
While she trusts!-- you curse
"Die, my darling!"

I'll be no good!
This time defines!

Oh, save me from defeat again!
Oh, save me from defeat again!
Again,
Once again...

"FUCK YOU!

I can't say what I want to...
Even if I'm not serious.
I can't say what I want to...
Even if I'm not serious, things like

Fuck yourself..
Go Fuck yourself...
You Piece of SHIT, why don't you go, and
Just KILL YOURSELF!
For sayin'

I can't say what I want to!
Even if I'm not serious!
I can't say what I want to
Even IF
I'M JUST KIDDING!!!!

Yes...

People tell me what to say...
What to think, and what to play
I said,
People tell me what to say
What to think and what to PLAY!

I can't say what I want to!
Even if I'm not serious!
I can't say what I want to
Even IF
I'M JUST KIDDING!!!!

....Go fuck yourself....
---You piece of shit---
Just go get fucked...
WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK
YOURSELF!!!!!!!!!!!

People tell me what to say...
What to think, and what to play
I said,
People tell me what to say
What to think and what to PLAY!

People tell me what to say...
What to think, and what to play
I said,
People tell me what to say
What to think and what to PLAY!

Just kidding.

Just kidding.

Just Kidding.

"We're about to have a feast!"

Of your childhood and imortal soul

Two times now!!
I've been-- struck down
By a voice that Speaks
From deep-- beneath
The Endless water that's

Twice as clear as Heaven,
Twice as loud as reason...
Deep and rich, like silt on a riverbed
And just as never-ending

The current's mouth below me...
Opens up around me...
Suggests and beckons, all while swallowing...

Surrounds! and Drowns! and
Washes me away!!

...But I'm so comfortable?
Too comfortable...

Shut up!
Shut up!
Shut up!
Shut up,
You're saturating me!

How could I let THIS bring me
Back to my knees???

*sigh*
Third time now! 
I've been-- Baptized by a voice that
Screams-- from deep--
Beneath the cold and black water that's

Half as high as Heaven,
Half as clear as reason...
Clear and black like silt on a riverbed
And Just as never-ending

The current's mouth below me...
Opens up around me
Suggests and beckons, all while swallowing...

Surrounds! and Drowns! and
Washes me away!!

But I'm so comfortable?
Too comfortable...

Shut up!
Shut up!
Shut up!
Shut up,
You're saturating me!
How could I let this happen?

Why don't you kill me?
I am Weak and
Numb and
Insignificant!!

How could I let THIS bring me
Back to my knees???

You said, you lied
Eu--phor--i--a
You said, you lied
Eu--phor--i--a

Then I saw that, I was here,
Then I knew that,
Again, begun, the fear that

I'M BACK DOWN! IN
THE UNDERTOW
I'M HELPLESS AND AWAKE!
I'M IN
THE UNDERTOW
THERE DOESN'T SEEM TO BE ANY WAY!
OUT! OF
THE UNDERTOW

You! Swore! To! Me!
Eu--phor--i--a!!!
AHHHHHHHHH
Oh.