I don't really have much to say... I feel like absolute shit, and this is nothing new.

I lost my heart out to sea a long time ago.
I lost my heart out to sea that time I watched you go.
I lost my heart out to sea when the sun set on that day.
I lost my heart out to sea when the heavens faded to gray.

Seems like I'm up here once a year. Maybe one day when I have time I'll sit down an write an appropriate diary entry

Wow...It seems like I haven't been on here in forever--which is true. A LOT has changed and I feel as though I'm too lazy to explain everything that has happened in a year's time...

Where do I go from here besides up? What if I want to go sideways?

*BIG STRETCH and YAWN*

OK, so life has been interesting for me this past weekend. I went to North Carolina. It was boring and hot. I spent most of my time babysitting my grandma's kitten and washing laundry. I decided to write a few people letters.....but I got pissed off and threw them all away...

I didn't go to school today because I had a dentist appt and have a ear/nose/throat doctor appt. I've decided that I absofuckinglutely hate the dentist. I can still taste blood in my mouth from where he scraped the shit outta my gums. The only good thing about it was that I got to endure MCR music blaring in my ears while the bloody taste was in my mouth. I haven't been to the other appt yet. I'll go in a couple of hours. I'm suppose to find out if I need my tonsils taken out. Yay! Maybe I'll get to keep them in a jar. How neat would that be?

I actually wanted to go to school today. Start off fresh, ya know? But sometimes life gets in the way.

I've been thinking about them all weekend. I really miss Hannah and Janine. Sometimes I wonder what my life would be like if I'd never met them. That would be like life without Blue October. There'd be no point in living.

What do you do when the person who makes you stop crying is now the only person that ever makes you start?

I've dealt with this twice now. The heartache and pain I continue to feel is becoming unbareable. I just want to be left alone. I need to be by myself, so I can think about what I can do to fix Jade. What I can do to make her happy, so she won't abuse herself anymore......

I haven't been really keeping up with these diary entries...But today seemed like the perfect time to vent.

It's true what people say: 'You never know what you've got, til it's gone.' Yesterday...my bunny rabbit, baby and best friend for almost 6 years passed away. I'm taking it really hard..but I'm trying to stay strong. It's gonna take a while before I can walk into my room without looking at the prints in the carpet where his cage used to be. Or even think about what I'm going to do about the 2lbs of fresh carrots I just bought, 60 pounds of rabbit feed that's stored away for him, all his cleaning supplies, medicine.......his brush..*sigh* I'm gonna miss all of the annoying sounds he makes: all the grunting and thumbing in the middle of the night....And all of the spontaneous running around the cage like he was on speed....*sigh*. He's one pet that I will never get over. I know that he knows how much I'm going to miss him and how much I love him. I like to think that he's in a better place. I'm not sure if it's Heaven, but I hope it's better than here....

R.I.P - Li~Li: 4/9/2007

Well.

I made the smart choice not to do track. I'm failing and really need to bring up my grades. Plus, my parents won't get off my back til I do. One less thing to have them nagging me about would be nice.

Anywho. Ya ya. Went to Hannah's house and watched something about a Wiccan family. *le sigh* It was so interesting. I can't wait til I can move away from my family and practice whatever religion and do what the hell I want for once. *le woot woot*

Tomorrow is FRIDAY!! Bring it on!

Well... I wasn't exactly thrilled this at 4:30 this morning when I saw that we still had to go to school w/ 5 inches of snow on the ground. 2 hour delay....which means: 7-11. Woot. It's been too long. With this busy schedule that I've been on lately, I've totally been missing out on the coffee goodness. *sigh* Alright. So...school was decent..nothing to complain about. Afterschool is what got to me.

Here's what went down:

I didn't make the softball team, as expected. Too make a long story short, I don't have enough experience to be able to survive with my age group.

Ok...so my friend is apparently pissed off at me. So, someone suggested that she talk to someone about her problems. She says,"She got offended." Of course, being the open-minded one, I tried to get her to see things from another perspective. It just pissed her off. So, anyways I had asked her for a ride home so that I could spend some time w/ Hannah and does my friend effin answer her cell phone like she said she would? NO!! No excuses we have mobile to mobile. I'm actually seeing that I don't get along with pisces so well, though there are some exceptions to the rule. I just hate people that freak the hell out because their worlds aren't perfect. The last time I checked, this world was pretty fucked up...Moving on.

So then I come home after waiting at school alone for an extra hour +. My mom drags me out to my brother's practice where I have no ipod and no cell phone minutes. Needless to say, I texted like crazy. Now my bill is probably sky high...again. Arg.

I'm hungry.....*grumble grumble*...

Hopefully tomorrow will be better.

Today was fantasmic.

Ok, so I rolled out of bed (due to the soreness from softball tryouts), took a shower and went to watch some music videos. So, I turn on the tube and what do I see? FREAKING BLUE OCTOBER!! It totally rocked my face. I screamed a bit...hope I didn't wake the fam up. Anywho. Since I received my exclusive Blue October official street team shirt yesterday, I decided to rock that at school. No one within a 45 yard radius could deny the awesomeness of my shirt.

Afterschool was fantastic. I asked Hannah out and she said, "YES." I'm sooo happy. She's amazing and I absolutely love her. Yay for having an awesome girlfriend!!

The only thing that makes me unhappy is that I didn't get to go to the last day of softball tryouts and find out if I made the team. Arg....well. I shall find out soon enough.

Blue October rocks my face....alright. See ya.