There's a Shadow just behind me.
Shrouding every step I take,
Making every promise empty,
Pointing every finger at me.

Waiting like a stalking butler,
Who upon the finger rests.
Murder, now, the pattern must we?
Just because the Son is come?

Jesus, wont you fucking whistle
Something but the past and done?
Jesus, wont you fucking whistle
Something but the past and done?

Why can't we
Not be Sober?
I just want to start this over.

And why can't we
Drink forever?
I just want to start this over.

I am just a worthless liar.
I am just an imbecile.
I will only complicate you.
Trust in me and fall as well.

I will find a center in you.
I will chew it up and leave.
I will work to elevate you,
Just enough to bring you down...

Mother Mary, won't you whisper
Something but to pass the time?
Mother Mary, won't you whisper
Something but to pass the time?

Why can't we
Not be sober?
I just want to start this over.
And why can't we
Sleep forever?
I just want to start this over.
Why?

...I am just a worthless liar
I am just an imbecile...
...I will only complicate you
Trust in me and fall as well...
...I will find a center in you
I will chew it up and leave...
Trust me. Trust me. Trust me.

Trust me?

Why can't we
Not be sober?
I just want to start things over!
And why can't we
Sleep forever?
I just want to start this over!
And why?

I want
What I want
I want what I want
I want what I want I
Want what I
Want.

"It's the smell."



"I'm saturated with it! I must get out. Of. This. Place."

The following takes place in "No Man's Land," the partially abandoned ruins of Gotham City, following a cataclysmic earthquake.

Joker: stays in Arkham for six months, just derping around in the deserted, abandoned complex
Joker: hears singing in the walls. After a day of searching, he finds the source, a sealed door in the basement

Joker: knocks on door

Woman's voice: "Who isssss it??"

Joker: "Land shark."

Woman's voice: "Don't want any!"

Joker: "Fair enough." Goes back upstairs to rearrange furniture and form dick sculptures out of plaster

The next day

Joker: is asleep, hugging an electrocuted opposum

Singing voice in the walls: "Don't tell my heart, My achey-breaky heart. I just don't think he'll understand..."

Joker: wakes up and presses face against AC vent
"Knock it off!"

Woman's voice: "Make me!!"

Joker: returns to sealed basement door with a fire axe
"I said shut up!"

Woman's voice: "....Or it might blow up and kill this man, WOOOO!"

Joker: "That's it!"
Begins chopping down the door
THWACK

Woman: "Don't tell my--"
THWACK
"My Achey Breaky--"
THWACK
"I just don't think he'll under--"
THWACK
"Cuz if you tell my--"
THWACK
"My Achey Breaky--"
THWACK
"It might blow up and kill this man, WOOOO"

Joker: "Not Country music! Anything else!"

Woman's voice: "Don't tell my heart, my achey Breaky-"

Joker: wailing "ITS NOT FUNNY!!"

Woman: busts through mostly destroyed doorway, covered in her own shit
"YOU SAVED ME, Puddin!"

Joker: "Harley???"

Harley: humps Joker's leg

Joker: holds up axe
"I am going to split you in half if you do not silently stop doing that."

I thought there was literally no thing that could get me to care about Transformers. I didn't think any idea, whether existent or hypothetical, could get me to give one fuck about Transformers.

I was wrong.

For [Ravenclaw]

http://m.imgur.com/a/6Zl7k

I am having a good day for the most part. But in addition to Game of Thrones jumping the motherfucking shark, Skype updated on my phone.

It's now completely broken. Skype has been steadily stripped of every feature that ever made it good, for mobile users, at least.

Now it literally doesn't fucking work. There's a fuckload of things wrong with it, but in the interest of being concise, I'll only mention one single thing wrong with it.

I can't receive messages unless I have the app active on my phone. I have to actually have skype up, and nothing else. If you are messaging me while I type this, I will not get that message until the exact second I switch to skype.
And even if I am actively skyping you, there's roughly a 30-60 second delay on posts.

Skype is no longer an instant messenger. It's fucking email.
Skype, the most popular voice and text messenger on the internet, now has a 2.3 out of 5 star rating on iTunes. Which means people are fucking furious and bombarding skype with 1 star reviews by the hundreds. This is the second time this has happened in the past year.

Fuck my life.

Fuck you, writers and producers of Game of Thrones.

You know what you did. Up to this point, you've killed FIVE fucking characters that didn't die in the books.

You have THREE major plots in your show that didn't happen in the books.

You have ignored at least FIVE major plots that are in the book.

Season one was perfect.

Season two was perfect.

Season three was almost perfect.

Season four?

YOU DONE FUCKED IT UP.

Sometimes I miss wrestling.

Stalking a Deathclaw with the Fatman!
Fallout 3: $20.00 on Steam
Installation time spent: 4 hours
Number of hacks and mods required to make the fucking game work: 5

Mini-Nuking Deathclaws in the dick?



PRICELESS


  

 

For [Piercedskull]

Why don't you ask the kids at Tiananmen Square,
Was "Fashion" the reason why they were there?

They disguise it,
Hypnotize it,
Television
Made you buy it

and
I'm just sitting
in my car, and
Waiting for my;She's scared that I will
Take her away from here. In
Her dreams that her country's
Left with no one there...

Mezmerize the
Simple minded
Propaganda
Leaves us blinded

and
I'm just sitting
in my car and
Waiting for my girl


and
I'm just sitting
in my car and
Waiting for my







 

Because sometimes things just happen when you least expect it.
Meet Goldbird, who came as a late birthday present less than a month after Goldberg the Steelix (formerly Onix) came into my life. Makes all those years of wanting another shiny Pokemon worth it!

PS. Tell [shadow of darkness] to suck it!

In a perfect world.

In a perfect world.

I have a suggestion.

When you're having a good day, and you're by yourself... You're feeling thoughtful ... Introspective... Maybe even vulnerable. You do something calming... Meditation, have a drink.. Think about yourself, your feelings, in particular. Your fantasies, your more... base desires...

Watch Natural Born Killers. It should give you a lot to think about .

We are a living absolute
Stuck in an anguished innocence
This moment loved, I greet the sun
Then wake from a war I could have won

"Well in your arms"
I'll keep this memory to me
This kitchen floor won't revere all
The things I felt for you...Oh.

Please!
Level with me, Understand,
I'd do anything for you!
Seize
Any moment while you care
This void's coming after you!

'Cause loneliness is why you heard.
Just don't kill the messenger?


The dust will dance against my breath
The world awakened, slowly dressed
A life, unanswered in the light
With questions scattered through the night...

And now my heart feels heavy,
The weight will drag me down.
You were the only reason
They'd find me here, tonight

Please!
Level with me, Understand
I'd do anything for you!
Seize
Any moment while you care
This void's coming after you!

'Cause loneliness is why you heard,
Just don't kill the messenger?

This is Goldberg. To all my fellow Pokemon gamers out there, you know that Goldberg is a magical gift from God. Goldberg is a symbol of infinite justice and love, the karma for years of loyal fandom, and is the joy of my life and very soul.

To you people who don't play Pokemon, this is just a "shiny" Onix. The only thing that differentiates him from any other Pokemon, or any other Onix, is his gold coloration, and the neat little sparkle animation he makes when I send him into battle.

Why is Goldberg so special?

Shiny Pokemon have a 1 in 8,192 chance to spawn. You can play the game for a thousand hours and never see one.
I am a geek. I have played various iterations of Pokemon for over 3,000 hours. I have probably battled or encountered over 100,000 wild Pokemon. I have only seen six shiny Pokemon in my entire lifetime. I have only successfully caught three, including Goldberg here. The last one I saw was five years ago. I failed to catch it. Ten years ago, I caught a shiny Pokemon in a game I long since lost/sold. I don't remember.

This is a big deal. I'm so happy.

I cannot express in words how much AT&T Uverse cable sucks infinite dick. It is so, so, so, so inferior to Comcast (or cox, depending on your area.) I get fucking nothing on demand. All I watch is ondemand. There is less than ten percent of the movies Comcast had on demand. There is less than 4% of the TV shows on demand. The internet is faster, but big woop! I can't even watch decent movies on Netflix because

NETFLIX SUCKS FUCKING DICK NOW TOO

Man, Phil, dude... Way to be a statistic, *sigh* R.I.P.

I hate-- everything I am
Becoming
This change is torture.
There is never enough to give,
Only plenty to take...
And this I wage:

When the ground parts from below,
Will it feel so?
How can I gain from another
When the other goes?

this Hand,
this Hurt,
my Heart...
I'll flirt with disaster!
Just know now
That the deal is off!

"I'll be no good," this time defines!
I'll put my touch
Around the grip of this knife.
These dirty hands
Just won't come clean!

I'm a Murderer,
The worst these worlds will see.


Mercy--Please leave her just a little
Bit longer,
She's all my world.
My love, I apologize
With that, you will see the end of days,
Just rest assured.

They won't let her go--and
I remain so
Alone-- to work out a clever
Way to get her home!

I Will
Do What
I Must.
I'll flirt with disaster!
Just know now 
That you're out of luck!

"I'll be no good," this time defines!
I'll put my touch
Around the grip of this knife.
These dirty hands
Just won't come clean!

I'm a Murderer,
The worst these worlds will see.

Oh, save me from defeat again
This is war
Murder the love so close!
While she rusts, you curse,
"DIE, my darling!"

If only you'd known
Just how lovely you glow
In the Flame of Error!

Yea, I ask too much...
Please turn back the clock--
And take me instead!!!

"How have you
Come to lose
The only thing,
The other 1 to your 2?"

I've become the wrong one
In everyone's dream

Please burn me now, God...

"I'll be no good," this time defines!
I'll put my touch
Around the grip of this knife.
These dirty hands
Just won't come clean!

I'm a Murderer,
The worst these worlds will see.

Oh, save me from defeat again
This is war
Murder the love you hold!
While she rusts, you curse,
"DIE, my darling!"

"I won't let go," this mind opines!
I must sever, with the edge of this knife.
These dirty hands could pull me free,

I'm a Murderer,
Of your bitter memory.

Oh, save me from defeat again!
Don't let me think of her again.

I got an orthodontic spacer put in today as step one of my dental work so I can stop looking like a star of the book The Great Book of British Smiles from that one episode of The Simpsons. You know, that one that can get the little jingle
"Dental Plan, Lisa needs Braces!"
stuck in your head for weeks.

Anyway, after feeling like I had stuffed a rabid badger stuffed in my cheek all day, I finally took a close look at this torture device in the mirror.

WHY IN THE FLYING FUCK IS THE PART OF IT THAT TOUCHES MY CHEEK AT ALL TIMES IN THE PRECISE, EXACT SHAPE AS A FUCKING FISH HOOK? AND ALMOST AS SHARP??????

WHY?