The most pathetic bio you'll ever read
Jade Puget popped out of his mother on November 28, 1973. THE END.
Now, my friend...for the QUOTES! *insert dramatic music here*
*"Davey is quite a "demon in the sack" so to speak."*
*"If I asked you to sleep with me, would your answer be the same as your answer to this question?"*
*If you want to see some ill patty cake, you should see Davey and I do it. Then watch us play patty cake.*
*Davey doesn't watch the damn road when he's driving. I'm sure if we crashed he would be fine and I would be imbedded in a tree. If he ever kills me with his driving though, I'm going to come back as a squirrel and run up his pant leg.*
*One day, when I was young, my Dad brought home a guitar. I was quite intrigued and went to pick it up but he said, "Son, unless you can wail on that thing like Nuno Bettencourt from Extreme or maybe Steve Vai when he was playing with David Lee Roth and he had the sweet double-necked guitar that was like two legs coming out of a heart, keep your damn hands off it!" And I never touched a guitar again. So to answer your question, yes, I answer the phone whether it rings or not.*
*Do you wanna have sex with me? No? Rape it is!*
*I don't think the Montrealites have recovered from my yelling, "I am a grapefruit! Give me all your croissants!!" in French in the supermarket last time I was there.*
*Tell him to come check me out when I'm shredding some sweet fingertapping solos and then he'll be like, 'Power chords blah blah blah' and I'll hit the whammy bar and it'll sound like a plane crashing at an air show and then he'll try to say some other stuff like, 'Blah blah blah yadda yadda yadda' and that's when I fire up the wah-wah pedal and it'll be like 'Wokka wokka wokka wo-wokka wokka' all up in his freakin' face.*
*Hmm, maybe instead of jumping off the drum riser you could just step carefully down of of it but make a crazy I'm-going-off-
*So things are going just swell, we eat bagels, we play songs, we take our shirts off and wrestle.*
*I remember Adam gave me this crappy piece of binder paper with a list of all these songs for me to learn and some had checks by them, some had stars, some were underlined but I already new how to play them so I threw that damn crappy crap-ass piece of dumb binder paper in the damn garbage.*
*A fire inside means to me is going back stage right before a show, and finding the chocolate soy milk was eating by the three other members*
*I'm doing alot more air guitar on this record.*
*I can bench 5 corn dogs*
*I read Catcher in the Rye several times, good book. As for equipment breaking, that's typical, although my amp breaking at Krazyfest doesn't beat this time we were on tour with the Offspring in England. We walked out on stage at Wembley Arena in front of 11,000 people and started playing Fall Children and my amp just quit. Hunter and Adam had already started playing so they didn't want to just randomly stop, so they continued to sort of jam aimlessly while people were scrambling to get a new head set up. This sold out arena was staring at me while I just kind of stood there like, "Hi! I'm rad!*
*Major barre chords are sweet, like the first Police Academy movie. Power chords are more like Police Academy 7, where they go to Russia or something and where the hell was Steve Gutenberg in that movie?*
*Did I say I had a Les Paul? Sorry, I meant Ru Paul.*
*Do you mean mid evil as in a book that's only partly evil? Where the bad guy shoots you then takes you to the hospital and stays up all night reading to you?*
*We're getting super radly awesome close to being done. We finally finished backing vocals and the came out totally 100% neat. I made plenty of supercool faces while I was singing, like this one where I had my eyes all clenched tight and then I hit this high note and looked up to the sky and slowly raised my fist like Whitney Houston in "I Will Always Love You".
Another time, I ate all the cheese bagels and Adam was mad.
In other news, we had a photo shoot today for the album artwork in this old abandoned building.
Here's what happened to me there: I stepped on a dead mouse, sat in a stinky pigeon nest, and set my glasses down in crackhead puke.*
Davey: That's right, MOTHERFUCKER!
Davey: I blow!
Jade: Davey is quite a 'demon in the sack' so to speak...
Davey: Yeah, Ricky Martin's got nothing on my pants.
Davey: I'm a fucking idiot.
Davey: I like french crullers. There's a donut they make in this donut shop in Ukiah, it's called the 'Chocolate Fuck You' or the 'Fuck You I'm Chocolate' or something. You know what's I'm talking about Adam? It's this big chocolate bar.
Adam: Um, no.
Davey: What's wrong with you?!
Interviewer: Hey Jade, are the rest of the guys jealous that the entire Girl's Not Grey takes place in your cotch?
Jade: Hey Dave, are you jealous that the entire Girl's Not Grey video takes place in my crotch?
Davey: No, because I'm going to take place in your crotch.
Interviewer: Isn't it weird to think your faces are on a lot of bedroom walls?
Davey: We don't think of ourselves in those terms. It may be true but it's hard to think of our selves in those terms.
Hunter: I have a poster of Adam on my bedroom wall.
Davey: We all have posters of Adam.
Interviewer: What's your spiritual background or religion?
Davey: I'm God.
Hunter: He follows him. I'm athiest.
Interviewer: Oh my God, you don't believe Davey exists?!
Hunter: No.
Jade: We don't encourage our fans to send us dead things.
Davey: Or live things.
Interviewer: Who are you religionwise?
Davey: I am God! No wait, I am the devil! No, damn I know this one...
Davey: How many times will Davey put a disk into a CD player before realising it's a DVD?
Davey: I'm Davey and I sing, make faces and swing from trees.
Davey: I've been wearing makeup since I was a kid, I remember asking my mother if I could try on hers.
Interviewer: How has AFI changed since you signed and put out your first album?
Davey: We shave now.
Davey: A girl in Salt Lake once asked me, 'Why are you wearing makeup, are you a fag?' I then said, 'Well if I'm a fag for wearing makeup, you must be a dyke in blue jeans.' I also informed her that she was just angry because I was prettier than she was.
Fan: Davey, you look sexy.
Davey: Davey always looks sexy.
Davey: I find drug use disrespective, self destructive, and weak. I want no part of it. I believe in complete respect for myself and others.
Davey: Crowd surfing is a product of car commercials.
Fan: Davey, I wanna have your kids!
Davey: I'll be sure to call ya.
Fan: Davey is the new Jesus!
Davey: Umm I think it's the hair, is it the hair?
Davey: This barricade is a piece of shit. I could build better. Yeah, yeah, believe it or not, the kid with the lipstick actually knows how to build stuff...
Davey: I don't know what the monster is. There is a monster. It happens in the studio. Sometimes it happens on stage. And it's in my neck. Sometimes it happens when I'm talking like I'd be talking to you and the monster bites me... It hurts.
Davey: During the last Warped Tour, in Houston, I started hallucinating onstage, it was so hot. I would move from one side of the stage to the other and not realise how I got there. There was a small piece of shade near the drum riser, but as the set progressed it got smaller and smaller. Finally I thought, 'Maybe I can crawl underneath the drum riser itself.' I had to be out of my mind - it was only a couple feet off the ground. I wasn't even considering how fucking stupid I'd look.
Davey: Can I have a bite of your hamburger? Just don't tell the vegans...
Davey: Rabbits. You know, bunnies. If you don't look out for them, the little bastards sneak up on you and bite you and shit.
Davey: I love Texas! Yeehaw!
Davey: We all cry alone in the dark sometimes. The ones who don't are the ones to fear.
this world is a sad existance that lives to torture it's inhabitants. especially me.