[Sideways]'s diary
"If I said it won't hurt, well, then I'd be lying."
"You had all them on your side, didn't you?
Didn't you?
You believed in all your lies, didn't you?
Didn't you?"
The Ruiner's got a lot to prove, he's got nothing to lose and now
He made you believe!
The Ruiner's your only friend? Well he's the living end to the
Cattle he deceives!
The raping of the innocent, you know the Ruiner ruins
Everything he sees!
Now the only pure thing left in my fucking world
Is wearing his DISEASE!
How'd you get so big?
How'd you get so strong?
How'd it get so hard??
How did it get so long?
"You had to give them all a sign, didn't you?
Didn't you
You had to covet what was mine, didn't you?
DIDN'T YOU?"
The Ruiner's a collector; he's an infector serving his
Shit to his flies!
Maybe there will come a day when those you keep around will
Suddenly realize!
Maybe it's a part of me you took to a place I
Hoped it would never go!
And maybe that fucked me up much more
Than you'll ever KNOW!
How'd you get so big?
How'd you get so strong?
How did it get so hard??
How'd it get so long?
And what you gave to me!
My perfect ring of scars
You know I can see?
What you really are.
You didn't hurt me, nothing can hurt me,
You didn't hurt me,
Nothing can stop me now.
You didn't hurt me, nothing can hurt me,
You didn't hurt me,
Nothing can stop me now.
You didn't hurt me, nothing can hurt me,
You didn't hurt me, nothing can hurt me,
Nothing can make this stop
an unspeakable affair...
The latent stump on the hill creates a glorious departure from it's everyday life:
Constant singing of the angels...
A PLEASANT CRY FOR HELP?
A PLEASANT CRY FOR HELP?
A PLEASANT CRY FOR HELP?
It began to unfold it's story to her!
--A perfect crime, that soon lived on!--
A different life it had to develop...
Gripped by every limb it could hold, the lifeless ideas it grew onto its own.
It had found something new.
A much needed surrender!
A much needed surrender!
Trees soon started to grow!
From what seemed a lifeless neck.
From a monster to a beauty in quick months,
It's life seemed to be on its way to a rare freedom!
It decided it should take advantage of this idea.
A spectacle and tragedy nonetheless...
Walking proud through life!!
Letting hard-won branches guide the way--
A path which seemed to be covered in sunshine...
The "angels" said to themselves
"It must be human! For its qualities seem
to outdo even
The grandest occupant of the town..."
It had never experienced an affection of this kind.
A wonderful and frightening new obstacle in life.
Years went by as it finally found true love!!
The love of others: Three to be exact!
Letting them into EVERY SECRET!
Feeding them from EVERY BRANCH!
Every part used
FOR THEIR LIVES!
And nothing hurt, no negative sensation came,
Until much!
Much TOO LATE!
---
It noticed.......
Seemed more staggered.....
Than normal…
The breeze did not flow
Like it
Used to...
The heart seemed to beat
What caused this?
WHAT CAUSED THIS?
Had torn every branch
Every single stem
Shred ever sol-
I-
Tary-
LEAF????????
TORN TO IT'S LAST LIFE!
HOW HAD IT NOT NOTICED A DRASTIC CHANGE
IN IT'S SURROUNDINGS??
IT DIDN'T KNOW ANYTHING COULD GO THIS WRONG!
SEEKING THE ANGEL SIREN SONG:
"COMFORT!"
"COMFORT!"
"COMFORT!"
If it constantly gave happiness to those without!
IT GAVE IT'S LIFE TO THESE UNBRANCHED THREE
THEY HINTED LOVE AND TOOK ALL THEY PLEASED!!!
"COMFORT!"
"COMFORT!"
"COMFORT!"
IT'S NOT YET WILTING AWAY
Returned to a stump, it prays for the day!
That they could perceive this LOST PERFECTION!
WILL THE WONDER SURVIVE THIS TIME?
A good projection, is to REWIND.
Much booze, too little sleep, great weather, old friends, and beautiful sights, even more beautiful girls.
Fuck, Colorado, I've missed you.
Written about Thursday 2013-08-08
Written: (4125 days ago)
Potentially offfensive.
Guaranteed AWESOME.
Earth - Dancing 'round the fire,
Come - Meet the western sky.
Life - Walking on a wire,
Reach - To know the reason "why?"
At the End of the Day
You'll be lying in a suit of Grey,
At the End of the Day
You'll be Fine!
They--won't do you any favors
'Till the slate is clean
You--you walk a lonely line.
Slide! With punks and drunks and saviors
In the big machine!
Down--to meet the rest of life.
At the End of the Day
It's what you do, not what you say.
At the End of the Day
You'll be Fine!
At the End of the Day
It doesn't matter anyway,
At the End of the Day
You'll be Fine!
You'll be Fine.
Great Wheel is broken,
You've--got no fortune left
Out of the sunlight,
Out of the great undead,
And you--can't even sleep at night!
And you literally curse each day.
You could give, or give back your life,
Give, or give back your life,
Any way!
Concrete and Jungle:
They've stretched and hung you out.
You can't turn the clock back
It's too late to yearn that, now.
And you can't even hold your own...
And you feel like you're all alone...
And you never feel like you're
Home--Anywhere
At the End of the Day,
There won't be anymore~
So turn the world around.
At the End of the Day,
We'll know what this was for~
As the sun keeps coming down,
At the End of the Day,
There won't be any pain~
As the sky begins to fall,
At the End of the Day,
You'll be feeling right as rain~
As the veil reveals it all!
Lightning calls you:
It's time to go.
Something keeps telling you,
But you don't want to know...
Feel your heart, like a window,
Open slow!
Say goodbye to the world that
You know...
At the End of the road...
It begins, It believes, and It sees for all time~
She's coming down my way!
It is here, as It breathes, and It sees for the blind!
She's holding me, finally!
You've been schooled,
Held aggression in large amounts.
Just be truthful, man,
It's everything that counts.
There is no hand, waiting, that must be paid~
We will leave our encores all unplayed~
At the End of the Day
It begins, It believes, and It sees for all time~
She's coming down my way!
It is here, as It breathes, and it sees for the blind~
She's holding me, finally!
It begins, It believes, and It blows me away!~
Ohhh, yeah!
It is here, as It breathes, the End of the Day!~
Here It is, FINALLY!
Earth - Dancing 'round the fire,
Come - Breathe the breath of life!
Life - Walking on a wire,
Just - Let it all in, tonight!
At the End of the Day
It's what you do, not what you say!
At the End of the Day
You've got time!
At the End of the Day
You'll be dreaming as you fly away,
At the End of the Day,
You'll be Fine!
You'll be Fine!
You'll be Fine.
"Sometimes, they say the worst of the worst, the greatest of all fears, is to die alone.
A song, it says the worst of the worst, the loneliest of all numbers, is number One.
By that logic, surely, surely, the worst and greatest lonely word must be "I."
I assure you, it is not. That word comes close, but it is not the loneliest.
The lonliest word of all,
is "If.""
"Worst Poem"
by Darran Kern, 2013
What I excel in best
Is my excessiveness,
Self deprecation:
I hate myself sometimes...
How can--I be down when
All that I want--Is in my reach?
WHAT'S WRONG WITH ME?
Fuck it.
Sometimes, I can feel so touch and go
Sometimes, as my self esteem is low
Sometimes--Wel
Well at least I know,
Sometimes I'm beautiful.
BEAUTIFUL.
And if I wasn't me,
I'd still just laugh at me
And point the finger,
And blame myself as well!
Yet, I will--not succumb to
Any of--my peers
I'm in control
(AND I'M LOSING IT!)
Fuck it.
Sometimes, I can feel so touch and go
Sometimes, as my self esteem is low
Sometimes--Wel
Well, at least I know
Sometimes I'm beautiful
BEAUTIFUL.
Sometimes, as my feelings coincide
Sometimes, while I struggle to survive
Sometimes--Wel
Well, at least I know
Sometimes I'll be all right,
Be all right,
Feel right,
Feel right,
Be all right.....
FUCK IT!!
*sigh*
Everything sucks. I feel like a hamster in a wheel, going nowhere, getting nothing. But running. Running hard, as usual. Fucking waste.
I can feel it in the way your blood and heart beats!
My body's cold, and it thinks that I'm already gone
Or is it in the way your body moves?
I'd like to tell you, but I think that you already know
The words I drag out from your mouth speak!
So listen up, world! Listen up world!
In her vision I have given company
I see no evil in leading their bodies from home...
Believer, you'll leave her
In leaving them all!
No! I just don't buy it.
Like anything you do. As anyone you are.
Ten Speed, if I must, then I must!
Believer, you'll leave her
In leaving them all!
No! I just don't buy it.
Like anything you do. As anyone you are...
If Writing wrote me even chance, and choice to save you
I wouldn't answer if it even chose to ask.
In her figure I've instilled a taste of my own!
So listen up world. Listen up world,
To make it easier to take what life I'm owed
As the curse has returned from the hell of your heart and your soul!
Believer, you'll leave her
In leaving them all!
No! I just don't buy it.
Like anything you do. As anyone you are.
Ten Speed, if I must, then I must!
Believer, you'll leave her
In leaving them all!
No! I just don't buy it.
Like anything you do. As anyone you are.
Oooh,
Nobody knows, but you
Oooh,
Nobody knows, but you
"I don't want to ride tonight... No I don't want to go..."
Nobody knows but you
"I don't want to ride tonight..."
Oooh,
"No baby, I don't want to go."
...
But are you going to kill her off?
It's not your decision. I love the character.
She stays.
Yeah? Well,
The only thing love has done is
Put you in this position. I say KILL HER OFF.
Yeah. But you say a lot of things.
And how's that work? You're a bicycle.
....
Believer, you'll leave her
In leaving them all!
No! I just don't buy it.
Like anything you do. As anyone you are.
Ten Speed, if I must, then I must!
Believer, you'll leave her
In leaving them all!
No! I just don't buy it.
Like anything you do. As anyone you are...
Because I'm
Ten Speed, of God's Blood & Burial
Ten Speed, of God's Blood & Burial
Ten Speed, of God's Blood & Burial
Ten Speed, of God's Blood & Burial
Now, as I said,
Kill her OFF!
So... fucking... furious. I could just fucking smash everything around me right now. Fuck! Ive never been so offended in my life and I have been very, very fucking offended before.
http://www.cra
---A very important public service announcement from your pal Sideways.
Written about Monday 2013-06-24
Written: (4169 days ago)
To [hanhepi]
I WIN.
The wish you plead and the dream you sought
We all think, we all thought...
And The things I've done, and the world I've seen
Don't measure up
To you, my queen
Oh, trade one life for another,
And find my way
Through this Machine
God damn this cursed Iron Fist.. When I lose control,
Oh, no...
God damn this cursed Iron Fist.. When I lose control
Oh, oh...
The first trade out, and the last one drones
We'll all sing; "We're going home"
As the curtain swings,
to cover all our secrets kept,
Our love, enough.
God damn this cursed Iron Fist When I lose control
Oh, no...
Oh, girl, this is what I've become.
And I'm going to leave it up to you. What are you
Going to do?
Cuz I
Don't
Want--to lose your
Hold
On--me...
Cuz I
Don't
Want--to lose your
Hold
On--me...
God damn this cursed Iron Fist When I lose control
Oh, no...
See, girl, this is what I've become!
And I'm going to leave it up to you!
What are you
Going to do?
Just remember!
Just remember..
Pay no attention to:
This IRON FIST!
This IRON FIST!
Just remember, please!
Pay no attention to:
This Iron!
This Iron Fist...
God damn this curse,
God damn,
God damn this Iron!
This Iron Fist!
Godamn this curse,
God damn,
Godamn this Iron!
This Iron Fist.
Written about Thursday 2013-06-13
Written: (4181 days ago)
I...
Hurt myself today.
To see if I still feel
I focus on the pain...
The only thing that's real.
The needle tears a hole.
The old, familiar sting
Tried to kill it all away,
But I remember
Everything.
And you could have it all
My empire of Dirt.
I will let you down.
I will make you hurt.
I wear this crown of shit
Upon my liar's chair
Full of broken thoughts
That I cannot repair.
Beneath the stains of time
The feelings dissappear.
You are someone else.
I am still right here.
And you can have it all!
My empire of dirt.
I will let you down!
I will make you hurt.
If I could start again,
A million miles away,
I would keep this self.
I would find a way.
-----
_____
-----
_____
----
I beat my machine..
It's a part of me.
It's inside of me.
I'm stuck in this dream..
It's changing me
I am Becoming--
The "Me" that you know
He had some second thoughts
He's covered with scabs,
He is broken and sore!
The "Me" that you know
He doesn't come around much.
That part of me
Isn't here anymore
All traits disappear
It's the nature of
Of my circuitry...
Drowns out all I hear
No escape from this,
My new consciousness.
The "Me" that you know
Used to have feelings
But the blood has stopped pumping
And he is left to decay!
The "Me" that you know
Is now made up of wires,
And even when I'm right with you
I'm so far away
I can try to get away!
But I’ve strapped myself in
I can try to scratch away!
The Sound in my ears
I can see it killing away!
All of my bad parts..
I don't want to listen!!
But it's all too clear.
......
**a teddy bear
A grown up's smile
A piece of sunny sky without fear..***
**stained floor I wept on
Stranger's house
With no idea how I got
From there, to here...***
......
Hiding...
Backwards inside of me
I feel...
So unafraid...
Baby...
Please hold a little tighter.
I might...
Just slip away.
....
**Safety blanket..
..warmer bed..
Everything...
That mommy said...
A goal to achieve
A girl to wed
Every Lie..
That I was fed...***
it won't give up, it wants me dead
God damn this noise inside my head.
it won't give up, it wants me dead
God damn this noise inside my head
IT WON'T GIVE UP, IT WANTS ME DEAD
GOD DAMN THIS VOICE INSIDE ME HEAD
IT WON'T GIVE UP, IT WANTS ME DEAD
GOD DAMN THIS NOISE INSIDE MY HEAD
**Glassy eyes
Slackjaw face
Never feeling
Past erased
Forgotten once
Forget it twice
I feel nothing.
Isn't that nice?**Missing: </i>
This is for my dear friend [Ravenclaw]
These are the days,
The End Complete
The world is turning to the sound
Of the suffering
You are the jury, we are the saints.
Our minds divide,
The past repeats
A war still brewing in the hearts
Of those we once bled.
I am the Knowing, the living dead.
Dig deeper! Remember:
All that you've been
And all you've left behind!
Wave goodbye, my dear.
Dig deeper! Remember:
All that you've been
And all you've left behind!
Welcome home, my dear.
No words to say,
The worst displayed
What once was courage is now
Cursed in the world we've made.
We are the sinners, before our fate.
Now leave in peace,
The dead unsaved
A world still turning down the path
Toward The End Complete!
Now spite me, jury.
We've come for change!
Dig deeper! Remember:
All that you've been
And all you've left behind!
Wave goodbye, my dear.
Dig deeper! Remember:
All that you've been
And all you've left behind!
Welcome home, my dear.
...
"Momma,
I'm living proof that
Never,
Is just around the
Corner:
A Ghost!!
To walk the end
Designed for you and I..."
No one will ever know...
*sigh*
No one will ever know.
"SCREAM!!! Ah-Ha-HAAA!"
We are the fate of Killers!
The call of justice!
We are now waiting while you
Wish us away with your plans
And pray for deliverance!
Well, this is no safe haven!
GOD He will not save you
IS NOT He will not save you
HERE!!! He will not save you from this!
You've been stealing my lines?
NOW! Go on living your lies,
For on your knees you will find,
You'll face a jury in Hell-
We are the fate of Sinners!
The call of justice!
We are now waiting while you
Wish us away with your prayer
And hope for a savior!
Wont save your soul from Satan!
GOD He will not save you
IS NOT He will not save you
HERE!!! He will not save you from this!
You've been stealing my lines?
NOW! Go on living your lies,
For on your knees you will find,
You'll face a jury in Hell!
Those were the days,
The End Complete
The world is burning to the howls
Of the suffering.
You are the jury, we are the saints....
Dig deeper! Remember:
All that you've been
And all you've left behind!
Wave goodbye, my dear.
Dig deeper! Remember:
All that you've been
And all you've left behind!
Welcome home, my dear.
You were the magic
That turned a curse in time!
And You were the beauty
That we had to leave behind.
Oh, oh...
"Bye-bye."
Draw a card, RC.
"The Wrong Path."
Draw another.
"Twenty."
And one more?
"Found."
Good. Hehehehe ;)
This sinking warmth through obscurity
Beyond the sweet in between Where and what you're doing.. There is a view of an uncharted place
Where you're the brunt of a joke
And everyone's laughing..
I am not: Who I seem
Who you thought: I could be
The support: You could lean
Up against: When you need
I'm the Dark: When you want
The lights out: At all costs,
This is mine: That is yours
I'm the bricks in your Wall.
Goodbye, Forever!
My Darling, Whether
I was everything you thought I'd be,
Or not...
I was a bad man, so bad,
To stop you girl from loving me!
Goodbye, Forever!
My Darling, Whether
I was everything you thought I'd be,
Or not...
I was a bad man, oooh...
To stop you girl from loving me..
Oh, no!
A yearning loss--to silence me The struggle breaks the black and white,
Calling, transmitting,
The echo breaks: electric air.
Her pulse! It stretches from never
To everywhere...
And from the other side she'll save me!
Her courage, strength and heart:
Beyond!
I wish she'd stay mine..
But her place is in some other time,
Oh, oh!
Goodbye, Forever!
My Darling, Whether
I was everything you thought I'd be,
Or not...
I was a bad man, oooh...
To stop you girl from loving me..
Oh, no!
Sssss....
Oh, no...
Ssss....
No, no....
Body, separating,
Ascend and release...
This Tragedy's all MY--
Fault...
Reaching, desperately
To salvage any piece!
This Tragedy's all MY--
Fault.... and...
This hurt won't- Won't go away
This hurt won't- Won't go away
This hurt won't- Won't go away This hurt won't- Won't go away
Won't go away
Won't go away..
And from the other side she'll save me!
Her courage, strength and heart:
Beyond!
I wish she'd stay mine..
But her place is in some other time,
Oh, oh!
Goodbye, Forever!
My Darling, Whether
I was everything you thought I'd be,
Or not...
I was a bad man, oooh...
To stop you girl from loving me..
Oh, no!
Goodbye, Forever-- Forever!
You won't be forgotten!
Goodbye, Forever,
ForEVER...
You won't be forgotten....
Set.ting sun.can't--shi
Now you're gone
In.side sleep.ing
My.heart beat.ing
You know
That you tried
To.hide.it
Could.n't you--have
Said.what you meant?
Oh............
Time.heals, Time Con--geals
Around us
End.less hours.of
Wast.ed mom.ents
Under
-standing,
Not
De.mand.ing
Your.eyes.tell
You.feel inside.
No............
Set.ting sun.can't--shi
Now you're gone
In.side sleep.ing
My.heart beat.ing
You know
That you tried
To.hide.it
Could.n't you--have
Said.what you meant?
..............
YOU LIED.
(This song used to keep me up at night. A lot. For years.)
Time- has passed,
Far too long,
To lament that we were once
Deeply in love-
The wind- blows softly
While- my heart
Cannot heal all the tears
That are in it...
Would someone cry
Just for me
With the driest of eyes?!
THE REAL FOLK- BLUES!
I only- want
To understand
What true sadness is
Reclining amongst
The muddy water
Really isn't-
Such a bad life
Only if it ends...
After--The first time...