[Sideways]'s diary
I hate-- everything I am
Becoming
This change is torture.
There is never enough to give,
Only plenty to take...
And this I wage:
When the ground parts from below,
Will it feel so?
How can I gain from another
When the other goes?
this Hand,
this Hurt,
my Heart...
I'll flirt with disaster!
Just know now
That the deal is off!
"I'll be no good," this time defines!
I'll put my touch
Around the grip of this knife.
These dirty hands
Just won't come clean!
I'm a Murderer,
The worst these worlds will see.
Mercy--Please leave her just a little
Bit longer,
She's all my world.
My love, I apologize
With that, you will see the end of days,
Just rest assured.
They won't let her go--and
I remain so
Alone-- to work out a clever
Way to get her home!
I Will
Do What
I Must.
I'll flirt with disaster!
Just know now
That you're out of luck!
"I'll be no good," this time defines!
I'll put my touch
Around the grip of this knife.
These dirty hands
Just won't come clean!
I'm a Murderer,
The worst these worlds will see.
Oh, save me from defeat again
This is war
Murder the love so close!
While she rusts, you curse,
"DIE, my darling!"
If only you'd known
Just how lovely you glow
In the Flame of Error!
Yea, I ask too much...
Please turn back the clock--
And take me instead!!!
"How have you
Come to lose
The only thing,
The other 1 to your 2?"
I've become the wrong one
In everyone's dream
Please burn me now, God...
"I'll be no good," this time defines!
I'll put my touch
Around the grip of this knife.
These dirty hands
Just won't come clean!
I'm a Murderer,
The worst these worlds will see.
Oh, save me from defeat again
This is war
Murder the love you hold!
While she rusts, you curse,
"DIE, my darling!"
"I won't let go," this mind opines!
I must sever, with the edge of this knife.
These dirty hands could pull me free,
I'm a Murderer,
Of your bitter memory.
Oh, save me from defeat again!
Don't let me think of her again.
Written about Friday 2014-01-17
Written: (3963 days ago)
I got an orthodontic spacer put in today as step one of my dental work so I can stop looking like a star of the book The Great Book of British Smiles from that one episode of The Simpsons. You know, that one that can get the little jingle
"Dental Plan, Lisa needs Braces!"
stuck in your head for weeks.
Anyway, after feeling like I had stuffed a rabid badger stuffed in my cheek all day, I finally took a close look at this torture device in the mirror.
WHY IN THE FLYING FUCK IS THE PART OF IT THAT TOUCHES MY CHEEK AT ALL TIMES IN THE PRECISE, EXACT SHAPE AS A FUCKING FISH HOOK? AND ALMOST AS SHARP??????
WHY?
Somebody was talking about a youtube video about "where America would be now if Romney was president," and they read a comment saying we would me MUCH better off if Romney was president. Here was my response.
who ever said that comment is an idiot. And not just for the "divided" comment. We are in a bad recession because of a pro-war, anti-regulatio
We have no regulation on our banking practices, and no consequences for fraudulent banking. The minimum wage has NOT gone up with inflation, and our lower middle class workers and poor workers are making less money than they have made in comparison for DECADES.
And when the politicians decided they need to save money? where did they go to TAKE that money?
They take it from the schools
the elderly
the children
public outreach programs
programs that feed and aid the poorest of the poor
and where have the politicians given MORE money?
The richest couple thousand people who live in this country, at the expence of the tens of millions of poor
SO when someone thinks Mitt Romney, a man who LITERALLY made his fortune collapsing companies and firing thousands of people, could be better suited for the job? They are STUPID AS ALL HELL GET OUT.
Obama is a scumbag. Obama is coming for your freedoms, and not your redneck gun freedoms. HE's coming for your right to free speech. He's coming for your right to a fair trial. He's coming for your rights to not be subject to unlawful search and seizure. His drone warfare programs have killed thousands of civilians in the middle east and he's lied about every last bit of that. Drones have killed over 1,000 innocent children, and more poor, impoverished muslims in yemen, Pakistan, Afghanistan, Iraq, and Syria take up arms under terrorist organizations, against the UNited States EVERY DAY.
But would we be better off with Romney?
HELL NO.
Believe
When you lie
You will never need to recognize yourself,
To deceive--To remove all chance of doubt
And be received:
With your Lie
The Deception is complete--When you
Concede
And decide
To Release your life,
Sacrificed to
ME
Pennance can't absolve your sin.
Into ME
Pennance can't absolve your sin.
All your belief
Cannot absolve your sin.
All your belief
Cannot absolve your sin.
Believe
When you lie
You will never need to recognize the source
Of deceit--To renew your faith in God,
You must Believe
In your lie
The redemption is complete--When you
Conceive
And Decline
To reject your life
Sacrificed to
ME
Pennance can't absolve your sin.
Into ME
Pennance can't absolve your sin.
All your belief
Cannot absolve your sin.
All your belief
Cannot absolve your sin.
Reap your life
Like you want to
Recognize
All you've come to
Reap your life
Veiled in shadow!
Recognize
Faces of the
Crucified
I can hear their screams
Tonight
Ever haunting me...
Burn your lie
Into ME
Pennance can't absolve your sin.
Into ME
Pennance can't absolve your sin.
All your belief
Cannot absolve your sin.
All your belief
Cannot absolve your sin.
Great peril awaits us
Beyond the Black River
Summoned by the beating of drums
Our number is few
Our errand is dire!
We do what must be done.
At the bidding of the high priest
The tribes gather for war!
Evil sorcery is unleashed
Upon the opposite shore!
Make your stand with the Great Hound
The frontier is lost!
Black waters lie before you
Together you cross...
Take heart!
Do not fear!!!
When you know
Your Death nears!
We shall build you a cairn...
Beyond the Black River
Where no one will disturb your rest
There you shall lay
In your helm, and in your harness
Your Sword across your breast.
Now take a quick moment!
To answer this question
As the ferry-- approaches the shore
Will you have the coin?
To pay for your passage
Or the courage?
To take up the oar!
Metaphor,
For a missing woman:
Pull me in
to your perfect circle
One wound,
One chain,
One resolve
Liberate this will
To release us both
Gotta Cut away...
Clear away...
Snip away... all sign of this
Umbilical residue
Keeping me from killing you
and from pulling you down with me, here
I can almost hear you scream...
Give me
One more medicated, peaceful moment!
Give me
One more medicated peaceful moment!
Now I don't wanna feel this
Overwhelming
Hostility!
I don't wanna feel this
Overwhelming
Hostility!
Gotta Cut away
Clear away!
Snip away, in spite of this
Umbilical residue!
Gotta
Cut away!
Clear away!
Snip away inside of this
Umbilical residue
That's keeping me from killing you!
for Kai.
"Keep me with the beat..."
Some people seem to think they always know what's best for you,
Their little minds try to create a world to keep you still!
The bolt is thrown, the cage is locked!
You saw this, don't you lie.
At first you cry, and then you hate,
Those people stole your will!
Do as you are told!
And maybe then we'll let you out!
You might be dead and cold,
You might be full of doubt.
Don't try to escape!
Cuz you don't have nowhere to go.
If nothing is your fate,
There's no scenario
No, nothing.
Do you call my name?
Do you stain my brain?
My eyes are blurry, and I can't see you anymore!
Do you call my name?
Do you breed my pain?
My heart is bloody, and I can't take it anymore.
So you just sit there, stuck, afraid, to risk reality.
Afraid to cause yourself more pain, to face insanity!
But nothing ventured, nothing gained!
You see, your fear is your cage.
You beg for help but you're alone,
Stuck in a helpless rage!
Do as you are told!
And maybe then we'll let you out!
You might be dead and cold,
You might be full of doubt.
Don't try to escape!
Cuz you don't have nowhere to go.
If nothing is your fate,
There's no scenario...
"It's me!
I see...
Please...
LET ME OUT, I'M PETRIFIED!"
Do as you are told,
And maybe THEN we'll let you out.
You might be dead and cold,
You might be full of doubt!
So, Don't try to escape!
Cuz you don't have nowhere to go!
If nothing is your fate,
There's no scenario.
Come on!
Do you call my name?
Do you stain my brain?
My eyes are blurry, and I can't see you anymore.
Do you call my name?
Do you breed my pain?
My heart is bloody, and I can't take it anymore!
Do you call my name?
Now call my name
Do you stain my brain?
Now stain my brain
My eye's are blurry, and I can't see you anymore!
Do you call my name?
Now call my name
Do you breed my pain?
Now breed my pain
My heart is bloody, and I can't take it anymore,
Anymore!
There's something wrong with my phone, it's at least temporarily broken. ANd I've had kinda a crises tonight. I apoligise for being unavailable, and I'l catch up with you all either tonight or tomorrow.
Oh,
You think they had it all?
While you were left with nothing?
No, oh!
You've taken a fall!
For them to walk all over...
You've made your bed
So soft, and comforting
These dreams await--
One great "Good morning!"
We've made our beds
To lie in them proud,
Proud of our great mistakes!
This warring knife
The flash of this blade
Turn about face!
I implore you, Brother,
Don't walk away
Don't walk away from me!
This is our War...
My brain doesn't do priorities. Ugh.
"If I said it won't hurt, well, then I'd be lying."
"You had all them on your side, didn't you?
Didn't you?
You believed in all your lies, didn't you?
Didn't you?"
The Ruiner's got a lot to prove, he's got nothing to lose and now
He made you believe!
The Ruiner's your only friend? Well he's the living end to the
Cattle he deceives!
The raping of the innocent, you know the Ruiner ruins
Everything he sees!
Now the only pure thing left in my fucking world
Is wearing his DISEASE!
How'd you get so big?
How'd you get so strong?
How'd it get so hard??
How did it get so long?
"You had to give them all a sign, didn't you?
Didn't you
You had to covet what was mine, didn't you?
DIDN'T YOU?"
The Ruiner's a collector; he's an infector serving his
Shit to his flies!
Maybe there will come a day when those you keep around will
Suddenly realize!
Maybe it's a part of me you took to a place I
Hoped it would never go!
And maybe that fucked me up much more
Than you'll ever KNOW!
How'd you get so big?
How'd you get so strong?
How did it get so hard??
How'd it get so long?
And what you gave to me!
My perfect ring of scars
You know I can see?
What you really are.
You didn't hurt me, nothing can hurt me,
You didn't hurt me,
Nothing can stop me now.
You didn't hurt me, nothing can hurt me,
You didn't hurt me,
Nothing can stop me now.
You didn't hurt me, nothing can hurt me,
You didn't hurt me, nothing can hurt me,
Nothing can make this stop
an unspeakable affair...
The latent stump on the hill creates a glorious departure from it's everyday life:
Constant singing of the angels...
A PLEASANT CRY FOR HELP?
A PLEASANT CRY FOR HELP?
A PLEASANT CRY FOR HELP?
It began to unfold it's story to her!
--A perfect crime, that soon lived on!--
A different life it had to develop...
Gripped by every limb it could hold, the lifeless ideas it grew onto its own.
It had found something new.
A much needed surrender!
A much needed surrender!
Trees soon started to grow!
From what seemed a lifeless neck.
From a monster to a beauty in quick months,
It's life seemed to be on its way to a rare freedom!
It decided it should take advantage of this idea.
A spectacle and tragedy nonetheless...
Walking proud through life!!
Letting hard-won branches guide the way--
A path which seemed to be covered in sunshine...
The "angels" said to themselves
"It must be human! For its qualities seem
to outdo even
The grandest occupant of the town..."
It had never experienced an affection of this kind.
A wonderful and frightening new obstacle in life.
Years went by as it finally found true love!!
The love of others: Three to be exact!
Letting them into EVERY SECRET!
Feeding them from EVERY BRANCH!
Every part used
FOR THEIR LIVES!
And nothing hurt, no negative sensation came,
Until much!
Much TOO LATE!
---
It noticed.......
Seemed more staggered.....
Than normal…
The breeze did not flow
Like it
Used to...
The heart seemed to beat
What caused this?
WHAT CAUSED THIS?
Had torn every branch
Every single stem
Shred ever sol-
I-
Tary-
LEAF????????
TORN TO IT'S LAST LIFE!
HOW HAD IT NOT NOTICED A DRASTIC CHANGE
IN IT'S SURROUNDINGS??
IT DIDN'T KNOW ANYTHING COULD GO THIS WRONG!
SEEKING THE ANGEL SIREN SONG:
"COMFORT!"
"COMFORT!"
"COMFORT!"
If it constantly gave happiness to those without!
IT GAVE IT'S LIFE TO THESE UNBRANCHED THREE
THEY HINTED LOVE AND TOOK ALL THEY PLEASED!!!
"COMFORT!"
"COMFORT!"
"COMFORT!"
IT'S NOT YET WILTING AWAY
Returned to a stump, it prays for the day!
That they could perceive this LOST PERFECTION!
WILL THE WONDER SURVIVE THIS TIME?
A good projection, is to REWIND.
Much booze, too little sleep, great weather, old friends, and beautiful sights, even more beautiful girls.
Fuck, Colorado, I've missed you.
Written about Thursday 2013-08-08
Written: (4125 days ago)
Potentially offfensive.
Guaranteed AWESOME.
Earth - Dancing 'round the fire,
Come - Meet the western sky.
Life - Walking on a wire,
Reach - To know the reason "why?"
At the End of the Day
You'll be lying in a suit of Grey,
At the End of the Day
You'll be Fine!
They--won't do you any favors
'Till the slate is clean
You--you walk a lonely line.
Slide! With punks and drunks and saviors
In the big machine!
Down--to meet the rest of life.
At the End of the Day
It's what you do, not what you say.
At the End of the Day
You'll be Fine!
At the End of the Day
It doesn't matter anyway,
At the End of the Day
You'll be Fine!
You'll be Fine.
Great Wheel is broken,
You've--got no fortune left
Out of the sunlight,
Out of the great undead,
And you--can't even sleep at night!
And you literally curse each day.
You could give, or give back your life,
Give, or give back your life,
Any way!
Concrete and Jungle:
They've stretched and hung you out.
You can't turn the clock back
It's too late to yearn that, now.
And you can't even hold your own...
And you feel like you're all alone...
And you never feel like you're
Home--Anywhere
At the End of the Day,
There won't be anymore~
So turn the world around.
At the End of the Day,
We'll know what this was for~
As the sun keeps coming down,
At the End of the Day,
There won't be any pain~
As the sky begins to fall,
At the End of the Day,
You'll be feeling right as rain~
As the veil reveals it all!
Lightning calls you:
It's time to go.
Something keeps telling you,
But you don't want to know...
Feel your heart, like a window,
Open slow!
Say goodbye to the world that
You know...
At the End of the road...
It begins, It believes, and It sees for all time~
She's coming down my way!
It is here, as It breathes, and It sees for the blind!
She's holding me, finally!
You've been schooled,
Held aggression in large amounts.
Just be truthful, man,
It's everything that counts.
There is no hand, waiting, that must be paid~
We will leave our encores all unplayed~
At the End of the Day
It begins, It believes, and It sees for all time~
She's coming down my way!
It is here, as It breathes, and it sees for the blind~
She's holding me, finally!
It begins, It believes, and It blows me away!~
Ohhh, yeah!
It is here, as It breathes, the End of the Day!~
Here It is, FINALLY!
Earth - Dancing 'round the fire,
Come - Breathe the breath of life!
Life - Walking on a wire,
Just - Let it all in, tonight!
At the End of the Day
It's what you do, not what you say!
At the End of the Day
You've got time!
At the End of the Day
You'll be dreaming as you fly away,
At the End of the Day,
You'll be Fine!
You'll be Fine!
You'll be Fine.
"Sometimes, they say the worst of the worst, the greatest of all fears, is to die alone.
A song, it says the worst of the worst, the loneliest of all numbers, is number One.
By that logic, surely, surely, the worst and greatest lonely word must be "I."
I assure you, it is not. That word comes close, but it is not the loneliest.
The lonliest word of all,
is "If.""
"Worst Poem"
by Darran Kern, 2013
What I excel in best
Is my excessiveness,
Self deprecation:
I hate myself sometimes...
How can--I be down when
All that I want--Is in my reach?
WHAT'S WRONG WITH ME?
Fuck it.
Sometimes, I can feel so touch and go
Sometimes, as my self esteem is low
Sometimes--Wel
Well at least I know,
Sometimes I'm beautiful.
BEAUTIFUL.
And if I wasn't me,
I'd still just laugh at me
And point the finger,
And blame myself as well!
Yet, I will--not succumb to
Any of--my peers
I'm in control
(AND I'M LOSING IT!)
Fuck it.
Sometimes, I can feel so touch and go
Sometimes, as my self esteem is low
Sometimes--Wel
Well, at least I know
Sometimes I'm beautiful
BEAUTIFUL.
Sometimes, as my feelings coincide
Sometimes, while I struggle to survive
Sometimes--Wel
Well, at least I know
Sometimes I'll be all right,
Be all right,
Feel right,
Feel right,
Be all right.....
FUCK IT!!
*sigh*
Everything sucks. I feel like a hamster in a wheel, going nowhere, getting nothing. But running. Running hard, as usual. Fucking waste.
I can feel it in the way your blood and heart beats!
My body's cold, and it thinks that I'm already gone
Or is it in the way your body moves?
I'd like to tell you, but I think that you already know
The words I drag out from your mouth speak!
So listen up, world! Listen up world!
In her vision I have given company
I see no evil in leading their bodies from home...
Believer, you'll leave her
In leaving them all!
No! I just don't buy it.
Like anything you do. As anyone you are.
Ten Speed, if I must, then I must!
Believer, you'll leave her
In leaving them all!
No! I just don't buy it.
Like anything you do. As anyone you are...
If Writing wrote me even chance, and choice to save you
I wouldn't answer if it even chose to ask.
In her figure I've instilled a taste of my own!
So listen up world. Listen up world,
To make it easier to take what life I'm owed
As the curse has returned from the hell of your heart and your soul!
Believer, you'll leave her
In leaving them all!
No! I just don't buy it.
Like anything you do. As anyone you are.
Ten Speed, if I must, then I must!
Believer, you'll leave her
In leaving them all!
No! I just don't buy it.
Like anything you do. As anyone you are.
Oooh,
Nobody knows, but you
Oooh,
Nobody knows, but you
"I don't want to ride tonight... No I don't want to go..."
Nobody knows but you
"I don't want to ride tonight..."
Oooh,
"No baby, I don't want to go."
...
But are you going to kill her off?
It's not your decision. I love the character.
She stays.
Yeah? Well,
The only thing love has done is
Put you in this position. I say KILL HER OFF.
Yeah. But you say a lot of things.
And how's that work? You're a bicycle.
....
Believer, you'll leave her
In leaving them all!
No! I just don't buy it.
Like anything you do. As anyone you are.
Ten Speed, if I must, then I must!
Believer, you'll leave her
In leaving them all!
No! I just don't buy it.
Like anything you do. As anyone you are...
Because I'm
Ten Speed, of God's Blood & Burial
Ten Speed, of God's Blood & Burial
Ten Speed, of God's Blood & Burial
Ten Speed, of God's Blood & Burial
Now, as I said,
Kill her OFF!
